Disclaimer: Everything known is from Horikoshi Kohei, just let me put some characters together.
Just in case... some Trigger Warnings:
-Thoughts, Attempts and Memories of various suicides; including bleeding to death.
-Shouto has anxiety and Bakugou is learning to control his own problems.
-Izuku tries not to break at any point but that doesn't mean that he is totally fine.
I think that sums it up... If you think I need to add a different warning, let me know! Thanks!
Cover art: Potatoccalon on Twitter.
Enjoy the massive hurt with a bit of comfort!
Shouto had already thought about it thousand times but he hadn't tried again since his boyfriends had insistently asked him to trust them; that they would always be there for him. It was not the first time he had found himself opening the balcony's door, walking to the railing with hasty and fake determination, and placing both hands over it; now he was pressing hard almost as if he wanted his fingers to go through the material.
He could try to melt it, he had already tried it before but Katsuki had found out before he could accomplish his task. At that time they weren't a couple yet nor did they have that conversation about wanting to be together.
That stupid night he had woken up with one of his increasingly common anxiety attacks; the pressure in his chest preventing him from breathing, the pain and burning in his stomach almost as if someone was squeezing and twisting it. It seemed to Shouto that they wanted to milk it.
Yes, he was able to calm himself sometimes. Sit over the tatami, with his back resting on the bed and his arms around his legs, pressing them against his chest, resting his forehead on his knees, his hands going up and down his shins, to the rhythm of his breath.
The trembling of his body did not help him but Shouto tried to ignore it, overcome it, and destroy it until it disappeared. He tried to breathe calmly, as deeply as he could; just as the academy psychologist had taught him.
Yes, he had been dealing with the pressure, the pain, the yelling, the pushing back, the lack of information and communication, the loneliness, and the restrictions; but he had never considered seeking help, he believed that it would be worse as he was always under the same roof as the being he hated the most in the universe.
It wasn't until he arrived to the academy, until he moved into the dorms with his classmates that he felt a bit of freedom; for the first time, Shouto believed that there was much more than what he had experienced and that there were people who were worrying with his well-being.
No, the feeling of calming down wasn't as much as in previous years. Although it was not enough, it still pushed him to not be totally sure that it was reassuring to feel that way, but he could admit that it wasn't as bad as when he began to feel anxiety taking over his body; he had been through very difficult times for as long as he could remember.
A stream of air hit his face, messing up his hair, mixing the white and red strands on top of his head; bringing him back to reality, it was always the same. He ended up lost in his memories for a few minutes, sometimes relaxing him, sometimes prompting him to finish what he was trying to do for more than five years: put an end to his life.
Shouto knew that jumping from the fifth floor couldn't be the cause of his death, he had to be too lucky for that to happen and he didn't possess such thing; nor he believed in it, if he was sincere with himself.
A small part of his brain was crying out for him to return to his room, to close the balcony's door again, and to seek help; trying to convince him that Izuku and Katsuki were always willing to accompany him, to be with him. But he couldn't move consciously, besides, he was already there and he would only need a little push from his subconscious mind.
Shouto didn't want to but was looking forward to it. Images of the time he had sat on the railing of the academy main building terrace, of how he felt to be surrounded by so much darkness. The night he was sure of what he wanted to do, fully convinced that it was a sign that he had managed to get there without anyone finding out, persuaded by the cold winter air chilling his bones.
He closed his eyes before starting to let go, mentally apologizing for what he was about to do. He knew Izuku would hate him if he found out that he was smiling when he knew he was near the end; his thoughts clouded by the lack of sanity of the moment.
The absolute silence around him, made Shouto take his hands away from the railing. He believed himself prepared to face what was going to happen, ready to accept the pain that would come with the multiple fractures that he would have when he reached the hard asphalt; willing to drop it all once more.
He stood on the edge and pushed up, forward; leaping with all the strength his legs had, increasing the speed of the fall. He felt free, freer than he could feel in any other situation.
Shouto was smiling. There was no wind, no one to see him, no one to listen to him, no one to realize what he was doing; the thought of that made him feel even better. Maybe he was crazy but Shouto felt very happy as he fell in the dark.
The problem came when he didn't hit the asphalt ground; he had fallen into a much softer place. He snorted, resigning himself to the fact that no one would ever let him do what he wanted. He didn't want to open his eyes. He knew perfectly where he was, who was hugging him like that, and who was holding him like a feather.
He heard it; his sweet voice asking in pain to raise his eyelids, to say something to him. He felt Izuku lulling him with the way how he moved slowly with him in his arms.
A groan escaped his throat, his eyes starting to fill with tears and his body growing much weaker and more sensitive. That was the night Izuku, his only boyfriend at the time, saved him; or so he thought he had done. To Shouto it seemed like totally the opposite thing.
Izuku took him to his room and laid him on the soft bed where he slept every night, hugged him too tightly and Shouto, keeping his position, internally prayed for Izuku to activate his quirk to 100%, and hold him so intensely in his arms that he would explode.
But that moment never came and Shouto felt disappointed, frustrated, annoyed at Izuku for ruining his plans, for stopping him when he had already made up his mind.
Shouto adored the attention, he couldn't deny it, and was aware that with him dead, Izuku would succumb to the pain, lowering his guard and he would be an easy target for any villain to attack. He couldn't help feeling so bad, so lonely, even though he was so close to his boyfriend. Izuku and his mother were the only people he really had… sometimes he thought it wasn't enough.
His mother, Rei, the other person that tried to stop him while he was on summer break at the house they managed to acquire once she left the hospital. That time he didn't jump, he wasn't able to; the house was only one story.
That afternoon, after his mother went shopping with his sister, Shouto had walked to the kitchen, grabbed the sharpest knife he had found in the cutlery drawer, and headed to the bathroom tub.
He had taken off all his clothes, feeling a bit cold but managing to stabilize his body temperature with his quirk. He stepped on the acrylic with both feet and took a deep breath, sat in the middle of the tub and watched the knife swing in one of the corners, a few meters from him.
He stretched his legs to accommodate himself and reached out with his arm until he had the knife handle between his fingers. He leaned his back against the acrylic, blowing out the air he had inhaled few seconds ago. He lifted his face toward the ceiling, throwing his head back, about to hit the crown of it against the edge, and took another deep breath; as deep as he could.
He wasn't willing to see what he was about to do… he thought he wouldn't need it. He plunged the tip of the knife into his pale skin, not so deep but enough that red threads began to emerge from the wound.
He pressed a little harder, feeling the heated blood cover his forearm and trickle down his left leg. It hurt, a lot, but he wasn't going to stop.
He separated the knife from the wound he already had, changed hands, and plunged it into his other arm, almost at the same height as the first cut he had made; this time he felt less pain and didn't control the depth as he had done with the previous one.
It didn't take more than a couple of minutes when Shouto began to feel dizzy, his body weaker than he had been in years and his mind almost totally clouded. He was no longer in pain, or at least not as much as in the beginning. A strange happiness hugged him, a distant voice telling him that he was achieving it; that he, at last, could end the hell he lived in.
His ears were buzzing, his mouth felt dry and his throat was burning; he was unable to move or talk. He didn't hear, as a consequence of being about to bleed to death, the door opening and closing, nor did he hear his mother crying out his name desperately.
It was already when he had her next to him, pressing hard on both of his cuts, trying to prevent more blood from coming out, that he tried to open his eyes, an act that was almost impossible to accomplish. He focused on her white hair, as fine as his own, and separated his lips, wanting to say her name but nothing came out; not even a sigh escaped from his body.
Shouto still thought that he could achieve it, he hoped that she had arrived late and that the ice that she had used to cauterize both wounds hadn't taken away from him the possibility of stopping living, that his heart would stop and his lungs would collapse from the lack of air.
He fell unconscious a couple of minutes later, unable to do anything at all. When his eyelids were too heavy to hold open, his vision had blurred beyond anything he had feel before and his mind had ceased to function; that's when hope made him smile again, a grimace quite disfigured by the little blood that remained in his body.
At some point they had taken him to the hospital, infuse several bags of blood transfusions in him and stabilized him. Shouto opened his eyes and it was there when he realized that he hadn't succeed, that now everyone would know that he had tried and would start to treat him differently.
He cocked his face and noticed a red-haired boy sitting in the chair next to his bed; his movement alerted him. Kirishima was the one who waited for him to wake up and, he was also the one who pressed the button that brought a doctor and two nurses into his room; they didn't ask him a lot of questions, but they recommended that he shouldn't move much.
He looked down at his arms, to the bandages covering the space where he made the cuts. Tears began to roll down his cheeks, the salty taste lingering on his lips and the cold sensation of them falling down to his neck.
Kirishima's hand squeezed the fingers of his right hand, the one closest to him, and his mere presence filled him with doubts: Why wasn't Izuku or Katsuki there? Where was his mother? How much time had he spent unconscious?
He was unable to speak from the overwhelming sensation inside him. Kirishima tried to let go of his hand but Shouto stopped him, slowly raising his gaze towards his red eyes, thinking about his other classmates finding out about it, about them feeling sorry for him; he felt shattered, more damaged than he had ever been.
Shortly after he heard the door open and forced himself to move a little to see who appeared over Kirishima's shoulder: his boyfriends. Shouto tried to smile but, to his surprise, his lips didn't curve in the slightest.
He heard Kirishima say goodbye to the other two boys and separated his lips, looking for a way to thank him for the support and ask him why he had done it, but his words stayed stuck in his throat, fighting to go out. He heard the door click shut and took in as much air as his lungs allowed him to.
Shouto braced himself for Katsuki's screams, his fury shedding from his gaze and the thousand nicknames he had for him gushing out of his lips; or Izuku's sobs, the pain covering his pupils and the tears welling up from his eyes.
He thought he had anticipated anything that his boyfriends would do but… but he wasn't prepared for the absolute silence that invaded the room for what seemed like years; although it had only been less than a minute.
He wanted to cry until his eyes burned so bad that it made him tear them out. He wanted to scream until his throat was dissected and began to split by it's own. He wanted to throw whatever object he came across to the nearest wall. He wanted to push with all his might the two static boys that stood silently in front of him.
He really didn't need to remember what had happened next: Katsuki´s hugs and Izuku scolding him; the strangeness of the situation chilling his blood again and again. He gathered strength from the feeling that things had changed to propel himself forward and stand on the balcony railing of his room at High-Alliance; again.
It had already happened to him so many times; so many frustrated attempts, so many moments in which they had saved him. Shouto had come to think that both boys knew him well enough to realize when something might happen; either that or they were too aware of what he was doing during the night.
He could ask for help. He could just not jump. He could go back to his bed and call them… They would come to meet him without hesitation. But… but was that what he wanted?
He wanted to be held until His body stopped shaking?
He wanted his hair to be caressed until he calmed down?
He wanted them to stay with him until he could normally breath?
He wanted them to tell him that everything would be fine, that nothing was going to get hold of them as long as they stayed together?
The questions flying in his mind were interrupted by a strong gust of wind that made him stagger, and his right foot slipped out. Suddenly, he found himself falling rapidly towards the pavement; he didn't have the time to think about anything. He could have used his quirk. He could have stopped his fall with one of his ice walls but his mind had gone totally blank; he couldn't react.
Strong arms caught him, as always happened when he tried to jump off in full consciousness. His blond hair tickled his forehead when he could start to calm his breathing and the red eyes looked down at him with fear. Shouto closed his eyelids again, trying to completely come out of the surprise and fear that had consumed him without warning.
"Shou-chan," muttered the boy who had asked him, for the first time, not to do it again.
In front of him, a little higher up, he could distinguish the green pupils of his first boyfriend; the one who had made him feel loved, who had cared for him every night when he was not well, who had accompanied and helped him.
A little more to the right he could also feel the red eyes gaze on his face but he didn't want to turn and see him; he knew what Katsuki would say to him when he felt better, and he preferred to put it off as long as possible.
"Kacchan, let's go inside," he whispered with his sweet voice, starting to lead the way into the building.
"Which?" Asked the guy who was carrying him, his tone was different; it was like broken, it sounded like he had been crying or yelling a lot.
"Yours," Izuku made room for them by holding the entrance door to the dorms, "he usually preferred it." Katsuki just nodded.
The three of them walked together, well… two; Shouto was still in Katsuki's arms, until the quiet room of his second lover. Shouto had wrapped his arms around the blond's broad shoulders; wanting to trust that he wouldn't let go.
The light dazzled his eyes, causing him to try to hide his face in Katsuki's neck; covering his tightly closed eyelids. Shouto stayed in the same position for a couple of minutes; he was aware that he had started to cry but he didn't feel like moving.
He felt like they put him down on the soft bed and he pressed closer against the guy in front of him; Shouto didn't want to let go of him nor did he want him to do it.
"Easy, we're with you," Katsuki murmured, circling his waist with one of his arms.
"You don't have to worry, Shou-chan," Izuku whispered, rubbing his back; reminding him of the way his mother lulled him after having a nightmare when he was little.
"I'm sorry," he whispered after a few more minutes, when his vocal chords had decided to start responding to his demands.
"Shh," Katsuki's fingers wiping the tears that had remained on his cheeks, "you don't have to explain now; you don't have to talk if you don't want to."
"It was..." Shouto was silent for a moment, "it was an accident," he finished saying, before closing his eyes again. "I mean yeah I was going to throw myself but not at that point, I slipped and ended up falling out of nowhere."
"Shou-chan," Izuku continued rubbing his back with much more delicacy than he expected, "we're glad you're okay."
"How comes you always rescue me just in time?" He asked, tilting his face a little to try to see them both.
"We are heroes, it is our job," Katsuki replied, brushing his skin with his warm breath.
He heard Katsuki's complaint when Izuku hit him on the arm and let out a sigh; he wanted to smile but he didn't feel strong enough to do it. Shouto decided that he would stay there, between his two boyfriends, in silence; just passing some time while he listened to the rhythmic breathing of both and, he let himself be guided by the synchronized beats of their hearts.
"Besides, we love you too much to lose you like this," Izuku added with an attempted smile.
The caresses on his back did help him, it always had, but the silence wasn't what he expected to receive at that moment. He opened and closed his mouth several times, thinking of something to say but nothing came out; he wasn't prepared to talk about what had happened that night yet.
"Shou-chan," Izuku gave him a sweet kiss over his hair, "are you feeling better?"
He only managed to nod after Katsuki brushed his nose with his; Shouto felt cared for and loved.
"Do you want something to eat?" Katsuki asked, ending his Eskimo kiss.
He nodded again; he didn't need to say what he wanted, it was always the same answer: cold soba.
"Would you rather stay here and wait together or go to the kitchen with Kacchan?" Izuku spoke to him so softly that, for a moment, he thought he had imagined it.
"Let's go with Kat," he whispered, letting go of the hug he had with Katsuki, "I like watching him cook."
"Okay." Izuku was calmer knowing that he felt better.
"Izu, can I hold onto you while we're with Kat?" Shouto didn't want to stop feeling pampered, not right now.
"Of course you can, Shou-chan." He hugged him, letting Shouto cling to him. "Let's go."
The three of them left Katsuki's room on the fourth floor and calmly waited for the elevator; Izuku running his fingers through his hair, relaxing it, and Katsuki entwining his both hands with Shouto's.
The boy with two-colored eyes could feel the sleeplessness taking over his body, he knew that those caresses on his hair made him close his eyes and fall into Morpheus's arms right away; and he didn't care. Shouto couldn't care less if he fell asleep like a baby in Izuku's arms while his other boyfriend cooked his favorite food; he was sure they would wake him up whenever it was ready.
The last thing Shouto witnessed before falling asleep was the elevator doors opening and closing with a click. He had the left side of his face over Izuku's right shoulder, tickling the green haired boy every time he exhaled from the mixture of hot and cold air brushing against his neck.
Kacchan gave Izuku a short kiss as they entered the kitchen, before getting on with his work. He found everything he needed and put it on the island, put a pot to boil water and washed the vegetables that he would use. Katsuki raised his gaze every so often to his two boyfriends; making sure everything was still okay.
He dipped the noodles into the hot water and waited, watching the time on his phone's screen, until the minutes had passed for them to be ready. Izuku had sat on one of the chairs of the kitchen, Shouto's legs dangling on either side of his, and he was watching carefully what the blond guy was doing; he didn't want to say anything, or move a lot, so as not to wake the boy who was in his arms.
Katsuki strained and rinsed the noodles with plenty of cold water, removing the starch and stopping them from being so hot; he transferred them to a bowl with ice and let them sit there until he arranged the space where they would eat. He motioned for Izuku to follow him to the table that was right next to the door, outside the kitchen. Izuku sat down to wait for Kacchan to bring all the bowls.
When everything was almost ready, Katsuki took the sauce that he always had prepared from the fridge so that Shouto could eat soba whenever he wanted and divided the noodles into three bowls; putting two on Deku's side and one in the corner where he was going to sit.
He brought the chopsticks to the table and squatted next to Izuku, taking Shouto's hands in his again, and he nodded when he caught the greenish gaze watching him.
Deku didn't have time to speak when he felt the bicolor haired boy move in his arms. He seemed to have let go of Kacchan because he was holding him tighter; as if he was trying to know if it was a dream or what was happening around him was real.
"Come on, eat," Katsuki said, dragging back the chair next to Deku. "you still don't look good; so eat."
"Don't talk to him like that," Izuku wanted to roll his eyes but he appreciated his life and didn't want to hear Kacchan yelling at him at that moment, "he just woke up."
"Let him sit down to eat, then." The raised eyebrow on Deku's face made him add what he didn't want to say yet. "I want to know what happened to him so I can help him, are you happy now?"
"Kacchan, no…" He immediately trailed off when he heard Shouto's weak voice muttering something as he pulled away from him.
"He's right, Izu," he repeated, trying to speak louder and clearer, "you have to know what happened."
"Easy," Izuku turned his face towards his blond boyfriend, "Kat and I will give you as much time as you need, right, Kacchan?"
"Mhm…" Katsuki was about to snort in response but he didn't want to fight, he had to control his own problems; it wouldn't be wise to get carried away, at least not for the moment.
Shouto completely separated himself from Izuku and sat on the cold chair that Katsuki had moved for him. He brought his face close to the bowl of sauce and smelled it, a smile forming on his face, the aroma began to make him salivate; he was eager to eat what the boyfriend that knew how to cook had prepared for him.
He poured the sauce over the noodles, reached out to grab a couple of dried seaweeds, which he dipped into his bowl as well. He raised his face and met Katsuki's penetrating gaze analyzing him, as if waiting for him to say something.
"I don't need to taste it to know it's the best cold soba I've ever eaten in my life," he murmured, bringing his hand close to Kat's, brushing his fingers with his and smiling affectionately at him.
"Eat, come on." Katsuki removed his hand to grab his own chopsticks and take some noodles with it.
"It's really good, Kacchan," Izuku said, when he finished swallowing.
"I prepared it, of course it's going to be great," he answered, a little hostile; focusing his gaze on the bowl in front of him.
"Kat," Shouto was trying to catch his attention, he seemed like he wanted him to look at him, "let's do something... we finish eating and go back to your room to talk," he whispered, downing the third mouthful of noodles.
The blond guy only nodded; finishing eating before the other two. He told them that he would clear the table and wash the dishes while they finished; in short: that he would wait for them in the kitchen. He took with him as many bowls as he could carry, walked stomping on the ground, and disappeared when the door was closed.
"Shou-chan," Deku wanted to make sure he wasn't going to speak because of Kacchan's pressure, "you know that even if Kat talks like that, he will still wait until you're seriously ready."
"Yes, Izu," he muttered, stuffing the last bite into his mouth. "Don't worry, I have… no, I want to tell you."
"We will always be there for you," Deku placed a hand on his shoulder and pressed weakly, "and I mean always."
"So…" Shouto nodded, placing the chopsticks over the bowl he was eating from, "let's go to the kitchen."
"Yes," Izuku replied, standing up and grabbing almost all the remaining dishes; leaving only two for Shouto.
Katsuki finished washing everything in silence. He saw both boys with their forearms resting on the isle, watching him carefully as they waited for him. A strange, but not unfamiliar, tension had been created between the three of them; they always managed to get rid of it if each one of them put a little bit of effort into it.
He wiped his hands on his pants and went to the pair of boys, motioned for them to start walking toward the door while he held it open.
A few seconds later they were already waiting for the elevator in the common area. They went up to the fourth floor and entered the third room. Katsuki, who was the first to cross the threshold, lit a lamp that he had next to the bed, filling the room with a dim light; it was the one he used when he did the relaxation exercises that the academy psychologist had sent him.
Shouto sat in the middle of the bed, with his feet dangling off the edge, and patted both sides, hinting at the boys to sit next to him. He soon had Izuku sitting, with his legs crossed one over the other, to his left and Katsuki, with one leg bent on the bed and the other stretched towards the edge, to his right.
He held out a hand to each of them and waited for the boys to take it. Then he pulled those toward him and rested both pairs of hands over his thighs. He took a deep breath with his eyes closed and slowly exhaled, licked his lips and gulped before starting to speak.
"Just don't interrupt me, I'm begging you." He observed both boys, receiving nods from them. "Even if I cry or sorrow… just please don't talk," he added, as he leaned his back against the wall.
"It was almost two in the morning and I wasn't able to sleep, I saw in your statuses that you hadn't been online since ten o'clock, so I ruled out the possibility of saying something to you."
"First I covered myself with the blanket, squeezing it between my fingers tightly but nothing changed and with every second I felt worse. From one moment to the next, I began to believe that the blanket was pressing me closer to the bed, so I immediately released it; but I still felt terrible"
"I grabbed the stuffed animals that you gave me when we left from our first couple's therapy session, I hugged them to my chest, imagining they were you, but it didn't work."
"I sat on the bed with my legs stretched out and began the breathing exercises. I inhaled and exhaled. One time, two times, three times. I was starting to get more anxious because I couldn't control anything."
Shouto could hear the sighs that both boys let out of their mouths, the murmurs of his name and the surprised exclamations as he told them what happened.
"I looked for my phone between the sheets but couldn't find it. The seconds passed and I saw myself succumbing more and more to the anxiety attack because, if I could not find it, I wouldn't be able to contact you two or tell Aizawa-sensei that I needed help."
"I stood up on the spot, gasping for oxygen; I was already beginning to feel my throat closing. I brought my hands to my neck but there was nothing I could do to reverse the painful sensation."
"My eyes widened when my cheeks felt wet; I hadn't realized that, at some point, my eyes had watered and I had started to cry.
Shouto could feel them both clench his hands tightly, not enough to break his bones but enough so that he could be aware of the reality he was in.
"I tried to wipe the tears away with the back of my hand but they kept pouring out of my eyes and I was getting desperate; I got to hug myself and shake like when I was younger."
"My muscles began to act without my permission and they led me towards the balcony's door; the conversations we'd had about not doing what I was about to do ran through my mind."
"It was horrible not being able to control myself, I thought that I was under the influence of Shinsou's quirk... but he wasn't able to be there, to see me."
"I pressed down on the door handle and pulled it towards me when the lock was open. The cold air greeted me as soon as I crossed the threshold to the balcony, hitting my face, making some of the tears that continued to fall on my cheeks to dry."
Shouto knew that Izuku would sob like a baby next to him, he was doing it too, and his heart was breaking from it but it was worse to feel Katsuki surrendering to his feelings in that same way, so unusual for him.
"I felt the railing under my hands, solid as always; impossible to damage with all my might. Memories of previous attempts flew through my mind, distracting me, pushing me to stop being aware of what was really going on."
"I remembered the first time Kat rescued me, when I tried to melt the railing so I wouldn't have to climb onto it and jump; I'm not saying I'm proud of what I did, I'm far from it, but it was not such a bad idea."
In the same way that before, anchoring him to reality, he felt the simultaneous squeeze that his two boyfriends gave him when he finished the sentence. Yes, Shouto knew it was something horrible but it was the truth, it was his truth.
"Then images of the night when I jumped from the terrace of the academy's main building and Izu held me in his arms flashed through my head; believing that, from that height, my plan would work."
"The time I almost finished bleeding out flew through my mind as well; this was the one that made me feel the worst and I guess it was at this point that I stood on the balcony's railing."
"The awaken part of my conscience began to say that I should get away from there, call you both and stay between the two of you until I calmed down, as I had already done several times."
That was the moment that Shouto didn't want to remember… His voice ended up cracking. Sobs escaped his throat left and right. Thick tears rolling down his cheeks, leaving a wet trail where they passed, awakening strange feelings and giving him that salty taste when they touched his lips.
"Gusts of wind appeared out of nowhere and made me stagger, still standing on the railing; and I fell. This time I didn't jump, it wasn't like the previous times. This time it wasn't entirely my fault that it ended up plummeting to the ground."
"It's no excuse but that's why I was in shock when I saw the two of you there; both of my princes rescuing me together. That is why I was trembling and so afraid; I wasn't been completely me when I slipped, I hadn't had time to prepare, and my mind had gone completely blank as I fell."
He moved his boyfriend's hands up to his chest, pressing them between his palms and the fabric of his pajama shirt. He closed his eyes as tightly as he could and took a deep breath before opening his eyelids and looking at both boys.
"Sorry for worrying you two. It's wrong and I know it; I've always known, but sometimes I can't help it... Both things get mixed in my head, anxiety and suicidal thoughts, accumulating unpleasant feelings and leaving me completely stunned."
"I have to learn to cope with one of the problems before the other one takes control of me… I don't want this to happen ever again…"
"Actually, I would like to ask Aizawa-sensei to allow us to sleep in the same room. I know our classmates will think it will be for other things but the academy directives would understand, right?"
Kacchan and Izuku shrugged their shoulders, wishing with all they had that this option would be accepted by their teachers and the director of the Academy.
"That might work, Shou-chan," Izuku whispered, broken just like he was.
"Can we go to bed?" Shouto asked when he finished speaking.
"Anything you want…" Katsuki replied, leaning back on his left side.
"And as long as you need," Izuku added, leaning on his right side.
"I'm very sleepy but I don't know if I'll be able to sleep," Shouto snuggled between the two boys, "will you wake me up when we should go to class?"
"Yes," both boys muttered in unison before placing a soft kiss on each cheek of the bicolored eyes guy.
Shouto didn't know how long he would stay in that state but he hoped it wasn't much. That night he had really scared them all; even himself. He focused on the quiet beating of his boyfriends' hearts and stopped thinking about what had happened; preventing that something worse would happen to him if he continued behaving that way.
"Sweet dreams, Shou-chan," Izuku whispered, moving closer to him, "and Kacchan."
"Night, Shouto," Katsuki murmured, wrapping an arm around the abdomen of the smallest of the three, "and Deku."
"Rest," Shouto said, not trying to get more words than strictly necessary; his quota of words had already been used in telling them what had happened that night. "I love you both."
The soft light that illuminated Katsuki's room was still on but it was so weak that it didn't bother, besides, they had already got used to it. It wasn't long after that Shouto fell asleep, with Izuku caressing his hair and Katsuki gently rubbing his back.
"We love you too," they answered at the same time.
Both watched the boy until a few minutes had passed and, from the exhaustion, their eyes began to close. Both fell asleep almost immediately, just like Shouto had.
The most beautiful thing about the situation were the sweet smiles on all three faces.
And that's all my friends!
I must say I enjoyed writing this. Lately life has taken me down the path of bitterness and I'm having a streak of ansty stories, but I'm not complaining at all...
I will be reading your opinions, curses and comments in the box below; it won't bite you, don't worry!