"Hiyah!"

The last Grimm for miles dissipates into a puff of smoke as Jaune finishes it off with a brutal slash right through the chest. The Emerald Forest sure is a good place to let off some steam. Lord knows he needs it after being beat by Cardin in sparring class for about the… you know what it doesn't matter. He's winless and needs a pick-me-up, and those Grimm are all too perfectly placed to do just that.

"Phew! I feel great! Now to get back to the dorm a-"

The sound of mud crashes his thoughts for a moment. He looks down, and he is absolutely covered with the stuff. Areas of exposed skin are almost painted brown with how bad it is.

He dares to touch his face. Luckily, only small specks of mud come off, so at least he doesn't have to feel like Predator out there. Nonetheless, this will simply not do! Jaune knows he's gotta get this goop off of him if he wants to look anywhere near presentable. He runs back off to the dorms with mud flying off of him from every possible angle.

Less than five minutes later, he's rushing through Beacon's big double doors, barely taking any time to wipe his feet. It's a miracle that no one is around in the hallways to watch this freakshow. The lock on the JNPR door can not open fast enough as he speeds by and jumps straight into the bath, not caring about the looks that NPR send his way. All three of them cover their ears as the door shuts so loudly that the air almost screams in agony.

After making sure their ears are not completely fried, the conversation that the three hunters were having earlier resumes.

"*sigh* He never gets any of the hints! How many times to I have to "accidentally" brush him before he gets it!" Pyrrha grabs her uniform slightly in annoyance.

"Fearless Leader doesn't know you're roughing him up on purpose! Have you considered just shoving th-" A magical hand suddenly appears over Nora's mouth, stopping what would have surely been an insightful idea dead in its tracks.

"She means, have you considered being more direct. Jaune has never been good at getting the hint. Just ask Weiss."

Pyrrha cringes at the memory of that. Muffled laughter joins the cringefest.

"So, why not just tell him directly? I'm sure he won't say no."
"But I'm afraid Ren! What if he doesn't see me like that?"
"How will you know unless-"

His hand suddenly bolts away from Nora's mouth, with the middle three fingers clearly covered in spit. He sighs a very disappointed sigh and goes to fetch a rag to wipe that off. Clever girl.

"As I was saying, why not just shove those boobs right in his face! There's no way Jaune is THAT oblivious!"
"But I can't just go in there naked, Nora!"
"Then don't! Just get your best seductive pose out and beg him for it!"
"Nora, I think that'll just scar-"

Pyrrha's eyes suddenly flicker like a lightbulb.

"I got it! I know just the way! Thanks Nora, you sure are a lifesaver!"
She walks toward the unlocked door with the glint still clearly visible in her eyes.

"Oh no…" Ren's mind is running through the various possibilities that could result from what's about to go down. And none of them are good… he sighs yet another disappointed sigh and just hopes this doesn't spiral out of control… While Nora slides up next to him stuffed to the brim with glee.

️

ˉˉˉˉˉˉ

Jaune is in his own little world right now. The perfect temperature of the bathwater combined with the fully laminated 55-page comic puts his mind almost at a zen state. Probably the closest he will ever get to being like Ren.

Right now he is on page 15, and Diamond-Man is trying to save two people from a burning building. He's so engrossed in the beautiful imagery that he doesn't even notice Pyrrha walk in and get merely 5 feet away from him.

Why is he reading a comic in the bath?! Dammit!

She puts up a hand nearby, but Jaune doesn't even flinch. He's all caught up in the exhilarating story.

How do I get his attention without looking like a lunatic…?

There was no plan for this. Quick, gotta think of something!
She notices a whistle and a surfboard that are sitting nearby, presumably for a beach trip.

That's it! No way this won't get his attention.

She sits on the edge and gets into the best seductive pose she can muster.
Now it's time for the whistle. Her lustful gaze melts away into pure determination as she closes her eyes and pours all she can into this one simple sound…!

️

*FWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE*

️

Jaune almost drops his comic. He looks up very slowly and sees Pyrrha looking at him with an extremely seductive gaze, with her eyes almost begging to be taken at this very moment.

!¡!ERROR!¡!

You could almost hear Jaune's mind play the almighty Windows XP error sound as his mind tries to process just what the fuck is happening.

"I see you don't have a lifeguard here at your beach!"

Jaune's mind is like the cards flooding away at the end of a solitaire game, but his rational thoughts manage to recover.

"I'm not at the beach, this is a bathtub!"

"No body of water is safe without a lifeguard!"

"It's two feet deep Pyrrha, what are you doing here?!"

"You can relax, you're safe now, your lifeguard is here." She flashes the most disarming smile she can possibly muster as she shimmies along the bathtub, making her even more pent up inside.

Please Jaune…

"uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…. Ok?" He quickly dives back into the comic, desperately trying to not think about whatever the fuck that was. His brain stops erroring as his mind refocuses on the beautiful story of Diamond-Man.

Pyrrha on the other hand is annoyed. This should have worked! He couldn't have not seen that look she was giving him! And to make this 100x worse, her mind is now dominated by the fantasies she had thought up about Jaune… and how he's gonna get out of this stupid bathtub and pin her against the floor and just.. just…

Another lightbulb flickers.

That's it! He just needs an excuse to leave the bathtub! And then I'll just "accidentally" get in his way as he jumps out of the water, and he'll be right on top of me! Then there is no way he won't just give in and ravage me!

No Nora required for this one. All she's gotta do is just blow that whistle again and-

️

*FWEEEEEEEEE*

️

"There's a shark in the water! Get out of the water there's a shark! The-"

Jaune's eyes, before he was so rudely interrupted, were looking at the great hero Diamond-Man catch someone falling off a rollercoaster. But that whistle completely disrupts everything. He looks up to see Pyrrha blabbering on about sharks like Ruby blabbers on about weapons. Except, unlike her, there are no "sharks in the water". He even checks inside the bath for good measure. Yep, no sharks.

"Get out of the water! There's a shark! Get out there's a-"

Is she even paying attention to him anymore? Seems unlikely. But he's gotta do what he's gotta do to get her to stop.

"There's a shark?! Wait a minute, There's no sharks in this bathtub!"

He gets up and quickly steps out of the bathtub before Pyrrha's mind comes down from Cloud 9 to intervene.
She runs into him and falls straight on the floor. With this brief interruption, Jaune's brain finally decides to try to process everything.

Why does she have a whistle and surfboard?
Why does she look so out of it?
Is that stain on the bathtub rim what I-

"A-Aren't you glad you had a lifeguard here to save you?" Pyrrha stutters out as she gets back up.

"I Guess…" Suddenly, his mind returns to 100% function.

"Wait, you should go. I'm trying to take a bath! There's no need for you to be here."

Pyrrha grabs his shoulder and turns him toward her, face-to-face.

"I think I should stay, and I think we should have sex."

Just those few minutes of fantasizing acted like liquid courage, completely discarding the fears that put her on this path not 10 minutes ago.

Jaune's brain could not hope to process what is going on. Seemingly out of self-preservation he faints, falling right back into the bath, with the comic book gently floating right above his face.
She looks at this scene, and her eyes droop into sadness. The plan was a spectacular failure. She leaves the bathroom not only annoyed, but more tightly wound than a spring.

️

To be continued…

Finally get to port this one over. If you came here for a good, sensible plot, I'm sorry, but (as you can probably tell) this does not have one. If you came here for straight up "erotic literature", this isn't gonna be that either. It's just going to be a bunch of memes, the first one being this whole chapter, an obvious parody of the famous "Lifeguard at the Beach" porn scene.

Thanks to xAries from a completely random Drawception game for creating the cover image that I stumbled upon after looking three hours for something better. Was close to just straight up grabbing a bathtub, breaking it into pieces, and shoving Jaune in the center.

ᵛ¹·¹·⁴ ᵃᵈᵈᵉᵈ ᶠᵘⁿ ˡᶦⁿᵏ ⁺ ᵍʳᵃᵐᵐᵃʳ ᶠᶦˣ