They stayed standing there like that for a long time, just outside the kitchen, arms wrapped around each other, tears still sliding down her cheeks. When they finally pulled away, Hailey hastily reached a hand up to her face, trying to rub some of the tears off. She didn't like crying in front of other people, feeling so weak and vulnerable, even if it was Jay, the person she felt the safest with in this world. Jay kept a hand on her back, maintaining their contact, while his other hand reached up to her face, pulling her hand away and replacing it with his own, using his thumb to gently brush away her tears. Surprising even herself, she let him, grateful when most of her tears had been wiped away and he planted a soft kiss on her temple.
She knew she must have looked like a mess, her cheeks stained from crying, her hair messy after being in a ponytail all day. She hadn't even showered this morning in her haste to get out of the apartment. She wanted nothing more than to shower, wash off this difficult day that had somehow ended with the best possible scenario, both for the case and for Hailey. Despite Hailey yet again pushing Jay away, he was still here, still wanted to be with her. She had a hard time believing it and definitely didn't think that she deserved it.
She didn't want to break contact with Jay, thinking that if she wasn't touching him, she might find out she had imagined their whole conversation. Or that he would leave, like she had expected him to from the moment she shut down this morning, like any other guy would. Regretfully, she finally stepped back from him though, looking up at him and seeing his eyes looking at her with so much love in them she almost couldn't breathe.
"Thank you," she whispered, knowing that the words could never do justice for how she felt about everything he had done and continued to do for her.
As per usual, Jay seemed to be able to read her without her needing to speak. The way he looked at her Hailey knew that he understood what she was trying to say. No one had ever stayed with her once she tried to shut them out, when something triggered her about her past. Yet here Jay was, knowing more about her past than anyone else ever had, and certainly being on the receiving ends of more shutouts from Hailey than anyone else in her life. As he had just told her moments ago, he wasn't going anywhere. He knew Hailey was a mess, knew things weren't going to be smooth sailing for their relationship, yet he still wanted to be with her, wanted to figure it out with her. He was without a doubt the best partner she had ever had, both at work and in life.
"You hungry?" Jay asked after a moment of silent communication. "You haven't eaten anything all day."
It was true, with everything going on today, with the case and with Hailey's turbulent emotions, she hadn't even thought about eating today. She hadn't even realized she was hungry until he said it. She had been too caught up in the emotions of the day to pay attention to something as trivial as food. Now that things were better settled than she could have ever hoped for though, she could feel her appetite returning, her stomach grumbling.
She nodded her head in response to his question. "I really want to take a shower, though," Hailey vocalized.
"Ok," Jay replied. "I'll get us something to eat, you go shower."
Hailey nodded, finally pulling fully away from him and turning towards the bathroom. She stopped after only a few steps though, turning back to look at him. "You're not leaving, are you?"
"No, I'll get something delivered," Jay said, already looking down at his phone. He looked back up at her though, sensing that she hadn't moved, and looking at her face, he knew her question went deeper than that. He shoved his phone back into his pocket, peeled off his coat, tossing it on the back of the couch, and walked the few steps over to her. He wrapped his arms around her again, pulling her in for another hug which she gratefully reciprocated. There was no better feeling to Hailey than having Jay's warm arms wrapped around her body.
"Will you come with me?" Hailey asked shyly against his chest. She tilted her chin up to look at him. "Not into the shower just... I want to be able to see you."
"I go where you go," Jay said simply, and Hailey was reminded of him saying something similar to her when they thought Kelton was going to break up Intelligence. Feeling better knowing that he would stay within her eyesight, Hailey pulled away again and continued on her path to the bathroom, feeling Jay following her. He sat down on the closed toilet seat and pulled out his phone, going through delivery options while Hailey stripped down and walked into the shower. The hot water was just what she needed. She scrubbed the pain of the day away, every few minutes glancing through the glass door to see Jay still sitting there patiently. A few times she caught him watching her and every time, a shy smile would appear on his face at being caught, but he never looked away.
She stayed under the water for much longer than necessary, enjoying the feeling, finally stepping out when the water started to turn cold. Jay was standing with a towel open, waiting for her, and she gratefully stepped into it, allowing him to wrap it around her. He grabbed another small towel for her hair and wrung most of the wetness out of it before tossing it to the side. He ran a hand through the damp hair, tidying it slightly from the towel and pushing it off of her face. He bent down then and captured her lips with his own for the first time since that morning in bed. Had it not been for his arms wrapped around her, her towel would have hit the floor as she swung her arms up to wrap them around his neck, pulling him deeper into the kiss. He kept the kiss controlled, in no rush to go any further as his hands stayed firmly planted on her back, keeping her towel in place. He had just started to pull away for air as a knock sounded at the door.
"That'll be your dinner," Jay said with a smile, planting a soft kiss on her scrunched up nose. He slowly backed away from her, holding onto her back just long enough for her to pull her towel closer around her and then headed out of the bathroom to answer the front door. Hailey closed the door part of the way, not wanting to be seen in a towel by a random delivery person but also still not wanting to lose sight of Jay. Jay answered the door and grabbed the food, closing it again quickly and carrying it over to the counter. As he unpacked the bag, Hailey took the opportunity to finish drying off and run a brush through her wet hair so it wouldn't get too knotty as it dried. She quickly walked through the other door to her bedroom and pulled on underwear, sweatpants, and a t-shirt, then headed out to join Jay in the kitchen.
She sat down at the peninsula, watching as Jay transferred the food from boxes to plates and sat down beside her. She had been so focused on him that she hadn't even paid attention to what they would be eating. Looking down at her plate, she couldn't help but smile at the food in front of her: waffles. She glanced over at Jay watching for her reaction.
"Better late than never," he said by way of explanation. She leaned over to kiss him, keeping it short and sweet, but hoping to convey her appreciation. Again, Jay seemed to understand and he beamed at her as she broke the kiss and turned to dig into her waffle. He couldn't have picked better in her book. They ate in a companionable silence, Jay keeping a comforting hand on her thigh the entire time. Hailey practically licked her plate clean and even finished the last few bites of Jay's waffle at his insistence. She hadn't truly realized how hungry she was until she had started eating. They cleaned up the plates and to-go boxes together and then without a word both headed for the bedroom.
Jay stripped down to his usual boxers as Hailey did the same, climbing under the covers in just her bra and underwear. They lay face-to-face in the center of the bed, much the same as they had that morning, Jay's arms around her, Hailey's hands exploring his chest, unconsciously settling over the red mark from his bullet hole. Jay watched as she stared at the scar, her fingers dancing across it.
"I almost told you that day," Hailey said, looking up at him. "The day you were released from the hospital."
"Told me what?" Jay asked.
"That I loved you," she replied. Jay looked at her in surprise. He knew there had been something she had wanted to say to him that day before his phone rang, and he had hoped that it would be that she had feelings for him, but he hadn't expected even then, a year ago, that she had loved him.
"You did?" Jay asked, surprise evident in his voice. She just looked at him in response, her eyes telling him more than her words could. "Was that the first time you realized it?"
Hailey contemplated for a moment. "I think I knew things were changing before then, but that day in the hospital, not knowing if you were gonna make it, that was the first time I ever admitted it to myself."
Jay was quiet for a moment, thinking about this new revelation. "We could have had so much more time together if I hadn't been such an idiot," Jay confessed.
Hailey looked at him in confusion so he went on after a moment's hesitation.
"The Suggs case, the fireman," Jay said, trying to figure out how to phrase what he was trying to say. "You told me that day that you had trusted me since the day you met me, that you'd follow me blind." Hailey nodded, remembering, still not sure where he was going with this. "That was the first time I realized that I was in love with you." He let her process this new information, seeing that it shocked her. She sat up in the bed, leaning her upper body weight on her left arm so she could still look down at him. Her mind was reeling with this information.
"Jay, that was almost two years ago," she finally said. He nodded, stroking his right hand up and down the bare skin of her lower back. "I was still dating Adam." She was processing this new information out load, giving voice to her thoughts, not really expecting responses.
He nodded again before mumbling out, "Not for much longer."
Hailey smiled for the first time, hearing the slight note of satisfaction in his voice at the thought of her previous relationship's demise.
"I should have told you that day in the break room," Jay continued. "The day Kelton was killed. When you said I'd forget about you. I wanted to say there was no way I could ever forget about you because I'm in love with you, but once again, I chickened out, then Adam got arrested, and everything with Kelton." He let his words trail off.
She settled back down on the bed again, shifting closer to him and allowing his arms to envelop her. "All the crap I've pulled, the lines I've crossed over the last two years, the times I've shut you out," she said quietly against his chest.
Jay snuggled her in closer to him, his lips against her hair. "You should know by now, Hailey, there is no point that I would ever cut my losses and run," he said softly. "You're the only thing I don't ever want to lose."
She pulled her head away from his chest at his words, angling her head up so she could look him in the eye. Seeing the sincerity of his words in his eyes, she extended her neck and captured his lips with her own, a sense of urgency there for the first time today. Hailey was desperate to show him how much his words, his faith in her, meant to her. She had never been very good with words, so she allowed her actions to take over.
Her hands reached up to tangle in his hair as he slid her up his body so they wouldn't be at such an awkward angle. Unable to pull her close enough to him with them lying side by side, Jay rolled onto his back, pulling Hailey with him so she was lying on top of him, just like that first morning he had woken up in Hailey's bed. They fit perfectly together, her tiny frame flush against his own, hands exploring one another's bodies. At this point, they had seen everything there was to see, touched every part of each other, but somehow, it still felt new. There was still excitement and goosebumps caused by featherlight touches and sensual kisses.
They took their time, slowly removing the minimal clothing between them. They were in no rush, neither had any places they needed to be. They simply wanted to enjoy their time together with this newfound level of intimacy that came after baring so much. Jay tried to convey his love for Hailey by making her feel as good as she could possibly feel while Hailey focused on staying present with Jay, to make him realize that only he had ever made her feel this way.
An hour later, as they lay together coming down from their final high, they had both accomplished what they had been trying to convey with their actions. They had spoken enough tonight, so all they needed was the comfort of each other's presence, the feeling of skin pressed against skin. They had laid everything bare tonight, in more ways than one, and as they both lay in the arms of the person they loved, they knew they would continue to do whatever it took to make this work. Because being together like this, there was no greater happiness in the world.
Hope you enjoyed this little one-shot. I couldn't resist writing something after watching that amazing episode. Here's to many more Upstead moments to come in this season and beyond.