Alive
It's been a long time. Longer than Cora can ever remember. Even in the midst of difficulties they'd had in the past, even when they spent days sleeping apart, they had never gone so long without making love. The only time, really, was when Robert was away at war. Even when Cora had recovered from giving birth and from the miscarriage, they had only abstained the few weeks required for her to heal.
But when Robert had that problem with his ulcer, it was a lot longer than a few weeks. He'd been in far too much pain to make love to his wife for the two weeks before that fateful evening when the ulcer burst. The last time they had attempted it, in fact, he had been forced to roll away from her, hissing in pain. All amorous feeling evaporated as Cora was overcome with worry for her husband and Robert was in agony. They'd made no attempts after that.
And then, that awful night at dinner, Cora had watched first with concern as Robert stood up to excuse himself from the table. His whole body convulsed as blood spewed from his mouth and splattered Cora's face and dress. She was in far too much shock to register much terror. The whole family leapt into action. Thankfully Isobel and Doctor Clarkson were there to take control as Cora rushed over to hold napkins to Robert's mouth to catch the blood as his head rested down before her.
Upon reflection, the fact that Robert, worrying that he might be dying, had used his labored breaths to profess his love to her was the most beautiful and terrible thing of the whole ordeal. She had only left his side when the doctor and nurses forced her to, until at last he was home and safe and recovering.
As with anything else when Robert was not in control or forced into anything he viewed below his dignity, he was a terrible patient. Bedrest was not something he enjoyed, and he made it rather miserable for everyone else, too, with his complaining. But Cora endured his bad mood and whining attitude because he was alive and well, and that was all that mattered. And he recovered in her bed. Their bed. She got to lie beside him each and every night and see the movement of his chest with each of his breaths and know that he was alive.
At long last, Doctor Clarkson gave Robert his final examination and proclaimed that Lord Grantham was fully recovered and able to resume all usual physical activities, though it would do him well to continue to limit his alcohol intake. Robert had been ecstatic. He had been up and out of bed for a week already, but still taking things very easy, not even going out on walks with Teo yet.
But with the good news, Robert hurriedly took Cora up to the bedroom right in the middle of the day. She had thought, at first, to caution him from attempting such thing with people all around the house and an interruption at any moment, but he would have none of it. And once he'd gotten started in seducing her, Cora's protests melted away.
It had been a long time since they had been like this. Not just since they had made love, but since they had made love like this.
Robert had rid Cora of her clothes with hands trembling of excitement. He had kissed and caressed every inch of her skin, it seemed. His touch was everywhere, igniting her aflame for him. That certainly wasn't unusual in the least. But what was unusual was the fact that Robert spoke all through his attentions.
"My darling, oh my Cora," he breathed against her flesh. "My love, I want you so badly. Cora, I need you."
She sighed, reveling in his words. "Robert," she murmured, unable to form any thought more complex than just his name.
He had been sitting on the bench at the end of the bed with her standing bare before him. His lips and tongue had traced lines up and down her chest and breasts and belly while his hands caressed her thighs and hips and bum. She desperately wanted to feel him between her legs, but he resisted for the time being. He stood up and guided her to the bed. She watched as his hungry gaze followed her every movement as she pulled back the covers and propped herself up against the pillows. He undressed himself quickly, leaving his clothes in a heap only slightly less scattered than the similar pile of her clothes a little ways away.
She had noticed before, thanks to cuddling up in bed at night with him, that Robert had lost weight during his recovery. But this was the first time she had seen the changes in his body. The scars from his surgery were still red across his abdomen and gave her a small pang in her heart. The scars would fade, she knew, and they were proof that he had lived. They were precious to her, and as soon as he joined her in bed, Cora hoped for the opportunity to trace the scars with her tongue and imbue her love into them.
Robert did not give her the chance. He climbed into bed with her and was on her before she could even realize. He kissed her deeply and continued to map her body with his hands. She spread her legs to cradle him between them, welcoming him home where he belonged. Her body arched, begging for the feel of his bare skin against hers.
And he spoke again. "I've missed you so much. It's like a dream to have you again. God, Cora, whatever would I do without you?"
"You'll never need to know, my love," she vowed, speaking quickly and breathlessly before pulling him back into her kiss.
He held himself up by bracing himself on his elbow resting beside her head. His other hand held her hip so tight that she might worry about bruising if she could possibly spare any thought to worrying about anything. And then his hand moved between them and his gentle fingers touched her for the first time in so very, very long.
"Robert!" she gasped, bucking her hips against him for more stimulation.
"Yes, Cora," he answered as he inserted one finger inside her and then two, pumping in and out and curling up to reach where experience had taught him she would need.
Never mind that it was the middle of the day. Never mind that anyone could be walking by in the corridor. Cora cried out as her body grew taut and then shattered around his hand. Her climax had come so swiftly. She had missed this much more than she'd originally thought, it seemed.
Robert slowed his efforts but did not fully stop. He touched her languidly as she came down from her first high. "You are magnificent," he whispered, kissing the corner of her mouth. "Your passion is the most incredibly beautiful thing I've ever witnessed."
Cora let out a breathy laugh, her mind still foggy with pleasure. She squirmed slightly beneath him and reached out to him somewhat blindly. "Please, darling," she begged through slurred speech.
He did not make her ask again. He removed his hand from her and lined himself up to her entrance, pushing inside her in one smooth thrust. He groaned with pleasure at the sensation.
Cora threw her head back on the pillow, moaning in ecstasy. It had been so long. She could never forget this feeling of Robert filling and stretching her in this delicious way, but it had been so long.
Robert moved within her, setting a steady pace. And through is panting breaths, he spoke again. "You are everything to me, Cora. These weeks abstaining have been an eternity. I've needed you every minute of every day. You are my world, my darling. You make me feel alive. I never knew any beauty or joy of life until you, until this."
For more than thirty years, Cora Crawley had known that her husband loved her. They had experienced difficulties through those years, but she always knew that he loved her. But it was not until this that he had ever so blatantly told her. She rather thought that making love again for the first time after he had so narrowly escaped death had opened up this new side to him. He was a fount of such strong emotion in a way she had never quite seen before. And she loved it. She loved to hear him speak those words of what she meant to him, to know so explicitly that the depth of his feeling matched hers. At this precise moment, however, she could hardly be so eloquent.
His pace increased as they both neared their completion. His hips pounded into her, and Cora pulled him in as deep as she could with her legs wrapped around his waist and her fingernails digging into his back. She met his every movement as they built each other up and grew closer and closer until finally they fell over the edge together, gasping and shuddering with the pulsing pleasure they shared.
Robert buried his face in her neck, breathing heavily. Cora held him close and stroked his sweaty back as she too tried to catch her breath. As she did, she started to laugh. Robert lifted his head and joined her, the both of them overwhelmed by their joy.
He was alive and whole. They loved each other. They were together. They were happy. It was all they needed.