The checkered patterns of dried orange and dull green windows hung below a sign with four letters. It was nighttime in this quaint little town, but it was always dimmed in this establishment; the only one of it's kind in a town like this.
On the outside it looked like a giant cardboard box just plopped down on the edge of the street where nothing else was wanted. On the inside, outdated and oddly placed pictures adorned it's walls. There was no one here to comment on it or the watered down beer today however, save the rats that ran from the cover of the pool table to the torn open inside of the cushioned seats.
Exiting from the back room came the owner and namesake of the establishment. A noose around his neck, though it hung limply going all the way down to his elbow before it's strands stopped suddenly. The door behind him flapped open and closed revealing not only a broken chair, but the rest of the rope hanging off the fan that continued to spin.
Though his back was to it, the sound of the fan now crashing down onto the floor between the door opening and closing didn't register with him either.
"Didn't know a damn rope had a damn weight limit" Moe blustered, his vulture like features only highlighted further through his anger. Right as he exited, the door behind him closed completely, but the door to the bar opened and entered two people, both dressed rather colorfully in contrast to the duller palate of the bar. The smaller was in bright orange with yellow hair- at first making him think of Bart Simpson at a glance, but looking at the man who accompanied him it certainly wasn't Homer or even his father. He was older, but more robust than the other two no doubt and with more hair too; long white hair that went down past his shoulders. But regardless of who they reminded him of, they were no doubt strangers "ah geez" he grumbled lowly to himself, not in the mood for anyone at the moment, less so than normally. The two hadn't seemed to notice him as they were having a conversation of their own.
"Aw come on pervy sage" the smaller, whinier of the two let out to the large one "There's no way she's in a place like this". The older man's head went from wall to wall scanning the room, not even stopping to register Moe though that was to be expected.
"Yeez" he let out, recoiling and scrunching his face up in disgust. Likely from the smell "Kid, for once you might be right" he said before turning around "Let's check the next spot"
"Now hold on!" Moe reached a hand out and called to them stopping them in their tracks "Ya gonna bad mouth the establishment, ya better give me a reason before I kick you out!" he reasoned
"You don't need to kick us out we're leaving!" the boy yelled behind the man. Moe's face twitched, registering this boy as the one who always makes those damn phone calls to him.
"Hold on Naruto" the elder man raised a hand before the boys face as he remained focused on Moe "We're looking for someone" he said before readjusting the pack on his shoulder "Perhaps you've seen her?"
"Have you seen this place? What lady would come here?" Moe mumbled to himself.
"Hm?" the man perked up.
"Gah- nothing?!" Moe mumbled and then walked behind the counter to his usual spot, casually taking the noose off his neck " Come on over, rest yer feet at least" he said as he swabbed the counter with an already dirty rag. Casually, though not seeming to wait on the offer the man sauntered over to the bar stool, the boy grumbling behind him but followed none the less.
"So what can I get for ya mr..uh-" he dragged the word on before abruptly stopping
"Jiraiya" he answered as he plopped himself down before him- in Barney's seat, but Barn wasn't here right now.
"Oh a European!" Moe beamed brighter now taking note of the 'exotic' name "Well let me get some of the toxins from your home land!" he said reaching down behind the counter
"Just the usual" Jiraiya insisted calmly with a wave of his hand "Whatever it may be"
"Oh" Moe fumbled as he put the can of gas back next to the rat urine. He then got back up and filled a mostly clean glass to it's foaming brim with Moe's tavern's finest. "Here ya are" he said letting out before Jiraiya who remained deep in thought. With nothing so much as a 'thank you' coming his way- which meant he would really nail him on the bill- Moe turned back to the crossed armed traffic cone next to him. He seemed to be anticipating something "Well?" Moe asked.
"Well?" Naruto responded "Where's mine?!"
"How old are you? 8? 9?" Moe let out as he slammed his hands on the counter and peered over it and down at Naruto like a gargoyle from his perch. But before Naruto could even muster up a retort Moe dug his hands into his 'candy' jar and flung it forward to him. "Here" Moe extended out a hand full of colorful ornaments and trinkets "Go play with these outside"
"Fireworks!" Naruto took them greedily "Neat!" he pawed them and then quickly darted from the counter to the door leaving it spinning as he left it behind. Moe tiredly rolled his head back to Jiraiya who remained seated somewhat comfortably, starring towards his reflection in the glass, but not at it.
Moe cleared his throat "So lookin for a lady huh? Ain't we all" he grumbled aloud, trying to start a conversation.
"Amongst other things" he answered stirring the glass.
"Well uh haha" Moe chuckled uncomfortably, his head arching down more so than usual as he shifted his collar around and his eyes went from side to side "I'm quite the experienced ladies man myself" he puffed his chest out even as he remained hunched over and his thumb went into his chest.
"Hmm" Jiraiya pondered aloud looking up to him "Wouldn't expect this to be a ladies joint"
"Well it's a slow night, a slow night" he backtracked frantically putting his hands up defensively for good measure "Even the regulars ain't here" Some truth to hide a lie.
"Well if she's down on her luck enough" Jiraiya said before taking another sip
"What's so important about her anyway? Whatsa Matta? She bail on the child support or sumthin'?"
"Not at all" Jiraiya rebuffed him, in a surprisingly genial manner as far as Moe saw it. He even took a swig from the glass and didn't complain how watered down it was. Or maybe he didn't notice. There was a sort of refreshing 'ah' let out when he placed it back down "Maybe you've seen her around though" he said as he reached a hand into his pocket and pulled out a folded newspaper clipping. And Jiraya was right about one thing. A woman like that wouldn't be caught dead in a place like this.
"I woulda remembered someone like that I think" Moe said dragging the dirty rag atop the bar in an attempt to make it cleaner, or at least more presentable.
"Hm. Figured" Jiraiya said unexpectedly as he returned it to his pocket.
"So yer chasing skirts. A little old for that ainctcha?" he inquired aloud.
"All in the name of research my good man"
"Moe. Just Moe" he insisted. No one ever had called him a 'good man' anyway.
"Figured that'd be it" he said taking another sip "But it'd be rude to assume" he said before sipping.
"And what research got you prattling for women like that? With a kid no less"
"The kids a side project" Jiraiya said "As for the prattling.." he paused and looked over Mow with a bemused and possibly slight drunk complexion. "It's for a book". Moe brightened up a bit when he said that.
"You a writer huh?" Moe asked "You mean like a book with no pictures?"
"This is no book for kids that's for sure" Jiraiya let out a low surly laugh to go with the drink he swirled in his hands "I'm sure to have a new volume out any time now"
"Must be popular" Moe stated. That must be nice. Yes, very nice.
"It has quite a following" Jiraiya admitted "I'm sure a movie deal's down the road"
"Yeah, but they're never faithful" Moe said dismissively as he cleaned the inside of a mug, dirtying it even more in the process "You know I had quite a writing career once"
"Really?" he asked, perhaps politely "A fellow artist" he raised the mug, perhaps respectfully before he took another sip "In fact you look just like my target audience" Jiraiya stated.
"I ain't as old as you bub" Moe grimaced, bracing himself over the counter menacingly.
"Can give you a sneak peek, if ya want" he said as he reached into to open his robe and pulled out some papers. The gesture while likely from a semi induced drunken stupor did take Moe off guard somewhat.
"You would let me see it?" Moe said, his face loosening from the snarl to something of a smile "Wow that sounds like an honor" he began to fret and sweat, overcome with emotion "No one's ever let me do something like this before" he chuckled nervously as Jiraiya remained in place "Well come on let me see" he bounced up and down giddily behind the counter unable to contain his excitement. Jiraiya complied, placing the manuscripts down and sliding them over to Moe who wasted no time in bringing them to his eyes to read. "Icha Icha Tactics" he read aloud and then went on for the rest "Woah!" he let out in awe at first, even though he had only read the first sentence "Woah?!" he let out, more invigorated than before "You sure you don't wanna put pictures in it?!" he commented and chuckled awkwardly. Jiraiya shook his head confidently as he drank again as Moe continued to read on. Being only dabbles and drafts it was not as comprehensive as it's predecessors, but it was coherent enough for Moe's enjoyment. And because it was so short and Moe so involved in reading it, it gave Jiraiya the chance to reach over and fill his glass without him even noticing. But it wasn't long before he finished it however. He's done enough reading at the orphanage to get through a book quickly, especially an incomplete one such as this.
"So..." Jiraiya paused as Moe set them down before him "Whattda think?" he asked as Moe peered down and reflected on it.
"Well it's good, good "Moe rubbed the back of his neck, still nervous not only from the honor given to him, but what he had just read "I mean it's better than the Sears catalog that's for sure" he said lowering his hand from his neck and swinging it up and around. Jiraiya remained quiet before he raised his glass to finish it off completely. He wiped his mouth and then lowered both back to the edge of the counter.
"Hm" Jiraiya he said as he fidgeted himself out of the seat and to his feet to stand well above Moe and the bar. "Well, if you are interested" he said reaching into his pack which made Moe slightly on edge as he had seen too many people try to rob him and the bar by doing the same motion" I always keep a spare copy around for some adoring fans" he said pulling out not one, but two books to show. He reached his arm out and held them out for Moe, but they weren't just for him to see.
"Wha- for me? Really?" he put his hands on his chest and exclaimed in disbelief. He reached out to take them but Jiraiya pulled his arm back away, and as Moe lay across his the bar counter his snarl returned "Hey what gives?!" he shouted feeling he'd suddenly been baited and made a fool.
"Just an improvement" Jiraiya said as he opened the books scribbled something into both before closing them and then returned them to the laid out bartender.
Moe took them both and flipped through the pages, letting them fly by one at a time before he found himself at the front flap of the book. And there it's contents read.
'To my newest fan. Moe
~ Jiraiya'
A gift. And autographed. He'd never gotten one before. He was awe struck and out of breath and the same time. So much so that he didn't get the chance to say 'thank you' before Jiraiya threw some coins on the counter and walked off towards the door.
"Ah hold on there-" Moe reached his arm out and called. Jiraiya stopped and turned halfway to him "You've done so much for me, how bout one more for the road. On the house"
Jiraiya bowed his head and turned back to the door "Thanks, but I must get going, before I loose the kid as well as Tsunade" he said putting his back to Moe, extending his arm for a wave before he disappeared behind the closed door. And when the door opened again it was replaced by four old familiar faces who quickly took their seats at the bar.
"Hey Moe" Homer greeted as he plopped himself down beside Lenny, Carl and Barney. But Moe didn't register then as he was still eyeing his new books, cradling them closely. "Hey, watcha got there?" Homer asked curiously as they all peered over for a peak to see what Moe held so preciously. All save one.
"Hey?!" Barney hollered out in distress "Who sat in my seat?!"
Elsewhere halfway across town. In a shadier spot that Moe's was a place more secret, secluded and with less lighting sat two groups of people at a round table. A light hung overhead and it's circular pattern touched only upon the round table; everything else was shrouded in darkness. One woman sat at a table under the light, another stood behind her with a pig in her arms. Across from them stood two scowling men, but behind them sat a third.
Hidden in the darkness where the flickering light from above didn't reach sat a man, who only revealed himself when the red tip of his cigar would light up to show his lined and pudgy face which was only hidden under more shadows. Flanking him were his two subordinates, well dressed in fine tuxedos.
"As you know, with any good investment" Fat Tony explained in voice that sounded soft, but was threatening all the same "There is always interest"
"And what do you want?" Tsunade growled across the table. Shizune shrunk behind her with Tonton cowering in her arms.
Fat Tony exhaled smoke and his voice oozed with menace "The pig"