"I'm not gonna make it."

Vanitas looked down at his wristwatch for what felt like the twentieth time and put his hands into his pockets again. Looking around, it was easy to find others doing the same: Angrily checking the time, annoyed at the endless line of people who waited for their cold coffee, milkshakes, or whatever. Starbucks had never been his favorite place to go but on some days - Like today - he'd go there and get something for himself. He just hadn't expected to wait for half an hour in line after already being stuck in traffic on his way there.

A name was called and someone happily rushed to get their order. Vanitas observed them with a bit of jealousy and wondered if his turn would ever come before someone behind him complained out loud and he realized that he at least was one step ahead of them.

Look on the bright side , the words echoed in his mind. Right, right. It wasn't really the end of the world, he supposed. Besides, it wasn't as if he had been forced to go there. He'd done it out of his own volition. And, who was he fooling, it wasn't like he would not go there on that date. He could skip any other day, but not today.

"Good evening, sir. How can I help you?"

"Oh? Oh, I, uh-" He had been so distracted not thinking about anything at all that when it was finally his turn he had to shake his head to concentrate. Focus, Vanitas. "I'd like a salted caramel hot chocolate, please."

"Anything else?"

"No, thank you." He thought again. "Actually, yes, I'd also like a, uh, black coffee, please."

It didn't take too long for his name to be called this time and he happily got his drinks and walked away, wishing good luck to those who were still in line and now stared at him with jealousy. His lips curved into a satisfied smile as he made his way back to his car.

Waiting for so long left him unprepared for the wind he'd forgotten outside. Vanitas pulled his coat closer, as best as he could without making a mess and dropping the cups on the street. He shivered, put the cups on top of the car to unlock it then got inside as fast as he managed, rubbing his hands together to warm himself up.

"Geez, what with this weather..."

He pulled down the mirror and took a good look at his face. He rubbed at his cheeks and chin, thinking that it was about time to shave only to raise his eyebrow at his own reflection. Was it really? It had been years since he'd let it grow. A bit of change couldn't hurt, could it?

A sigh later and he was already on the highway, drinks both carefully placed not to spill. He turned on the radio and listened to music that wasn't of his liking, just to have background noise of sorts as he stepped on the brakes on every turn, taking a sip of his coffee every now and then until he was finally parking his car in his own garage.

The moment he stepped inside his house, Vanitas let out a loud and relieved yawn. He threw his empty cup of coffee in the bin but didn't let go of the hot chocolate, holding it close to his chest. With his free hand, he took his cellphone out of his coat pocket and looked up the missing calls, aware of the name he'd see there. She, too, would never miss that date.

Vanitas groaned and took his coat off only to grab one of the warmest blankets from the wardrobe and toss it on the bed, following right after. He sat down, pulled the blanket up, and sighed once more, now warming his hands around the cup. He didn't do anything for some time, just sat there and stared down at it until his phone rang again. He picked it up and gathered enough courage to take a sip of the drink.

His face contorted with disgust. Too much sugar.

"Hello?" The familiar voice of his younger sister spoke to him on the phone. "Van?"

"Hey." He answered, holding the cellphone against his ear with his shoulder.

"Hey." Xion's voice sounded much softer now that she'd heard him speak. He could tell she was smiling. "It took you a while to pick up. Stuck in traffic again?"

"Yep. And at Starbucks. Too many people."

"I imagine." She let out the smallest laugh and it was Vanitas' turn to smile. He drank some more of the salted cream, groaning as he did, but not stopping. "A complete nightmare for my antisocial big brother."

She paused. "Did you get it?"

"I did. It tastes just like last year."

"Awful?"

"Awful!"

They both laughed but their laughter didn't last too long. It never did, not on that day. Not on days like those. Xion waited in silence while her brother drank the drink he despised. She gave him time and listened to him breathe in and out to keep control. She waited, waited until she heard him sniffle, and wished she was there with him.

"... It's movie night today?" She asked, whispered. He sniffled again.

"Yeah. After a shower, I'll… I'll put it on. Lilo and Stitch."

"It's a beautiful movie." Xion pointed out, tightening her fingers around her phone.

"It is. It really is."

Vanitas looked down at the cup still pretty much full and braced himself for another sip. He drank as much as he could before shaking his head in disgust and stopping. He looked up at the ceiling, then to the empty space on the bed to his right.

"... Awful..."

He stretched his shaky hand to touch the pillow next to his. Caressed the fabric for a moment, let himself remember. He sighed and drank a bit more.

"Hey… Want me to come over?" Xion asked. "I can make us dinner. Or buy something you like."

"No, it's alright, sis. But… Thank you, I appreciate it. I..."

"Is there anything you'd like to tell me?" His sister asked, bringing him back to the present day. Present day, present day. The here and now.

"... I don't know." Vanitas managed to mutter then put the cup on the bedside table, resting one hand over his chest, holding the phone against his ear with the other. "Just… I thought it'd get easier."

The wind was blowing outside. Vanitas felt cold even under the blanket.

"... It never gets easier, does it?"

He wasn't expecting her to reply. He already knew the answer to that question. Maybe he just wanted to be reassured. Maybe he just wanted to not feel that pain anymore.

Vanitas lay on his side, the way he'd usually do when Ventus was still there, in a way he could hug him from behind or watch him sleep. The most beautiful light, always lovely, always sweet even in the darkest of times.

He held back a whimper and closed his eyes. His light was gone.

It had been gone for five years.

"It'll be our anniversary in a month." Vanitas said, tightening his eyes shut. Refusing to look, to acknowledge the truth. "Do you remember our wedding?"

"How could I not?" Xion smiled, droplets of tears gathering in her eyes as well. "You looked stunning, big brother. And so did Ven."

"God, he was… Beyond stunning. The most beautiful man I'd ever seen."

"I think he wouldn't agree on that. He'd say that man is you."

"He would." Vanitas laughed and tears started to fall down. "He was so stubborn at times! It'd drive me insane."

"I can say the same about you, you know? So I am sure he was also driven insane by you!"

"Never said he wasn't. Was just trying to prove my point, you know. That..." A shaky breath. "That we were made for each other. He'd always say that, my Ven. So silly. God, I miss him."

Vanitas caressed the pillow again, then the mattress where Ventus should be sleeping.

"God, I miss him…!"

Xion waited in silence again. She listened as her big brother cried and mourned the loss of his husband, the person he loved the most. Heard as he tossed around and tried to stop only to choke up and sob again. It was never easy, and it would never be any easier. But it was especially harder on the date of Ventus's birthday.

"I miss him so bad, Xion…!"

"I know..."

"I'd do anything to have him with me again…!"

"I know… I'm sorry..."

He could almost hear it. The sound of Ventus' quick steps as he raced to the bed and jumped on it, jumped on top of him. I have popcorn , he'd say and snuggle against him. His cup of salted cream hot chocolate would already be on the bedside table along with Vanitas' tea. A gentle kiss on his cheek later and they'd start watching 'Lilo and Stitch' again, Ventus' favorite movie. His favorite movie on his own special day, with his favorite person right by his side.

Vanitas reached for Ventus' pillow and pressed his face against it to get rid of the tears that wouldn't stop falling down. Years later and he could still smell his perfume. Years later and he could still hear his voice wishing him a good night. Saying 'I love you'. He took a moment to breathe again, a moment to tell himself that crying or screaming wouldn't bring him back. A moment to tell himself his sweetheart wouldn't want to see him like this. Just a moment.

"I'd do anything for just another moment with him."

When he sat back up minutes later the chocolate was already cold. He rubbed his face with both hands and drank what was left of it before picking the phone up again.

"... X… Xion?"

"Hey… I'm here."

"There's..." He bit his bottom lip. "There is something I'd like to tell you."

"Of course. What is it?"

"We, uh… There's this… This beach we went to every year. Remember?"

"Yes, I do."

"I… I never managed to go back after… After he died." He closed his eyes again. Breathe in and out. "I… I don't imagine myself there without him. But..."

"Your anniversary..."

He nodded to himself. Xion understood.

"I don't… Think it would be a good idea. I don't think I'd even be able to go through with it. But… He loved that place. And I… I loved being there with him. But..." He shook his head and let out a sad laugh. "I've been… Searching online. People who lost their loved ones doing things to… Keep them alive or… To honor them, do the things they weren't able to. I'm not sure I believe in such a thing, but..."

"But maybe you do. You said lots of 'buts' there, bro."

Her little comment made him laugh again, but there was still a lump in his throat and a heavy feeling on his chest. Like a weight that would never leave, the weight of waiting for Ventus to magically appear again out of thin air. Hopeless and yet real enough to touch.

"It's a stupid thought, though, I mean… What would I even do there, cry? I can do this at home."

"You could relive memories."

Neither said anything else for a while. Vanitas could feel the tears threatening to fall again but he held them back this time.

"... How was the chocolate?"

"Way too sugary and sweet. Just the way he liked it."

It was getting colder now and the night was far from over. Vanitas held the phone without thinking when Xion spoke again.

"Why don't you go take a shower, mm?" She asked. "Get in your pajamas. Get comfy for bed."

"Comfy for movie night today."

"Comfy for movie night, yeah."

Vanitas dried his tears with the back of his hand and pushed himself up, forced himself to stand. He looked down at the empty cup with a fond, sad smile.

"I'll go do that now. Then I'll sleep. Tomorrow's another day after all."

"Take your time to rest, big brother. I love you a lot, okay? Don't forget that."

"I love you too. Thank you… For calling me."

"It's the least I can do for the best brother in the world. Let me know if you need anything, okay? Promise?"

"I promise. You too, sis. Good night."

"Good night."

The silence was overwhelming, more on that day than on others. Vanitas left his phone aside since no one else was going to send him anything anyway and took off his clothes, throwing them on his chair and walking to the bathroom. He stayed there for a few minutes, relaxing in the hot water, then left in a hurry to change into warm clothes.

Now on his pajamas, he looked out of the window for a while, watching the movement on the street. Then, without wasting any more time, he picked up Ventus' 'Lilo and Stitch' copy and put it on the DVD player.

The menu music always made him happy, as much as it hurt to listen to it. With an aching heart, Vanitas walked to their dresser and picked up a picture frame he had: A photo of Ventus on their wedding day, the brightest smile across his face, his green eyes shining with life. So much life.

With tears gathering in his eyes again, he walked back to the bed with the frame in hand and lay down. Vanitas looked at the photo one more time, stroking it with his thumb, and kissed the picture before turning it to face the TV.

"I love you, sweetheart." He whispered and started the movie.

"Wherever you are."