It was supposed to be a normal day, one on which Loki would simply lay low in his hidey-hole, and watch depressing movies until he had no tears left to cry, and then troll the Avengers with highly pointless emails, until he was laughing too hard to breathe.
That sounded perfectly reasonable to him, enjoyable, even, but when Thor sent him an email, wondering how he had been the past few weeks, it suddenly struck the Trickster that his brother only reached out on special occasions.
He'd contacted Loki on Christmas, July fourth, whatever that day meant to him, and on Loki's own birthday. It… wasn't Loki's birthday, today. It wasn't quite Halloween, and April fool's day had long gone by…
That was when he realized… it was Thor's birthday.
Rats.
As evil as the Man of Iron claimed he was, and as much as he loved the playful barb or practical joke at Thor's expense, Loki was not low enough to disregard his own brother's Thor's birthday. Not when basically every birthday Loki had had growing up had been ignored. He'd have to do something.
Perhaps he could visit the tower, and avoid Avengers long enough to hold a conversation with Thor. That sounded nice, if Loki could stay awake for the duration of one of Thor's conversations. The Thunderer was frightfully dim, and there was no way he'd have anything interesting to talk about. Nevertheless, he would understand the gesture.
Since it was his birthday, Loki ought to bring Thor a gift, as well. There was only one problem. That would mean showing his face at the nearest Target.
And THEY would be there.
Loki shuddered. The bane of his existence, the terror of his dreams, the one thing on Midgard he truly feared.
Fangirls.
Was it worth it? Risking the screaming hoards, begging for hugs, and for him to write his name on slips of paper, or clamoring for instant photographs with him, or simply staring at him adoringly, and following him from a distance. But… it was Thor's birthday…
Yes. For Thor, he would brave the streets, and fetch a trophy from the Super-Target in honor of his birthday.
Changing into Midgardian attire to make him less conspicuous, he teleported into the halls of the dreaded store, and casually, carefully, began making his way toward the confectionary section. One couldn't go wrong with cakes in a cup, with Thor, and he would only be a moment.
Avoiding all female mortals that seemed to be between the ages of thirteen and nineteen, he snatched up a box of cupcakes in Thor's colors, and began making his way towards the stations where one would pay for their goods.
He might just make this! Without a single child begging for an instant photograph, too!
Since robots were generally more manageable and better tempered and less likely to recognize him than Midgardians, Loki mentally blessed the name of whoever had designed these "Self-checkout" thingies, and hastily tallied up his Midgardian currency and fed it into the awaiting mouth of the metal beast, which then allowed him to leave the store with the cupcakes.
That's when he felt it.
The feeling of eyes on him. Throwing a glance over his shoulder he caught sight of a young female with blue hair, about fifteen years of age, staring at him with wide violet eyes. She was wearing a shirt with the outline of his helmet on it.
Oh dear… this was the very worst variety of fangirl. She had "merch", as the man of iron would call it.
Stay cool. She can probably smell fear. He reminded himself. If you don't make any sudden moves, she might not charge… Warily, he gathered his box of cupcakes, and began edging toward the exit, his wide eyes glued to her. Weren't you supposed to smile at snakes? He'd read that somewhere, so maybe it worked on fangirls. He sent her a polite beam, and kept backing away.
Wrong move. She immediately took that as an invitation to come up and talk to him.
No… Nonononononono….
But she was already here. "Hey, are you Loki?" She asked enthusiastically, grinning widely up at him.
"Um… no." Loki fibbed. "I, ah… I get that a lot."
She wasn't buying it. "You are Loki!" She squealed. "You're my hero!" She declared, slipping a mobile cellular device from her pocket. Loki didn't miss that the case happened to have his face on it. "Wow, this is such an honor…" She gushed as Loki helplessly backed away. She was making a scene. She'd attract more of her kind. Fangirls hunted in packs, and if her friends saw her talking to him, he'd be swarmed.
"Can I take a picture with you?" She smiled eagerly. Loki sent a nervous glance around. It was too late. There were already two other girls watching the situation from afar, and another one jogging up to the two of them.
"Ohmigosh, Ivy!" The newcomer squealed in excitement. "Hi! I'm Daisy, this is my sister, Ivy, and we're, like, your biggest fans!" She hopped up and down excitedly.
"Ah… that's nice…" Loki was almost crushing his box of cupcakes with how tightly he was holding them. He took another step backwards, away from the oncoming threat of… another one! Where were they all coming from? This one wore a hoodie with his name in rhinestones on the front, and she was already fishing for a pencil.
"Can I have an autograph?" The second one, Ditsy, or something like that enthused, holding out a garish pink pen and notebook.
"No." He blurted, and as a ninth fangirl came into view, turned pale with fright.
"Are you okay?" Another girl materialized at his elbow. "You look a bit freaked out. Don't crowd him, girls! Back up!" The child's friends paid no attention, only swarmed ever closer. Too many of them! He was outnumbered twenty to one, and there were more coming. Stifling a scream of terror, Loki turned, and fled.
Their screams of protest and adoration echoed through his ears, as he sprinted through the parking lot, at least twenty-five girls on his tail.
What did they even want from him? Besides the obvious digital pictures, and names on paper and hugs and all that. What in the nine would they even do with those things? As he fled through the streets of New York, the box of cupcakes crushed against his chest, his lungs burned, his heart pounded in his chest, and his knees knocked together. He knew he wouldn't be able to run forever, and they certainly could. He'd have to find somewhere safe… where could he go?
His gaze darting around, he saw nowhere to go, nowhere to run. He was done for. It was getting harder and harder to breathe, and eventually, he stumbled, and fell to his knees, succumbing to his fate.
They were upon him in a minute, buzzing and cooing and fussing over him like so many pigeons. With a sinking feeling of despair, he noticed that, in his terror, he'd completely crushed the box of pastries, and there was nothing left inside but smushed crumbs and smeared frosting.
That was the straw that broke the camels' back. As the girls flitted around him, poking at him, fussing with his hair (He was sure one of the girls was trying to braid it) attempting to hug him, he buried his face in his hands and sobbed.
He had just wanted to do the right thing. To pay a kindness to Thor on his birthday. But now it was ruined. It was all ruined. Now he was shamefully weeping the middle of the street, surrounded by the fanatic children. Why couldn't he do one thing right?
It was Thor's birthday, for Valhalla's sake!
That was when he noticed that the girls had stopped fussing with him. Peeking up through his fingers, he gazed around at the solemn circle of fangirls around him, all staring down at him in shock and dismay. "What are you looking at?" He sniffled, wiping the tears from his face miserably with one hand, the other scrabbling for his crushed box of cupped cakes.
"Are you okay?" One of the girls, piped up solemnly.
Loki didn't know what "oh-kay" meant, and didn't really want to. He drew his weary legs up to his chest, and silently waited until his audience left, so he could return to the Target for more cupcakes.
"Does he look okay, Meredith?" another girl snapped, and stepped forward, holding out a bottle of water. "It's alright." She smiled encouragingly. "Why are you upset?"
"You can talk to us." One more chimed in. "We won't judge you."
Loki stared round at the ring of solemn, concerned faces, and for some reason, he believed them.
"Is it the Avengers?" Someone volunteered.
"Oh, kriff, if they hurt you, I'm gonna whup their butts!" Another rejoined.
"It's not… the Avengers…" Loki admitted, accepting the offered water bottle, and took a nervous sip from it. Yet another child stepped forward, offering a slightly crumbly cookie. Delicately, he accepted it, and took a tiny nibble. It was a very good cookie, and lifted his spirits considerably.
"It's Thor…" He began softly, and there was a murmur of outrage at the mention of his name.
"Did he say something insensitive, again?" The first girl he'd met lowered her brows threateningly.
"It's his birthday." Loki corrected, finishing off the rest of the cookie.
"Oooooooh…" Said all the girls.
"And I was going to the market to buy him cakes in cups for the occasion-" The fangirls all noticed and commented on what a sweet gesture this was. "-but then… you all surrounded me, and pestered me, and wouldn't leave me alone…" He sent an accusing glare around the circle.
"I told you not to crowd him." The one who had told them not crowd him pointed out, half smugly, half concerned.
One of the girls stepped forward, and knelt beside him. "Hey, I'm really sorry about all this." She smiled apologetically. "We didn't mean any harm, really. Ila, Stacy, you go back to Target, and get him some new cupcakes for Thor."
"Oh, you don't have to do that." Loki blurted, but the two selected females had already left.
"No, but we were the reason you squished the first ones, so it's only fair." The girl admitted. "Now, if you don't want to sign our stuff, or let us take pictures with you, you really don't have to." There was a murmur of reluctant agreement.
"Why do you even do that?" Loki wrinkled his nose in disgust. "Can't you write my name on a piece of paper? It can't be that hard; it's four letters long."
"No, we want you to write it!" One of the younger girls enthused.
"Why?"
"It proves we were in your presence!" One of them gushed in excitement. "And that you noticed us long enough to sign our things!"
"Plus, your handwriting is really pretty." The one kneeling next to him pointed out shyly.
Loki found himself blushing slightly. "I'm not that important, am I? That you would seek to be in my notice for just a moment?"
"The best moment of my life!"
"It's not about being important, everyone's important, it's more like…"
"You're amazing!"
"And so talented!"
"I've always looked up to you!"
"You're a celebrity!"
"Yeah! A super cute one, too!"
Loki sniffed imperiously. "I am not cute."
Everyone stared at him, open-mouthed in shock. "Yes, you are." They all stated matter-of-factly at the same time.
"Well, I can't argue with logic, now can I?" Loki mumbled wryly.
It was at that moment when the two girls returned with more cupcakes, and also a paper bag that they pressed into his hands. Loki opened the bag to find it full almost to the brim with gummy bears, his favorite Midgardian sweet. His eyes lit up. "Thank you." He smiled at them all. One of them swooned. He scrambled to his feet, and, like the gentleman he was, held out a hand for the girl kneeling next to him. Smiling, she stood up, as well, and blinked in surprise, as he pressed her knuckles to his lips. "Many thanks, lady…?"
"You can call me Lizzy." She told him.
"Lady Lizzy, then." Loki nodded, glancing around the circle once more. "Now… if you'll excuse me, I have business to attend to."
With that, he dramatically swirled his cape, and teleported to the interior of Avengers tower.
TheOnlyHuman.