Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate. Just a fan wishing it was still on...

A/N: I was sorting through the plethora of unfinished drabbles withering away on my hard drive and decided to make a collection for them just in case someone out there would enjoy them. Most are related to another of my stories in some way, shape, or form, but not all. I typically write these as exercises to get a better feel for characters, or because a scene pops in my head and won't leave. Basically, they're pretty self-indulgent and very low on plot. You won't hurt my feelings if you skip this one.

All mistakes are mine. Hope you enjoy!

Epilogue: Merry Christmas, Ya Filthy Animals
by Minnicoops

Carson sipped at his tea, making a face at how cold it was. Glancing at the clock on his computer, he realized another hour had passed, and sighed as he pushed the half-full mug away. It would still be a while until he got to bed; might as well make a fresh cup.

He was on his way back to his office after filling his electric kettle when a person suddenly appeared from around the corner, nearly making him drop it in surprise. "Ach! You gave me a wee heart attack," he complained at the bashfully smiling Sheppard.

"Sorry, Doc." He didn't look very sorry. "I was trying not to disturb your patients." He nodded toward the sleeping figures in the beds. "Guess I was sneakier than I thought."

Taking a breath to calm his racing heart, Carson motioned for Sheppard to follow him back into his office. "What brings you by, lad?" he asked, plugging the kettle in and flipping the switch. "I thought you'd be busy clearing the city of all our alien friends."

"Yeah, we're still working on that," Sheppard said, leaning up against the doorframe. "It'll probably take all day to be sure no one's still hiding out." He rubbed a hand over his face and up to muss his hair tiredly. Even though they'd tried to take shifts getting some sleep whilst on Uliruah, no one had really been able to get any rest. "I was kind of hoping to talk to Rodney and Lorne about what exactly went down here."

Carson fell into his chair with a snort, his own exhaustion catching up to him. "Good luck with that. They were both sound asleep by the time I got down here."

Sheppard dropped his hand back to his side with a sigh of resignation. "Yeah, I kind of figured. From the state of things, looks like they had a pretty busy night." He twisted to get another look at the sleeping men outside the office. "But they're okay?"

"Aye," Carson confirmed. "Just exhausted."

He hadn't done a full exam yet, deciding to let them sleep since they were clearly in need of it, but he'd run the scanner over them just to be sure and hadn't found anything too troubling. Major Lorne was a bit worse for the wear, sporting some bruises that suggested he'd been in a fist fight, and his fever was up a bit. Not surprising given he'd spent the night playing action hero instead of sleeping like he should have been. Rodney had a few bruises of his own, but otherwise seemed to be fine. Unless he had contracted the Pegasus Pox, in which case, he'd be a pain in the arse.

"Who isn't?" Sheppard demonstrated this fact with a rather impressive yawn.

The kettle began singing, and Carson stood to get a fresh mug. "Tea?" he offered, holding up the kettle.

Sheppard shook his head. "I'll grab some coffee on my way to the east pier. Apparently, no one can figure out how to get to the damn Anti-Friction Device to turn it off. Not even sure how Lorne managed to set the thing without getting caught in it."

Carson furrowed his brow as he dropped a tea bag into his mug, remembering the device that made every surface it touched impossibly slippery and the ruckus it had caused the first time Rodney turned it on. He'd sworn after that he was going to stow the device away in a deep dark corner where no one would ever find it again. "Why would he turn that on?"

A twinkle of laughter lit in Sheppard's eyes and he leaned in excitedly. "Oh, you didn't hear? Lorne friggin booby-trapped half the city. Set off the skunk machine in engineering, locked up a bunch of those alien suckers in the aquarium… Trapped a bunch more with the AFD in the east pier. He even let the bats loose for some reason—zoology's trying to track them all down."

"He… what?" Carson couldn't really come up with another response. Obviously, he and Rodney had done something to gain the upper hand against the Uluru and take back the city, but for some reason booby traps were not the route Carson would have expected them to go.

"That's why I want to talk to them so bad," Sheppard continued, glancing behind him again. He turned back to Carson and lowered his voice. "We're taking bets on how it all went down. Rodney said he helped, but I'm putting money on it all being Lorne's idea. I can't see Rodney going anywhere near those bats."

Carson tried to imagine what he would have done if he'd been left alone to defend Atlantis against an unknown enemy. He didn't think he would have the creativity, or, frankly, the courage to take on one bad guy, let alone however many had actually been here. Quite a few, from the sounds of it.

"I suppose I'm just grateful that it worked, whoever's idea it was," Carson said, sitting back down with his steaming mug. "I wouldn't have liked to spend Christmas in that prison."

Sheppard mouth opened in mock offense. "We had a plan to escape."

Carson rolled his eyes. "You mean the tunnel you were going to dig?"

"It worked in Shawshank," Sheppard protested.

"Aye," Carson acquiesced dryly. "I have no doubt you would have gotten us out and retaken Atlantis, Colonel."

"All right." Sheppard pushed himself off the doorframe with his shoulder. "I can see when I'm not appreciated. Guess that means I should get back to work."

"Oh, you're appreciated, lad," Carson told him with a chuckle. "I'll let you know when our holiday heroes awaken." He paused to yawn. "If I'm still up, that is."

Sheppard gave him a nod as he turned to leave. "Thanks, Carson."

"Good luck turning off the Anti-Friction Device," Carson called after him.

Sheppard looked back, an evil smirk painted across his face. "Oh, I'm not going to turn it off. I just want to watch everyone else try."

Carson laughed, shaking his head. "Not such a bad Christmas after all, is it?"

"No. Not bad at all."

Did I write this just because I imagined Sheppard spending his Christmas gleefully watching the Marines play Ice Capades trying to get to the Anti-Friction Device? Maybe... Drop a comment if you enjoyed this!