After Chapter 139 which broke our hearts, everyone needs some healing.
This fic is inspired by Mikasa's theme song 13 Winters. Listen to the song if you haven't.
He is gone, and the wound is still fresh as it was the moment she cut his head off. It feels like pain engraved in her soul will not subside any time soon.
Walls are gone too, and the fresh air is suddenly too much to breathe in. It's almost suffocating.
The world is cruel but it's also very beautiful. She has said it herself and re-lived it even, from time to time.
Forget about me.
Did he not realize? She can't. Would never. Until her last breath she would remember him. The moment she will forget him, she wouldn't be living in this world.
One year later and she still sits below the tree. Sky is a shade of orange, and the night is ready to fall.
Her tears are dried. She looks at the grave and flowers are wilting. Just like her heart.
She grabs the scarf and closes her eyes, forcing herself to take a deep breath. There's enough warmth around her neck. It's not winter yet, but her bones are trembling with chill. She feels cold.
I'll wrap you up in it again. As many times you want. Now and forever.
The memory resurfaces in her mind.
The promise has not been kept. It has wandered in the dusk, painstakingly.
She's not yet ready to let go. Everyday, she hopes tomorrow she will wake from this nightmare, and Eren will be there, alive, in flesh, smiling.
Even if she didn't ask for it, spring will come again next year. Bringing the same never-ending sadness.
And just how she hoped, the second year is the same too. She has long endured the pain of losing a loved one. She's familiar with it. But this pain is not alleviating easily. Or maybe she doesn't want to.
She looks in the distance. Sun is setting over the horizon. She says her goodbye and starts to walk towards her house. They have increased settlement from where the outer wall stood before.
When Historia came to meet Mikasa, she was kind enough to offer a place near her own home. She couldn't look at the dead eyes of her friend. To ease her own worries she wanted to look over Mikasa.
"I want to live in Shiganshina. Near Eren."
Her reply was something which Historia couldn't refute.
Now standing in front of her small house, it feels different. It reminds her of when Eren visited her in her dream.
No. Maybe where both of them lived. For a long time. It's hard to tell which is reality. She couldn't differentiate which parts had been true and what was her own imagination.
Perhaps she will never know. Just like she will never know how much Eren loved her.
Would he have abandoned everything if she answered differently?
But she can't regret it. Another choice would have been disastrous too. She would never leave Armin behind.
It is the third year when she smiles again.
The scarf doesn't fall.
The bird is flying. She feels he is watching over her. Even if it's her imagination one can always dream.
She's thankful to him. Will always be.
"Mikasa, have you been eating well?"
In response, there's a smile on her face, though it radiates melancholy. Armin is not sure what she is actually feeling.
"Yes, don't worry about me."
They are sitting on the porch, side by side. Sun is shining starkly in the azure blue sky. It's been a few days since the alliance has returned. After they met at that tree on the hill he had to part ways so as to attend the talks of peace negotiations with the Queen and Yeagerists.
"You say that but it doesn't seem like you have been taking care of yourself." He thinks she's hiding her emotions.
"I am fine." she assures, her tone is serious, "And Eren wouldn't be happy seeing me sad."
The answer is not what Armin was expecting to hear. Suddenly, there's hope within him. He's more than happy, "I'm glad, you're starting to think this way."
"More than anything, Eren would have always wanted you to live a happy life." he continues, tears swelling up in his eyes. He's a bit overwhelmed.
"Armin," she begins worriedly.
But there's interruption. A shuffle of footsteps announces Annie's arrival first.
"I came back." she greets, walking in their direction. Returning from the market she's carrying a bag of vegetables.
Armin wipes his tears which threaten to leave his eyes, and quickly mutters I am okay before urging Mikasa to go forward.
"Annie," Mikasa utters, and in the next moment she is heading towards her. "Thank you."
"If you don't mind, I would like to help too." Annie says after handing over the bag.
"Do you know how to cook?"
"No. But it's the perfect opportunity to learn from you."
Mikasa is not the best cook herself, though it's been a while that flesh tearing blades in her hands has been replaced with a cooking knife. No longer they are painted crimson with blood.
"Alright." She nods and together they step into house.
Hearing heard their conversation, Armin smiles at them and sits in the hall, picking up a book to read.
After a few minutes, the smell of rice cooking floats in the kitchen. Both women are chopping the raw vegetables.
"Have you thought about marrying him in the future?" Mikasa asks suddenly.
Annie is not known for being flustered. Far from blushing. It's crazy to think what love does to people. Though she maintains a neutral expression as she falters. "I- I don't know. "
She continues, her gaze is fixed on the cutting board, "And neither have we talked about it yet."
"I see." Mikasa says, her concern is genuine. She adds, "But it's better if you talk about things clearly. How you feel that is."
Past has taught her many things. It's so unfair that realization comes much later. When the things are beyond fixing. When nothing can be done. It's infuriating.
"Have you thought about the future?" Annie asks.
"I have. "
"Really?"
"I want to visit places beyond the walls."
Beyond Paradise she means. Some things are hard to change. And well, to her it's not Paradise anymore. Whoever named it must be so desperate to find something which he could never have.
"It's good to hear." Annie understands her anyway. "Perhaps pay a visit to your relatives. That Ackerman and Lady Kiyomi. They will surely be happy to see you."
"Mm. " she hums, lost in thought, future glimmers in the sight.
And when next year, spring comes back, she's on the boat. Everyone is waving at her and she's waving back. Her pitch black hair is fluttering in the wind.
Sea is tranquil. Above it birds are taking a flight as if wishing her a happy journey. She smiles and waves one more time. This time to the birds.
The world is huge, and there's a lifetime to explore. Once she starts traveling, she doesn't know how many seasons pass. But she keeps moving forward. For herself. For him.
Do let me know if you liked it. Reviews are highly appreciated.