this fanfiction is based on Harley Quinn the animated series and will take place 2 months after season 2. it will be told from Harley Quinn's point of view.

on a different note, this fanfiction deals with sensitive subjects such as depression, self harm, suicide, and possibly abuse. it is rated M for mature. read at your own risk.

I write about these subjects to spread awareness.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harley Quinn the animated series

i hope you enjoy.

after I crashed Poison Ivy's wedding, Ivy and I both decided to leave Gotham. we moved to Central City and got a place together. it's nice here. better than Gotham at least. we brought frank with us. no way we could leave him behind. we convinced the crew to move out here with us too. King Shark and Clay Face are sharing an apartment together.

none of us have been involved in much criminal activity lately. just little stuff. we are enjoying the peace and we are trying to keep a low profile so that nobody bothers us.

I started wearing normal clothes to blend in and hats in attempts to conceal my identity. it's not as bad as it sounds. even Batgirl visits from time to time. it was an unexpected friendship but she's cool. she doesn't tell anyone about where we live and she doesn't tell anyone that she's visiting us. she's proud of us for turning our backs on crime.

I have enough money to not have a job for a while. I was trying to enjoy myself. everything felt normal but I was still crazy. Ivy has a hard time dealing with my impulsive behavior.

it was a Saturday afternoon and I had just woken up. I looked over at Ivy's side of the bed and she wasn't there which was normal because I usually sleep longer then her. I got out of bed to get some clothes to wear. after that I hopped in the shower and got dressed.

I went downstairs and saw Ivy on the couch. I sat next to her and gave her a kiss.

"did you sleep well?" Ivy asked

"I had a nightmare" I replied quietly

"I'm sorry" Ivy said as she gave me a kiss "do you wanna talk about it?"

"no" I said "not really"

"that's ok" Ivy said

I snuggled with her and we watched tv for a while. eventually I got up and went into the kitchen to make something to eat. I got a pizza out of the fridge and waited for the oven to preheat. while I waited I got a glass of water and drank half of it. I set the glass on the counter.

I grabbed the pizza and while I was putting it in the oven, I accidently burned my hand.

"Fuck!" I screamed out

I felt angry all of sudden. I grabbed the glass of water off the counter and threw it against the wall, resulting in glass shattering all over the kitchen.

Ivy walked in and asked "what's going on?"

"I got upset and broke a cup." I said nonchalantly

"I thought you said that you were going to try to stop breaking stuff!" Ivy screamed

"I'm sorry Ivy!" I said

"I hate buying new cups and plates and laptops and tvs" Ivy said with frustration.

"I'm trying!" I said

Ivy stormed out of the kitchen. I was too upset to eat, so I threw the pizza away and went upstairs. I sat on my bed and tried to reflect on my actions.

'why am I like this?' I thought 'i have a half normal life. why I can't I act half normal. why can't I find an alternative to breaking things and dealing with my anger'

I looked down at old scars on my arms from when I self harmed in my teenage years.

'there's an idea' I thought

I went back down to the kitchen while avoiding Ivy and grabbed a knife out of the drawer.

Ivy wouldn't care if I did this. she would be happy because I'll have an alternative way to deal with my anger. I hope. either way, I should hide it from her. she worries too much.

I cut right below my wrist and I instantly felt a rush.

'i forgot how much I liked this' I thought

I held my arm over the sink, so the blood wouldn't fall on the floor. I couldn't stop there before I knew it, I cut my arm again. I watched in fascination as the blood dripped into the sink. I made another cut below that one but this one was deeper than the other two. a lot of blood started coming out.

'I'll be ok' I thought

i held some napkins to my arm as I walked over to the bathroom and got some bandages out of the bathroom drawer. I wrapped my arm up and cleaned up the sink. then I cleaned up the broken glass and put the knife away. after that i went to sit with Ivy. when I sat down I said "I'm sorry for breaking that cup. I'm gonna work on it. I promise"

she smiled and said "I love you, Harley. it's ok, I know your trying to control your anger"

I kissed her.

"I know none of this feels normal for you because your not used to being normal but I know it's for the best" Ivy claimed

"I'm adjusting" I said "slowly"

Ivy smiled and said "good"

"do you wanna watch cartoons maybe?" I asked

"I don't care" Ivy said "I'm down for whatever"

I turned on a cartoon. we watched tv for a few hours until we heard a knock on the door. I got up to answer it and it was Barbara or Batgirl but we just call her Barbara.

"hey Barbara" I said "I thought you weren't gonna be here until tomorrow"

"me and my dad got into a fight so I came today instead of tomorrow. I don't wanna be around him right now" Barbara explained

"oh ok, well what a wonderful surprise" I said as I shut the front door and lead her to the living room.

Ivy smiled and said "hey Barbara, your early"

"yeah, I hope that's ok" Barbara said

"it's awesome" Ivy said with enthusiasm.

"I brought vodka and stuff" Barbara said with a smile

"I'm down" Ivy said

"I'm gonna sit this one out" I claimed

"your lame" Barbara said

"why are you sitting this one out?" Ivy asked

"I don't feel like drinking tonight" I said

"ok" Ivy said "your lame but I still love you"

I kissed her and went into the kitchen to get a few shot glasses. halfway to the cup drawer, I stepped on a small piece of glass from the cup I broke earlier. I instantly felt angry but I didn't break anything. i dropped to the floor and got the piece of glass out of my foot. I grabbed the shot glasses and set them on the dining room table.

I quickly went into the bathroom and locked the door behind me. without hesitation, I grabbed a razor that I use for shaving and broke a single razor out of it. I decided to cut my left arm this time instead of my right. I brought the razor to my wrist and pressed down hard. it was painful. I let out a small yelp and a red line started to form. I felt a rush that I wanted to feel since my last session.

an alarming amount of blood started coming out of the cut. I dropped the bloody razor in the sink and held my wrist over the sink.

I heard a knock on the door and Ivy said "are you ok in there?"

"i-i'm fine" I said, trying to keep my voice calm.

"are you sure? why did you lock the door? you don't sound ok" Ivy asked

"I just needed some privacy. I'll be out in a second" I said

"ok, I'll let you have your privacy. I'm sorry" Ivy said

I felt slightly light headed. I grabbed the bandages and wrapped up my arm tight. after that, I cleaned up the sink and hid the razor.

'hopefully it stops bleeding and doesn't bleed through' I thought

I exited the bathroom and went into the dining room. I sat down with Ivy and Barbara. they were doing shots.

Ivy turned to me and said "you look pale. are you feeling ok?"

"not really" I lied

"maybe you should go lay down" Ivy said "but I would love it if you hung out with us instead"

"I think I'll be ok. how many shots have you done?" I asked

"two" Ivy said as she did another "three"

"you should do one" Barbara insisted

"I guess I'll do one" I said

I poured a shot and drank it. it burned down my throat.

"disgusting" I said

"I think it tastes good" Ivy said

I did a few more shots with them because they peer pressured me to do more and we stayed up till three in the morning. I was the first to pass out.

I woke up on the couch and I felt terrible. I looked at my phone and it said it was about two o'clock. I felt sick and ran to the bathroom. as soon as I got to the toilet, I threw up.

'I feel a little better now' I thought

I laid on the bathroom floor for about an hour. I threw up two more times. Ivy came in with a cup of coffee and said "did you indulge a little too much last night?"

"yeah, I was trying to avoid this from happening" I claimed

she handed me the cup of coffee and gave me a kiss.

"I love you" I said with a smile

"I love you more" Ivy replied

she gave me another kiss and I drank some of the coffee.

"I'm gonna take a shower" I said

"can I take one with you?" Ivy asked

"I'd rather take a shower alone. ya know, in case I throw up" I said

"yeah, ok. I made breakfast." Ivy said

"I don't know if I can eat but I'll try" I said "is Barbara still asleep?"

"yeah" Ivy said "she'll probably be asleep for a while"

"ok, I'm gonna hop in the shower" I said

I handed Ivy the coffee and she left me alone in the bathroom. I got undressed and took off my bandages. it hurt taking them off because the dried blood made the bandages stick. I stuck the bloody bandages in the garbage can under the other garbage in there, so nobody's sees them. after that, I hopped in the shower.

I don't know how long I can avoid Ivy finding out about my new habit. she's seen my scars but she's never asked about them, so she doesn't know about my past with self harm. will she be mad? maybe she'll understand. I hope so.

I finished my shower and got dressed. I wrapped up my arms with bandages. the cuts looked red and angry.

when I exited the bathroom, Barbara and King Shark were playing video games.

Barbara got up and said "good morning"

she went into the bathroom to take a shower. I sat down were she was sitting before and took her place.

"what's up, Shark" I said

"hey, Harley" King Shark said as he started the game.

I played video games with King Shark until Barbara came out of the shower. i handed the controller to Barbara and decided to go see what Ivy was doing.

I found her drinking coffee and watching the news on her phone in the kitchen.

"hey, Harley, are you feeling better?" Ivy asked

"yeah" I said "I just needed to throw up and take a shower"

"I'm gonna go to the grocery store and grab some stuff. do you need anything in particular?" Ivy asked

"no, I'm ok" I said

she got up and gave me a kiss.

"I'll be right back" Ivy said as she grabbed her keys and left.

i rolled down my hoodie to look at the bandages on my arms. they were bloody.

'I'm pathetic' I told myself 'why is Ivy even with me'

I got up and headed straight for the bathroom. I grabbed the razor that I hid the night before and unwrapped my right arm. I put the bandages deep in the garbage and brought the razor to my arm. I made a long vertical cut down my arm. it was deeper than intended but I didn't care. I was blinded by anger and self hatred. I watched the blood drip into the sink with fascination.

I hid the razor and cleaned myself up, along with the sink. I wrapped bandages around my arm.

'why do I keep doing this. I'm fucking stupid' I thought

I rolled down my hoodie sleeve and went into the living room, where King Shark and Barbara were playing video games still.

I sat next to Barbara.

"hey, Harley. you look pale" King Shark said

"I drank too much last night" I said

"are we gonna do it again tonight?" Barbara asked with a devious smile.

"I don't think I can" I said

Frank walked through the front door without saying a word and starts heading for his room.

"where have you been?" I asked

"there was a festival. it was supposed to last for two days but it ended up lasting for a week" Frank explained as he left the living room.

he looked drained.

"you wanna play the next round?" Barbara asked as she passed the controller to me.

"yeah" I said as I took the controller and started playing.

half way through the match, Barbara said "Harley, your arm is bleeding. are you ok?"

I looked down and saw that my cut had bled through my sleeve a little bit.

I stood up and said "oh, I'm fine. I had an accident the other day"

"here. let me look at it." Barbara insisted as she went to grab my arm.

I pulled my arm away and said "it's ok. I got it"

"oh ok, I just wanted to make sure that you're not hurt or something" Barbara said

I headed to the bathroom and removed the bandages. I held a bunch of toilet paper to my arm until it stopped bleeding.

'i need to be smarter than that' I thought 'i fuck everything up'

I bandaged my arm again and hoped that Barbara doesn't tell Ivy.

I decided to avoid Barbara, so I went straight to me and Ivy's room. I laid in bed and turned on the tv to a random channel. eventually Ivy came in and said "hey, I'm back. I got Ramon Noodles for you"

"chicken?" I asked

"of course" Ivy said as she giggled

"thanks a bunch, Ivy" I said with a smile

she laid down next to me and eventually I drifted off to sleep.

let me know if Its good and if I should continue. any ideas for this story are accepted and would be appreciated!thanks a bunch for reading! I'm sorry if it wasn't that good. I'm very new to writing and I'm trying to get better.