He was incredible - eye the color of the summer sky and shaggy, brown hair that brushed his shoulders, and a mouth that always seemed so kissable and sweet... And oh, how I always wanted to kiss that mouth. It was against everything I knew to be right but it never felt wrong in the moment.
Talkin' in my sleep at night
I had even started to talk in my sleep about him.
Makin' myself crazy
It was making me go crazy, to be honest. He was all I ever thought about anymore.
(Out of my mind, out of my mind)
My dad, Abraham, was mad about the whole thing - not wanting me to get involved with the Grimes boy but here I was, head over heels for him.
Wrote it down and read it out
I'd written my feelings down in my diary but it didn't seem to help.
Hopin' it would save me
I had hoped it would push the feelings away...so I wouldn't think of him anymore.
(Too many times, too many times)
Who knows just how many times I'd written about him - in fact I had several diaries full of just things about him.
My love, he makes me feel like nobody else
Carl just made me feel...something that no one else ever had. It felt like bliss when I was with him.
Nobody else
Nobody else had ever made me feel that way. And never would.
But my love, he doesn't love me, so I tell myself
But even though I was in love with Carl...he wasn't in love with me. So I was trying my hardest to just stay away from him.
I tell myself
How well that was working out for me, I thought to myself with a roll of my eyes.
One, don't pick up the phone
I didn't greet him anymore when I saw him at parties Deanna would throw.
You know he's only calling 'cause he's drunk and alone
I knew he was only wanting to talk cause he was drunk and Enid had left him alone again.
Two, don't let him in
In fact, I didn't even allow him to come in my house at all.
You'll have to kick him out again
I'd just have to kick him out again in the morning anyway.
Three, don't be his friend
We used to be friends but I ended that the day I found out just how much of a player he was.
You know you're gonna wake up in his bed in the morning
But no matter what, I always woke up in his arms in the morning.
And if you're under him, you ain't getting over him
Glancing one last time back at his bare chest and sleeping face, I slipped quietly out of the Grimes house. I still wasn't over this boy.
I got new rules, I count 'em
A sigh escaped my mouth as I made my way down the street, the rays of the sun just coming up over the horizon behind me.
I got new rules, I count 'em
I had to get some new rules - quit going back to him so much. Going back to him at all, I corrected myself.
I gotta tell them to myself
Why could I get it through my head that I didn't need him?! I ran a hand over the ginger strands of hair that had fallen out of my bun in frustration.
I got new rules, I count 'em
Finally, I made it back the house I shared with my dad and Rosita and sighing, I stumbled into my room before flopping down on my bed.
I gotta tell them to myself
And just as I drifted off to sleep, I kept that mantra in my head - I have to get new rules.
I keep pushin' forwards, but he keeps pullin' me backwards
Over the next few weeks, I tried to push him away but he just kept pulling me back in.
(Nowhere to turn) no way
He was like a drug that I couldn't quit.
(Nowhere to turn) no
Like my own personal stash I couldn't get enough of - he was intoxicating to me.
Now I'm standing back from it, I finally see the pattern
And now that I'd taken a step back from him, I realized something I never had before...
(I never learn, I never learn)
He does this to all the girls. He pretends to love them just to play them.
But my love, he doesn't love me, so I tell myself
But I was still in love with him and couldn't fathom why.
I tell myself
He was my bad habit and oh, how I needed to break it.
I do, I do, I do
I let out an internal scream as I made my way up to the house Deanna was having a party at.
One, don't pick up the phone
But when I stepped foot inside, my eyes were instantly drawn to Carl.
You know he's only calling 'cause he's drunk and alone
He began to make his way over to me but I rolled my eyes, heading the other way. He was just drunk again.
Two, don't let him in
I let the door slam shut behind me as I stepped outside, hoping to deter him.
You'll have to kick him out again
It didn't of course and before I knew it, Carl was standing right behind me.
Three, don't be his friend
"Where are you going?" he asked me softly, his voice like velvet.
You know you're gonna wake up in his bed in the morning
I did the worst thing possible then - I met his blue-eyed gaze.
And if you're under him, you ain't getting over him
It was then I knew I would never get over him. Suddenly, his lips were on mine and I was being pushed up against the wall.
I got new rules, I count 'em
His mouth was warm, inviting and I melted into the taste of his kiss. Hands roamed down to my hips and I clasped my hands to his neck, pulling him closer.
I got new rules, I count 'em
His brown Sheriff's hat brushed against my forehead as the cool night air blew around us. But all I could feel were the softness of his plump, pink lips.
I gotta tell them to myself
My head was screaming at me to push him away, not to fall under his spell again. But I couldn't pull myself away.
I got new rules, I count 'em
Suddenly, I couldn't care less about my own stupid rules - I needed this boy like I needed air to breathe. What am I saying? He was my air!
I gotta tell them to myself
And no one had to like it. Whatever Carl and I's relationship was or wasn't or could be - it was our choice, it was up to us to decide. I didn't need anyone to tell me what to do because I already knew how much I loved this boy. And I couldn't get over him.