A/n. TW for thoughts of eating disorders, mainly anorexia

They hadn't seen each other in person and not just through a screen for ages. While doing each other's COVID-tests in the captain's office, Carina couldn't help but notice that Maya looked different somehow. At first she thought that it was due to her short hair and that she hadn't seen Maya for some time, but when they hugged after both of their tests had come back negative, she could clearly feel Maya's ribs. While she had never been overweight by any means, Maya was usually very muscular and not that skinny and petite. She almost looked a little sickly and too thin. At first Carina assumed that her weightloss was caused by stress; after all they were all in a state of emergency and had been for months. The work of first responders and people working in health care was at times harrowing, even without a pandemic, but lately working had felt more like being in a war zone; no time for human emotion, merely technical and strategic thinking required for damage control. And no matter how hard they tried, people were dying left and right.

Carina thought about cooking lasagna together for their first dinner, it had always been Maya's favourite dish that Carina made.

"Hey Bella, do you want to make lasagna together tonight?", Carina asked when she was about to leave the captain's office and let Maya finish her shift.

"Um, well I'm not really hungry...", Maya started deflecting.

"Well, it's not right now, it's in the evening. I thought you would like to cook with me and have some proper Italian food after all these weeks."

"Oh, um, yeah sure. I... think I'd like that, i guess I'll see you tonight then."

"You okay Bella? You seem off."

"No, I'm good, it's just been a long shift already."

When carina had left, Maya's thoughts started taking over: 'Oh no, what a, I gonna do? I already had lunch today. I only had coffee and a banana for breakfast but I ate so much Mac and cheese because Travis put way too much on my plate and I was really hungry after that last call. Okay, I can do this, I'm gonna work out now and maybe I can go on a long run before going home."

However, as Maya was about to leave her office, the alarm went off. Maya groaned.

It wasn't anything too exciting, a rather textbook worthy structure fire, but including overhaul it took a couple of hours and when they arrived back at the station, it was already an hour past their end of shift. When Maya had finished the necessary paperwork, it was too late for a long run. She still put on her running shoes and decided that she would have to run as fast as she could.

Maya arrived at her apartment very much out of breath, she had sprinted for the last mile. Fumbling with her keys, Carina must have heard her and opened the door excitedly, but when Maya almost stumbled in, her demeanour changed quickly.

"Bella, are you okay?"

"Yeah...", Maya panted, "I just... I overdid it a little."

Carina immediately got her a glass of water and lead her to a kitchen chair.

"Thanks", replied Maya, her breathing slowing down.

"I already stared making pasta, it's almost done and then we can start cooking."

"That looks great. I'm gonna jump in the shower quickly."

"Take your time, there's no rush. We have all night.", Carina smiled flirtatiously.

Maya gave her a quick kiss and headed for the bathroom. She let out a breath and thought: "Come on Maya, just be a normal person for once, that's able to enjoy dinner with her girlfriend. You can do this."

Maya had started to relax a little as they started cooking, somehow Carina's presence always had had calming effect on her. Italian music was playing in the background.

As Maya was stirring the Béchamels sauce, Carina wrapped her arms around her girlfriend's midsection and rested her chin on her shoulder.

"I just realised how much I missed this, how much I missed touching you."

Maya turned her head: I missed it, too."

While the lasagna was in the oven, Carina poured them two glasses of red wine. Maya's thoughts started racing again but she pushed them away: "No, shut up, it's just some wine."

"You okay Bella? You spaced out for a second."

"Yeah, sure. What did you say?"

"I said that the lasagna is good to run."

Maya chuckled: "Good to go."

"Yeah, that's what I meant."

Maya almost started panicking again, when Carina put a rather large piece of lasagna on her plate, but she forced herself to calm down.

Carina noticed that Maya ate rather slowly, even though she seemed to enjoy the taste. She had been extremely hungry herself and therefore took a second portion soon, when Maya was only half done with her first.

"You want more?", Carina asked when she had emptied her plate.

"No, thanks. I'm full, but it was wonderful."

When they had finished cleaning the kitchen, they started making out and soon landed in Maya's bedroom. Later, when they decided to go to sleep, Carina couldn't help but notice how loose Maya's pyjama pants were and how oversized her shirt looked.

Even during sex she had noticed how bony Maya was.

Maya fell asleep rather quickly but Carina lay awake for some time as her worry about Maya increased. She thought about how out of it and distracted Maya had seemed the entire day. The doctor went through the numerous possibilities in her head. Was it a physical issue? Or psychological? Carina thought that she was probably only slightly underweight at this point but compared to Maya's usual build she was way too skinny. And if she kept loosing weight, the issues would only increase and it would become dangerous. She decided that she had to keep observing Maya's eating and then she would eventually talk to her.

"That's going to be a fun talk", Carina thought sarcastically.

A/n: Thanks for reading. This is just an idea I had. Please tell me if you want me to keep going and if you've got any suggestions. Have a good day. -Noah