THC Round 7: Feel it now
Title: Torments of Regret
House: Slytherin
Class: Muggle Studies
Entry: Drabble
Prompt: [Emotion] Regret
Word count: 736
Beta: Aya Diefair, Fires of Eden Red Rose Aurora, VanillaAshes
Draco laid curled in a fetal position upon the cold floor of his bedroom. His body temperature was rapidly decreasing, but he paid no notice.
His appearance was in disarray. His hair was a mess of knots and tangles, his eyes bloodshot with tear streaks down his face, and his clothes were all crumpled. It was a far cry from his usual impeccable look.
He was supposed to have a new start in life. The war was over. Everybody was starting anew. Yet, he couldn't. The past wouldn't let him be. It hung over him like a dark cloud, following him wherever he went. He could have no peace from it.
He couldn't deal with the constant stares and the whispers behind his back. The ones who no one thought he noticed, but he did. The whispers that warned kids to stay away from him. The voices that spoke spiteful things and spread rumors that were nothing more than hate filled lies. He'd heard them all.
He had made the wrong choices, he knew that now, but when he wanted to change, it was too late. He was in too deep in something that he didn't want to be a part of. The proof was on his left forearm staring blankly at him.
There are so many times he wished he could go back and change one thing because maybe by changing that. His life wouldn't be in the shambles that it was in now.
When he looked back at his younger self, he laughed bitterly at his naivety. His idolization of his father and the thought that he could do nothing wrong. His false belief that life would always stay perfect. That it would stay the way he wanted it to.
Life didn't stay perfect.
He laughed at the utter irony of everything that happened in his life. The person he trusted the most had let him down the most. The person he needed the most right now had practically left him.
In a way, he wished that he still had that childlike innocence that he grew up with. He wished that he still had that facade that was put up, to say that life was perfect, with no doubt or hesitation and to hide all the evil and lies behind the facade. The ability to believe that there really was nothing wrong in the world.
But there was, but you never see it because people are just so good at faking. For some people, every aspect of their lives is a lie. Not everybody is nice in life. Not everybody can forgive and forget, but Draco had never realised how much that hurt until he was on the receiving end of that.
The majority of the shops that had now reopened refused to let anyone with a dark mark inside. Now he was stuck with barely any resources and he had no one to rely on anymore. He understood but that didn't mean it didn't hurt.
Pansy had gone missing and nobody knew where she was, and Blaise had moved back to Italy for a completely new fresh start. Neither of them had contacted him and had just completely abandoned him.
His mother simply locked herself in her room. She had her meals and everything else inside there and never came out for anything at all. She didn't see the struggle he went through to find something for her to eat. Additionally, Draco had long since blacklisted his father from his life.
It was selfish of him, but there was no one to listen to how he felt. No one to share his problems with. No one to laugh at the stupidest things that they shouldn't be laughing at. Because no one had ever listened to his point of view.
He hadn't realise just how restricting labels were until he got one slapped on him.
He had held back all his emotions for so long until he couldn't any longer. With no one and nothing left, the only thing he could do was cry. So that's what he did. He cried out all the feelings he had held back.
Anger. Anger at himself and the world.
Grief. Endless grief.
Betrayal.
Loneliness.
Hopelessness.
Sadness.
In life, sometimes you don't realise your falling until you hit the ground, but by then you've already lost it all. Well, Draco Malfoy could confidently say that he had reached rock bottom and he wasn't getting out anytime soon.