Everyday I want to tell him. I can't. I cannot tell what I feel, my heart, my soul, (if I had one) my grace. But having him around is everything. I choked it up to my duties. But one day I realized. I can't recall the exact day, but I looked at him and swore. Dean laughed at me, he never heard me swear before. I made an excuse that I was stressed about Heaven. Since that day, I kept my feelings to myself.

I miss being human on occasion. If I had a choice, I'll stay human. I loved the taste of food, the emotions, but most of all the dreams. One of my favorites was when Dean came to my house and, ahem. Let's just say I had to change the sheets after I woke up. Another was more simple. We were having beers watching the sunset on a private island. It wasn't anything physical, but just being near him, retired and relaxing on a beach enjoying a vacation. But my most favorite was me telling Dean my secret. Dean didn't say anything back, he didn't need to. But I remembered his hug.

I became an angel again to protect my friends. I wasn't the same angel, my wings were damaged. But I was with my true family. Sam and Dean were there for me more than any angel in Heaven. Right now I'm helping them on a case, Dean rolled his eyes when I gave him my FBI alias. Why is he complaining? Lady Gaga is a well respected performer.

Jack is beside me in the car. Having my adopted son is everything. He even looks my vessel, kinda. But his warmth and nativity about the world, he is truly innocent. I'm so glad that he was raised by my two best friends. Jack knows about my feelings, but he also knows it's my secret to tell.

That look Dean is giving me. He sees me as nothing. Before I leave, I give him a few seconds to stop me. When I walked out the door, I expected him to call my name. But he didn't. So this is what a breakup feels like. Fine. You don't need me anymore. I get it.

Since there's nothing to do, I pick up fishing. Men my vessel's age seemed to like it. It is relaxing, I admit it, but I never keep my catch. Every fish is grateful I set them free. I keep my FBI aliases, just in case. I may have turned my back on Heaven, but doesn't mean I gave up being a hunter.

I roll my eyes when the sheriff hands me the phone. I know he left me many messages, I don't care. I play my part even though a part of me wants to wring his neck. Father he is bossy. Jerk.

I came back to help my friends. Sergei, he is a snake. Luckily Sam is okay. I'm back in the bunker, although it is awkward between us. I remain professional and polite, same with him. Team Free Will.

Dean and I are arguing in Purgatory. He blames me for leaving, I point out he didn't stop me. The leviathan that is traveling with us is smirking. What does it know about emotions. When I am taken away, I barely fight because I'll know I'll lose.

I ran when I heard Dean's prayers. Dean. Thank you.

We may have lost the fight against Chuck, for now. But at least I can be with my friends again.

What is worse? Hell or The Empty? My friends are stuck in Hell, but I know they can escape. What about me? The Empty won't let me go easily. It even takes on the visage of Meg, the last woman I truly cared about. Ruby. She tells me where the Occultum is hidden, but only if I can help her escape.

Jack's soul is back. His cheerful attitude is more subdued, but he seems more mature than before. I am so proud of him. My family is back together. If I didn't have my duties in Heaven, I would have been singing Happy Birthday to Jack.

I am horrified on what Dean did. Once again he is using Jack. Sam is pleading with Dean, that all this is Billie's manipulation. As angry as I am with Dean, who is once again is using Jack, I can understand why Dean is doing this. The desperation he feels that he under God's thumb, and that killing Sam to get that freedom to get to Chuck. Thankfully Dean listens, but it is too late. Chuck is once again one step ahead.

We stand alone hiding from Billie. Dean and I, we don't have a chance. She will break through that spell and kill Dean. I won't let her. Wait. There is one thing I can do. It will separate Dean and I forever, but as long is Dean is safe.

I am no longer human, but I don't have to be to feel human emotions. What I feel in my heart is awakening. It's time.

Dean is just staring as I tell him the truth. The deal that I made to save Jack, the ultimate sacrifice I have to make. My true happiness. I feel the tears streaming down my face, but I also feel the joy. Dean. I wish I told you sooner. Even if you didn't feel the same, at least I don't have to keep this secret anymore.

I love you. Three simple words. Yet the hardest to say. I see your tears, please don't cry over me. Where I'm going, I know you will be safe forever.

Goodbye.