On His Throne of Glory, the Most High was sitting in mournful silence.
He was grieving for His fallen children.
He had known, that it would come to this, of course He had.
But that didn't make it hurt less.
They were gone – a third of His beloved children – gone and fallen from Grace.
Could it have been avoided?
Only He knew the answer.
But the fact remained, that they had turned against Him.
Not just Him.
His whole Creation.
Their own siblings.
The Most High was all-loving, of course He was. He was the Creator, everything that existed had been made by Him, good or bad – and everything had its purpose.
And His Angels were more than just His messengers and servants: they were His children. He had granted them the most precious gift of all: a free will. After all, where was the fun in being surrounded by flawless, perfect little puppets? It was fallibility that made His Angels perfect in His eyes. For what good was loyalty, what meaning had goodness, righteousness and virtue, if they weren't a free decision made from the bottom of your heart?
That was why the Almighty had punished the rebelling Angels, but hadn't prevented the rebellion in the first place: because that would have violated their freedom of choice.
But they had caused so much havoc, had hurt so many of their fellow Angels, that He had been forced to intervene personally. As the Judge of the World, He couldn't play favourites. He had to prioritise the Angels who had chosen His light and love, over those who had so callously rejected it in their attempt to become what they could never be: like Himself.
There had been too much darkness inside them and because of this, He had made them fall. Heaven was a place of light. Darkness would have its own realm, but it wasn't here.
The Most High sighed from the bottom of His being, but didn't shed a tear. He wouldn't weep for His fallen Angels, much as He wanted to. It would have been unfair towards those, who had fought, bled and suffered for Him.
In that moment He sensed someone approaching His throne room and decided to shift into a less terrifying shape than He had right now.
A blink of His all-seeing eyes later, the magnificent hall had turned into a garden.
And instead of a mighty, magnificent King on the Throne of Glory surrounded by choirs of Seraphim, a haggard, little girl in a humble robe was sitting on the branch of a weeping willow, dangling Her spindly legs.
A strange choice, one might think, but The Lord knew that the Angel who was coming would need not a king, but a friend and comforter – someone approachable. Someone willing and able to lower themselves down to his level, simply to show: I am there.
So the child who was God waited, until the Archangel She had summoned entered the garden.
"You summoned me, my Lord God Almighty? … Uhh, where are You?"
"Here I am, Michael, My sweet child", She responded.
The Archangel looked up and blinked in confusion at seeing a small child sitting on a tree.
She giggled and jumped down, landing in front of him.
Michael had to do a double-take to realise, that the scrawny little girl, who just had called him "My sweet child" and was now smiling up at him, was the Lord Of Hosts Himself.
"You don't have to kneel", She told him, as he was about to do just that. "Walk with Me, My dear child, and have no apprehension. Here and now I am your friend, because a friend is what you need."
His red eyes widened in shock, when She offered him Her hand.
But upon seeing Her encouraging smile, he took it – ever so gingerly and hesitantly, as if he couldn't believe, that the Almighty was allowing him to touch Her at all.
Such they walked along the path: the tall, strong male-presenting Archangel, hand in hand with the tiny, absurdly frail-looking girl who was the Almighty.
Carefully She looked him over.
His expression was as blank as ever, not betraying what he was feeling.
But The Name knew Her children's hearts.
She knew that devastating heartbreak was ripping him apart, that he was being crushed by a thousand questions, starting with 'How could he betray us all like that?' and ending with 'Why does it hurt me so much?'. And that was why She had summoned him.
"Drop the facade, Michael", she said. "Don't try to hide from Me what I already know."
Still, the stubborn Archangel tried really hard to remain composed.
But his lower lip was quivering, his body was tense and he was clutching his stomach with his free arm, like he was in physical pain. The One Who Is Infinite could feel the lump in the Archangel's throat, the stinging of the tears at the edges of his eyes.
Poor child. He was trying so hard not to fall apart in front of Her, unaware that he already had.
The Lord steered the Archangel to a nearby olive tree and ordered him to sit down.
The frail little girl who was the Almighty sat down next to him, cupped his face in Her tiny hands and gave him a stern look.
"I see the agony behind your blank expression. I hear the desperate cry for comfort in your toneless voice. Why are you still trying to be strong, when there is no strength left in you?", She asked, "Why do you pretend to feel nothing, when you're falling apart? You're My dear child, Michael. And you're hurting. You're heartbroken. So many questions are eating at your soul. And I'm here to answer them. All you have to do is open up to Me. Let Me be your healer and your comforter. For I am The One Who Listens."
And with these words, Michael's stoic demeanour crumbled like a sand castle. He curled in on himself and let out a choked sob.
"It hurts", he whimpered. "It hurts … i-it hurts so much!"
"I know", She said sombrely.
The Archangel's tears now began to flow freely.
"Why?!", he wailed. "Why?! Why Hêlêl?! How could he – how could they – how did this happen?!"
The Almighty allowed Michael to sink onto Her bony shoulder and gently stroked his red hair, while his tears of blood dyed Her robe crimson.
And maybe, just maybe, God was weeping as well.
Sure, She had resolved to not cry, but here they were in private and She was sharing Her child's grief.
Michael was weeping for his fallen siblings and friends – and for the first of the Seraphim, the one he had loved and who had loved him back, but had been more in love with himself in the end.
And the Almighty was weeping for Her lost children.
She wept for Hêlêl, radiant and charming. For Arsu, melancholy yet full of strength and passion. For Sariel, brave and generous. For Yehudiel, diligent and responsible (oh, poor Yehudiel, she had wanted to marry!).
And for all the other of Her Angels, who had fallen.
She ceased Her weeping quickly and focussed on letting Her aura of comfort spread through the entirety of Heaven. Because not only Michael was weeping tears of blood – many of Her remaining Angels were weeping as well, were suffering from loss. The Almighty began to hum a gentle tune, a song that thousands of years in the future humans would sing to comfort their children.
All the while Michael was crying into Her shoulders and The Lord cooed soothing words.
Even without Her omniscience She would have understood him. Michael was a very particular Angel. He was one of Her strongest, but also one of Her most loving children, for he had been born from the most profound part of Her Light: the unconditional and all-encompassing love and mercy, that was Her. Archangel Michael, the merciful and long-suffering, a man named Enoch would one day call him.
"Oh, My dear, beloved Michael. My sweet, loving child. My poor, suffering child."
She let Her Archangel weep like this for a while, until he ran out of tears.
Then he backed off and mumbled an apology for getting blood all over Her.
"What blood?", She asked innocently.
Michael blinked, as he found that there was nothing left of the bloody tears he'd wept.
"Now that you have cried your heart out, do you think you're stable enough to handle the answers to your questions?", the Almighty inquired.
The red-haired Archangel thought for a moment. Then he nodded. "Yes, I think so."
God nodded. "Good."
And with another finger snap, the garden had morphed into a comfortable and homely study and Michael was sitting opposite to a dignified, but plain-looking elderly gent wearing a headdress¹ and a white robe, with the All-seeing Eye hovering above His head.
"I will answer your questions one at a time", He told His Archangel. "Starting with why I didn't prevent the rebellion. The answer to that is simple: it would have meant to take away their free will. And I didn't want to take away the most beautiful gift I have bestowed upon my Angels."
"So You put their freedom of choice over having loyal servants?"
"Yes and no. I want you to understand, My dear child, that loyalty without freedom of choice or free will is not real. To remain faithful to Me in the face of temptation, that is true loyalty. You and all the other Angels, who fought for Me did it out of your own volition, because you believe in Me from the core of your being. Your loyalty is real. That's what gives it worth. And that's why I am so proud of you – all of you."
"My All-Merciful Lord …"
The Almighty smiled gently: "Ask away, My child."
Michael took a deep breath, before asking the question that weighed on his heart the most: "Why did Hêlêl do all of this?"
The old man who was God sighed sadly: "That one is harder to explain. You and I both know, that once upon a time he was devoted to Me like no other and for that he was My joy."
The red-haired Archangel nodded.
"But then pride entered his heart like venom. It filled him with delusions of grandeur, till he genuinely believed, that he was equal to Me and worthy of My throne. But the Throne of Glory is too great for anyone but The One Who Is."
"I know."
"All you Angels are My beloved children. But because I created each of you from a fracture of My being, none of you can ever be like Me. My dear Morning Star refused to see that in his pride. As did many of those, who followed him. And even those of them, who did see it, turned their back on Me for pride. They rejected My Light in favour of a freedom of choice they already had. They saw Me as a tyrant treating them like they are My slaves."
Michael snorted: "That's silly."
"It is", the Almighty agreed. "But do not invalidate their decision. It was their own choice, just like it was yours to stay with Me."
"What will happen to them now?"
The Lord released another sombre sigh: "They are still suffering from the Fall. I must admit, their torment is bigger than I intended for it to be. Never again do I want anything as appalling as this to happen to any of My Angels."
Michael tilted his head. "So You will outlaw Falling from Grace?"
"Correct. As for those, who have fallen … at the end of days, I will separate those, who remained unrepentant from those, who have returned to Me in their hearts. Anyone who repents will be forgiven and will ascend back into My Light."
The Archangel's eyes filled with tears of hope, but he blinked them away quickly.
The Most High continued: "There are two things you must know, Michael. First: Hêlêl was not just toying with your heart. He genuinely loved you. Sadly, he loved himself more. Second: I intend to erase the memories of my Angels, graceful and fallen alike."
"May I know why?"
"Because just like you, they are suffering from more heartbreak than they can bear. It's for the better, if they will not remember, what they really lost. That includes you Archangels as well."
Michael's eyes widened and the Almighty knew what was going on in his head.
"I do not want to forget", Michael whispered. "I beg of You, King of Kings … let me keep my memories."
He lifted a brow. "Michael, are you really sure about this? Do you not want to stop hurting? If I do not erase your memories, you will suffer for ages to come. Do you really think you can bear that? You're so full of sorrow …"
"But so are You!"
The Almighty tilted His head.
"You're sorrowful too", Michael went on. "I would never presume to know how You feel, but this I know!"
God smiled: "Yes, that you do. Well then. I will let you keep your memories. Gabriel and Azrael will keep theirs too. They are strong enough to bear the weight. Uriel will know, but not remember, because they can handle the knowledge, but not the emotional baggage that comes with it. Just knowing without remembering will help them to stay as detached as they need to be. As for Raphael …"
"Raphael?", Michael echoed in surprise. "But … Raphael is not a Greater Archangel, he's a Virtue!"
The Almighty's eyes twinkled in amusement. "Is he?"
And He could see the realisation dawn in the Archangel's eyes.
Michael's face lit up in excitement. "Raphael will be an Archangel! That's so wonderful! Oh, I can't wait to welcome him into our rank! What will he be Archangel of?"
"Michael, you're digressing from the topic."
"Oh, right. Sorry."
"Raphael's memories will be erased from his head, but his heart will remember. Can you guess why?"
Michael shook his head.
The Almighty smiled. "Because he's in love. And why would I erase something as beautiful as true love? It doesn't matter, if his remembers more than his lover's name or face, or if he won't know her, now that she has fallen. His heart will know her and even if they'll grow to be nemeses, who hate each other, she will always be a constant in his life. They are soulmates. Just like you and Hêlêl."
He could tell, that those words comforted His Archangel; even if Raphael wouldn't remember his own lover, in his heart he would empathise with Michael and understand him.
This was the Almighty's Will.
The Graceful and the Fallen could never be without each other. Both were His creatures and this they would always have in common. They would oppose and complete each other, because variety was the spice of life and the more different opinions and points of view existed, the richer His Creation would be. It was all part of His Ineffable Plan.
Yet there was one more question the Almighty knew Michael had.
"Will they remember? I know You said, that You will erase the memories of the Fallen too, but …?"
"Hêlêl, Arsu, Sariel and Yehudiel will remember", The Name revealed. "Though it will not be a mercy. They were the first Angels I created and then the first Angels to betray Me. The others will forget everything that was before their Fall. But these four will always remember what they had and lost through their own foolish actions and feel the full extent of what they have done. That is their punishment. As for you, there is one more thing I have to ask of you."
"Of course, My King", the Warrior Archangel replied. "What is it?"
God knocked onto His desk and opened a window into the Garden of Eden, where the first humans were petting a few animals and feeding them leafy twigs.
Both had skin as dark as the fertile earth they walked upon, big dark eyes and long curly hair like charcoal. The smaller one had narrow shoulders and looked round and delicate, yet strong. The female-presenting Angels looked like that, though most of them were thinner. The taller one had broad shoulders, strong arms and angular features, much like Michael.
The Lord introduced them to the Archangel: "Look at these two, Michael. One day the Earth will be theirs. Do not ask why, Michael. Just watch them. The man's name is 'Mankind'. The woman's name is 'Living One'."
"Adam and Ḥawwah", Michael murmured. "But … wasn't there another woman before?"
The Almighty nodded sombrely: "Yes. But she felt that Adam was treating her as an inferior creature, even though I made her from the same clay. He wanted to be the dominant in their relationship, but so did she. Of course she refused to submit, so she ran away."
"So she was prideful?"
God frowned lightly and shook His head. "Do not confuse self-worth with hubris. She is just as strong and self-assertive as I intended for her to be. I am a bit sad, but what she did was her choice and hers alone. Nevertheless …"
He opened a new screen, that showed a lone figure in a desert: a tall woman with skin like bronze. Emaciation had made her features more angular and her edges sharper, but when He had created her, she had looked very much like Ḥawwah, albeit paler.
"… humanity is a gift she deserves no longer – especially after she has made it her goal to destroy newborn babies, out of sheer spite. Take a closer look at her."
Michael bent over the desk to do so.
His red eyes widened at the sight. "She has wings! And an owlish body!"
"Yes", the Almighty confirmed. "Michael, meet Lilith, the Haunter of the Night. She is completely amoral and lacks any concept of good or evil. She has no conscience to guide her, let alone the ability to feel shame or guilt. And soon she will find others, who are just like her. It won't be long till she joins forces with Hêlêl in his war against mankind."
He closed the screen showing Lilith and they turned their attention back to Adam and Ḥawwah.
"Still Adam cannot be alone. So I created Ḥawwah from his side to be his new companion. She is kinder and more understanding, but also more naïve. Michael, I worry for My humans. Hêlêl will make them fall, just to spite Me. He will tempt them into eating from the Tree of Knowledge, the only plant in My garden they're not allowed to touch. And once they do, they can't stay in Eden any longer."
"So what is it that You want me to do, All-Merciful?", Michael asked.
"Love them. Care for them. Become the guardian angel of mankind. Watch over them and be there for them, no matter what. Like My Angels, they are My children, inherently and fundamentally good. Their very souls were born from My essence and in My likeness. But with Hêlêl's scheming, they will become vulnerable to evil. You, Michael, were born from My unconditional love. I couldn't imagine an Angel better suited to protect My humans from the malice of the Fallen. Can you do that for Me, My sweet child?"
The Archangel turned his glance back to Adam and Ḥawwah, who currently were playing a game and laughing, like the innocent children they were on the inside.
The Almighty wouldn't have needed to be omniscient to know the answer even before Michael spoke; the smile spreading over the Archangel's face said it all.
"You, Lord Of The Hosts, whose glory fills all of Creation, are my witness: I will do everything in my power to protect humanity", Michael vowed. "My whole strength I will dedicate to holding my hand, my sword and shield over them, to save them from their enemies."
And the old man who was The Most High smiled serenely and took His Archangel's hand.
"Of all the Archangels you have always been the apple of My eye, My dear Michael."
Michael's head wings fluttered with joy and pride.
"But don't you let it get to your head", the Almighty added and wagged a finger (playfully, because He knew that Michael would never end up like Hêlêl, but still).
Michael laughed sheepishly: "Of course not!"
"Good. Now go and call the other Archangels to Me. I have plans to discuss with them too."
1) The Tanakh implies, that men wore head coverings, though only for important festive occasions, rituals or as a sign of mourning. In the Talmud it's mentioned, that (at least a large number of) unmarried men didn't wear headdresses. From the 17th century onward non-Jewish/Christian authorities made it mandatory for Jews to wear a kippah in public, to identify and discriminate them more easily. Today it depends on the stream of Judaism, whether a head covering is worn in everyday life or only on important occasions, like festivities, prayers or ritual purposes.
I thought it would be fitting here to use it as a sign of mourning. Of course God technically has no need to cover His head to express grief, since He is ... well, God. But I like the idea that He would have been the first to do so.
Bonus:
Hêlêl = Lucifer, Arsu = Astaroth, Sariel = Beelzebub, Yehudiel = Asmodeus,
And most importantly: Ḥawwah = Eve