I'm a romantic. While I do know movies aren't real life I often daydream about someone sweeping me off my feet and declaring his love to me. I suppose that's why I did it.

None of this was supposed to happen. I had written my love letter and stored it with the others and let him go, but what do you do when he comes back? Most people, good people, would have stoppped him at the first kiss, or when he started touching you in places no one had ever touched before. They definitly would have never let him take their panties off, but I was weak. The moment his lips touched mine all of the feeling I had for him came rushing back and long forgotten were all the reasons we shouldn't have, like Margot.

It was going to be our secret, never thought or spoke about again the moment I took the morning after pill, but I guess life had other plans. I told them I didn't know where the father was. That he was some guy I met over spring break and things went too far. I told them I tried to prevent it and my dad told me that's only 85% effective! I honestly think he was more upset that I got pregnant than had sex with a random stranger. Margot was just disappointed, said I needed to be better than that, if only she knew how much better. Kitty was shocked that I met someone let alone had sex because I never leave the house.

I couldn't let anyone know the truth. Not only would it break Margot's heart but would have broken her and Josh up. They were the perfect couple, it's not her fault she had debate that night or that Josh's parents were fighting that night. Nothing was ever supposed to happen and I was going to keep it that way. I'd already decided who his parents were going to be, I just needed to get all of the paperwork signed to make it official. My dad helped me find them, he wanted to find a Korean family so my child wouldn't be completely separated from his heritage. It was hard, but not impossible, we found a Korean couple an hour outside Richmond. They had been trying for over ten years, it took them three years to try adoption, and it took until now for someone to pick them. It was fate, and honestly that made the decision easier for me. Well, that and the circumstances that led to my pregnancy; I didn't want to break my sister's heart.

However it didn't matter in the end, Josh and Margot broke up anyway, she didn't think they could handle long distance, but I knew it wasn't what she wanted. I caught her crying that night, I thought maybe he told her about us, but quickly ruled that out as I was still alive. I would have comforted her, but I doubt that's what she wanted. She was the strong one, never let anyone see her weaknesses, been that way since our mom died. College will be the first time in our entire life that she'd be away from us and as much as I'd miss her, I knew it was for the best.

We were at the airport dropping Margot off. I was quite emotional and not because of hormones. I'm going to be going onto my junior year of high school five months pregnant without her. No one knew I was pregnant when we ended in the summer, but they'll definitely know now. It was going to be hell, especially when Genevieve got wind of it. She still hadn't gotten over the time Peter Kavinsky kissed me in his basement when we were 13. They weren't even dating then and he asked her out shortly after, but to her it was a betrayal which I get, but had she heard my side before jumping to conclusions we might still be friends...or maybe not. As Margot told me after she unfriended me, someone who lashed out like that over a rumor wasn't someone wanted to you keep in your life, so it was for the better.

"I'm gonna miss you so much Gogo."

"I know, I can't believe I'm gonna miss out so much on your lives."

"But you're going to have to, you need to live your life, stop worrying so much about us."

"You know that's never gonna happen." She pulled back with tears in her eyes. "Tell me the moment that baby is born. I know it's going to be hard on you. I know how you operate."

"Of course, Gogo." She then turned away and hugged Daddy, and Kitty.

"Flight 475 now boarding." was heard of the intercom. With one last "I love you" Margot left for Scotland.

We were heading to the mall for back to school clothes shopping, me moreso than Kitty I had officially reached the point where my oversized clothing wasn't fitting and I needed actual maternity clothes. That led to an exhausting day topped off by the fact that I had to drive. I asked my dad to take us, but he insisted that I needed to get more comfortable with driving now that I was going to be the one to take us to school everyday. I have a feeling he just didn't want to deal with the amount of waiting around that would be involved while we shopped and honestly I can't blame him.

Kitty was going through a phase and insisted that she needed a whole new wardrobe to fit it. I had to limit a lot of what she wanted so we didn't max out my dad's credit card and then there was me who actually needed a new wardrobe now and needed to think about more clothes I needed in the future when I would be much more massive, to top it all off most maternity clothes looked so ugly and none fit my style. I ended up focusing on getting bottoms and just sizing up on tops I wanted to wear, but it was an emotional experience how much my life was changing even if it would be temporary.

I was almost relieved when were finally done and in the car until I realized that I had to drive us home. It took way too long for me to start the car which earned a snide comment from Kitty and when I finally mustered up the courage to back out of the parking spot I almost hit someone, and not just anyone, but Peter Kavinsky. I thought that would be the end of but of course he had to come to my window and talk to me furthering my embarassment.

"You know that rear view mirror let's you see the rear view Covey. Might come in handy later." He gave me that cocky smile I've always wanted to slap right off of him, but of course that soon changed when his eyes drifted lower to my protruding bump made even more prominent by my sitting position. He looked at me as thought he was trying to solve a math problem and when he finally figured it out he quickly looked only at my face.

I could feel my cheeks heating up, though I didn't have much time left before everyone outside of my immediate circle knowing I was pregnant, but I needed that time. "I know what the mirror is for, I was just a little distracted."

"That doesn't make me feel better. Should I call you a Uber?"

"No, I'm fine!" I said all too quickly.

"Same, Ol' Covey," he said laughing.

"What?"

"When we were kids you'd always freak out over every little thing. It was kind of cute, until it wasn't. Someone really needed to tell you take a chill pill."

"A chill pill? I think the last time I heard that phrase was an episode of Lizzie McGuire."

"Maybe I've been binging. You don't know my life," he said with mock defense.

"Look, I'll make sure to never almost end your life, if you promise never to tell me to take a chill pill."

"Deal. Though I should feel bad for all the other pedestrians you won't be looking out for."

"Hardy har har."

"See you around Covey."

"By Peter K." I rolled the window as fast as I could. This time when I backed out I looked behind me and left as fast as I could. On the way home I avoided Kitty's probing looks. She did this often, every time I interacted with anyone of the opposite sex, silently asking, "is this the guy? is he the father?" Ironically she never did this around the actual father, but why would she? He was Margot's and to a degree Kitty's. She would never think I was capable of such betrayal even if I was the "mean one" to her.

When we're finally home I felt like I could finally breath. We made it in one piece, the car included. I sat back with my eyes closed holding my abdomen. He didn't like it when I was nervous. I had to reassure herself and the baby that everything was alright.

"No. It's not him. We aren't going to ever run into him so stop asking every time I'm near a boy."

"I didn't say anything!"

"Not this time."

"Okay, but seriously LJ, you expect me to believe that you of all people got knocked up by some rando. I still don't buy it."

"It doesn't matter whether you buy it. I'm alone in this, that's all you need to know."

"But you don't have to be!" There's a silent statement at the end there. That I don't have to give him up, or in her eyes, giving up. She doesn't understand that this is a lot more than me being alone, that I just can't do this even with the father.

"Stop Kitty! What's done, is done and now I have to move on, you included. Even if he was around I don't think I'd do anything different."

She stormed from the car silently mad at me. I knew I was going to have to pay for that later, but for now I just grab our bags from the car and busy myself with another distraction.