Note: Originally written and published to AO3 for the 2021 Remus Lupin Fest. Prompt: Sirius and Remus have a heart to heart about the latter's crush on the resident Metamorphmagus.
Remus walked into the kitchen to see Sirius peeling a small mountain of potatoes, doubtless put to the task by Molly.
"Need help?"
"Yeah, mate, that'd be great. Thanks," Sirius replied, pushing a bunch of potatoes across the table as Remus took a seat. Remus had to save a few from rolling off the edge, then he set about helping Sirius peel.
"Thought you were a wizard? Or were those seven years we spent at Hogwarts together a figment of my imagination?" Sirius nodded at the knife Remus had started to use to neatly slice away at the potato skin.
"Some things are more satisfying done manually," Remus replied. Sirius rolled his eyes with a shrug, and they continued to peel for several long, glorious moments of silence. But Remus knew that the silence was too good to last as Sirius cleared his throat loudly.
"So," Sirius said casually. Remus felt his stomach drop slightly; he had that look in his eyes. The one that had always meant trouble. The look that appeared when Sirius wanted to address something that Remus really did not want to have addressed.
"So?"
"So. There's something I wanted to ask you about."
Of course there is. "Ask away," Remus replied warily.
"Right. So." Sirius casually dropped a potato in the pot; it hit the bottom with a dull thud. "Tonks."
Remus promptly set the potato and the knife back on the table, pocketing his wand as he stood up and started to make for the door. "Right. Never mind, then."
"Oi! Get back here and help me with these potatoes, you great git," Sirius called after him.
Remus ignored him, and had just set his hand on the doorknob when he suddenly felt a small object collide painfully with his skull. "Ow!" He wheeled around, rubbing the back of his head, and saw Sirius preparing to lob another potato at him. "What the hell was that for?"
"Come back and help me with these, you dickhead."
"That hurt."
"Oh, save me the tears," Sirius replied, rolling his eyes. "Your skull cracks and reforms into a different shape twice in one night each month, I'm fairly certain a potato isn't going to do you in. Now sit." He gestured rather threateningly to the chair that Remus had just abandoned.
Remus collapsed back into the seat rather defeatedly, shooting Sirius a sour look before grabbing the knife and half-peeled potato he had left behind.
"Thank you, Moony. I appreciate your enthusiastic and cheerful help."
"How could I resist? You're being so charming," Remus shot back at him.
Sirius raised an eyebrow as he lazily deposited a potato in the giant stock pot beside him. "What's got your knickers in a twist, then?"
"Nothing."
"Really? Because it seems as if each time I've mentioned Tonks to you over the past few days, you nearly jump down my throat. What is it about my dear cousin that makes you so afraid to talk about her, I wonder?"
"It has nothing to do with Tonks," Remus replied shortly. "I'm just - your teasing gets tiresome, is all."
Sirius narrowed his eyes. "I know you well, Moony, so stop lying to me. I know very well how much teasing you can withstand. You're usually able to dish it out in equal measure, mind you. But with Tonks - you've been a complete dick any time I've even mentioned her name to you the past couple of days and -"
"Sirius, the moon is in two days. I feel like absolute shit. Nearly every bone in my body cracked when I got up this morning. I'll likely vomit up my breakfast tomorrow morning. I'm exhausted. So please forgive me if I'm not in the mood for you to imply that I have untoward feelings for your younger cousin and that my reluctance to talk about something you've come up with all on your own comes across as me being 'a complete dick'." Despite his annoyance, Remus felt a small niggle of guilt. He wasn't being quite fair to Sirius; he had been in an uncharacteristically foul mood as of late.
Sirius had the grace to look slightly abashed. "I know, mate. I'm sorry. I know the moon is coming up. But -" his brow crinkled - "all jokes aside, I don't know if untoward is the word I would use to describe your feelings towards my cousin."
"Try the word 'nonexistent', then, maybe?" Remus replied, though he felt his stomach sinking as he realized that his denials were futile. It was becoming clear that Sirius wasn't going to drop the subject.
Sirius gave him an almost pitying look now. "Moony."
Remus was silent for several moments as he continued to peel the potato, focusing on the smooth weight of the root vegetable in his hand as he struggled to organize his thoughts, ignoring Sirius' burning gaze. He swallowed, feeling as if his mouth had suddenly gone dry. This was precisely the conversation he'd been hoping to avoid. He'd even been trying to avoid his own feelings on the topic.
"You know, I think when Molly told us to peel them, she simply meant to dispose of the actual peel, not to whittle the potato away into oblivion," Sirius said dryly. Remus looked down to see that he'd been peeling the same potato since he'd first sat down and that it resembled an uncooked chip more than a full potato at this point. He tossed what remained of the potato into the pot with a sigh, dropping his face into his other hand. He couldn't bear to look at Sirius right now.
"I'm working on making them go away," he finally said quietly. "The - what - the feelings I have for her." Saying those words aloud, even if just to Sirius, sounded ludicrous. Obscene. Remus rubbed at his eyes, then raised his head and grabbed another potato, pointedly avoiding eye contact with his friend.
Sirius looked stricken. "Wait, what?"
"I know that it's - I know it's not appropriate, and I - I don't even know if she - why she'd -"
"Remus. What d'you mean making them go away? That's not why I'm bringing this up at all."
"I - I just -"
"Look, mate," Sirius continued, still giving Remus a rather alarmed look. "I'm bringing this up with you because I wanted to see if you're ever planning on making a move. That's generally the way to go about this type of thing, you know. Unless you'd rather mope around forever, but -"
"I'm not moping," Remus replied shortly.
"I'd beg to differ," Sirius said dryly. "Though I suppose 'pining' is apt, as well."
"I do not pine."
"Oh, really? So the way you look at her with puppy dog eyes over meetings is something you do with everyone, then? All those late night chess games? When she wants to play that blasted music of hers for us and you just listen and nod your head and say 'yes, that's nice' when I know full well you'd never be caught dead listening to -"
"I do not do any of that!" Remus said hotly. Sirius was laughing now, which only made him slightly angrier. "I - I'm just - when she plays her music I'm just being polite, is all, I'm - stop laughing! It's not funny!"
Sirius sobered up almost immediately. "Of course it's not, mate."
"I...I'm not..." Remus swallowed. He heaved a sigh. "Is it...is it really that obvious?" Sirius looked vaguely uncomfortable at his question. "Tell the truth."
Sirius sighed, concentrating on slowly peeling another potato. "I don't know if I'm the only one who's noticed, no," he finally said slowly.
Remus felt a cold prickle of horror, as if someone had cracked an egg over his head. Had all of his colleagues notice his...whatever he was feeling towards Tonks? Surely this would mean they thought then that the stereotypes were true, that werewolves had no self-control; that they were predatory opportunists, that they were nothing more than perverted, lecherous -
"Remus, mate. Come back to me," Sirius said, snapping in Remus' face and interrupting his panicked thoughts. "Don't look so terrified. I only really mean Molly, and she's always looking for an excuse to set Tonks up with someone, is all. You know how she was trying to set her up with Bill for awhile -"
Remus felt a brief pang of...was it jealousy? What right did he have to be jealous? "No, I didn't know that, actually," he mumbled.
"Er - oh. Well, now you know. Anyway, once it was clear that Bill is completely enamored with Fleur and that Tonks was...completely enamored with a certain other someone, maybe not someone who's part veela but someone who is the Order's other resident shapeshifter aside from her, well...have you truly not noticed that Molly always seats you two next to one another at dinner? Or that whenever you volunteer to help with the washing up, Molly asks for her help as well, and then eventually 'disappears' because she needs to check on something or other?" Remus didn't say anything. "Look, Moony, all I'm saying is that Molly loves to play at matchmaker, so if she's noticed anything I don't particularly think it's the end of the world."
"Easy for you to say," Remus said steadily, "you're not the one that everyone is going to think is a - is a -"
"What will they think you are, Remus?" Sirius asked, his eyes suddenly flashing. "Because I think you're being a bloody fool and I'm sick of it, frankly."
"You're -" Remus stared at him, dumbfounded. "Oh, pardon. You're sick of it. Perhaps you should leave it alone, then, considering the fact that I didn't realize this was any of your business in the first place, Sirius." He couldn't keep the slight edge of anger out of his voice this time, and he saw Sirius' expression darken.
"Perhaps not, but can you at least recognize how frustrating it might be for me to watch you sit here and refuse to do anything about this? You have Tonks, this amazing, intelligent, bright person - one of the few people in this damn world who can come in here and make the both of us laugh - and she wants you, mate, she wants you and you're sitting here and telling me you won't do anything about it even though I know damn well you want her too."
"You don't understand -"
"Maybe not, Remus, but you don't understand either," Sirius snapped. "Who knows if I'll ever have the chance to have someone even look at me the way Tonks looks at you when she thinks no one else is looking. So forgive me if watching you two pine over each other whilst doing absolutely fucking nothing about it is rather infuriating."
Remus felt his irritation soften slightly. "I...you're right, Padfoot. I'm sorry."
Sirius sighed, his face weary and suddenly looking far older than he had mere minutes before. "You're fine, mate. I know...I know you weren't exactly gallivanting around while I was in Azkaban, either. I'm sorry. I know it was hard for you too. It's just..."
"It's okay, I understand," Remus replied quietly.
"It's just..." Sirius shook his head slightly, pushing his dark hair back behind his ear. "You at least have a chance, mate. And I...I mean, yeah. I'm jealous. Not of - not with Tonks, obviously, she's family, but just...you could have something nice, and you're just refusing to even give it a shot. That's all."
"I understand your frustration, but I don't think I have as much of a chance as you think I do, Sirius."
"And why not? You're respectable, you can be funny sometimes when you're not being a git, and you clean up nice on occasion."
"Flattery such as that will get you everywhere, Mr. Black."
Sirius stuck his tongue out at him. "I'm not flattering you, I'm telling you that she sees something in you and you should be happy about that."
"I'm far too old for her," Remus replied shortly.
"I don't think she gives a shit about that. Plus, at the rate you're going, by the time you finally get around to making a move you'll both be in the nursing home. Unless that's your goal? Level the playing field?"
"I'm not kidding, Sirius."
"Neither am I!" Sirius replied, exasperated. "It's not as if you're old enough to be her father, mate. It's twelve years. It's really not that bad. Plus Tonks is mature for her age."
"Yes, and so I also don't think she'd necessarily be thrilled at the prospect of saddling up with a man who can't even afford his own food," Remus replied.
"I don't think she cares about that either, Moony. She knows what it's like for you, she understands. And do you know what Aurors make nowadays, anyway? Even if you had money, she doesn't need it. Don't be a sexist dinosaur."
"I'm not being a sexist dinosaur," Remus said through gritted teeth. "I'm just pointing out that it might become tiring for someone of her age and position in society to be tied to someone so..."
"Boring and stubborn and stick-in-the-mud-like?"
"Sirius."
"I am serious, Moony." Remus rolled his eyes when his friend smirked. "I can sit here and tell you all day what I think my cousin thinks of you, but you should really just be having this conversation with her. What do you have to be afraid of? All of your excuses are bullshit and you know it."
"They are not bullshit."
"Okay, agree to disagree there. But just for a second, let's say that theoretically, none of that shit matters to her. Which, in real life, I don't think it does matter to her. But since you keep getting so bent out of shape about it, let's just say that hypothetically, she doesn't give a shit about the fact that you're a poor, ugly old beast."
"Thanks, Padfoot."
"So if she doesn't care about that," Sirius continued, "let's say that, theoretically, just for a moment, you can drop all this noble 'I'm thinking of what's best for her' bullshit. Which is very condescending, I might add. So if you would like to stop being a condescending git for just a few minutes here, tell me - what else are you so afraid of?"
"I just...it doesn't matter what I...what I think, or what I want," Remus replied, frustrated.
"Why doesn't it matter?"
"This whole conversation doesn't matter because she would never be interested in me anyway."
"Jesus christ, Moony, sometimes I think you really are the stupidest man I've ever met."
"Suppose I should quit the Order, then. Wouldn't want me mucking up any of our plans with my vast stupidity."
"Nah, we've got the likes of Dung in our ranks, we can keep a stubborn old werewolf who's too thick to realize that a beautiful young witch is half in love with him, and that he and said beautiful young witch could possibly both be very happy if he would just let his guard down for once and let someone in."
Remus sighed. He knew he wasn't exactly being fair to Sirius, and he didn't even quite know why he felt so belligerent about the idea of acknowledging his...whatever this was with Tonks.
Because she couldn't possibly actually be interested in him, could she? Remus had a slightly nasty feeling that part of his brain had actually been entertaining this notion - however slight the probability of its actually being true might be - for quite awhile, and his anger towards Sirius had little to do with Sirius' prodding itself (though this certainly wasn't exactly helping) and more to do with the fact that he wasn't sure he could bear it if she didn't return his feelings, even though that was by far the likeliest scenario.
But...what if Sirius was right? Tonks had been spending a lot of time around headquarters as of late. He was sure it had equal parts to do with wanting to see Sirius, but even when Sirius decided to retire to bed early or when he wasn't in the mood to socialize, Tonks would more often than not stick around, offering to make them a pot of tea as long as Remus was the one to carry the fragile tea cups up to the library, where they generally took refuge in front of the fire until the early hours of the morning. Then there was the fact that she somehow knew exactly how he took his tea - something not even Molly had managed to quite get the hang of yet.
And Tonks was always touching him.
This was the one that stood out most to Remus; at first he was certain it was just because she was so friendly. She would often ruffle Sirius' hair affectionately, for example, or squeeze Ginny's or Hermione's arm excitedly when she and the younger girls were chatting and laughing about something at the dinner table. But the way she touched Remus was...not a way he was used to being touched, not really. Sure, Sirius would occasionally clap him on the back, but otherwise...everyone else generally went out of their way not to touch him. And he was used to it; or at least, Remus had thought he was used to it by now.
He remembered one of the first times he, Sirius, and Tonks had played Exploding Snap together after a meeting one night; he'd lost rather spectacularly, and as he was gathering up the remnants of the cards and his ruined pride, she'd jokingly crowed that she'd finally found something that Remus Lupin was not good at - and when he'd rolled his eyes, she'd gently touched his knee, meeting his gaze with a soft smile as if to let him know that she meant the teasing in good fun. His heart had nearly stopped at how casually she'd touched him - perhaps it wouldn't have been as shocking before she found out about his condition, but here she was, sitting and playing cards and laughing with a known werewolf as if it were the most natural thing in the world. All of that while also throwing teasing jabs and warm smiles his way - as if his condition were the last thing on her mind.
When she'd gotten up to leave that evening, she'd leaned over to press a quick kiss to Sirius' cheek as she'd pulled on her cloak; Remus had quickly averted his eyes, setting himself to cleaning up their empty whiskey glasses. He didn't want her to feel embarrassed at her more personal goodbye to Sirius when she simply waved at him in parting - true enough that both he and Sirius had only met her relatively recently, all things considered, but Sirius was family, he was her cousin. Remus was just...well, he'd be lucky to consider herself her friend, but at this point, he was simply her older, slightly awkward werewolf colleague. He'd been stunned when she suddenly grabbed his arm; he looked up from the table he was cleaning, and was surprised yet again as she pressed a kiss to the fingertips of her other hand, reaching out to then gently press her fingers against his cheek.
"Wouldn't want to shock a proper gentleman like yourself by going straight for the kiss on the cheek," she'd said, winking at him as he flushed. "Goodnight, lads, it's been an absolute pleasure." And then she'd flounced out of the room, completely oblivious to the way Remus felt as if the bottom had dropped out of his stomach. To his shame, from that night on, he couldn't stop thinking about the way she'd touched him. He thought about her touches in an innocent way (well, at least until lately); how nice it felt to have someone just treat him like a human rather than an infectious pariah. She'd soon graduated to giving Remus a cheek kiss of his own whenever she parted, and he told himself that it was because she thought of him in the same way she thought of Sirius; just a good friend. And friends showed good friends affection, right? Not when the good friend is a dark creature, Remus' brain reminded him.
And yet, she was so casual about it. It was...baffling, to say the least.
He glanced up to see Sirius watching him carefully. "Think any harder and your head is going to explode. Please don't, it'll ruin supper. Anyway, I'm not saying you should propose to her, Remus. I'm just saying to take her out for a drink. What's the worst that can happen? I can give you a few galleons if you need." Remus looked up sharply, and Sirius held up his hands defensively, looking slightly uncomfortable. "Or not, mate. It's just an offer. You know the option is always there -"
"I can afford to get her at least one drink," Remus muttered, knowing fair well that this was barely true. He was grateful, however, that Sirius nodded his assent and dropped this particular topic.
"You don't even need to go anywhere, if that's what you're worried about. Just tell me when and I'll leave you two plenty of space here."
"I...I still don't know, Padfoot." Remus swallowed. "I mean...do you think she'd really want to?"
"Merlin help me," Sirius groaned. "Do you speak English, my good man? What have I been telling you for the better part of the past hour?"
Remus hurriedly held up his hands before Sirius could launch into another tirade. "Okay. Okay, I'll...I'll talk to her. Just...don't say anything about this to her, alright? I just...I need some time."
Sirius made a small noise of triumph, but he smiled at Remus. "Well, now that we've settled that...I think it'll be good, mate. For the both of you."
"Thank you," Remus replied cautiously.
"I really mean that," Sirius said earnestly before his face broke out into a grin. "But also, how long's it been since the last time you had a good shag? Might do you some good to get rid of some of that tension -"
"Shut up," Remus said tersely, flicking a potato peel across the table at his friend. Sirius dodged it, snickering.
"I'm just saying, if anyone could pull that stick out of your arse, it's Tonks. And who better to do it than the one who's taken a particularly keen interest in your arse already -"
"I said shut up!" Remus whipped a potato across the table now. Sirius ducked, guffawing.
"Remus Lupin!"
Remus quickly turned to see Molly standing in the doorway of the kitchen with her hands on her hips, the very picture of motherly outrage. "Er - hi, Molly."
"I will not have two fully grown men starting a food fight in my kitchen," she said sternly, coming in now and setting several bags down on the other end of the table.
"Yeah, Remus, behave yourself," Sirius said, grinning. Remus pulled a face at him, taking another potato and preparing to lob it when he felt it snatched out of his hand.
"Remus! Really, what has gotten into you?" Molly said exasperatedly, setting the potato down in the soup pot with an irritated huff.
"Yeah, Remus, what has gotten into you?" Remus' head shot up as a new voice joined the chorus of scolding. Tonks bounced through the doorway now, grinning at him. "You know that if things are being thrown at Sirius, I want to be included in the fun. How could you start without me?"
Remus avoided looking at Sirius as he felt his lips twitch into a smile of their own accord; he didn't want to see the triumph that he was sure was blooming on the other man's face. "Hi, Tonks. This was just a warm up. I'm sure Molly would appreciate it if we spare the rest of her potatoes, but there are plenty of other cursed objects in this house that we can throw at your equally cursed cousin."
"Not in my kitchen, please," came the exasperated reply from the Weasley monarch, who was busy doing something with a rather large turkey that looked as if it would feed the entire Order three times over. Tonks snickered, depositing herself in the chair next to Sirius.
"It's technically my kitchen," Sirius muttered under his breath. Remus shot him a warning look, quietly summoning the potato he'd thrown at Sirius earlier and cleaning and adding it to the pot.
"Perhaps we should help clean up this mess, then. Molly -"
"No, no, you two have done more than enough," she replied. Tonks snorted, quickly glancing down and pretending to be fascinated by her thumbnail when Molly shot her a look. "No, I do mean thank you for peeling the potatoes, you two. I would have preferred they all make it to the pot," she added with a pointed look at Remus, "but I appreciate the help. It was more than enough. I can take care of the rest."
"Are you certain, Molly?"
"More than certain." Molly's reply was short and she seemed stressed, which generally meant it was best to leave well enough alone; and so Remus gestured towards the door, giving the cousins sitting across from him a meaningful look. Tonks hopped to her feet, nearly knocking over the chair she'd been reclining in.
"Either of you two fancy a game of chess before dinner, then?" Tonks asked. Remus felt Sirius kick him under the table, and he struggled to keep his face neutral as he smiled at the witch across from him.
"Yes, why don't we adjourn to the library and allow Molly a precious moment of peace?"
"Thank you, dear," Molly said distractedly. "And thank you again for the potatoes. You too, Sirius."
"Anytime, Molly," Sirius replied pleasantly. Remus noted wryly that for as much discomfort as their conversation several minutes prior had caused him, at least it had put Sirius in a rather alarmingly cheerful mood.
The three of them made their way up to the library; Remus had just settled into his normal chair by the fire when Sirius suddenly hesitated near the door. "I just remembered I should go feed Buckbeak," he said. Tonks had deposited herself sideways in the chair across from Remus, her heavy boots kicking the leather side of the chair.
Remus narrowed his eyes slightly. "I thought you fed -"
"He's a growing boy," Sirius said lightly. "No, I just gave him his snack before, but he'll be wanting dinner now."
"D'you need help?"
"No, no," Sirius waved off Tonks' offer in a suspiciously casual manner. "You two stay here, get a game started so you can fit one in before dinner. I'll be back down in just a few." He gave one more meaningful glance at Remus before turning and leaving the room, letting the door shut heavily behind him.
Remus turned to see Tonks watching him. "You alright, Remus?"
"Of course, Tonks. Why?"
"Nothing. It's just...you two seem a bit off today, is all. Well Sirius does, anyway." She swung her legs off the chair and started to arrange the chess pieces on the board that was laid out on the table between them. "Not that that's anything new though, eh?" She shot him a grin. As she shifted forward to set his side of the board, her legs pressed against his under the table.
"Oh, yes. We're fine. As fine as we can be, anyway, us two old men gathering dust here in this house."
"Oh, don't say that," she chided. "I'm sure you'd gather more than dust if you sat still long enough in this creepy old place. Black or white?"
"Erm - black." He glanced down; she had reached out to gently touch his hand when she asked. "I - actually, can I ask you something, Tonks?"
Tonks face suddenly looked guarded. "Only if it's a good thing," she joked, though she sounded slightly apprehensive.
"Don't worry, it's not bad. At least - erm - well, it depends on how you look at it." Tonks looked slightly concerned now, her brow crinkling in confusion. "I mean...well, it depends on what you think about...it wouldn't be bad if you're...oh, fuck it all. Do you happen to be free next Friday?" he finally finished, rubbing the back of his neck. He was tempted to look away as he felt his face flush what was surely an extremely unflattering shade of red, but he forced himself to hold her gaze as her eyes widened.
"Are you..."
"I mean, only if you'd want to," he added quickly. "I mean - what I'm trying to say is - Merlin, I'm not doing a very good job of this, am I? If you - if you don't want to, then of course -"
"I've got that day in my calendar marked just for you, if that's what you're trying to tell me," she said now with a grin, her eyes glinting.
He swallowed, unable to resist returning her grin now. "That - that is what I'm asking you. Only if...only if you'd really want to, of course."
"Of course I really want to, Remus. On one condition."
"Yes?"
"You call me in before you start lobbing starchy root vegetables at Sirius next time."
He smiled. "I think that's a fair enough trade, then. It's a deal."
"It's a deal," she repeated, smiling as she knocked his knee with hers again under the table.