FRAGILITY OF LIFE
Hello everyone. Nice to be with you again...I know I still have other story to finish, but this idea popped into my head in the middle of the night (as usually) and I couldn't wait to write this short story.
Summary: After Robert's unexpected ulcer burst, Charles realizes how fragile life is and he is discussing it with Elsie, who helps him understand what is truly important (as always). One shot.
Legal note: I don't own any of the DA characters, although by now they are like a family to me.
Even though it was very late and midnight has passed long time ago, Charles was still not able to fall asleep after this dreadful evening. He was sure that he will drift off as soon as he will put his head on the pillow, because he was truly exhausted, but no such thing happened.
He looked towards the window, watching the full moon and he sighed for a thousand time within this hour.
Elsie who wasn't sleeping either, decided that it was high time to talk to him.
"Charles...Why are you not sleeping? What is wrong?"
"Oh, I'm sorry Elsie...Did I wake you? I didn't mean to..."
"You didn't wake me...I had no chances of falling asleep, with you tossing, turning and sighing all the time..."
"I'm really sorry...I just...I wasn't able to fall asleep, but I will be quieter from now on, I promise. Have some sleep Elsie."
"I won't have any sleep unless you'll tell me what's bothering you? You were so exhausted and you should be snoring deeply by now.."
"It's this thing with His Lordship ulcer...It was quite a shock for me..."
"I know..It was a shock for all of us...But you need to understand that nobody is imperishable, even the great Lord Grantham. We are all mortal Charles..."
"I'm aware of that, but It was so sudden..."
"You knew that he was ill, he knew that he was ill...I dare say that drinking wine everyday didn't help him to get better.."
"Elsie, how can you say that?"
"It's true...Ever since they came back from Highlands he was aware of being ill. He should have taken care of himself properly, instead of pretending that everything is fine, but he is a typical man...Not caring for his health at all.."
"Elsie, when this happened...I was so scared about him..What if?...If he would die? What would we do then?"
"Charles...It's not so easy to die and it won't happen that fast...Besides, if something had happened to him, your blessed Lady Mary would have taken over the estate...I don't think that it's a perspective that would fright you so much...She is your idol..."
"Well, I respect and like her very much and I'm not going to apologize for that..."
Nor do you have to, but you need to understand that this is life...Dying is a part of life...Even if it's scary..."
"I know, but you weren't there...I saw that...A river of blood coming out of his mouth..It was so awful Elsie..."
"I believe it was...You have been through a great shock Charles...But it will pass...He is under a good care and soon he will come back to Downton and you will have your commander back on it's place..."
"Elsie how are you doing this?"
"How am I doing what?"
"How do you always know how to soothe all my anxieties? How to cheer me up?"
"Well, I would say that living with you under the same roof for over thirty years has helped me a lot to mastered in that area.."-Elsie smiled warmly to Charles, even though he couldn't see her face in the darkness and she caressed his cheek gently...
"You are a very wise woman Mrs Carson, you know that?"
"I know that...And as you said, I won't apologize for that...You on the other hand, Mr Carson are starting to sound a bit sentimental..."
"I think that we should be allowed to be a little sentimental at our age?"
"Are you sure that we are? Because you've once scolded me for that, when you were carrying little Miss Sybbie...Do you rememeber?"
"I'm afraid I do...I'm sorry Elsie...I said so many harsh things to you in the past...It's hard to believe that after all those harshness of mine, you still wanted to marry me.."
"What can I say? I have a soft spot for grumpy men, especially one big grump, dressed as a butler..."
"Do you? It's nice to know..."
"Don't worry Charles...The worst thing is behind him...You can still be calm about serving your favorite Lordship for many years to come..."
"Few hours ago, I wasn't sure if that's true...I was really scared...It made me think about all the worst moments of my life...Especially one.."
"What do you mean Charles...?"
"Oh Els...I mean the time when you were ill and you were waiting for the reults from the doctor...Do you remember this time?"
"Do I remember? I will never forget those scary moments..."
"Neither will I...I never told you this before Elsie, but when I found out about that...When I wasn't sure if you are going to live or die, I wanted to die myself...If anything had happened to you...I...I don't think I would be able to take it..."
Silence filled the room, when Elsie heard this unexpected and touching confession from her husband...Charles was not sentimental and he rarely showed his affections openly, however, this was one of those rare moments, when he decided to open his heart for her and Elsie was really moved...
"Charles...My dear, sweet Charles...You have no idea what it means to me to hear you say such things...You don't often show your feelings to me..."
"That's because I'm an old grump, remember?"
Charles and Elsie both smiled to each other and she shifted on the bed, feeling the need of being closer to him...He understood that need and took her in his arms instantly...
"You are an old grump, but you are my grump...And don't you ever forget it...I see that today's situation helped you realized, how fragile life is and that we are not only the servants of the Abbey, but also people, people with feelings, needs and emotions..."
"I guess you are right, but.."
"Shh...Let me finish Charles..."-Elsie put her finger on his lips..."I know that as a butler of the Abbey, you are forced to keep your feelings to yourself and to remain stoic and pompous, but it wouldn't hurt if you could loose this attitude, when we come back home...Like I'm loosing my tight corset...And show some feelings to your wife...We are not young and crazy in love, but it would be nice for me to hear you say it once in a while...Until now, the only moments when you are saying that you love me is when we are...When we are intimate...And that's not enough for me..."
"Oh Elsie...I'm so sorry..."-Charles wrapped his arms around Elsie tighter.."I'm just an old fool, for not giving my beloved wife the love she deserves...But you were never a kind of woman who wore her heart on the sleeve...So I thought that you didn't care much about stuff like that.."
"Well think again Charles...Every woman needs to hear stuff like that...Even if she doesn't show it..."
"Elsie...I want you to remember what I will say to you now...You are the most important person in my life...Even if I don't show it enough to you...Even if you sometimes may think, that the Crawleys are my priority...They are not...You are the one that I live for and my dearest and most precious treasure...I love you so much Elsie...So very much and I will repeat it to you frequently now...Not only when we...When we..."
"When we make love? Oh Charlie..."-Elsie laughed with her sweet, pearly laugh, that Charles adored so much.."Are you sure that you will be able to do that, if you have a problem with saying the term-making love?"
"I may have a problem with the terminology, but I don't recall having a problem with the act itself.."
"That's true..No problems in that area...Charles...I know that I'm not some sentimental, little woman myself, but I hope you know that I love you too...Very, very much...And I hope that we have a lot of years ahead of us, living together and expressing this love.."
"Throughtout all our years together you have always expressed your love to me darling...You were always taking care of me and putting my needs first.."
"I did...Because I have always loved you...I maybe didn't realize that from the start, but deep in my heart I must have known...That's why I was taking care of you..."
"So was I...Even in my grumpy and clumsy way..."
Elsie raised her head and she kissed Charles's lips softly...She put her head on his chest, listening to the steady beating of his heart, thinking, that if such horrid events from this evening, were necessary to evoke warm feelings in her husband, it was a good thing that he survived this shock, to understand what really counts in life...
"You should get some sleep now Charles...We have a lot of duties tomorrow, especially you..You need to take care of the Abbey, during his Lordship absence...He would expect that..."
"I think so too...But why are you pulling away Elsie?"
"To give you some space, so you could fall asleep..."
"I would like to fall asleep having you in my arms this night...Would you let me?"
Elsie smiled, in the darkness, thinking that her husband was indeed a quick learner...
"OF course I would...Goodnight my dearest Charles...My Charlie..."-She placed a sweet kiss to the tip of his nose and cuddled closely in his arms...He kissed her temple few times and nestled his face into her shining and lemon-smelling hair and he driffted to sleep immediately, thinking that even though life can be cruel sometimes, he had everything he could dream of, right here...In his arms...
That's all for today my lovelies..Just a little story with our favorite old boobies, realizing the fragility of life and the need of showing their love to each other...I hope you liked it a bit. As I already mentioned before...Writing all these stories is such fun and escape from reality for me and if I know that it gives you joy, that makes me even more happy. Stay safe and see you soon!