Chapter 1: The New Job
"Let's go, let's go, let's go!" Scout yelled as he drew the BLU sentry's fire. Rockets and bullets flew past his face, nearly grazing his skin. The RED team was so close to winning the Capture the Flag match. They just needed this last push, and it was in the bag.
Once Scout had the sentry's attention, Medic activated his ubercharge on Heavy, who let out a booming laugh and let Sasha rain lead on the distracted machine. Bullets ricocheted off of Medic's metallic red skin and pierced the concrete walls. Scout took advantage of the chaos and nabbed the blue suitcase that sat perched on the desk. Taking off in a full sprint, he jumped off of the second-floor platform and ran across the bridge. A crack echoed through the battlefield, and Scout fell – shot by the BLU Sniper. The suitcase went sliding across the ground.
"We have dropped the enemy intelligence!"
"I got it!" Soldier landed on the ground. He had rocket jumped back to Scout's position to recover the briefcase. He picked up the briefcase and turned towards the RED base.
"We have taken the enemy intelligence."
Soldier took no more than three steps before another crack rang out and he too fell at the BLU Sniper's hands.
"We have dropped the enemy intelligence!"
"God damn it, can someone take care of that god damn Sniper?" the RED Engineer demanded, ducking behind his machines to avoid the bullets from the BLU Heavy. He swung his wrench at the red dispenser, and it clicked in response. On the second platform of the BLU base, the Sniper reloaded and pushed the bolt forward. He didn't notice his own BLU Pyro sneaking up on him. The RED Spy uncloaked and backstabbed him. He wiped the blood off of his butterfly knife on the back of the Sniper's vest with a look of disgust.
"I believe the problem has been resolved," Spy answered.
"Much obliged!" Engineer called.
"We have taken the enemy intelligence."
Pyro ran as fast as their boots could carry them to their own intelligence room. The BLU Scout was hot on their heels, but the RED Demo had a trap laid. Once Pyro was clear of the doorway, he pulled the trigger on his sticky bombs, effectively blowing the enemy Scout to pieces. Pyro laughed with childlike enjoyment, and Demo gave them a salute when they ran past. The BLU Soldier was now out of respawn and rocket jumped towards the RED base in a last-ditch effort to intercept the RED Pyro. The RED Sniper caught him in his sights, and fired, knocking him out of the sky.
"Success! We have secured the enemy intelligence."
The RED team cheered and proceeded to brutally murder the remaining BLU Pyro, Medic and Heavy, sending them back through respawn. It was a well deserved and well needed victory. They had lost nearly every match in the past week and tensions were high. Soldier naturally blamed it on a lack of discipline, Scout blamed it on everyone else, Spy blamed Scout and rather ironically Sniper agreed with him. Demo was too drunk to argue, Engineer was frustrated with the bickering, Medic was exhausted and only growing snarkier with each loss, Heavy was trying to put a coherent plan together since no one else was willing to step up to the plate, and Pyro was stuck in the middle of it all trying to keep the peace. In the locker room, high-fives were shared, and Demo was already passing beers around. To cherish their hard-earned success, Pyro made dinner: wings and hand-tossed pizza.
"Did you see me nail their Medic?" Scout beamed. "Wham! He never even saw it coming!"
"I saw you get shot, fall on your face and eat dirt," said Spy.
"Screw you, Spy. You can't ruin my good mood!" Scout took a bite from one of the buffalo wings, effectively smearing sauce all over his face. Spy grimaced at the mess the young man was making. Oh well, he wasn't on kitchen duty this week anyway, so he supposed it didn't really matter. That was for Engineer to sort out.
"You tell 'im, boyo," Demo raised his beer to Scout. "I propose a toast!"
The guys held their drinks up to Demo.
"To us! Better RED than dead!"
"Better RED than dead!"
The following morning, Sniper peered out his camper window to see Miss Pauling pulling up to the RED base. Dust kicked up from behind her scooter, making it look like a rocket taking off. She put the kickstand down and placed the purple helmet on the seat. Scout was sitting on the porch roof and hopped down to greet her.
"Miss Pauling! What brings you to our lovely base on this fine, ninety-three-degree morning?" Scout asked, hands on his hips.
"I actually have good news, for once." Miss Pauling said.
"That's great!" Scout beamed.
"I, uh, I haven't told you what it is, Scout," she quirked an eyebrow.
"Right, well, I'm just happy it's good news for once," Scout ran his hand through his short hair. Sniper rolled his eyes and plopped back down in his bed to get some sleep before he was inevitably pulled into a pointless meeting. It had been months since they had received new contracts and stealing intelligence and capturing control points was becoming rather stale. Still though, Miss Pauling was kind enough to keep visiting every now and then to tell them that she was "working on" getting new contracts. It was something Sniper appreciated, knowing how busy she was.
"So, shall we go inside?" Miss Pauling asked.
"Yeah, yeah," Scout coughed, "let's go inside."
Scout, remembering Spy's gentleman-like advice, held the door open for the younger woman. He bowed as she walked past, which earned him a strange look. In the common area were Heavy, Soldier and Demo. Heavy had his nose buried in a book, and Soldier was losing an arm-wrestling contest to Demo.
"Oh, hello, Miss Pauling!" Soldier waved with his free hand. Demo turned to greet the young woman, and Soldier promptly slammed Demo's hand into the table. "I win!"
"You bloody cheater," Demo hissed. He took a swig of his scrumpy, a completely inappropriate and concerning beverage to consume at 7:48 a.m. on a Thursday.
"Hey guys – Scout, would you mind grabbing the others?" Miss Pauling asked.
"Oh, yeah. No problem," Scout turned towards the hallway. "YO, CHUCKLENUTS, GET YOUR ASSES OUT HERE! MISS PAULING'S GOT SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO SAY!"
"Thanks Scout," said Miss Pauling sarcastically.
"Boy, if you holler like that again, I will break them little twigs you call legs," Engineer threatened. Then politely, "Miss Pauling, how've you been?"
"You know, same old same old," she shrugged with a small smile. She brushed a dark strand back behind her ear. Sniper was the last to file in, and once he did, she began to share her news. "So, yesterday I had a meeting with Hale, and managed to score you guys a new contract."
"It's about time," Scout leaned back against the red wall. "Uh, no offense."
"No, no, you're right. I know it's been a while but look, things have been different since the Administrator…" Miss Pauling trailed off. Since she what? Died? She didn't even know if that was true. "With new management things tend to slow down and after a while, they pick back up."
"Miss Pauling, please, tell us what contract is," Heavy prompted.
"This," Miss Pauling pushed the open file across the coffee table to him. Heavy worked on translating the words in his head, while Medic leaned over his shoulder to read. Spy joined him at Heavy's other shoulder.
"What is this device?" Spy asked.
"No idea!" Miss Pauling confessed rather enthusiastically. "It's your job to find out."
"You want Heavy to find this?" Heavy asked critically. "Why?"
"It's new tech that one of our competitors developed. The Defense Department just spent billions to buy it."
"Billions?" Engineer piped up.
"Billions. With an s."
"Billions starts with a B. Not an S." Soldier scoffed under his breath to Pyro, who simply stared ahead.
"And Hale couldn't have that, could he?" Spy surmised.
"Oh no - Bidwell actually had to brief me. According to him, Hale is somewhere in Asia, punching Pandas into extinction."
"Jesus," said Scout.
"I know, right? Dude's intense," Miss Pauling had an entertained smile. What a life to live, she thought.
"Alright, so we find this here device. Seems simple enough. Now what's the catch?" Engineer pressed. None of their contracts were ever this easy.
"We're not the only ones who are looking for it." Miss Pauling leaned forward and pulled the photos from the file. "Both Aperture and Black Mesa have dispatched their respective intelligence officers to investigate. So far, they haven't had any luck."
"Just to recap: the US government bought this bloody device from someone for billions, lost it, and now it's a free-for-all to find the damn thing?" Sniper placed his hands on his hips.
"Yes," Miss Pauling gave him a finger gun.
"How does one go about losing something worth billions?" Sniper asked, exasperated.
"It actually happens quite a lot." Spy answered.
"It really does. I don't claim to understand it, I'm just here to pass the intel along." Miss Pauling held her hands up.
"Well, now that that's that," Demo piped up. He leaned forward and grinned. "Let's talk compensation, eh?"
"Demo, this device is work billions. Trust me, you'll be well compensated."
"But?" Engineer prompted.
"Not until we have the funds from the sale back to the DOD." Miss Pauling said in a tiny voice. The guys collectively groaned and complained.
"This sucks!"
"We just don't have the money. Like I said: new management," Miss Pauling tried. "And although you won't be getting paid until the final sale, I have been cleared to give you newish weapons in the meantime."
"Newish?" Medic pressed.
"They're Vanguard's old weapons."
Another collective grumble of complaints.
"Alright, alright," Miss Pauling rolled her eyes. "I know it's not ideal. But this is the only new contract we've gotten in months. And if we don't succeed, it's likely that we'll all lose our jobs. Again."
"No! Where will they go?" Soldier cried, suddenly very panicked.
"Soldier, she means we'll be unemployed." Engineer sighed. Was his job worth it? He had 11 PhDs, surely, he would have no trouble finding another job.
"Oh," Soldier sat back down.
"So, where do we start?" Scout asked.
Miss Pauling pointed to the map. "Here."