Author's note: This is for nneahwalker on tumblr. There are spoilers for the end of The Chosen Path, another fic of mine, so be warned!
Song the fic was written to: Fragile by Poets of the Fall.
They hadn't really stopped since it had all ended.
True to their promise to Mana, Allen and Neah had kept walking after the fall of the Black Order, picking themselves back up after all that had happened, piece by laborious piece. The loss of their Innocence, of dear and cherished friends, of all that they had once known – it hadn't been easy, moving past all of that. If not for Lavi by their side, and Timcanpy's ever present figure flitting ahead of their path, they knew they wouldn't have been able to take that first step, and then the next, and the next.
In a way, their journey now mirrored the one that had first crossed their path with Lavi's own, many months before. Lost and without purpose, all three of them found solace in each other's presence as they once did, walking side-by-side along a path that kept them by each other's side.
It made Neah smile to remember those early days, before he and Lavi had the closeness they had now. Endless bickering and attempts to piss Lavi off – those were the good ol' days. In a way, he missed it, but in others ways, he didn't.
What they had now was so much more. Sure, they still bickered, but it ended with kisses and smiles that spoke the words Neah couldn't say and a gentle understanding that sometimes viscerally scared him. In those moments, Neah retreated back to the familiar walls he had once built, needing space away from closeness, away from that frightening vulnerability. And Lavi waited, watchful and a little guarded himself, but never far away, within arm's reach for when Neah finally reached for his hand and rested a head on his shoulder.
Allen's presence also helped a lot in those moments, more than Neah would ever dare to admit. Since the fall of the Order, they had come to a point with each other where nothing more needed to be said. When Neah remembered Mana, remembered their childhood and those soft, golden fields, remembered the fading smile on his bloodied face when he died, Allen said nothing at all. No more question-hounding and seeking answers – Allen was finally at peace with all that he would never know about his foster father, as well as the privacy Neah needed for himself.
In turn, Neah would provide his presence when Allen needed it most, when the nightmares jolted him awake, choking on sobs, hand clutching the stump where his left arm had once been. Allen would sit, chest heaving, and Neah would simply wait, mentally but an inch away, a hand poised above Allen's shoulder for when he needed it most.
In those moments, Lavi was also by Allen's side, and Neah would sit and politely ignore when Lavi's fingers interlaced with Allen's own, giving the two of them as much privacy as could be managed when sharing a mind and body with someone. If not for Neah's own feelings for Lavi, perhaps those moments would be less easy to bear, but as it stood Allen wasn't the only one taking solace from that gentle intimacy.
Those times stayed with Neah the most. There was something fragile about the intimacy they shared that always left him feeling something that almost hurt, but soothed all those frayed edges within himself away at the same time.
One time in particular stood out to him, a few weeks after all had come to an end. They had been walking for many miles, aimless and purposeless as they traversed country lanes and quiet farm land. Allen had done most of the walking that day, but ever-present flashbacks and a building pain in his heart bid him to step back, leaving Neah to step forward and handle the end of the day, looking forward to the eventual rest in some abandoned stable or empty farmhouse.
Eventually, when the pain in Neah's heart was too much to bear, they came to a stop and found shelter within an abandoned train station. There was a faraway look in Lavi's eye that Neah knew better than to speak of – he hadn't been present after the fight with Sheryl, but Allen had told him more than enough – and in silence they entered what had been a station master's abode, and took shelter for the night.
It was quiet, with only the soft patter of rain onto the roof above to break the silence. Lavi settled himself down onto the floor, seeming a little different than normal – probably Junior's presence – and Neah left him to whatever thoughts held sway, checking in with Allen mentally before settling down with a wince.
Neah raised a hand to his chest and squeezed the fabric of his shirt with a sigh. The wound they'd gained from losing their Innocence still hadn't healed. Neah had a sneaking suspicion it would remain with him and Allen for the rest of their life, and that thought brought a bitter smile to his features. There were just some things that time would not heal, but at least some things did, and as much as the end of the war haunted him, it did get easier. If only everything did.
A sigh from Lavi brought Neah away from his memories and back to the present. He had a hand pressed against his eyepatch, expression pained. Neah and Allen weren't the only ones to bear physical injuries that just wouldn't heal, and that fact bid Neah to shuffle his way over to Lavi, to grab the hand that clasped at Lavi's missing eye and interlace their fingers together.
Lavi smiled, softening the pain showing on his face. He pressed a kiss against Neah's cheek and pulled him in for a hug, face buried in Neah's shoulder.
Neah rolled his eyes with a smile and patted Lavi's back. "Bad day, huh?"
"Yeah, bad day."
Neah said nothing more, wrapping his arm around Lavi's lower back. He almost replied 'me too', but it didn't need to be said. He was holding Lavi tighter than he normally would, tense in the shoulders, pain flashing in his eyes every time he moved. Lavi knew, perceptive as always, and held Neah gentler than he normally would, thumbs rubbing small circles into Neah's back.
Whatever walls Neah had put around his pain came down, and left him burying his face in the crook of Lavi's neck, fingers clenched into the fabric of his coat. Lavi said nothing, did nothing more than hold him, a solid and grounding presence while Neah's mind spiralled.
Eventually, when Neah had calmed down, Lavi pulled away and bid Neah to turn around. Without a word, he ran his fingers through Neah's hair – it had gotten pretty long now, brushing against his mid-back – and practically beamed when Neah gave a pleased sigh and finally let go of the tension in his shoulders. Lavi could hardly keep himself from laughing, which earned him an elbow in the stomach, but Neah was smiling despite himself.
A gentle silence enveloped them, leaving Neah to relax as Lavi worked his fingers through his hair, eyes closed. Allen made a teasing comment in their mind that Neah promptly ignored, though it made him smile all the same. The minutes wore on, and apart from the occasional knot that made Neah wince and Lavi apologise, things were peaceful, easing away the stress the day had brought.
When things had gotten a little too quiet, Neah's mind straying back to memory and all that he struggled to bear, Lavi raised his voice to speak.
"Y'know, I was thinkin' earlier that things are kinda like they were when I first met you."
Neah smiled. "We were thinking the same thing earlier, actually."
Lavi laughed a little. "Guess we're on the same wavelength, huh?" Silence, for a moment, before Lavi continued, voice softening. "I mean it ain't quite like before in a lot of ways." He grinned, pulling Neah's hair a little. "If I'd tried doin' somethin' like this, you'd probably have killed me."
Neah grinned. "Easily. Would've ripped off your fucking arms and beat you to death with them."
Lavi scoffed. "You'd have tried and failed, but that ain't the point." Neah elbowed him playfully, but let Lavi finish what he wanted to say. Lavi fell silent for a bit, as if trying to find the right words, before continuing. "It just… really hit me earlier, that we've come such a long way, but it's almost like bein' back to those early days, back when we didn't know what to do after… after Gramps died."
There was pain in his voice, and something else that bid Neah to lean back and hold the side of Lavi's face, rubbing a thumb against his cheek. Lavi closed his eye and placed his hand over Neah's own, taking a moment to appreciate the gesture before opening his eye and meeting Neah's gaze with his own, expression pained.
"I… we don't really know what we're doin', Neah. We're aimless again, just wanderin' round 'til we figure it all out."
Neah let his hand fall, a bitter smile on his face. "Yeah, us too."
Lavi wrapped his arms around Neah's middle and rested his head upon the crown of Neah's own. For a moment, neither of them said a word, enjoying the intimacy shared between them, both thinking of all that had come to pass, and what hadn't changed despite it all.
Eventually, when Neah got tired of thinking, he raised himself up a little, turned, and poked Lavi's forehead.
"If you think too much, that ex-Bookman brain of yours is gonna explode."
Lavi rolled his eye and smiled. "If my brain could explode just by thinkin', I'd have managed it by now."
"Considering all the weird shit we've been through, Lavi, don't jinx it."
Lavi couldn't help but laugh at that. His smile fell a little, but there was a softness in his gaze that tempered the pain that showed in his face. He held Neah's face in his scarred hands and leant forward to kiss him. Neah's eyes fluttered close, enjoying the moment before Lavi pulled away and rested his forehead against his own.
"I'm glad you two are with me."
There was something so earnest and painfully tender about those words. Neah cupped Lavi's face with a hand and gave a wobbly smile, trying his best to hold back tears. He'd never hear the end of it from either Lavi or Allen if he cried, but it didn't matter when Lavi kissed his forehead, every gesture tender, every moment between them so incredibly fragile. Neah sniffed, pulled Lavi into a hug – if not just to hide his tears – and breathed his words into Lavi's shoulder.
"I love you."
Neah didn't need to see Lavi's face to know he was beaming and crying, like the idiot he was. That mental image made Neah laugh, and soon the both of them were laughing through their tears, letting go of pain in favour of gentle, tender intimacy, of shared understanding and all that held the both of them together.
Neah pulled away, saw Lavi's tear-streaked expression, and grinned.
"You look like shit."
Lavi laughed, rubbed his face, and then Neah's own with a sleeve despite his protests. "You too, idiot. Let's get some sleep, okay?"
Neah pushed Lavi's arm away and rolled his eyes with a smile. "Okay, okay."
He pulled Lavi down and wrapped his arms around his middle before settling down. In the silence, Lavi mumbled his words into Neah's shoulder.
"I love you too."