A/N: Just a shorty that's been floating in my mind for a bit. May have some companion pieces if I can get my act together to polish them up.
AU in a world where Umbridge is ousted about half-to-two-thirds of the way through fifth year, just because life is a lot better without her. The drama of the plot still continues. Remus is back teaching Defense because he's needed, whether the parents are on board or not.
Of course, I don't own the characters, they own me.
"Excellent work everyone!" Remus called to the class of fifth years at large as the bell rang and bursts of boisterous chatter broke loose. "Kindly put your equipment back in the cupboards and I will see you next week!"
Remus helped the fifth years finish up, strategically helping near Harry , Ron, and Hermione. Hermione finished up quickly, helped Ron before handing him his book bag, and started for the door with Ron in tow. "See you later," Hermione called, and began chatting at Ron before he could hang back.
"You did very well today, Harry," Remus praised, slowing Harry just a bit as he finished packing his own bag. "I'm very proud of the work you've done while Umbridge was in charge. The rest of the students that were in your class have certainly benefitted as well."
"Oh, thanks Professor," Harry said a bit sheepishly, and with a small laugh. "I never thought breaking the rules would earn me such a compliment."
"Well, it is very well earned. You should look into teaching after you graduate."
"I don't know about all that," Harry replied. "I feel like I'm needed for something more important. Out there," Harry finished, not able to bring himself to voice his thoughts beyond insinuation of fighting Voldemort.
Knowing Harry didn't really want to talk about Voldemort and the prophecy, he teased, "Hey! Are you saying my job isn't important?"
"Oh, geez, Professor, no, I'm sorry," he fumbled before looking into Remus' face and seeing the mischievous grin that lived there. "Every time," Harry muttered. "You are too good at that," he finished with a quiet laugh.
"Not all pranks have to be a big production," Remus smiled.
"I'll remember that," Harry said smiling.
"So, where are you headed to? The library?" Remus asked.
"I'm just heading to the grounds. Quidditch practice," Harry explained.
"Ah! I'm heading to meet the headmaster at the Great Hall. Can I walk with you?" Lupin asked amiably and Harry readily agreed. It felt like it had been ages since he'd walked with Professor Lupin anywhere, and he missed the easy comfort they'd provided him in third year. Harry hitched his bag higher on his shoulder and they continued down the corridor lining the courtyards.
It was bright and sunny outside, lazy fluffy clouds floating easily across the sky. It was a perfect day for flying.
"How is Quidditch practice going? Ready for your match against Ravenclaw?" He asked with unmistakable team spirit.
"I think so," Harry returned, "George says he's been spying on their practices and that they are looking particularly fit. We've really been working hard, afraid to let our guard down. But all in all, I think we have a good shot. Plus, it's technically just an exhibition game, what with most of the season having been canceled."
"Still, it should be a fun match to watch with all of you training so hard," Lupin said enthusiastically. "And how have your classes been treating you?"
"Oof," Harry sighed, scuffing his foot on the ground and taking a keen interest in the stone work of the walkway. "Not as well as Quidditch." Lupin noticed that Harry seemed even more tired at the mention of his classes. "To be honest, I was rather selfishly hoping for yet another disaster to befall Hogwarts so that finals would be canceled again."
"You'd rather face the darkest wizard of the age for the fourth time than take exams?" Remus asked with no small amount of incredulity.
"At this point, yeah, I think so," Harry admitted, only partly joking.
After several feet of walking, Lupin chuckled darkly. "I must say, lots of students say they'd rather die than do finals, but I think you may be the only one that has tilted the lance for it."
Harry ran a hand through his hair self consciously and chewed the corner of his lip, humor draining from his countenance. "That's bad, isn't it?"
"I don't know if it's bad, but it certainly shows that you are willing to take action and not just bandy words about," he chuckled again bumping his shoulder into Harry's trying to lighten the mood, although Remus filed away the comment, and the uncertainty in Harry's tone, to bring up at a later time.
Harry chuckled a bit himself, not noticing Remus' serious thoughts, and letting some of his sudden insecurity slough off. Pervasive fatigue seemed to settle in its place.
Trying to keep his tone light, Remus asked, "Is there anything I can help with? Other than lighting the school on fire or unleashing hell spawn?"
"Asking McGonagall to put easier topics on her exam?" Harry asked, not particularly joking.
"She might listen to me pitch the idea, but somehow I don't think she'll actually comply," Remus said ruefully.
"Worth a shot, though, isn't it?" Remus glanced over and smiled in return to Harry's small smile of resignation. "Guess revision is the only way to go, then." Harry sighed deeply and let the fingers of one hand trail across the stonework surrounding the courtyard while the other clutched the strap on his bag a bit tighter.
"I can help with studying if you like. Quiz you on topics, maybe help explain things if they aren't quite making sense," the professor offered.
"I may take you up on that," Harry relented.
"How about Potions? How is Snape treating you these days?"
"Oh, about like he always does," Harry muttered with a gloomy flash of annoyance.
"And how's that?" Remus asked. He knew of course that they didn't get along, that Snape had a tendency to bully all Gryffindors with Harry and Neville being frequent victims of his ire, but neither boy had spoken outright to a professor about their treatment. Maybe now, with Harry a little tired and off-guard, he would let something slip.
"Oh you know, priggish, rude, overbearing, overworking, piece of-"
"I get it," Remus cut in before he could finish and possibly be caught saying something truly incriminating by another passing professor. "How bad is it with Professor Snape? You can appeal to Professor McGonagall or the Headmaster, you know."
"It's not worth it," Harry said gloomily. He'll just get off and then he'll treat me worse for saying something." Remus was concerned that there was of hint of resignation in his tone, as if speaking from experience.
"Would you like me to speak with him?" he offered.
"No offense, sir, but definitely not. That will make it a million times worse."
"I see." Feeling the topic of Severus was officially closed, Remus continued on his line of questioning. "And your other classes?"
Harry heaved a great sigh. "They're coming along. I think I'll be all right for Charms, but History of Magic I'll fail like I always do, and Care of Magical Creatures will be lower middle ground, I'm sure."
Remus was growing more concerned the longer Harry spoke. He was sure there was a significant dose of teenager versus final exam angst mixed in with his words, but he seemed very despondent. He debated with himself momentarily before deciding to dive in.
"Harry, stop a moment, won't you?" Remus said gently, and Harry paused, leaning back against the low courtyard divider. "How are you really feeling about exams? Are you truly afraid you'll do so poorly?"
Harry look down to the stone walkway, eyes trying to see through the stone to any sort of truth underneath. "I suppose not. Hermione seems to think I'll be all right, but then she keeps telling me I'm not studying hard enough. That I shouldn't be in the exhibition game. I am trying though, not like previous years when I waited until the last minute."
"Well that's positive," Remus encouraged. "Spacing out your revision allows you to review more topics and store away more information, go back and review what doesn't make sense. Ask your friendly neighborhood teacher for help..." he hinted.
"I guess," Harry shrugged, continuing to look through the floor.
"And the exhibition game is good for you, too, you know. It allows your mind to take a break, get some exercise, refresh itself."
Harry shrugged again, becoming a bit embarrassed that Professor Lupin was having this, rather parental, conversation in what felt like a very public space. He began twining his fingers and rubbing his thumb nails together.
Remus was privately becoming even more worried. Harry was never one to close himself off like this, at least not when they spoke. Was he seeing the true Harry underneath the confident, spirited exterior that he normally saw? Was this self-conscious, withdrawn, young man what was really underneath?
He decided to ask just one more question, Harry was clearly not enjoying this conversation as much as he had seemed eager to in the beginning of their walk. He gently took one of Harry's forearms to slow the hand wringing.
"Are you sleeping enough, Harry? That seems like a lot of worry on your mind and not getting enough rest can wreak havoc with your ability to focus."
The reaction was instantaneous and forceful. "You are constantly meddling in my affairs. Stop, before you regret it!" Harry shouted in Professor Lupin's face, pulling his arm back angrily, his eyes flashing darkly for the briefest of seconds. He stared directly into Lupin's eyes, as if boring a hole straight through. When his immediate anger had fizzled, he closed his eyes, pressing his fingers against the lids under his glasses.
For his part, Lupin remained remarkably calm, only taking half a step back and dropping his own arm to his side. Passing students who'd heard Harry's outburst stared at him unabashedly as they walked by. Lupin did his best to ignore them while studying Harry calculatingly. He'd believed Hermione, of course, but was glad for the advanced warning. He wasn't expecting it that suddenly.
As if rousing from exhaustion, Harry took in a deep breath and sighed, opening his eyes again to look at Lupin now further away than he'd been just a moment ago. "I'm sorry, Professor," he said in a much quieter tone, "I lost focus for a moment and didn't catch your question. What were you saying?"
Lupin quickly dropped his studying, not wanting to alert Harry to his inspection. "Nothing really," he replied calmly. "Just wondering if you've been feeling all right."
Harry paused a moment in consideration. "Just tired. Just really, really tired. Not sleeping well lately, must be all the revising I've been doing for the upcoming exams," he blamed.
"Forgive me, but do you remember what you just said to me?" He asked curiously.
"I said that Hermione doesn't think I should play in the exhibition game, and that I have been trying to study more" Harry replied.
"No, after that," Remus prompted.
Harry thought hard for a very long moment. "No," he said, "Just that I didn't catch the next thing you said."
Remus regarded him closely and it seemed that Harry was telling the truth. He really didn't remember the angry outburst from a mere minute ago.
"Perhaps you should skip practice today. Maybe visit Madame Pomfrey. I'm sure she has something that will help you sleep, calm your nerves about exams."
"I'll be fine," Harry said, waving away Remus' concern. "If I can take on The Dark Lord, I can handle Quidditch and finals." His easygoing humor appeared to be returning along with his lopsided grin, as if the surge of fatigue and insecurity had never been displayed at all.
"If you're sure," Remus hedged.
"I'm sure. Let's get going before we are both late," he said, pushing himself off the low wall and continuing to walk calmly towards the Great Hall. "What are you meeting Professor Dumbledore about?"
"Heh," Remus chuckled, "final exams." And now you, he thought seriously, and was grateful Hermione had brought the issue to his attention. He would discuss it with a few of the other instructors at the staff meeting tomorrow morning, just to see if these strange outbursts were happening more frequently than any of them individually thought. It's true, he thought, stress affects everyone differently, but that flash in his eyes... was it the lighting of the walkway? A passing cloud? His own imagination? Whatever it was, he wanted to know if anyone else had seen it, too, and if anyone else was as concerned as he was.
Thanks magicgnu for letting me know the formatting was garbled on the original upload. :)
I've missed you all in this community while I've been gone. Much love, Tini