Disclaimer:
I do not own Danganronpa or any of the characters from the series.
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Somewhat of a Kiibouma chapter.
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Warnings:
[Contains spoilers for the 4th and 5th V3 trials.]
Suicidal thoughts/actions, self-harm, suicide.

Kiibo

All day, we haven't seen Kokichi anywhere. I won't deny that the moment of respite from his banter and robophobic remarks is rather pleasant, but at the same time, there's a perplexing feeling whirring inside my chest at the thought of his disappearance. Was he murdered? Is he scheming something again like the Insect Meet and Greet? Just what is he doing?

My piqued curiosity drives my body towards his dorm. As I approach the door to his dorm, my chest almost seems to leap like coiled springs being released. Electric shivers course through my body.

What is this strange feeling? I ponder while my fisted hand hovers before the class liar's door. It's...quite uncomfortable. I'm not sure I like it. It's cramped, cold yet hot, and it affects my entire body. My fingers feel cold, but my chest feels like it's overheating.

A set of knocks clank against Kokichi's door.

"Kokichi?" I call out to him while recalling that our dorms are provided with doorbells. "Of course." I now press my forefinger against the doorbell, and a blissful chime rings out.

The intense feeling of electrified oil spinning through my circuits is augmented with the moments of silence that pass.

Click.

Crescents of royal purple tendrils swing across the expanding gap between the door and the frame. "Hm? Kii-boy, it's you? Wow, what a surprise!" A smile rests on his pale face as he holds the door ajar to reveal the full threshold of his head.

That's odd. "Ko—"

"Aww, were you worried about me? So robots do have hearts!" Your robophobia is...not present this time? "I was only kidding." How rude! "Anywa-ay, whaddya need?" He rests his hands behind his neck so his elbows perk up behind his head like animal ears.

"Haven't I already told you that I can produce heartfelt remarks through calculations?" I sigh while shaking my head. "Regardless, I would like to know what you've been up to all day." I observe the slight deflation of his expression.

Being relatively alone with him like this makes me feel as though there are feathers being brushed across my chest, I begin to ruminate. I feel warm. What an odd sensation to course through my body.

Kokichi shrugs nonchalantly. "None of your beeswax," he snickers, but the verve in his voice modulation sounds almost flat and arid. "Okay, okay... I was sleeping, cuz I was tired, y'know? Hey, do robots need sleep?"

He sounds remarkably less snarky, and more...tired? "I will refrain from answering that. But were you truly sleeping this entire day?"

"Yup." His grin widens, yet his eyelids sink.

That's it? From my understanding, you usually follow up with some other form of commentary after an answer. Something doesn't seem right.

"Would you mind if I came in?"

"Huh? Of course I'd mind. It's a total dump in here! Now, shoo." He motions for me to take my leave by the flapping of his fingers.

"Kokichi, please cooperate and step outside so I can see you," I reply.

Kokichi groans, "But that's so annoying and tedious. Kii-boy. You're. Ruining. My beauty sleep." His irked words sizzle in my mind.

"You can return to sleeping after I've confirmed that there's nothing suspicious about this all. If you won't allow me to see your dorm, I have reason to believe that—"

His jubilant yet vexed expression melts into budding ire. "Geez, you're pushy. Fine. Don't say I didn't warn you." He pulls open the door, and what a lie he is not guilty of—his dorm resembles that of a hoarder's room. "Happy?"

"Would you mind if I took a look around?" I inquire.

Kokichi sighs, "Nope. You never specified the criteria of your claim beforehand, so my refusal is valid. I have nothing to hide—you're just getting on my nerves a bit." He curls his fingers towards his palm a bit and stares at them with a lackadaisical smirk.

Stubborn as ever... "Kokichi, is something wrong?" I decide to ask while sieving his current expression; his smirk is swallowed up by a neutral frown. "You seem more on edge, if that's the correct term." I rest my chin against my fingers in thought.

He simply shakes his head. "Hm? What makes ya think that? Relax, Kii-boy. Don't worry about me so much! Sheesh, it's not like you to be so worried about someone like me." His eyes narrow a bit at his final word.

That sounded almost disparaging regarding your own self. Then again, I suppose it isn't unlikely that he's luring me into a mind game. I might be a robot, but I do not have every answer at my disposal.

"I'm not quite certain of it myself, but my inner voice is telling me that something is wrong. More specifically, something is wrong with you."

Kokichi musters up an exhausted, designing smirk. "Maybe you're the one that has something wrong in your head. Ever thought of that? Y'know, humans and robots are much different, no matter how much you resemble one. Before you accuse me of having something wrong, ask yourself this: should a robot really be asking this question to a human?" Venom steeps his frigid, robophobic words.

Even though his robophobia is inexcusable, I think to myself, I still find myself magnetized to him and his anomalies.

A leaden layer of electricity jolts through my system. "Perhaps you're right," I concede while noting how Kokichi's expression insidiously shifts into something resembling...despair? "Even so, it is still my duty to behave like a civilized human being. So, Kokichi, please answer my question: are you feeling all right?"

He begins to snicker with his signature laugh as a lachrymal smile is wedged onto his expression. Yet, his snickering erupts into dismal laughter as swollen tears drip from his eyes.

"Hey, Kii-boy..." he whispers after sharply exhaling. "What if I told you that I'm so miserable that I wanna die?" His mirth accentuates the smile he wears, yet his eyes reflect an ocean of vulnerability and exhaustion. "Would you tell me I'm lying? Ooh! Even better: would you tell me I'm manipulating you?"

I sigh, "I never thought I would say this, but I believe you, Kokichi."

"You what?" His expression flicks itself away like a pebble from a slingshot.

"I believe you. So, allow me to be of use to you, Kokichi. Even I don't want you to die, no less to yourself. That's...horrible. I can feel it—a pang in my chest."

It's as though the facade of the infamous liar we've come to know as Kokichi Ouma has shattered with his tears on the floor. "It's too late for that. You're just a robot, and you wouldn't know how I feel. Hmph. Come in my dorm—someone's coming. Oh, it's Himiko. Whatever. C'mon, Kii-boy." Despite his previous endeavor to prevent my ingress into his dorm, he now drags me inside and shuts the door.

He seems genuinely sad. No, not quite 'sad.' Something different but similar. Hold on... Is that blood?!

Scrutinizing a considerably large scrap of cloth on the floor that's been stained in sanguine blood, I peer up at Kokichi. "Kokichi, what is the meaning of the—"

Kokichi slowly closes his eyes as he murmurs, "You really wanna know? Eh, I still don't trust you, or even Mister Detective, but it's not like it matters anymore. Well, I'll show you." He rolls up the sleeves of his baggy, loose shirt, and hiding beneath the sleeves is a frightening number of scars and recent cuts. "Haha, isn't it great, Kiibo? Isn't this what you guys totally wanted after I pulled the strings for Gonta's murder?" His eyes become saturated with a torrent of deprecating emotions. "Isn't this...what a liar like me deserves?"

Rendered nonplussed, I stare in absolute stupefaction at Kokichi. "No." The words begin to pour from my mouth without any thought being invested in formulating those words. "Kokichi, those will become infected without proper care. I was not anticipating...that you felt like this towards yourself. Please, allow me to help. Kokichi, this cannot continue. You coul—"

He shakes his head and lightly grasps his opposite shoulders. "And what would a robot know about this? I bet the person who created you was kind enough not to plug feelings that you wish you could tear apart into you. Kind enough not to plug the feeling of wanting to be torn apart into you. Shit. I don't need artificial robot sympathy." His infuriated expression morphs into a rueful smile. "If other humans can't understand, how could a robot? So sweet of you to try!"

Feelings of wanting to be torn apart? Self-destructive. I admit, I've never wished to see to it that my body is destroyed and my consciousness cut, but in analyzing this visceral eruption of such a feeling from you, I comprehend it. Even if the feeling sounds awful, I would still like to be programmed with it. That is a part of being human, correct? Even if humans want to rip those feelings out, I suppose I somewhat envy the fact that they can experience the feelings that further make them human. Not...just a robot. What is this feeling I'm currently plagued with?

"Allow me to understand," I finally utter while locking my gaze with Kokichi's violet eyes.

"Huh?" His brows furrow. "Nope. Kii-boy, you just don't get it. Besides, that could be hypocritical. You don't understand, Kiibo. You don't. Leave me alone."

A deluge of jolts shudder through my circuits. "I won't know if understanding this feeling is something I have the capacity for if I do not attempt to experience it."

"Nee-heehee! Wow, you're already being so stone-cold with that heap of iron you call a heart. Forget it already. You don't know, Kiibo. You don't know how much it hurts. If I showed you what these shitty feelings really feel like, you'd regret it. Do you really think I felt no remorse over Gonta's death? Watching my friend get fucking executed in such a horrible way? It hurts, Kiibo. The guilt's not very nice to me, y'know?

"But do I want anyone to know how... How I really feel? No. So, I lie. You guys think I'm some twisted psychopath sadist, so it's easy to trick you into believing my bullshit. I can't do this anymore. You just wouldn't know how it feels. Unless you want to manipulate someone into murdering someone else because you know that that someone else is going to murder another person that you know is you, not even another human would know how much that fucking hurts...

"To watch as the person you manipulated breaks into tears, not remembering any of the crime he committed for you. To watch as everyone hates you for what you've done. To watch everyone vote for your friend—the one you sacrificed for your own sake—instead of you, the rightful blackened. To watch that friend that still couldn't grasp what he'd done get executed by what he loved. To watch as everyone turns their back on you. Yet, you needed them to. Well, that's totally what I thought, but my plans are a no-go. Why? My feelings are too much for me to bear. Pu-huhuhu...

"That's something a robot wouldn't understand the pain of. Emotional overload is way different from data, Kiibo."

Finally, Kokichi's monotonous voice flatlines into silence. He now points to the door as if to silently beseech that I take my leave.

I extend my hand to him. "I suppose I wouldn't understand that. But I do understand that I would still be filled with sorrow if I allowed my friend to fall into a pit of his own emotions like this." Although the feeling of despair from registering Kokichi's horrific claims eats away at my wires, I nonetheless offer him a smile.

My facial propinquity feels warm, I realize while Kokichi dubiously twines digits of flesh with metal.

As his despondent eyes of a dull amethyst meet mine, his eyes are glazed over with a scintillating sheen of diamond. "I'm only letting down my guard to do this cuz I don't care if you stab me in the back." With that, he curls his arms around my torso as his sniffles suffuse the room and his warm tears drip onto my shoulder.

I like this. Affection. I like this affection. Hearing him belittle himself like that is incredibly disheartening, though. This feeling... Strong, iron, urgent... I want to protect him. That is what I'm feeling.

As steam flutters free from my head, I return a tenacious embrace around Kokichi. "Then allow me to also let down my guard. I'm certain the pain you feel is excruciating, but hope always moves forward. Kokichi, we can all survive this killing game together." I can feel his heart drumming against my chest, his warm breaths clinging to my neck, his slender arms trembling around my body, and his shaky breaths exiting his mouth.

"That's what we thought from the beginning, thanks to Kaede." He expels a long, forlorn sigh. "Look at how many have died since then. Kii-boy, do me a favor and leave me alone. I'm not in the mood for this." His arms unravel from my steaming body.

"I won't leave you here by yourself."

He mutters, "Welp, make yourself comfortable in this hellhole. Be my guest. I haven't taken a shower today, so-o, I'm gonna do that. Later." Kokichi extracts a fresh pair of clothing from his closet before scampering off into his bathroom.

As the rushing cry of the shower springs up, I glance around Kokichi's dorm and rest my back against the wall near his bed.

Should I inform the others about Kokichi's current state? I cogitate. No. Yet, I wonder how long these feelings have circulated through his head. Wanting to be torn apart... Being torn apart... He feels that he should tear himself apart because it hurts so much? Am I missing something? I cannot fathom that logic.

After approximately twenty minutes have passed, I knock on the bathroom door. "Kokichi?" While awaiting his response, my chest feels as though it's being tightened like a bolt. "Kokichi? Oh no... Kokichi?!" Gripping the handle of the door, I desperately bungle to open it, but my struggle is an asinine use of energy—the door is unlocked.

I cautiously push the door open and peer inside with acute concern razing my thought process. The door of despair reveals a sight that pries my eyes open and chills my functionality with a noxious dose of a torpefying stupor. While the streams of water raining from the shower shatter on the floor, my head shatters at Kokichi's body resting on the floor.

Kokichi, if this is a prank... I think to fuel myself with false hope as I feel for his pulse. Come on... No. No, this can't be true! Kokichi...

I find myself wishing that just this once...Kokichi would truly be delivering a cruel prank, but the truth is a poisoned arrow to the heart—yet, 'spine' seems to sound more appropriate here. Here, lying supine on the floor is none other than Kokichi Ouma. What once was a fragile liar that inhaled the truth and exhaled his lies is now a self-mutilated corpse on the floor. All hope and despair have been voided from his body, and all that remains is a shell to lament the person that once inhabited the body.

Curled between Kokichi's fingers is a bottle of Strike Nine poison, and on the floor is a blade drenched in the blood pooling from his fresh, lethal lacerations. Sweat clings to his clothing that's been saturated with his sickening sea of blood. In his mischievous eyes of violet is a murky, dull void of repressed agony.

We all deemed him an annoying liar...

A torrent of sorrow crashes against my eyes, but as much as I desire to weep, I'm incapable of shedding any tears.

...but we never asked if he was okay.

Paroxysms of regret surge through my system like a command to immediately shut down.

If we had given him just one hand...

Yet, no matter the feelings I supposedly feel, I will never be able to feel the pain that brought Kokichi Ouma to his own self-destruction.

...could we have prevented this?

No one knew how much Kokichi's own lies were killing him, and none of us will ever be able to comprehend how much that hurt him.

You never deserved to feel like this...

As much as I wish I could have transferred his feelings into artificial emotions for myself, I will forever remain as the one who simply wished to take the pain—I will never be the one that saved him from the pain.

Even if it was only for a moment, thank you for trusting me with the truth.

I'm certain that my friends will first assume that the culprit of Kokichi Ouma's murder is me, but I hope to reveal the truth about Kokichi with this upcoming trial—that's all that I can do now.

I'm sorry, Kokichi.