One moment he'd been dueling with Harry Potter, the next moment the Elder Wand was flying out of his hand and he was dying.
Now, Voldemort was somehow standing in what looked like a muggle pub. He looked around in disgust. He hated muggles.
A tall man, if you could call him that, caught his eye and gestured to the empty chair across from him. He had bluish, leathery skin and some sort of horns were coming out of his head. Well, he looked more like a strange wizard than a muggle, so the Dark Lord decided to take the offered empty seat.
His new companion spoke in a strange voice that reminded him of cracking ice. "They call me Night King. Who might you be?"
"Voldemort. I'm the most powerful wizard in the world, or I was. Until I was defeated by a teenage boy."
Night King smirked at him. "You too, huh? I was defeated by a teenage girl. See that guy with the white beard over there? That's Coriolanus, although he'll still call himself President Snow. A teenage girl defeated him, too."
Voldemort smirked at the obviously pompous git trying to order people around while they ignored him. "He's always doing that. He doesn't seem to grasp that he has no power anymore." The Dark Lord thought to himself that this bearded muggle joke resembled a Malfoy in his arrogance.
Night King pointed at a very large man dressed in furs and animal skin, chugging down ale. "That's Shan Yu, also defeated by a teenage girl."
Upon hearing his name, the giant let out a loud, prolonged yell. A pale woman with a crown of ice glared at him.
"Cut the crap, Shan Yu. Nobody's intimidated by that shit anymore!"
"That would be Jadis. Also defeated by actual children." She turned and glared at the horned blue creature. "You can't turn anyone to stone anymore, White Witch!"
"Where am I?" Voldemort turned to his new companion in confusion.
"The Pub of Fallen Villains. Where fictional villains come to spend the rest of eternity making each other miserable."
A brown haired young man, clearly a muggle, stared at him. "What happened to your nose, there? Did someone flay it off?"
Voldemort reached for his wand to hex the arrogant little shit, but of course he didn't have it.
"That's Ramsay Bolton. Some people in Westeros hated him more than they hated me, if that's possible. He skinned his victims alive. Be glad he doesn't have his knives. Get this, he was also killed by a teenage girl."
The Dark Lord had to laugh. "This seems to be a theme here."
"You could say that."
A tall man in white robes and white hair suddenly turned around and was in Voldemort's face. "You were not the most powerful wizard in the world. I, Saruman, I was the most powerful!"
A huge lady with purple skin and eight legs yelled out from a giant aquarium. "Says the wizard defeated by two hobbits and some talking trees! Sit down, Saruman! You ain't shit now but a dead villain in a chair!"
Jadis laughed. "As much as we'd love to listen to this magical pissing contest with our newest member, let's shut it down before Jafar tries to turn into a giant viper again."
A black maned lion growled from a cage. "Yes, Scar, we know. You were supposed to be king, but your little runt of a nephew stole it from you."
"So basically, we are all stuck here for eternity boasting about who had the most power?"
"Yup. Bitching about who suffered the worst defeat, boasting about who was the most evil, swapping war stories. You got it."
"Is the ale any good?"
"It tastes like warm horse piss. Try it."
Voldemort tried a sip of the mug in front of him and choked. It was definitely muggle ale. It tasted worse than Polyjuice Potion.
He looked up to see that Ramsay muggle still staring at him. "I used to eat muggles like you for breakfast."
Night King laughed. "Hey, Bolton! You need Sansa to feed you to your own hounds again? Enough."
Jadis piped up. "Hey, Shan Yu! Get your table mate, he's acting crazy again." The giant man fixed Ramsay with a bronze-eyed glare and the crazy eyed lad finally looked away.
"His own hounds?"
"Yup, his own wife did it after she sent an army after him."
Voldemort laughed. "Right before I died, I learned my most loyal follower of 20 years was a spy for the other side nearly the entire time."
"Damn. That's bad! My followers were all zombies of my creation. Once I turned them into zombies, they pretty much stayed right where I put them."
Shan Yu turned to Night King and shook his head. "I had an army 40,000 strong until that girl created an avalanche that took out ¾ of them."
Voldemort nodded. "Impressive. With magic?"
"No, a cannon. I slashed her belly with a sword and then somehow she still shot me off a roof with a giant firework." Everyone laughed. Even though most of them had heard the story of the Hun's demise a hundred times, it was still funny.
"My killer couldn't have been more than 5 feet tall and she leapt at me and stabbed me with a Valyrian steel dagger."
"Valyrian steel?"
"Forged with dragon fire."
Voldemort nodded in understanding. "We had a magical sword, too. Goblin forged. It killed the snake and several trinkets that all held parts of my soul."
Shan Yu shook his head. "My killer was a tiny thing, too, but she somehow single-handedly rescued her huge, all-muscle captain and pulled him onto her horse in the middle of an avalanche."
"Are you sure she wasn't magical?" She sounded to Voldemort as impressive as Harry Potter's amazing little bushy haired sidekick.
"Actually, no I'm not. Mulan was one tough bitch."
The bearded Malfoy wannabe spoke up. "My teenage nemesis outsmarted me and others so many times, I lost count. I sent her to an arena to fight to the death until one survived, and she tricked me using a suicide pact and brought her boyfriend home with her. She outran a forest fire, blew up her enemy's food stores, and dropped a deadly hornet nest on her opponents from over 100 meters up a tree. Then I sent her back the next year, and she used lightning to blow up the whole arena. I sent monsters after her, and she outran them. I sent my army after her and she tricked them. I bombed her hideouts, but she kept surviving. My partner tried to blow her up with bombs, but she survived those, too."
"Now I definitely could have used her in my squad of Death Eaters. Was she a witch?"
"I didn't used to think so, but I'm starting to wonder."
"Katniss Everdeen was not a witch. And I was not your partner, Snow." A fierce looking woman with straight grey hair glared at Coriolanus.
"Weren't you, Alma? Wasn't she the enemy of both of us?"
"Yes, but…"
"Then that makes us partners."
"A common enemy unites even the oldest of foes." Jadis recited an old adage from Narnia.
"Just imagine if this Katniss had teamed up with the girl who killed me, Arya; the girl who killed Shan Yu, Mulan; and the teen who defeated you."
"Harry. His name was Harry, and that would be terrifying!"
"They'd take over the world!" Coriolanus shivered at the thought.
"But wouldn't that make them villains, too?" Voldemort suddenly had a surge of self-awareness. "Isn't that what made all of us villains, our desire for power and control and the evil deeds we carried out to get it?"
"Hey", ranted Shan Yu. "I just wanted to get over a wall!"
"So did I", mused Night King darkly.
"And I just wanted to build a wall", yelled a little orange man in a blue suit with tiny hands. "But the Democrats…."
"Shut up!" Everyone yelled in unison. If there was one thing they all could agree on, it was this fool.
"Who is that?" The Dark Lord was amused at this little muggle with the big mouth that everyone actually agreed shouldn't talk.
"Oh, he was actually a real president, in the US. But he was so strongly disliked that he was sent here. No one likes him here, either."
"You're slacking off there, Jafar!" Jadis shook her head at the sour-faced wizard wannabe. "Keep him quiet!"
"If I had my wand" mused Voldemort with a chuckle, "I would put a silencing spell on him."
"But, you don't, Moldy Voldy. That's the punishment. We all have to tolerate each other, we can't use magic and we can't kill each other. Welcome to the Pub of Fallen Villains."