Hi! I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!
With a short story lol sry guys but this is smth I wrote a long time ago, and recycled Alexander and Eliza's names for the sake of a fanfic. A modern day Alex and Eliza trying to get through the affair (aka the reynolds pamphlet). Um so here is my three chapter story. Might be more if I feel like it. And yes the dog's name is Betsy
All rights to Lin Manuel- Miranda and the musical blablabla
"Come in, come in," Mariah says as she opens the door to her apartment. "I need your help so bad. I can't figure out what to wear!"
"I can help," I say, taking off my shoes and stacking them on the bench. "We just have to be finished by five. I have a work appointment then, so just beware."
"You're leaving Alexander home alone again?" my friend says, something in her voice I just can't place.
"He's not a dog," I say, rolling my eyes. "He's a grown man who's older than me. I think he can manage dinner."
"If you say so," she says, her eyes twinkling.
We walk into her massive closet, which holds so many clothes I can't even count. It's practically a mini boutique here. I would be surprised if she weren't a trust fund kid.
"Okay, so we have two options," Mariah says, holding up two dresses. "Option number one- this gorgeous sparkler." She holds a seductive, glittering red dress in the air. I would probably giggle if it were three years ago, whispering about the men she would attract. But now that I'm married with an office job, I find those things surprisingly boring and immature.
"Or, there's this one." The other dress she holds is a soft pink color with a long flowy skirt, surprising me how modest it is, until I see the plunging v-neck.
"What's this for again?" I ask, rubbing my hand against my head, wishing away a migraine.
"Oh, silly," she says, giggling. "For the sorority party I got invited to, of course!"
"Mariah ," I say, exasperated. "You graduated college two years ago."
"That doesn't make one night stands any less fun!" she quipps. I shoot her a glance before laying on her big bed.
My decision to come here was against my suspicious feelings that something was going on between my husband and friend. The look she kept shooting Alexander last night during a dinner out was weird enough, but my husband coming back at midnight two days ago was certainly more unusual.
"This smells weird," I murmur, shoving my face into the comforter. "Like you bought the same cologne Alexander buys."
"I think I like the red one better," Mariah says quickly. "Eliza?" she says as she holds up the dresses. "What do you think? Red or pink?"
"Now I can almost see a piece of short blonde hair," I say, sitting up with my glare on her as my heart beats quickly. "You've never cut your hair short your entire life. In fact, you hate short hair on girls. So why is one of my husband's hairs on your bed?"
"Eliza-" Mariah squeaks, clearly trying to change the subject, but I cut her off.
"I'm pretty sure that's the shirt my husband has, Mariah . So why are you wearing it?" My ears are now drowning out sounds, and I can't believe this is happening to me- this isn't happening-
"Now you're imagining things, K," Mariah snaps. "Plenty of people have short blond hair. And wear the same cologne as your husband. I found this shirt at a thrift shop. Besides, you really think I would do something like that behind your back? Is that what you think of me?"
"That's exactly what the ladies at church think about you. Especially since they've caught you flirting with their husbands."
Mariah gasps. "Kari-"
"But I try to push down those bad feelings," I say, idly twisting my wedding ring. She winces when I catch her eye. "Until I found this."
The brown aviator jacket that lies in the corner of her room, barely hidden by a chair.
The one with two hand stitched letters embedded on the sleeve.
The one with my initials.
The one my husband owns.
I grab the jacket angrily, shoving her hand away as she grabs my sleeve. "Eliza, wait!" she screams as I storm out her door. "Don't accuse me without proo-"
"Oh, I have proof alright!" I yell, not turning around to face her. "Right in my hand."
The car ride home is silent as tears roll down my face. Warm and fat, they fall onto my blouse, ruining my makeup. My meeting's in twenty minutes but I find time for this.
To confront my husband of infidelity.
As I pull up into my neighborhood, I wipe the tears. It's no use to cry, I think. Not when I don't have definitive proof.
But I storm up to the door, unlocking it, I find my husband making dinner, humming the tune we danced to at our reception. Our first dance as husband and wife.
The scene is so serene that I don't want to interrupt it as he chops vegetables on the cutting board. He must be making soup, my mind says as the smell moves its way to my nose. His rainy day chicken soup, with carrots and garlic and celery.
I watch his hands as they move the food into a big pot in our big kitchen. He's handsome, with his dark blonde hair and light eyes. I can see how any woman could want him. Every woman does want him. And before, he wanted them, too. I thought that marriage vows and our love could keep the desire at bay. But I was wrong.
He'd vowed to me that he didn't ever touch another woman, even in the acting roles he took on. My husband made a rule that he wouldn't let himself be tempted by putting himself in those kinds of situations. But I guess that didn't do any help…
His smile lifts up as he sprinkles pepper into the pot. Lips that were only supposed to touch mine since we'd wed.
His lips, his hands, his…
It's not until Betsy starts running from the bedroom to greet me, her little tail wagging, when my husband finally turns around. His face seems to light up at the sight of me, but quickly falls when he sees me wet from rain, tear stained cheeks and puffy eyes.
"Hello, my angel," he says and leans in to kiss me.
Before he can, I move away and blurt, "Did you do it?"
His brow furrows in confusion before I snap at him, causing him to drop the bowl. "Did you sleep with her?"
His face falls, and he moves closer to me but I push him away. His silence tells me the truth. For if he were not guilty, he would've surely said something by now.
"Eliza-" My heart flutters like it always does, hearing my name from his lips with his accent. But now anger holds those feelings at bay, and rage leads my actions. I won't fall into bed with him tonight.
"Tell me," I say as I turn around, not wanting him to see my face. "Did you sleep with Mariah ? I know when you lie."
His face colors deeply before he looks down. "Where did you get that notion from, Eliza? What have I done to insinuate that?"
"Besides me finding your cologne and hair and shirt at my…." I do air quotes around these."...friend's house?"
"Is that all?" he asks.
"Oh, and this jacket that happens to be a second year anniversary present?" My anger explodes. "How dare you wear this to her house and lay in her bed. How dare you."
Alexander glances at me, just for a second, before turning away. I feel the lingering shame he feels. I feel it, too. That I trusted him. I let him in.
"Eliza, it's not like that," he starts, but I turn him away.
"What could you possibly say to convince me? You cheated on me. With my friend," I sneer. "I don't think you're capable of even speaking right now."
"You're not being fair, Eliza," Alexander says motioning with his hands to the jacket I hold.
"Fair! You think I'm not being fair? Alexander Hamilton, you cheated on me!"
"You haven't even given me a chance to speak!" he yells, and stuns me because my husband never raises his voice. "You just start attacking me and don't even let me defend myself!"
"What could you say to defend yourself? You slept with another woman!" I scream. "You put your hands on her, your mouth touched her lips, and you still think that I can stay here with you? We've been through so much that I can't believe that you would betray me like this! You don't know how hard this has been for me- you're not the one going through this constant loss! You don't feel the pain I do, the aching I endure, the shame that lingers by me. No one does. Not even you. I lost them," I whisper, overcome with emotion. "I'm not strong enough. I'm a failure." By the end of this, I'm crying so hard and my heart aches so bad that I just want this to be a bad dream, for it all to be over soon, so soon, and I can go back to normal. For what I didn't tell my husband is that the test I took the other day came back positive… but yet again, I lost the baby.
This makes me cry harder.
Alexander places his hands on my hips to calm me and when I try to pull away he holds me firm, not letting go.
"Eliza, please. I beg you, let me explain." I smell something overcooking and Betsy starts barking.
I stay silent except for the sounds of my crying, which he takes as a sign to continue.
"Eliza, my angel, you have to listen," he tries as I still refuse to look at him. He takes my head in his hands and says, "I've betrayed you. I have. And it's all my fault."
The statement sends a wave of emotions over me again.
"Let me continue," Alexander says as he reveals what happened that fateful night, only days ago, where he fell into bed with Mariah for the first time after drinking too much. He claims that she led him to her bed, but in the back of my head I know that he's still betrayed me and no amount of trust will ever bring back what we had.
It was a one night stand, he claims. Nothing more, for he couldn't bear to betray me. It was a drunken mistake, something that happened when he wasn't in his right mind. If he was, he says, then this never would have happened.
"Is that why you refused the drink I made you the other night?" I try to control my breathing, to not sound so emotional, but I know it's no use.
He nods. "I don't want it to happen again. Even at home, safe with you, in bed with you, I couldn't bear the thought of it happening again. I swear, this was the only time."
I must be too forgiving. I'm mad at him, yes, but I feel as if it will fade. I don't want to run away from him anymore.
But when he turns to me and says these words, I feel attacked again and refuse to look at him.
"But you have to remember that you're almost never home anymore, Eliza," Alexander says, glancing at me.
"You know I work-"
"I miss you," he interrupts me. "Every night that you're not home. When I only have Betsy for company. Why do you think Mariah made prey of me? Because she knows that I don't have you around anymore. Because you put your work and success over our marriage."
"Alexander! Fine. You know why I take so many traveling jobs? You want to know the real reason? Because I need to take my mind off the fact that I can't have children. Every time we try, every time I see the two lines, I'm filled with a joy that never leaves. Until the baby does. I'm losing hope, Alexander. I lost another one yesterday."
Here comes the tears again.
My crying is almost unstoppable as my husband brings me into his arms, warm and strong, until I smell a familiar scent of seductive perfume, and I break into a whole nother set of tears and push him away, running to our bedroom, slamming the door and clicking the lock so that he can't come in. I curl up on the floor, because the bed is too much of a reminder of what I can't provide him….
He spends the next few hours knocking quietly on the door, asking me to let him in, until around midnight he cedes and I hear him fall onto the couch. There are quiet tears coming down my face and I want to leave the bedroom, but I don't because I can't, I'm not good enough.
When I open the door in the morning I see him sitting there, slumped against the door as he absently pets Betsy in his lap. He looks up at me, eyes red as he takes in my puffy eyes and half thrown on pajamas. He takes the opportunity to talk to me as he knows I have nowhere else to go right now.
"I want to make it up to you, Eliza. What I did was wrong and I shouldn't have been as content as I was keeping it from you. Please tell me what I have to do."
"Nothing," I say, turning back into the bedroom and making to lock the door when he holds it open. I look up at his tall stature and know I won't be able to close that door if I tried.
"Let me finish talking to you," he says, still with that accent that made me fall in love with him in the first place.
"I need time," I whisper. The noticeable concern in his voice brings me to look at him. And suddenly, this isn't about the affair anymore.
"Eliza, I know how you are. You're going to beat yourself up about everything in there. You can't go hide in our room all day. You're going to blame yourself for what I've done and for what we've lost. But you must know that no matter how badly I act or what bad things I do, I will always want to make you better. I love you, Eliza. Nothing can ever change that." I hold my tears in.
"Even when I've had three miscarriages in a row? Even when we fantasize about having children running about the house and I can't provide that for you? I'm a failure, Alexander. I've failed you."
"No you haven't," he says fiercely. "Even with that. I didn't marry you because I wanted children, Eliza. I married you because I loved you. I married you because I wanted to keep you safe and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I married you because I love you so much I want to die next to you. My love for you only grows with every passing day."
"I don't believe you," I whisper, the events of last night flooding back into my head. He betrayed me, now he's not only mine anymore, Mariah has seen him too, I'm a failure, so weak…
"Why? I don't know how to prove this to you, Eliza. I know you, and one thing I know is you don't forgive easily. I understand that. You've been hurt. I'm the one who hurt you. I want to fix it though, hear my plea. Let me make it better."
The shame in his voice is undeniable. Probably only because he broke the vows we made together. I've only ever loved him, never went to another man, nor neglected him. But on the one night when I had a work meeting that ran late, I didn't find my husband home. Exhausted, I curled up in bed and fell asleep. Not long after, Alexander came stumbling home as he kissed my forehead and ran to the bathroom.
Nothing had seemed amiss, and I realized that my husband was an extraordinary actor. Either that, or he still had no idea that he betrayed me that night.
"That night, what was going through your mind when you got home?" I ask, curiosity overcoming me like waves in the oceans.
He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath before saying, "This is not going to help right now, Eliza."
"Tell me."
"I honestly don't know," he says. "It was all blurred. And when I was with her, it felt like it was you. She looked like you. I don't know why. She's a blonde. But maybe I just wanted you to be happy for once. Maybe that's why I thought it was you."
His reasoning is meant to be something for me to grab on before I drown. So I grab at it, desperately. But still clinging to my own doubts.
"I feel like you're lying to me," I say.
"You know I'm not," he replies. And I do. But I still can't forgive him as he blows the hair out of his face. I start to speak but am cut off by the gravity of the situation.
Oh God.
He cheated on me.
He slept with another woman.
I jerk out of his grip and run to my bedroom, slamming the door once again as I hear him calling for me.
Not again, don't retreat from the fight, Eliza.
Stupid Eliza. So unsuspecting.
Not good enough, the voice in my head whispers. You could never satisfy your husband. You're so weak, Eliza. You could never handle anything hard. Alexander deserves someone who's like him. Someone who will never question his love. But you are so different from him. No wonder he went to Mariah to satisfy him. Never enough.