The Difference of Letting Go

by xtinedc47

When the battle was over and Thanos' hoard had disappeared around them, Erin's elation had turned to ice in her veins, because there had to have been a price, she knew. She just hadn't realized yet how steep it was. Tony was already dead by the time she'd found him. At least the others got to say goodbye; Erin had been too late.

Erin gazed out across the city from the rooftop she perched. It was the middle of the night, but the city was alive. Cars traveled the neighborhood blocks; the bass from their stereos ebbed and flowed like a heartbeat. Street lamps buzzed and someone far off whooped in glee. The old stone façade she sat on still radiated warmth from spending the day in the blazing sun.

She liked watching the city so late at night. There was a softness around it's edges that you just didn't see in the daylight. If she squinted her eyes just right, it all ran together to form a painting drowned in champagne and starlight.

Of course, it was just an illusion; there was no starlight in this city.

As much as Erin enjoyed sitting on rooftops in the middle of the night, she was here for a reason. She'd been coming to this rooftop for the past fortnight for the sole reason of its clear vantage point of the apartment across the street. She watched as a shadow passed by the curtain covered window on the third floor in the old brownstone. She knew the apartment belonged to Marco Lena. She'd been tracking his movement for quite a while.

On the outside, Marco was a man of the community. If someone needed something, they came to him. They fell on hard times and needed groceries, Macro showed up with bags from the local bodega. Someone's kid needed an internship to pad out their college application form, Marco had the connection. On the outside he was helpful and nice and a perfect gentleman, sweet enough to bring home to your grandma.

The underside was decidedly darker.

Marco was the head of a drug ring that operated in Queens, but dealt in Harlem. Erin had to hand it to him. Rule number one of keeping your life nice and tidy - don't shit where you eat.

Marco dealt mostly small time shit, but in the last month he had decided that he'd try his hand with fentanyl. Already his operation had been responsible for ten overdoses and one death. Erin may have turned a blind eye if it had stayed small. People loved to get high, afterall. And she couldn't stop them from consuming. Capitalism. Supply and demand. There would always be someone to supply the demand.

Tonight though, Marco would be upping his game. Marco had a deal in the works with Wilson Fisk. An unlimited supply of heroin and fentenyl straight into the heart of Harlem, and Erin knew, eventually Queens too.

Two sleek black sedans pulled up to the curb outside the brownstone and Erin perked up. A man in a nicely tailored suit stepped out of one and behind him followed a number of mean looking men.

Showtime, thought Erin. She backed up a few paces, ran towards the edge, and leaped in a graceful arch. Silently, she landed across the street on the brownstone in question. The men below filtered into the apartment. Erin waited, leaving them enough time to get to the apartment in question, and then she made her way to the stairway. The access door was locked, but with little effort she ripped the locking mechanism away and the door swung open freely.

The roof access led directly to the third floor, in the back corner of the building. She crept quietly to where the hallway turned a corner and waited. She could hear what she guessed were two guards posted at the apartment door. People generally had no idea how loud they were, even when they thought they were being quiet. If she listened very hard she could tell that one was prone to fidgeting and the other was a heavy smoker. Beyond them she could hear the muffled voices of Marco and Fist's representative initiating their transaction.

No sense in waiting, Erin thought to herself, and she turned the corner. "Hi!" She smiled brightly at the two guards. Walking at a quick pace, she watched their faces first register shock and then mild irritation. They probably thought she was just another tenant of the building. As quick as their attention came, it went. And that was all the opportunity she needed.

She struck out at the first guard, hitting him squarely at his exposed trachea. He folded over, eyes bulging in surprise and pain as he gasped for breath. The second guard reached for the gun at his belt but Erin grabbed his wrist and bent it backwards. She heard the bone snap, and did not hesitate to grab the gun from his belt and strike it hard against his temple. The guard went down heavy and stayed there.

A force shoved her from behind and she tripped over the body on the floor, landing hard against the grimy linoleum in the hallway. The gun in her hand went skittering across the floor. The first guard scowled down at her with a fuschia face; a vein pulsed angrily in his forehead. She vaguely thought that he was the heavy smoker.

He reached for her but she struck out with her booted foot and landed a blow directly on his kneecap. He fell with a cry to his good knee and she pulled back her foot to strike again at his nose. A waterfall of bright red blood ran down his face. Before she could hit him a third time the door to the apartment swung open and two more men filtered into the hallway.

Erin scrambled backwards on her hands and knees and stood. Quickly they drew their guns and took aim, but before they could get a shot off she plowed into a door to her left. There was a scream from inside as the resident of the apartment she just violated probably woke from a dead sleep to the sound of gunfire.

Erin jumped up from the floor and pushed her body against the wall, right next to the doorway. The second a gun appeared at the threshold she grabbed it and twisted. The gun fell to the ground, but the man holding it reached for her with his other hand. He wrapped his fist in her loose, long hair and slammed her head against the wall. Erin grunted in pain, but didn't release his wrist. She pushed him back into the hallway and directly into the fourth guard's path. There was another pop of gunfire and the man she was locked in a tango with jerked. In the confusion his comrade had shot him in the back. Idiot, thought Erin.

Erin heaved the body in her arms at the man with the gun and they both went down. Just beyond them she saw a group of men turn the corner quickly, headed for the exit. She made to follow them, but heard the sound of smashing glass from the apartment they'd been striking their deal in.

Erin quickly swept the apartment and found one of the windows thrown open hard enough to crack it like a spiderweb. She peered out into the night to see an inky shadow skitter across the road. It turned the corner down an alleyway. Marco. Erin narrowed her eyes and stepped out onto the fire escape.

She didn't bother using the stairs, but vaulted over the railing and landed three floors below on the sidewalk. She took off running after him. She got to the intersection of the alleyway when the front door of the apartment building blew open behind her. Fisk's associate surrounded by four armed men emerged and Erin hesitated. Did she chase down Marco, or stay and settle up with Fisk's man? He was undeniably a bigger fish, but she didn't think she could take on the four armed men out in the open street without getting seriously hurt.

The scream of sirens in the distance made her decision for her and the men scrambled into the two cars parked at the curb. The tires squealed as they pulled out and Erin cursed herself for her hesitation as she turned and took off down the alleyway.

The alley was dark, but she caught a glimpse of Marco as he darted around a corner a block ahead of her. She urged her legs faster and pumped her arms. She took the corner at a breakneck speed and her vision erupted in stars.

Marco stood above her, a piece of lead pipe grasped in his hand. "I saw you jump from the fire escape and I knew I wouldn't be able to outrun you," he said, panting. "The only way to get ahead of you freaks is to have the element of surprise." He swung the pipe down and landed a blow at her midriff. Erin cried out and curled up. "You think it's people like me ruining this city?" He screamed at her, spit flying. "It's freaks like you that practically laid out the welcome mat for Thanos!" He landed two more quick blows.

Marco raised the pipe again. "I celebrated the day they buried Tony Stark. If I could piss on his grave, I would," he snarled. The pipe came down in an arch but this time Erin's hand came up to meet it. Lightning quick, Erin ripped the pipe from Macro's grasp and threw it into the darkness.

She stood with an arm wrapped around her injured torso, her eyes burning like coals. Marco stepped back with a flash of fear across his face, but it quickly morphed back into defiant hate. "I was going to kill you quick," Erin said. She wiped away the trickle of blood from her nose. "But now you've hurt my feelings." She reached out with a fist and the blow had Marco flying into the brick wall behind him. He fell to the ground but Erin didn't give him a chance to stand. She wrapped one hand around his neck, picking him up and pinning him to the wall.

His feet didn't reach the ground and he flailed them desperately, gagging for breath. The sight gave Erin a sick satisfaction and she smiled. She tossed him back across the alley and he skittered across the pavement. He tried to scramble to his feet, grasping at his airway and gasping. Erin came up behind him and gave a halfhearted kick against his bottom. He lost his already dubious balance and landed face first into the pavement. Macro let out a strangled sob and Erin rolled his body to face her. He was bleeding from a cut on his temple. She smiled and knelt above him, her knees caging him in.

"I'm not a very well known freak," she hissed. "But make no mistake, the people that died to save this sorry existence were my friends." She wrapped her hands around Marco's throat. "And Tony Stark was a thousand times the man that you have ever been." Marco clawed at her hands and arms furtively. "Now, I came after you because I didn't appreciate the introduction of more fentanyl to this city. We have enough problems without inflicting more harm on our fellow man. Don't you agree?" Marco's eyes bulged. "Agree with me!" She screamed in his red face. He gave a little nod.

Erin gave a little satisfied sigh. She looked down at Marco, at his red sweaty face, the damage she had inflicted to him, the terrified look in his eye, and she almost sobbed in ecstasy. She pressed down more and watched as his face turned from red to purple to blue.

"What are you doing?"

Her joy shattered like glass at the voice behind her. She really didn't want to play this game tonight.

Erin stayed perched atop Marco and considered just snapping his neck and being done with it. She stared into his eyes. His desperate pawing at her hands had become significantly weaker. She leaned down, close to his ear and whispered, "If it isn't our resident friendly neighborhood Spider-Man." She could sense the man behind her shift uncomfortably. "Are you hoping another freak has come to save you?" She pressed a little harder. "He won't get the chance," she purred.

The next thing she knew, Erin was pulled back and flung down the alley. Her torso screamed in protest and she couldn't help crying out.

"Erin!" He clearly hadn't known she was injured and knelt to help her. The eyes of his spidersuit squinted in concern.

"Peter," she whispered. She reached out for his offered hand. It made Erin regretful that Peter was so trusting. It was the most beautiful thing about him. It would always be his fatal flaw. Grasping his hand she allowed herself a moment to bask in the familiarity of it before she braced herself against the pain in her ribs and flung him over her head and down the alley.

As quickly as she could she got to her feet. Spying the discarded pipe, she grabbed it and made her way to the writhing form of Marco Lupa. He sputtered and flayed on the ground, not unlike a cockroach on its back. She looked at him in disgust and rose the pipe high above her head. She intended to spear it through his chest but never got the chance when Peter swung into her vision, snagging the pipe with webs and tearing it from her grasp. The pipe again was lost in the dark and Peter landed in front of her.

"Don't do this," he begged. "This isn't you."

"You don't know what I am, Peter," she hissed. She noticed the miniscule change in his stance. She'd hit a nerve.

"You'll make him a martyr," he warned her. He was right, of course. She looked down between them and contemplated the man between them. Embolden by her apparent reflection, Peter continued. "You don't have to kill him. The people should know who he really is. He needs to go to prison. You kill him now and he's the good community man that was tragically murdered in an alley.

"Please, Erin." He continued. "The people deserve to know who he really is, what he's done."

Erin shook her head and looked up at Peter a little sadly. "That's the difference between you and me, Peter. I don't do this for the people. I do this for me. It makes me feel good. Maybe I let him live, he goes to prison and reforms blah, blah, blah. Or maybe not. Maybe he's got a friend in the courthouse or the police department, or just a really, really good lawyer. If I kill him - that's it. He's gone and he can't do any more damage. I don't see the dilemma here, Pete."

"Erin," he grabbed her hand. "Vengeance is not what we're here for. This isn't what they would have wanted."

"We don't know what they would want, Peter, because they're dead. And if you had heard what this piece of trash had said about Tony, maybe you'd want him dead too."

Hearing the venom in her voice, Peter knew there was no talking her out of her plan. He stared at her for a long moment but then, quick as lightning, he shoved her in the ribs and she doubled over in pain, buying himself enough time to collect Marco off the ground and swing away with him. "Peter!" She screamed after him, but he was already too far away.

Hanging her head in defeat, Erin stared at the spot where Marco had lay. There was blood on the ground there. Her rage burned in her bitterly and she breathed deeply as her eyes stung with tears. Realizing that there were still police sirens a mere two blocks from her position, she swallowed down her failure and made her way out of the alley.

Later, Erin sat atop a different rooftop. This one had a view of Brooklyn. It made her think of Steve. Of all her friends to leave her, at least he had a happy ending. She was glad for him, even if that happiness was tainted with bitterness. It was never easy being the one left behind.

She thought back on the words Marco had said and she wished again for the tenth time that night that she had just gone ahead and snapped his neck when she'd had the chance. Erin remembered coming upon the broken and burnt body of Tony Stark in the aftermath of the battle and closed her eyes at the image she couldn't erase. His eyes were already blank with death and Pepper knelt before him sobbing quietly. Peter had stood a little ways away, the grief on his face heartrending.

Erin recalled how confused and bitter she had been. One moment she had been in the city with Pepper, coordinating triage after the attack, when suddenly people around her began to fall apart like ash. She had felt a little woozy and looked up at Pepper and wondered at the look of horror on her face. Then suddenly Wong was there telling her they were needed and doing his circle thing.

When the battle was over and Thanos' hoard had disappeared around them, Erin's elation had turned to ice in her veins, because there had to have been a price, she knew. She just hadn't realized yet how steep it was. Tony was already dead by the time she'd found him.At least the others got to say goodbye; Erin had been too late.

It wasn't even until after that she'd learned about Nat.

She thought back to Tony's funeral; all the people who had loved him in one place. Afterwards, Happy had made cheeseburgers at the request of Morgan, the tiny five year old that only had a tenuous grasp on what it meant that her father was dead. "These are dad's favorite," she said, chewing contentedly. Happy's eyes suddenly shone and he had to excuse himself.

Later, Morgan had dragged Erin and Peter into her teepee (because who could really say no to her). "Dad told me all about you guys," she said. "I'm glad you're back. You're going to be my friends, okay?"

Erin had looked at Peter for an example of what to do. He looked at Morgan with misty eyes, smiled and said, "You bet." Erin could only nod in agreement.

Morgan was a lot like Tony. Now she was nearly eight and smarter than most adults. The world would be in trouble when Morgan Stark decided to make her mark.

She heard a slight rustle from behind her and turned in time to see Peter sling himself from the adjacent rooftop to hers. In one fluid motion he landed and pulled the mask from his face. His eyes blazed with rage and he paced towards her.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" He growled. She was slightly shocked to hear him curse in such a way.

"You know, I could ask you the same thing," she spit. "I had everything under control until you showed up."

"What, murder? You call that control?" He ran a gloved hand through his brown locks, his face exasperated. Erin noticed that he had dark circles under his eyes. He was clearly not sleeping well. Underneath the fatigue however, were the same kind brown eyes. Like staring into the sun, it was difficult to look directly at him. "Lupa is hanging from a streetlamp right now, in case you were wondering. The cops will find him and take him in."

Erin shrugged. "Good job. Gold star for Peter Parker." She made to turn away.

He grabbed her by the arms and forced her to turn back to him. They were close now. Closer than they'd been in nearly two years. She couldn't help but notice that he was a little taller than she remembered, a little more broad in the chest and shoulders. Her heart skipped a beat.

"You can't keep doing this. Sitting on rooftops, looking for trouble -."

"Oh, don't give me that shit, Peter. How is it not exactly what you do every night?" Her chest heaved with emotion.

"You know it's not the same!" He yelled.

This was one of the reasons why she had left in the first place. Peter, with his good intentions and morals and needing to save everyone from everything, including themselves. Just standing next to him threw all her shortcomings into stark relief.

"You're not stupid," he said softly. "You know I've been keeping tabs." Erin knew, of course. She'd seen him out of the corner of her eye on numerous occasions over the past year. This was just the first time he'd confronted her. "All these guys that you've taken down, I didn't intervene because I knew you could handle it. But tonight, Erin? If I hadn't stopped you, you would have killed Lupa." He searched her eyes, desperate for an explanation. "Not to mention the fact that you're getting mixed up with Fisk-"

"It's not anything you wouldn't have done!"

"Yeah, I take down the criminals. That's my job. But I don't enact some twisted vengeance on them! There has to be something that separates us from them, Erin!" He signed heavily. "Something is going to happen that you can't take back. Or worse, Fisk is going to come after you, and you'll have no one to back you up."

Erin stared at him. She didn't know what to tell him. Did she care if some thug came after her? Did she care about the state of her soul the way that Peter seemed to? His brown eyes bore into hers with something like hope.

"Just come home," He implored her. "You can come home."

She shrugged off his grip. "Where's home, Pete, hmm? The compound?" She laughed hollowly.

"You want me to go back there, live in the house that Tony built, train in the spaces where Nat taught me everything I know?" She was nearly hysterical now. "Walk the grounds that were decimated by that monster? Do you live there? In that crypt!" Peter looked as if she had slapped him. She breathed heavily and her eyes burned. "No. How can you even ask me that? How can you stand it yourself?"

Peter's eyes brimmed with tears and one traced the curve of his cheek. "We're their legacy, Erin," he said in a small voice. "We have to be the ones that continue their work."

Erin hung her head so she didn't have to see him like that. Peter gently forced her eyes back to him. "Erin, the path you're going down - it's a dangerous one. You're so close to being on the other side of this."

This being where they stood on their little game board. Could they be enemies? Would it come to that? The thought shocked her and scared her a little. Maybe he had a point - she could travel down this road and get further from where Peter stood. But how could she ever find her way back to where he was if she'd already come this far?

Peter tentatively reached for her hand again."What we were before, it was good," he said in a soft voice. "We could start again. We don't have to go back to the compound. We could go anywhere you want, as long as we are together. I could take care of you. I could be your home." His handsome face was so earnest it made the air in Erin's chest freeze.

"Peter," she gasped, and even to her it sounded like a prayer. Finally the tears fell. Peter wiped them from her cheeks with a delicate touch.

"Don't cry, don't cry," he begged softly and stepped closer. He slipped his fingers to cradle her face and brushed his lips against her.

Erin's response was immediate. She shivered and wound her hands up to grasp his wrists and she deepened the kiss. It was like coming in from the storm. Like a key fitting into a lock. It was like being Snapped all over again and then coming back together for the second time.

"Peter," she sobbed again and he moaned. A lightning bolt danced down her spine. Now the kiss was urgent. Erin opened her mouth slightly to allow Peter access and his tongue skated across her bottom lip before rolling along her own waiting tongue. She nipped at his bottom lip and she thought she may have heard him growl.

Peter moved to wrap his arms around her middle and pull her tight to him and she gasped in pain. He immediately broke away. "Sorry, sorry!"

And just like that the spell was broken. Before he could sense the change in her she stepped back. "I have to go." She scrubbed the tear tracks from her face.

"What?" His confused look caused her heart to constrict painfully.

"It's a nice dream, Peter." Erin smiled at him sadly. "But that's all it will ever be. A dream." She watched the understanding filter into his eyes and she wondered how many times her heart could break before it stopped beating.

"Erin, don't." He said weakly and reached for her. She stepped further from his grasp and headed for the edge of the roof.

"Bye, Pete."

She disappeared before she could change her mind.

Erin made her way silently to the unassuming cabin. The sun was just reaching past the tips of the trees on the far side of the lake and the light refracted off the surface into a million diamonds. The last of the mist was burning off, but the dew on the grass remained. This was the perfect place to spend your childhood, she decided. Tony had really been on to something.

As she approached the front porch a slim figure came to the doorway. Pepper Stark swung the screen door wide open and smiled kindly at her. That smile had to be the epitome of safety. Erin remembered growing up under the watchful eye of Pepper, often the only responsible adult around. A mother, a confidant, a friend - Pepper was all these things.

"Hey, Pep."

The older woman stepped out onto the porch. "Peter called," Pepper said as a way of greeting. Erin grimaced and averted her gaze to the lake. Of course he called Pepper, she thought. Even though she had been the one to grow up with Tony as a pseudo-older brother, Peter was the one that had really carved out a place for himself in Tony's new family.

Pepper shook her head in a familiar exasperation. "Come on in, honey."

Erin stepped into the cabin. The interior was cozy and safe. She wished she could stay here forever and forget all her hurt. That wasn't possible though.

Pepper led her down the hall to the kitchen. Erin glanced at all the photos that hung on the walls as she passed. There were pictures of Tony, Pepper, and Morgan together, smiling widely at the camera. Some scenes were birthdays and others were down by the dock, fishing poles in hand. Tony waist deep in some mechanical beast, grease smeared across his cheek. Pepper, belly swollen with pregnancy and Tony holding up a little Iron Man onesie against her stomach, a shit eating grin spread across his face.

The next picture made Erin smile softly. Tony and Erin were on stage at some karaoke bar - probably belting out an 80's rock ballad. Mics in hand, Erin was mid jump while Tony was down on his knees, eyes closed and left hand in a fist by his chest in true rockstar form.

The next photo made her little smile drop. A side profile of herself, four years younger and smiling widely, peering at Peter through her eyelashes. She was wearing a blush pink dress, light and gauzy - the dress she had worn at Tony's Christmas party the year she had met Peter. It was Peter's face that made her heart seize though. His gaze was soft as he looked down at her, a goofy smile on his face. Jesus, Erin thought, he looks like he's in love. Although, if she had seen a direct photo of her own face it would have been hard to deny that she felt the same way. She blushed when she remembered that he had given her a delicate snowflake pendant as a Christmas gift that night and kissed her on the cheek for the first time. Erin had been the bolder one and grabbed him by the lapels of his suit for a proper kiss.

Erin supposed there was no use in denying it. She had been head over heels for Peter. She ignored the fire in her belly that told her nothing had changed.

She met Pepper in the kitchen and accepted the mug of tea she had poured her. "So, I've heard Peter's version of events. What's yours?"

Erin shrugged. What could she tell Pepper that wouldn't make her feel like the shittiest person in the world? I nearly killed a drug dealer just for the sick high, and I used the man I love as an emotional crutch before abandoning him on a rooftop? Erin thought perhaps not.

"I've come to say goodbye," Erin said without preamble. "I'm gunna take off for awhile." Pepper stared at her for a long beat but then nodded her head. As always, Pepper was patient and waited for Erin to finish her explanation.

"Peter was right, if I continue this way I'll end up crossing a line that separates me from everyone else. And I can't go home like he wants me to. I can't use him or you or anyone else as a crutch. It won't fix anything. The only other thing I can do is remove myself from the equation." Erin had been staring at her fidgeting hands, but chanced a glance at Pepper.

There was no judgement in Pepper's gaze, only sadness. She nodded. Erin had always known deep down that Pep would be the one to understand.

Pepper sighed. "I don't think that boy will ever give up on you."

Erin smiled ruefully. "Part of me hopes he doesn't."

The two women sat there for a while in companionable silence. Both of them were broken from their thoughts when a loud thump and what could have been a steamroller sounded from upstairs. Pepper chuckled and said, "Here comes trouble."

Heavy footfalls sounded from the stairs and there she was in the doorway, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes, dark hair in a messy halo. She squinted at Erin and then let out an impossibly high squeal.

"Auntie Er!" Morgan wrapped her long gangly limbs around Erin's neck, nearly toppling her from the stool she was sat in. "I didn't know you were coming by today. Hey! I need to show you this new condenser I'm working on, if I get it to work it'll be ninety-seven percent efficient. Thin enough to fit in the suits too. Rhodey says maybe he can talk to NASA for me if it works out! Can you imagine, astronauts using my tech? So cool!" Morgan spoke a mile a minute, swinging her hands wildly in her excitement. Erin had to laugh, she was just like Tony.

Erin listened as Morgan went on about her new tech while she moved about the kitchen with the practiced ease only a kid could have. She poured juice and spread peanut butter on her toast as she explained how astronauts currently wore a cooling garment that had tubes attached to it that circulated cooled water to regulate body temperature which was like, so lame. Finally, mid-bite of toast she looked at Erin directly and said, "What are you doing here, anyways? You usually visit on Sundays and it's Saturday."

Erin braced herself. "I just wanted to say bye before I go. I'm heading out on a little road trip."

"What? Why?" Morgan looked instantly alarmed. "How long are you gunna be gone? Are you coming back?"

"Of course I'm coming back, Morgan." Erin grabbed her little hand and squeezed. "I just need a little bit of a vacation, is all. Besides, there's more to this country than New York, you know. Maybe I'll take up hiking in the national parks or something."

Morgan pulled a face. "You do know there are feral people that live in the national parks that eat people, right?"

Erin rolled her eyes and chuckled. "I think I can handle myself."

"Is Uncle Pete going with you?" She asked slyly, taking a bite of toast and smearing peanut butter across her upper lip. Erin almost rolled her eyes.

"No, this is a solo adventure."

Morgan just clucked her tongue and took a sip of her juice. It was almost like talking to a disapproving parent.

"Come on," Erin bribed. "I'll bring you back a volcano rock from Yellowstone."

Morgan narrowed her eyes, "You're not supposed to take natural resources from a national park."

"Okay, Sergeant Buzzkill," Erin rolled her eyes. "I guess it's a tee shirt from the gift shop for you, then."

Morgan giggled at her own superior intellect and it was Erin's turn to narrow her eyes at the young girl. She was entirely too much like Tony.

The three sat at the kitchen island for a long while, chatting about school and work and plants that could kill you if you ate them - safe subjects.

"Don't end up like that guy who died in a bus in Alaska," Morgan warned.

"How do you know about that, young lady?" Pepper questioned.

"Mommmm," the girl groaned.

Erin giggled and wrapped her hands around her now cooled mug of tea. Sighing, she got to her feet. "Well, I better make tracks."

Morgan stood and wrapped her arms around Erin's middle. Her ribs still stung, but not as intolerable as earlier. "I think I'm gunna show off my condenser at the Stark Expo if it's ready in time. Will you be back in time to come?"

Erin wrapped her arms around the child, resting her cheek against her soft hair. She swallowed around the lump in her throat. "I'll try really hard, kiddo. I promise."

"'Kay," said Morgan, and she broke away. "Well, those Saturday morning cartoons aren't going to watch themselves. Bye, Auntie Er. I'll be wanting my tee shirt when you get back." And with that, she was off to the living room. Erin smiled and looked back over at Pepper.

"Come on," said Pepper, smiling. "I'll walk you out." Back down the hallway they went, and this time Erin was able to look at the photos a bit longer without losing her breath.

The women passed through the front door and into the sunlight. Erin could hear the birds chirping their morning songs, the water lapping at the edge of the property, the soft sound of Morgan laughing filtered through an open window.

When they reached her car, Erin turned and hugged Pepper. Erin was just tall enough to come up to her shoulders and she fit her head under Pepper's chin like she did when she was little. "Thanks, Pep," she whispered.

Pepper wrapped her arms around Erin and rubbed slow circles down her back. "After the Snap," Pepper started and Erin tensed in her arms. "Tony tried really hard to move forward. And in some ways he did. We moved here, we had Morgan, and he was the best father to her. There were things in Tony that manifested that I didn't even know were there.

"But a part of him could never let go of the fact that he felt responsible for what happened. The fact that there were people that should have been in Morgan's life that were not here. You and Peter. You're not so different from him, in that way." Pepper huffed lightly and continued. "So when Steve came to him with a crazy plan, there was really no chance he was going to turn him away. Not if there was a chance he could get the two of you back." Pepper gently pulled Erin away to look her in the eye, her own glistening with tears. Her voice was thicker with emotion. "And when he snapped his fingers, it wasn't really a choice, but a certainty. A certainty that it was the best move he could make to keep you and Peter and Morgan safe." Pepper brushed some hair behind Erin's ear. "He believed in you so much."

Erin nodded but couldn't get any words past the lump in her throat.

"Have a safe trip, honey. We'll be waiting for you when you get back."

When Erin left the Stark cabin, she did so without a purpose of direction. She headed West, and twenty hours later she found herself in a desolate region of Missouri. She hadn't really known she was making her way there until she had arrived.

Her small sedan bounced along the dirt road as it cleared the treeline. The large farmhouse stood in the middle of an open field. As she got closer she could see Clint waiting for her on the porch. Of course he would have known of her presence two miles back.

She parked the car and got out. Awkwardly shuffling toward him with her hands shoved in her pockets, she smiled cajolingly. "Hey," she said. "Wanna hide a refuge?"

He smirked. "Wouldn't be the first time."

Later, after she's squared away her stuff in the spare bedroom, Clint told her that he could use her help with the tractor. "Damn thing just won't stay fixed."

"You know, there's always the option of buying a new one." He just scoffed and led her out to the barn. It was only when she was elbow deep in that beast that he finally asked what she was doing there.

Erin was silent for a long moment before she cleared her throat awkwardly. "I know what you did in the time after the Snap," she said, studiously avoiding his gaze. "Rhodey gave me the lowdown after the funeral." He waited for her to continue. "Did it ever make you feel better?" She asked in a small voice.

He contemplated her for a long while. So long that she thought perhaps he wasn't going to answer her. They worked silently on the tractor until Clint withdrew his hands and wiped them on an old dirty rag.

"Did it make me feel better?" He shook his head. "No, it didn't. My whole family was gone; nothing was gunna make me feel better." He signed. "Did I ever feel vindicated - like what I was doing was justified? Yeah, sure." He looked at her and continued. "But that feeling doesn't last all that long, and that blood stains pretty deep."

Erin wasn't surprised at his answer, but it was still a bitter pill to swallow. She recalled how good it had felt in the moment to wrap her hands around Marco's throat. She could feel her eyes getting hot with shame. "How did you come back from that?"

Clint smiled, giving her a look that said there was only ever one answer. "Nat."

Erin nodded, wiping her own hands on the rag. "And then she died."

"She didn't just die, Erin." Clint said softly. "She sacrificed herself. Hell, she fought me for the damn right," he laughed slightly. "She believed in our plan so much that she bet her life on it. If there was even a chance, it was worth it." Clint signed. "Owing my life to Nat was never something new. Since the beginning, we've been saving each other. But now I actually owe my life to her. To live, to honour her memory, her sacrifice. I owe it to her." He paused for a beat. "Tony too."

Erin wiped the tears from her eyes, smudging her cheek with grease. Sniffling, she told him, "I'm just so angry all the time. I don't know what to do with it." Her voice was high and tight. "It makes me feel dirty, like it's an infection or poison." She brushed away more tears as they tracked down her face. "And the only thing that helps, is making others feel as bad as I do. If I'm not careful, I'll make the wrong people feel it."

Clint nodded in understanding. "I felt like that afterwards, still do sometimes. But Laura beat that outta me pretty quick," he smirked. "I still got people that love me," he said. "I can't just check out on them."

Erin nodded, sniffling again. She thought of all the people that she loved; who still loved her. Had she let them down so completely? Her face was hot with shame.

Clint climbed up to sit on the seat of the tractor and turned the ignition. The engine sputtered to life and Clint whooped. "See, I don't need a new one. No matter how broken the old girl is, she always comes back to life. Nothing a little TLC can't fix." He turned the tractor off. "Come on, kid." He said. "Dinner's about ready."

Later that night, Erin lay in her loaned bed listening to the quiet sounds that filtered in from outside. Crickets, owls, Clint's dog looking for a place to pee. She tried not to listen to the whispering voices in the next room, but with her hearing it was difficult.

"Maybe we need to call someone?" Laura said softly.

"No," said Clint. "She just needs time."

"But I'm sure they're worried about her. They probably have no idea she's here."

"If they don't know she's here it's because she doesn't wanna be found right now. And if she's here, she's safe."

That was the end of the conversation and Erin listened as the older couple fell into a comfortable silence, slowly drifting into sleep. Erin turned in her bed and stared out the open window at the crescent moon. She thought about what Clint said earlier, about sacrifice and what she owed to those that were gone. It was similar to something Peter had said. That they were their legacy. At the time she had scoffed at him, but she could understand the sentiment now. She just couldn't understand why everyone had come to terms with it before her. Why were they all so quick to get on with their lives? Why were the others not just as stuck as her? It had to be her; something was wrong with her.

Erin choked on a sob and turned her face into her pillow. Even if she never hurt another piece of trash criminal again in her life, there was still a void in her. She didn't think she would ever be able to fill it. But what else could she do? Again, their words drifted to her through her grief.

I owe it to her.

We're their legacy.

He believed in you so much.

Erin fell asleep with her tears staining her cheeks.

A few days later found Erin working herself into exhaustion on an old trunk she had found in the garage. Clint hadn't asked her to fix it, but it was here and she needed something to do. The old beast was proving to be a formidable foe, however, the work was doing nothing to quiet the thoughts in her mind.

How had Clint done it? He had lost his entire family. His children. And yeah, they were back now, but that didn't change the fact that Clint had gone on a rampage. It was something that Erin had often found herself daydreaming about. But he said that it hadn't helped anything, and he had to live with that blood on his hands.

How did you come back from that kind of trauma? And why couldn't she do it as well? As far as loss went, Clint had her beat - and he seemed to be doing okay.

Erin thought of all the people in her life that she cared about. Peter, Pepper, and Morgan. They all seemed okay for the most part. It was just her that couldn't let go of her anger. She wanted to be with them, to share things with them. Instead, she felt stuck, and no amount of wishing could wipe clean her urge to lash out.

She could feel the frustration mounting in her now, licking along her tense back like flames. Suddenly, the wrench she was using slipped its hold on the car she was working on and a slash of pain cut across the back of her hand. She pulled away to see a long gash along the top of her hand. The familiar hot feeling of rage flashed across her brain and she threw the wrench as hard as she could against the body of the truck. It left a small dent, and she was angry all over for ruining something that didn't belong to her.

"Asshole," she hissed at herself.

"Language," a voice call from behind her.

Erin sighed and turned to Clint. "Sorry, I'll pay for the damage." She picked the tool off of the ground and dove back into the internal guts of the truck. Clint joined her under the hood.

"Don't worry about it, this thing is a piece of shit anyways." He said. "But you wanna tell me why you're throwing tools around?"

Erin gritted her teeth. "No," she seethed. She worked hard against the bolt she was trying to loosen. "What the fuck, I have super-strength for Christ sakes," she muttered.

The bolt wouldn't budge and her irritation lanced up her spine again. "I don't get it. I just don't fucking get it." She roared, throwing her hands up. "Why is it only me? Why does everyone else seem fine and I'm just fucking stuck here with this feeling that I can't do anything with? Except beat criminals to a pulp, it seems. Which apparently just makes me a bigger piece of shit." She heaved a ragged breath. "And this fucking car…" She added as an afterthought.

"Okay," said Clint. He pried the wrench from her white knuckled fist. "Maybe we give the car a break for now. Come on." He set the tool down on the table and turned, leaving the garage. Erin stood a moment but then reluctantly followed.

"Where are we going?" she called.

"We're just walking, you know. No destination."

So they walked. They had made it across the wide field and turned to follow the line of trees that boarded Clint's property.

"Why did you come here, Erin?" Clint asked suddenly. He stopped dead and gave her a hard look.

Erin couldn't meet his gaze. "I don't know, I can leave if you want." Her cheeks blazed red. Of course, Clint wouldn't want to deal with her mess. She didn't even want to deal with her shit.

"That's not what I said," Clint snapped. "There must be a reason you got in your car and drove hundreds of miles to end up on my porch, so what is it?"

Erin was quiet for a long while. Clint waited patiently. Finally, she said, "You were like me. Before." He stared at her. "I want to know how I can be you. Now." When he didn't say anything she continued. "Everyone around me has lost someone. Why am I the only one that can't seem to move on?" She looked to him for an answer.

Clint started walking again and she followed. He didn't say anything for a while, just looked back at his home. "When the Snap happened, my entire family disappeared. I turned my back for a second and they were gone." He said quietly. "The information came in slowly. I couldn't get a hold of anyone for hours. I didn't know then that Fury and Maria were gone as well. And Nat wasn't picking up any comms." A flash of heavy emotion blinked across his eyes. "I was so scared. More scared than I'd even been in my life. Finally, I got a hold of Nat and she had told me what had happened." He walked on. "The aftermath of the Snap was a nightmare. Not just for me, but for everyone left. Half of all living things, just gone. You can't imagine how quiet the world was." He looked to her. "The worst part of all of it was how sudden it was. My family was there in the yard one second and gone the next. The abruptness of it was jarring. And it made me so, so angry. How could they be there and then not there?"

Erin didn't know what to say to Clint. She had heard many iterations of life after the Snap and it was just something that she couldn't relate to. She had disappeared and the world went on without her. The time between disappearing and coming back had been instantaneous for her, but in reality five years had passed. Although, to have something ripped from you in an instant - that she could relate to.

"Where were you when Tony died?" Clint asked, turning to her.

"What do you mean? I was at the battle."

"Yeah, I know. But where were you? When Tony snapped Thanos' army?"

Erin thought hard for a second. That whole battle was a blur; a nightmare fueled by monsters and fire and so much terror. It had been disorenting in it's desperation. And then there was a flash of light and all of those monsters disappeared. She crested a hill and found Tony surrounded by her closest family. Pepper was kneeling next to him and Peter was standing to the side with Rhodey. By the time Erin made her way to him, Tony was already gone.

She told all of this to Clint. He contemplated what she said and nodded. "After my family disappeared, all I could think about was what I hadn't said to them. What I would say to them if I had just one more minute with them." Erin nodded. It made sense. She thought of things that she wished she could say to Tony and Nat all the time.

"Do you think that maybe that's why you can't move past it; why everyone else seems capable and you're so stuck?" He air quoted.

"What do you mean?" She asked.

"Think about it," Clint said. "Everyone close to you was right there when Tony died, except for you." Erin's cheeked flushed red. It was something that she thought about often. If she had just been quicker. She could have done more, she knew she could have. She failed Tony. "Everyone got to say goodbye, but not you." Clint continued. "Maybe that's why they seem okay and you've had such a hard time. You can't let it go because you weren't given the chance to say goodbye."

Was that really what it came down to, she wondered. She'd been present for the funeral, they had sat around and remembered all the good things about Tony. Didn't that count as a farewell? And yeah, she'd been upset and a tad jealous of the others who had gotten to talk to him before he died, but that's not something that they could help. Even she knew that anger towards them for that was irrational.

"I know that they're dead. That they're not coming back. I've accepted that." She told him.

"Accepting something and letting go are two very different things," he replied

Erin let out a huff. She was so confused. They sounded like the same thing to her.

Clint must have read the frustration on her face because he continued. "I know you know they're gone, but you're still holding on to what it used to be like with them here. And it makes you angry that things aren't the way you think they should be. It takes up room so there's nothing left for anything else. And you won't be able to move forward until you've let that go. It won't be the same - but what comes next could be just as good. Think of all the things you've missed out on because you were too consumed with looking backwards."

Erin stood there taking it all in. He was right of course. Erin spent most of her days lamenting the life she had led when her brother was alive. She missed him more than she could say. She even missed his annoying qualities. She missed working on new tech with him and singing eighties rock ballads and teasing him about Pepper. She missed dodging embarrassing questions concerning Peter. She missed training with Nat, learning all she could from the older woman. She missed those talks they used to have - the ones that she couldn't have with Tony - and not being judged for what she said.

And she had missed out on so much. She thought of Pepper, who she had barely seen since coming back. The woman had been like a mother to her and now she walked on eggshells whenever she saw Erin, afraid she'd take off running. And Erin knew her relationship with Morgan was nowhere near what it should be. When she had imagined Tony with a kid, she had always pictured herself as the cool aunt that helped with projects and snuck ice cream for breakfast. She should have stepped up for Morgan, but she had been held back by the ghost of her father because he should be here doing those things with her.

And Peter. She had sabotaged their relationship. She had yelled and screamed at him when he tried to help. Used him for comfort and gave nothing back. Resented the fact that he still seemed so earnest and innocent even after everything. She'd broken his heart more than once because she was so sure that she wasn't the same girl he'd fallen in love with.

Words weren't enough for how much she regretted it all.

Her eyes stung and she pressed the heels of her palms into them. She thought back to that night on the rooftop with Peter and how she had thought there was no way she could get back to where he was. But maybe it wasn't about getting back, maybe it was about jumping a chasm and meeting him on the other side.

"So how do I let go?" She asked Clint.

He gave her a look full of understanding and consolation. "You just gotta decide that you're ready to be free. No other way around it."

A week later Erin was finding little left on the farm that needed her eyes and hands. She had fixed the tractor, the old Ford truck in the garage, and the lawn mower. Hell, she'd even fixed the toaster after it had burnt her breakfast one morning. She vaguely wondered why all of Clint's appliances seemed to not want to work. Regardless, she was grateful for the tasks that kept her hands and head busy.

Now, however, she sat idly on the front porch, absentmindedly playing with the charm that hung from her neck, still thinking about the conversation she and Clint had had earlier that week. The screen door opened and slammed behind her and she turned to look at Clint. "Lila and I are gunna train some. You wanna learn your way around a bow?"

"Can't be harder than a gun, right?" She smirked. Clint laughed humorlessly and made to slap her playfully on the head but Erin ducked out of the way.

"Let's go, smartass."

Erin followed Clint around the broadside of the barn. Lila was already there setting up their equipment across an old picnic table. She smiled at Erin and held out a bow to her before grabbing her own. The younger girl got to work aiming and firing off arrows. She was clearly a natural like her dad. Clint helped Erin set up. He showed her how to stand, how to pull back on the string and how to aim.

"I think I'm familiar with the concept of aiming, Clint." Erin rolled her eyes.

Clint smirked. "Okay, hotshot. Let's see what you can do."

Erin didn't have to be told twice. She notched an arrow, aimed at the target hanging from a tree twenty yards away, and let loose. Her arrow didn't even hit the tree.

Clint burst out laughing, clutching his stomach. Even Lila had to stifle a laugh. Erin frowned and tried again. Again the arrow flew to the left of the tree. Clint howled. She shot him a withering glare and, still chuckling, he made a show of composing himself, wiping nonexistent tears from his eyes.

"Look, it's not like firing a gun." He said. "You don't have to compensate for recoil, so straighten your arm a bit. Yeah, like that. and you're gunna bring your elbow back so your hand is by your ear." He mimed the action and she followed suit. The demonstration reminded her so much of training with Nat that it nearly stole her breath. But instead of sinking into her angst she recognized that being reminded of Nat wasn't a bad thing. She missed her so much, but she appreciated the new lesson. And a small part of her felt like maybe Nat was there with them.

When Erin tried again, her arrow found purchase at the very edge of the target. "Better," Clint nodded. "Lila, why don't you show Erin how it's done." The young girl smiled at her father and let a few of her own arrows fly with the ease only a lifetime of practice and dedication could gain. All of her arrows found the center of the target and Clint whistled low. He gazed at his daughter with pride.

Erin recognized it as the same look Tony used to give her when they'd work on a project together. Every challenge they had ever faced together, they had met it with that same dedication and teamwork that she was a witness to now. It made her heart ache dully, but she couldn't help but smile at the duo. She knew how special that kind of relationship was. They were lucky to have it.

The trio worked a little longer until the sky started to darken. "Alright, better clean up before the warden comes around." Erin let one more arrow fly. It was closer to the center than all her others, but nowhere near to Lila's.

The three of them cleared off the table and put everything in the barn. Lila ran ahead of them to help the boys get ready for dinner and Clint and Erin walked slowly together to the house. "Thanks for the lesson," Erin said. "It's a lot harder than I thought." She smirked.

Clint scoffed. "Yeah, you and everyone else. Don't feel so bad, Nat could never really get the hang of it either." He chuckled.

Erin smiled too. The idea of Nat not being able to do something was incredibly entertaining. She almost felt bad, like she was speaking ill of the dead. But then she remembered that Nat would probably be the one to laugh the loudest if she had seen Erin with the bow and that image too made Erin grin.

"Nat shooting arrows and failing would have been a real sight," she said. Erin smiled widely at Clint, and actually chuckled at the mental image.

"Dinner in five!" They heard Laura call from the kitchen.

"It was really nice," she called to Clint as he reached the door. "Seeing you with Lila today. It kind of, I don't know… reminded me of something, I guess."

Clint stared at her a moment and then nodded, stepping across the threshold. "Dinner in five," he parrotted.

Three weeks after Erin had shown up without warning at the Barton Homestead she was throwing the last of her stuff into the back of her small car. Clint stood on the porch watching her. "You know, you can always stay longer. I think Lila and Laura like having another chick around."

Erin smiled at him genuinely. "I know." And truly she did. The Barton family had been accommodating and understanding and had pushed her just as much as she needed to be pushed. Every day Erin woke up here she felt herself loosening her grip on that anger that had kept her frozen. She couldn't be the person she used to be, but she was working towards being someone new. Talking to Clint about how she felt, how it had mirrored his own torment, had been a little like letting go of a breath she'd been holding for too long. She had spent so long being angry that she hadn't had the capacity for anything else. She had missed out on so much.

Truthfully though, she was beginning to feel restless. The farm was an oasis away from everything that had grated her nerves. And the only way she was truely going to get better was to face her demons and all the emotions that came with them. She thought vaguely that that was something the old her would have done.

"It's time for me to go." She said and Clint nodded in understanding. She met him at the foot of the stairs and wrapped her arms around him. "Thanks for putting up with me, Clint." She whispered.

"Well, it was either help you with your emotional baggage or help Laura redesign the living room." She felt his chuckle rumble in his chest. He peeled her away gently and looked down at her. "Nat would be proud of you, you know."

Erin felt her throat tighten. "She'd be proud of you too."

Clint grinned a little at her. "Yeah," he said simply.

Erin watched his form shrink in the rearview mirror as she drove down the bumpy dirt driveway. Her heart bloomed with warmth as she watched him wave to her as she passed the treeline. She was ready to start her life again, and she knew just where she needed to go to do that.

Twenty hours later she arrived back where she had started her journey. The cabin's windows glowed against the setting twilight and the image brought to mind a feeling of home. The warmth of it bloomed in her chest and she nearly bounded up the steps.

Pepper met her at the door and Erin didn't hesitate to fling her arms around the taller woman. Pepper laughed and said, "Good to see you too, Erin!"

"I'm so sorry, Pep." Erin said as a way of greeting. "I've been a real asshole."

Pepper's laugh rang like a bell. "You know, it always amazed me how similar you and Tony were for not being blood-related."

Erin shrugged and looked at her a bit bashfully. "Do you think I could stay here tonight?"

Pepper nodded and led Erin into the house. "Let me show you to the spare bedroom," she said, starting up the stairs.

"Actually, there's something I need to do first." Erin pointed to the back door that led to the lake. "Do you mind? I won't be long."

Erin walked outside. It was balmy and a light breeze blew a few strands of red hair gently across her neck. The wooden dock creaked slightly as she strode onto it. When she reached the very edge she produced a white envelope from her jacket pocket. Tony's name was scrawled across the front in her own messy handwriting.

Inside were all the things she wished she could have said to Tony before he had left. How she was thankful for his guardianship after her mom died. How he was the best brother anyone could ask for and would forever be her protector. How much she loved and respected him and missed him. She told him about her difficulty letting him go, how angry she had been and how she hadn't moved past it for so long. She wrote about how she imagined life would be like if he were still here. She knew he couldn't be, but she would work hard to make reality as close as possible to that image. She told him how she'd be there for Morgan, how she would tell her everything she could about him.

She stared down at the letter for a long moment before placing it into the cool water below. She watched it as it bobbed along a gentle current before slowly sinking under the depths. She sighed and turned back to the cabin.

Pepper sat in the kitchen waiting for her. "Everything okay?" She asked.

"Yeah," Erin nodded. "Or at least, I think it will be."

The next morning, Erin sat next to Morgan's bed watching the girl sleep. The girl's eyes blinked slowly as she woke, before catching sight of Erin and widening comically.

"Auntie Er!" She screamed, bounding out of bed and wrapping her spindly arms around Erin's neck.

Erin laughed and hugged her back. "Hey, Morgan!"

"How was your hiking trip?" Morgan asked.

"Well, I did zero hiking actually. But it was still pretty good." Erin smiled brightly. "And I have something for you!" Erin pulled out a length of cloth from a bag by her feet. She held up the tee shirt for Morgan to examine.

"Um, a Stark Expo shirt? Erin, I already have one of those."

"Nope, this one is special." Erin told her. "It's vintage. It was mine when I went to my first Expo with your dad. I wasn't much older than you." She smiled, remembering the excitement of all that new tech. "Much better than any gift shop tee shirt."

Morgan giggled. "Thanks, Erin. I'll wear it to the Expo this week." Morgan took it from her, fingering the soft fabric. "What are you doing here, anyways?" She asked.

"Well," Erin began, biting her lip nervously. "I know you probably don't need it, but if you wanted my help I thought it might be fun to work on your prototype together? Your mom already said I could stay here for a few days."

"Really?" The small girl said, excitement shining in her eyes. She raced to the door, talking a mile a minute about specs and different alloys she had used, "And are you coming, or what?" The little girl glared at her. Oh boy, thought Erin, cracking the whip just like her dad. Erin laughed.

"Hold your horses!" She bounded down the stairs after Morgan. The girl was already out the front door and halfway to the garage, her nightgown flapping around her ankles, before Erin got to the last step. She shared a knowing glance with Pepper who sat on the couch with a book.

"Geez!" she exclaimed, walking out of the house to join Morgan.

It was the day of the Expo and Morgan was running around the garage, making last minute adjustments to the cooling suit prototype. She barked orders at F.R.I.D.A.Y. and ran calibration after calibration.

"Kid, another calibration isn't going to reveal any kind of flaw. It's perfect the way it is." Erin told her from the table. She had given up trying to help and just watched as the girl wound herself up into a frenzy. She'd eventually even out, she knew.

Morgan sighed heavily, "Yeah, I know. I just really want it to go well. It's my first Expo and it's just…" She trailed off and looked down to the screwdriver she was fiddling with.

"What?" Erin prompted.

"I know everyone is gunna be looking at me," Morgan muttered. "Tony Stark's kid. They wanna know if genius runs in the family for a third generation."

Erin gave her a sympathetic look. She sometimes forgot that living out here shielded Morgan from the more hectic side of everything that Tony had built in his lifetime. Morgan was rarely exposed to the press, and even though she was exceedingly bright and level-headed for an eight year old, she was still only a kid.

"Hey, first off - you are a genius. Look what you built!" She motioned to the suit that acted as a wearable condenser for space flight. "Secondly, forget about everyone else, you don't have to meet or live up to anyone's standards. You're gunna make this Expo you're bitch." Erin smiled, knowing that's exactly what Tony would have said. "You're not doing it for them, you're doing it for you," she finished.

Morgan smiled. "Thanks, Auntie Er." Her phone chimed and she looked down at it, reading something with a small smile.

"What is it?" Erin asked.

"Er, nothing. Just a friend wishing me luck." She pocketed the phone. "Come on, let's get this show on the road." She began gathering her things. If Erin hadn't known she was nervous she never would have been able to tell.

Erin gazed out of the car window as they neared the city. The skyline loomed in the distance. It would be the first time she had been back to the city proper. She had missed the noise and bustle. The closer they got, the louder it became. Cars blaring their horns, people yelling, music blasting. This city never changed.

Morgan, Pepper, and Erin made their way into Avengers Tower and up to the level where the Expo was being held. Erin shouldered her bag; she would be moving into one of the residence wings after the show. It had been nice staying with Pepper and Morgan, but she didn't want to further impose on them.

People milled about the conference center in large groups. A lot of them were a caricature of a nerd; large glasses, button down shirts complete with a breast pocket full of pens, and wild hand gestures as they talked about their submissions. Some of the others, however, were there for pure business in the hopes that they could find the next genius to catapult their business into the next decade. They searched the crowd with predatory eyes. Erin was glad she'd never been a target for those vultures - so entrenched with Stark Industries as she was. Standing next to Tony, they had never even tried to get close to her.

The three women met Rhodey close to the main stage. He had volunteered to be Morgan's model for her suit. Erin stepped into his embrace, his arms giving her a good squeeze. "How you doing, kid?" He asked.

"Alright," she replied. He gave her a searching look. She had no doubt that he had known about her month long hiatus at the Barton Homestead. With all his connections there wasn't a place she could run to that he wouldn't be able to find her. Knowing that, she was grateful he hadn't flown in to drag her home. She grinned, "Really, I am."

The two of them turned to Morgan and Pepper, the former chatting notstop at her mother. The girl seemed to be searching the crowd, craning her neck to peer above the heads of the crowd.

"Who are you looking for?" Erin asked.

"No one," Morgan answered with shifty eyes. "Just looking around. Come on." She grabbed Erin's hand. "Let's get backstage and get Rhodey ready. The group trailed after the girl.

When Rhodey was finally dressed in the spandex-like suit, he looked down the length of his body with unease. "Jeez kid, you couldn't have maybe put a little bulk to this thing. I might as well walk out there naked."

Erin snorted. "Ew, Rhodey." Morgan grimaced. "And no. It has to lay directly on the skin for heat transfer." She fiddled with the template that rested on the front of his chest that monitored his vitals. "There you are!" She shouted at someone over Erin's shoulder.

Erin turned and nearly fell over. Peter stood there, staring at her with wide chocolate eyes. He obviously had not been made aware that she would be here. Now it made perfect sense why Morgan had been so secretive with her message this morning.

Erin's stomach twisted with sudden nerves. She knew that she was going to have to eventually face Peter, but this felt a little like an ambush. "Er, hi." She mumbled.

"Hey," he responded.

Erin looked back at Morgan and Rhodey. The girl had a decidedly cheshire grin and Erin vowed to remember this moment. Rhodey, no longer the most uncomfortable person in the room, sent her a sympathetic look.

"Okay," Morgan drawled. "You guys wanna give me a hand, or what?" Erin and Peter moved forward at the same moment, desperate to shift the focus back to the prototype. Peter's hand accidentally brushed hers as they both reached at the same time for a calibration pad and Erin's skin immediately electrified. Peter's face turned red and he handed her the pad.

"Thanks," she muttered with her head down.

They worked consistently for the next few minutes. Morgan would bark out orders every so often and they were all happy to comply, even when most of that work had Erin and Peter working in tandem. Soon, the tension left Erin's shoulders as she worked. It was almost like being seventeen again and working in Tony's lab together. With her mind on the suit, it was surprisingly easy to slip back into that role.

"Hand me those needlenose," she directed Peter. She fished out a lone wire on the back panel.

"Careful, careful!" He warned.

"Would you quit it!" She growled, meeting his eyes with a hawk-like look. His eyes were as warm as ever and it almost looked like he was debating bickering with her, when the wire she was holding sparked and Rhodey jumped away from them.

"What the hell!" He exclaimed.

"Sorry Rhodey! I just need to ground this one wire and I'm done." She quickly capped the wire, determined not to meet Peter's amused gaze.

Finally, it was time for Morgan to present her work on stage. Erin and Peter each took turns hugging her.

"Good luck, Morgan-stein." Peter mussed her hair slightly.

"I'm so proud of you," Erin said, squeezing her tight.

Morgan smiled at the two of them, a determined look in her eyes. She looked so much like Tony in that moment that it almost scared Erin. The young girl turned towards the stage, Rhodey and her mother following her. The overhead speaker announced Morgan to the cheers of the crowd and she bounded out to their applause.

Erin and Peter watched her with pride. Peter caught her eye and they smiled at each other for a moment before the atmosphere slipped back into one of awkwardness.

Peter cleared his throat. "I looked around the neighborhood for you. Haven't seen you in a while."

Erin nodded. She knew he'd wondered where she'd gone. "Yeah, I took off for a while. Went to visit Clint."

"Oh yeah?" He said with false cheer. "How's he doing?"

"Good. Retirement suits him." The forced small talk put Erin on edge. She hated not being able to talk to Peter with the ease she had come to know. It felt like an anvil hanging over her head, waiting to fall. "Peter, I…"

The crowd roared around them, effectively cutting her off. When she turned to Peter, she lost her nerve.

"Where are you staying?" He asked instead, nodding to the bag slung over her shoulder. Everything that was important to her was in that bag.

"I was at Pepper and Morgan's for the past week. But I'll be heading upstairs after this. Don't really wanna bother them longer than I already have." She shrugged. "Plus, it'll be good to have my own space again."

They stayed silent for as long as Erin could stand it. Finally, she blurted out, "I'm sorry. About the last time we saw each other." Her cheeks flamed red and she couldn't meet his gaze. "For more than that, really. I was in a really dark place." She shrugged, choking on her next words. "For a long time. And I'm sorry for just… everything, I guess." She finished lamely. She risked a quick look at him.

Peter gazed down at her with warm, sad eyes. "Erin…"He began, but the crowd roared again as Morgan finished her presentation. The girl bounded back down the stairs and threw herself at the two of them.

"Oh my God, that was awesome!" She exclaimed.

Erin laughed. She was thankful for the distraction. She knew she had been on the verge of doing something embarrassing, like running away or crying.

Rhodey followed behind Morgan with an ashened look. "I gotta get out of this thing." Erin giggled. "It's not funny," he exasperated. "Everyone knows everything about me now."

"Don't be such a drama queen," she said. He threw her a deadly look before walking away to the changing room.

The next presenter took the stage and Erin sighed heavily. "Well, I think I'm gunna head upstairs." She wanted nothing more than to be out of this crowd.

"Are you sure, sweetie? We were going to grab some lunch. That shawarma place down the street that you like?" Pepper looked at her concerned.

Erin smiled. "Thanks, Pep. But really I'm kind of anxious to get everything settled." She hoisted the bag further up her shoulder. "I'll call you later tonight, okay?" She wanted Pepper to believe that she was truly okay. The older woman nodded in understanding.

Erin turned to Morgan and wrapped her arms around her once more. "Congrats, little genius. You're amazing."

Morgan grinning. "I know."

Erin rolled her eyes and turned towards Peter and her throat constricted painfully. He looked at her with an expectant stare. There was so much she wanted to say to him, but the moment had passed and honestly she didn't think she could get the words out around the lump in her throat. "I guess I'll see you around," she said thickly.

He looked like he wanted to say something. He opened his mouth, but closed it quickly. Instead he just nodded and said, 'Yeah. Okay."

With one last lingering look, she turned and headed for the elevators that would take her to the resident quarters. She berated herself silently for making such an ass of herself. She should have known that Peter would make an appearance at the Expo. Afterall, he cared about Morgan too. And an arena sized room full of people was hardly the place for reconciliation. She sighed and leaned heavily against the elevator wall. What was done was done. It was just another thing she'd have to let go of.

She peered out of the glass elevator shaft, watching the buildings around the Tower shrink as she zoomed upward. Finally, she reached her floor. She headed to the apartment that Pepper had made ready for her. It wasn't the same place she had lived before, when she had shared a home with Tony and Pepper. Instead, in a more adult fashion, she had been given her own space. She didn't think she belonged in her old room again, anyways.

She opened the door to a clean and open space. A wall of windows greeted her from the front door. The space consisted of a kitchen with a large island and the living room, already furnished with a few tasteful pieces. She took in the little details that Pepper had added. Her record player sat along one wall and there were a handful of photographs on the bookcase next to it. A potted plant sat on the kitchen island and Erin scoffed. What made Pepper think she'd be able to keep that thing alive?

A hallway stretched to the left and Erin followed it down to what she knew must be the bedroom. A large bed sat in the middle of the room. It was really nothing like her old room - much more mature and bright.

She exhaled and got to work unpacking her bag.

Later that night, after she had eaten dinner from the well stocked kitchen, she sat on the floor sorting through all her old records. She remembered fondly when her and Peter used to sit for hours, trading their favorite albums and sitting in companionable silence as the music washed over them. She contemplated her former relationship with the web slinger. What had started as a friendship forged in science and Avenger training had given way to a passionate romance that only two teenagers could really manifest. It had burned fast and hot. She blushed now as she remembered some of their more brazen moments. But the times when they were alone together, just in each other's company, had been some of her favorites.

She wondered if she and Peter could ever gain that kind of companionable bond again, even if it were just as friends. The soft music filter over her thoughts, only to be interrupted by a sharp knock at the door. Not expecting anyone, she jumped up, immediately tense. She slinked to the door and looked at the pad that showed an image of her front door.

Her heart slammed against her ribs and she saw Peter waiting patiently at the door. She contemplated pretending she wasn't home and then cursed quietly. With his hearing he'd know that she stood on the other side of the door. In a sudden bout of vanity, she looked at herself in the nearby wall mirror, lamenting her frumpy attire. She smoothed her ponytail down her back, exhaled sharply, and opened the door.

"Hey," she squeaked out. After this afternoon's botched apology she prayed that she could hold it together to just give off the appearance of normal.

"Hey," he parrotted back. He looked at her, almost as if he couldn't quite comprehend how he had ended up at her door.

"Um, you wanna come in?" She moved to let him through. She closed the door behind him and fidgeting, moved to pick up the records that lay splayed across the floor. "You want something to eat or drink?" Wasn't that what you were supposed to offer when someone dropped by your place? "I think there's tea."

"I'm okay," he said. He glanced at the records in her arms. "Hey," he said indignantly, "that one is mine!" He pointed.

"Possession is nine-tenths of the law."

"He narrowed his eyes. "Thief."

They glared at each other for a moment longer before dissolving into laughter. "You can take it," Erin said, stacking the last of the records onto the shelf where they belonged.

"That's okay, you can keep it," he said. She slipped it in between the rest. It was then Erin realized how close they were standing. Peter was staring down at her, his warm eyes unguarded. She took a small step back and averted her eyes.

"What did you mean this afternoon? When you said you were sorry for a lot of things?"

His sudden question threw her off balance. "Peter," she sighed. How could she put everything she meant to say in a way he could understand? She knew that Peter deserved answers. "I was blind to anything but my own grief. I didn't see yours or anyone else's." She thought of all the relationships that she had discarded over the past two years and berated herself. "I was scared to get close to Morgan. I pushed everyone away." Her tongue was like sandpaper in her mouth. "I used you to make myself feel better." Her chin wobbled, but she continued. "I was jealous of you," she whispered.

Peter gave her a confused look. "When Tony died, you were there with him. You got to say goodbye and I was too late." A tear tracked down her face. She wiped it away stubbornly. "And an anger bloomed in me that I couldn't control." She choked on a sob. "It infected everything. And deep down I knew, if I stayed it would infect you too." She thought of that dirty, foul feeling she had lived with for years and shuddered.

"Why didn't you tell me any of this?" He asked. "I could have helped."

Erin sighed. His look was so earnest, but how could she make him understand. "I didn't think anything could help me, Pete. It was something I had to do on my own." She shook her head, a little self-deprecating. "I just wish it hadn't taken me so long."

"I'm sorry I couldn't help you, Erin. That I wasn't stronger. Tony…" He paused, weighing his next words. "I made a promise to Tony to take care of you, and I failed."

Erin's heart stopped at the look of defeat in his eyes. She never wanted to see that look on his sweet face. "You didn't fail, Peter." She laid a tentative hand on his arm. It was warm under her fingers. "You were always there for me. Even when I pushed you away again and again." How stupid she had been. If she had just worked through her grief and anger, if she hadn't been so stubborn - so many things might be different now. The full weight of what she had put Peter through was enough to suffocate her. She pressed her palms to her eyes. "I made it impossible to love me," she whispered. And I just hope that one day you and I can be friends again."

I don't want to be your friend, Erin." He stated.

She sucked in a harsh breath. She really shouldn't be surprised. Peter was the best of them, but you could only abuse someone's good nature for so long. Biting her lip to keep from crying, she nodded.

"Loving you has never been impossible," he added. A shock rippled through her at his words and she immediately thought that perhaps she had heard him wrong. "All I've ever wanted was to take care of you. For us to take care of each other." Erin could barely breathe now, and she gazed into Peter's earnest eyes. "I'll always love you, Erin."

She gasped, blinking. A tear ran down her cheek and she swiped it away, embarrassed. Peter moved quickly to stand in front of her. She looked up at him. His eyes held so much love she felt her heart crack open at the sight. To think that he still cared for her after all this time, after all she'd put him though. "I don't deserve you."

He smiled down at her. "Maybe you should stop worrying about what you think you deserve. You're a pretty shit judge on the matter."

She laughed, thankful for the small sliver of humor. Peter reached up to wind his hand around her neck. Erin shivered. "Peter," she whispered. Erin met his gaze and prepared herself for the next moment to come. His gaze left a trail of fire as he dropped his stare to her lips.

He kissed her softly and Erin's heart expanded. She grasped the front of his shirt and pressed her lips harder against his own. She could feel his pulse strong against her hand and Peter opened his mouth to glide her tongue against her lower lip.

A flash of excitement traced down Erin's spine and she opened her mouth to welcome Peter in. She wound her arms around his neck and tugged him closer. Goosebumps followed the trail of his hands down her sides and he looped his arms around her bottom, hoisting her up. Erin gasped and circled her legs around his waist, like it was the most natural thing.

There was nothing soft about their kisses now. Peter turned and pressed Erin against the wall next to the door. He paused momentarily to whip her sweatshirt over her head and she hissed as the cool wall touched her bare skin. His lips were back on her in a second and he trailed his hands along her torso and up her thighs.

This was the part of their relationship that always came naturally. They worked in time together, like a choreographed dance. Erin threaded her fingers through Peter's thick, dark curls and pulled just slightly at the roots. He tore his lips away from her own and traced a trail of fire down her neck and across her chest.

"I missed you so much, Erin. So goddamn much."

She could hear the strain in his voice. Her heart swelled at his words to the point of nearly bursting. Again, she chastised herself for being so singular. They had missed so much time together because of her inability to grieve properly. Peter noticed her silence and with a ginger touch forced her eyes up to meet his.

"Hey, hey," he consoled. He placed her back on the ground. "You have to make me a promise. No more looking back. We can't change it. What matters is what happens next."

She met his mesmerizing stare and thought of all the other times she had been in this same position, with this man looking at her with adoration. Peter had always been the better of the two of them, and she was so grateful for that.

"I promise," she breathed. She reached up on tip toes and kissed him; a slight press of lips. She took his hand and turned to lead him down the hallway. Peter stumbled after her and she looked back at him. He had that dopey look on his face that she loved so much.

In the bedroom, she turned to face him. She removed his shirt and traced her fingers reverently down his torso. His muscles contracted at her touch and she stared unabashed.

Peter grabbed her by the shoulders and directed her back to the bed gently. She lowered herself to it and he followed. He took his time relearning all the curves and dips of her body. Every inch that he touched burned and she couldn't help the soft sighs and gasps he elicited from her. He untied the drawstring of her sweatpants and dragged them down her legs in a torturous pace. He kissed her navel and Erin nearly choked on her own breath.

Her body hummed like a live wire and she could no longer lay there passively. She grasped Peter's broad shoulders and drew him up the bed and she flipped them to straddle his lap. It was his turn to draw in a ragged breath. Erin ducked her head to lap at the pulse point at his neck; the one that she knew was a direct line to the center of him. Predictably, his hands flew to her hips and he squeezed, driving his hips upward. Erin couldn't help the guttural moan that passed her lips as she felt the length of him strike her core.

With more frenzy she reached down to unbuckle his jeans. Peter helped her by footing the material down his legs. He was naked now, a fact that he obviously wanted to even out, as he flipped her underneath him and proceeded to peel her underwear off her. Erin shivered as the cool air hit her most sensitive parts. Peter ghosted a trembling hand down and pressed his thumb to her. Erin cried out and arched her hips off the bed.

Usually, Erin was a fervent participant of foreplay, but the need for Peter was too great. She didn't think she could wait another second to be with him. "Peter, please. I need…" Peter locked eyes with her. "I need you," she choked out.

Peter's pupils were blown impossibly wide and to hear her speak of her need for him must have snapped any self control he had left. Not needing to be prompted again, he lined himself up and entered her with one emphatic thrust.

Erin cried out at the sudden feeling of fullness. They stayed that way unmoving for a long moment. The only sound in the room was their ragged breathing, and she concentrated on the feeling of Peter's chest rising and falling against hers. Slowly, she opened her eyes to see Peter watching her. She brushed a finger down his clenched jaw and the muscle ticked there. She brought his lips down to meet her own and kissed him languidly.

Peter began to move, carefully at first and then with more vigor. Erin thrust her hips up to meet his with every stoke, a twisting coiling beginning to form below her navel. She moaned. She had missed the way Peter knew her body so well. He played her like an instrument, eliciting sounds from her only he could. He growled and a hot lick of lust shot through her.

Peter anchored her body to his and lifted her from the mattress. She wrapped her legs around his waist and he sat back and thrust up into her. He hit a spot that had black dots floating in her vision and the coil inside her snapped. She dug her fingernails into his strong shoulders as she rode the wave of her passion. Peter increased his pace, and chasing his own release and with a roar, he stilled. He nuzzled into her chest and breathed heavily.

Erin captured his lips. She put all that she could into the kiss. Her love, her fear, her hope. She was desperate for him to feel it all because she didn't think any words could do it justice at this point.

"I love you," he murmured against her lips. "I'll always love you."

Erin swallowed past the tightness in her throat and blinked past her tears. "I love you. So much." It wasn't good enough. She'd spend the rest of her life making sure he knew how much she loved him.

A little later they laid in a sleepy repose. Peter traced tiny circles against her arm and Erin's head lay against his chest. She dozed as she listened to the lullaby of his heartbeat, so strong and sure beneath her.

Her grief for her missing family was still there, but it wasn't the only thing taking up residence in her heart now. Erin slipped slowly into sleep, finally looking forward to what the new dawn would bring her.