Letters from a woman that lived dozens of lives.
To someone that will inherent the throne;
Your country is flawed. Your technology is behind. The knowledge is scarred. Healing is too dependent on magic, potions, and herbs. Some children are hungry orphans. Some heirs and spares are abused. People young and old are sold and slaved.
Do not rule with an iron fist like your father.
Use my knowledge to you for the benefit of existences.
An advice from a former ruler, Margaret, a person who was before your mother.
To a young child with eyes from their father;
If every single story from a book was an actual world somewhere else in the universe, would you believe your's is one too?
A wonder from a reader.
To a son that will grow up without a mother, I write to you.
I will not apologize for not being there with you. I will not apologize for fooling you that a mother would treat their child with harsh words and cold glances. I will not apologize for using you. I will not apologize for not regretting everything I did that harms your psyche and heart.
I will apologize that I am a person that could not love you. I am apologizing for being able to treat you kindly, though it would be false, but never doing so. I do not ask for your forgiveness for making you grow up too soon for a child.
I expect you to be strong, bulletproof, and take no bullshit from anyone.
Wishes from Alexander Liamson, a person before your mother.
To the child who was born from a loveless engagement;
My behavior towards you has no connection to you, and is not caused by you. I am a person that remembers more, I knew more.
I believe that I was once from a different time and world, and for that I do not belong. A past life, no. Unforgotten memories, yes. Dear, Eros, for I have left you unlimited knowledge in forms of teachings, letters and books in a language only you can understand. The only thing I could not and did not teach you is the way of magic, to control it, or use it. For that you will approach your father, or when he comes; an ancient warlock that took the form of a young boy with long black hair and Red eyes.
My son, when the time comes where a silver haired man with golden eyes and a black haired royal with black eyes you see, prepare for the worst.
Much importance, Kim hayan, also a person who was before your mother.
To my only child, Eros:
When you'll read this, it means that I had finally been given my
Dearest wish; to be dead. I had hoped my last words to you would at the very least, be comforting to you, the future of obelia. but, I know that matters much less to you, Eros.
For the dying question and wonder; yes, my beloved Eros, I had used your father, the emperor, and you as well. For why? You would cry, I assume.
My answer is this; I don't belong in this world. I have been here. I detest my identity as the last Noxlucis noble. It's difficult for me to die. I learned so from my futile attempts before.
I wrote this with a smile: Eros, look at the bright side. You were my last attempt, you were my last chance. And you made me succeed. Bearing Claude's child was mine and his choice, him, for an heir, for me, to weaken my health so I'd die at long last.
For what it's worth, I am sorry for you.
Though, I do not regret my choice.
And once again, I never loved you, my precious Eros. Do not fool yourself in false hope.
In full of honesty and will, Beatrice Elias Williams, a person who was your mother.
A young girl with beautiful pearl-white curls and blue eyes as dark as night smiles to the second prince of Obelia before giving curtsy. "Claude," she says.
An irritated blond itches to frown.
The girl laughs. "Aw, come one, Claude. If we are meant to marry then you should get used to my presence. Ifnot I'm afraid you'll have to suffer until I die, which I hope is soon." She says with a teasing smile.
"Lady Nyx, please do not speak of such things. What if you really do?!" A redheaded boy fussed.
Claude sighs. "Felix, she doesn't deserve to be worried about. "
At Felix's pout, Nyx smiles. "As much as I'd love to disagree, yes, Felix. Do not worry about me, if you do, I'd worry that you'll faint from stress, thinking about the possibilities of both of your companions suicidal behavior. "
"I have no such reckless behavior, Nyx. Speak for yourself."
"Oh?" She challenges. "Excuse me, but I am not the one who coughed up blood from fighting multiple assassins last week."
Her fiancée rolls his eyes and grumbles.
An elegant woman with pearl white curls stood in front of the sitting newly made emperor, perhaps bashful, a bit uncaring, her hand placed on her abdomen, hinting rather obviously.
"You're pregnant. " a nonchalant tone from a man with jeweled eyes and bloodstained hands.
"I am." The woman simply said. No formal greeting. No yes, your majesty. "I won't be queen, Claude."
The emperor's eye twitched at the audacity of only using his name. "I could chop your head off and no one will question it, "
The light haired woman smirked, bringing her hand to Claude's golden blond hair. The royal just stood still, letting her. "Silly Claude, you only know your threats don't matter to me."
Royally blond bangs flopped elegantly as he sighed. "I'm well informed of that, Nyx."
At the reveal of her name, her wine colored irises glinted. "You knew that I used you, Claude. And I will use this child in me as well."
Claude boredly rested his face on one hand. "I do."
He saw the woman's eyes show slight guilt, then it vanished like a trick of the light. "Comfort them when I die. Don't be too cold, Claude. "
…"I will try, Nyx."
A rare day where Nyx had her son in her lap, fingers brushing the boy's platinum blonde hair. She sang an odd sounded song, a song with lyrics of a language he only heard spoken by himself and his mother. As Eros hummed along, he asked, "what song is that, Mother?"
He felt her pause. "...a song from a different time and universe, my son."
A fantasily answer. "Then, how can you know about it?"
The white-haired woman had a sly and wistful smile. "Because, it's a song from where I was."
Regardless how weird that statement sounded, Eros simply nodded. "Continue, Please."
He received a stern look. "Never say please to anyone lower than you, your highness."
Your highness, she called him. "What defines lower than myself, Mother?"
"Me, just some noble. Your subjects, Servants, anyone that isn't royalty or a high ranking person from a foreign country. But remember, Eros, you can choose to respect anyone you wish, to treat them nicely, to treat them like some god. Just do not lower yourself for and to them."
Nyx noxlucis was a brilliant woman. She taught her son dozens of languages, some that most in Obelia or even to this world heard about. She taught him how to write in English, fully speak Greek and Latin. She also taught him how to ride a horse, advice how to use a sword, a dagger, a bow, a whip at rare occasions. Her mind seemed to be a paradox of endless knowledge.
She taught him social structures.
"One important thing that people view and judge themselves and others with is gender, Eros." She told him at three years old in life.
"Does mother mean how they differentiate a person from genitalia?"
"Yes, " she said. " what sex you were born as depicts and predicts everything; if you will be heir. If you will lead. if you will birth. If you will wear dresses, or if you wear suits. "
"But mother, what does genitalia have to do with what I wear or another will be chosen for the crown?"
"That's my point, Eros. It truly doesn't matter. And you will act like it doesn't matter. "She paused, sipping more tea before continuing. "Gender also affects if others will let you love."
"Hm?" Eros tilts his head. "How?"
"Here, in this unaccepting world, women can only marry men, and vice-versa. "She stared at him in the eyes. "If you find love with a man, or woman, don't let that stop you. When you'll be emperor, you can change everything"
She taught him how to be humble.
"Eros, we royals have almost everything we want in the world. But remember that it is because of our ancestors, the people's taxes, our country's loyalty. You must not be arrogant, it will only bring you to your downfall like thousands of nobles before and currently. "
She taught him not to expect too much from his father.
"Your father, Claude, is a great man, understand this. But he lacks tact in emotions, though he cares about you very much, you are my child after all. But he doesn't show his affections with warmth and rainbows, my son. When he comes to a choice where he could've chopped off your head, and he doesn't, that is a sign of at least his attention.
"But remember that I am not his lover, nor his concubine, I am a close companion of his since a young age, I used to teach him some of what I knew, but never I do to you. Do not expect to be treated as a child of a precious lover, Eros. You are his heir."
She never raised him with warmth or care for a loving mother. Nyx was strict, harsh, and spoke to him like an adult. She taught him how not to be assassinated. "Obelia has many enemies, and even in this country there are people who want you dead, Eros. I've already killed ten assassins since you were born, the guards had probably more. " she threw a dagger at his direction, causing Eros to jerk away. "If you die, i will be at fault, if you die, some incompetent person will replace you. If you die, you will bring trouble for your father. Do not do so, Eros."
but still, it still hurt when the day she was weakest came.
Eros watched, blank sapphire eyes, as his mother's breaths slowed. She's dying, everything in his body and mind told himself. She'll be gone. He couldn't help but wonder.
"Mother, do you love me?"
Even on her deathbed, the stubborn woman turned her head weakly to face her four year old son, and smiled. "No."
A crack, a hit to his heart, mind and soul. " What ?" He knew that many don't hold any love for him, but, but, but, he thought that at least his mother….."you don't love me?" His voice betrayed him, revealing the sadness, disbelief, and anger in his tone.
Again, his mother's dark eyes smiled. "You showed a weakness in front of me, my dear. But yes, I don't. "
In that lavish room of a dying noble woman, surrounded by maids and healers, her son turned his body and ran away, tears threatening to fall. As he ran down the palace halls, expensive shoes made for him, steps echoing from the marble floor, he knew he shouldn't have left a dying mother alone, he knew he should've just stood there, shock and pain in all, but he was only a child. A crying child that fell from bumping to a tall person. He doesn't say apologies, mother told him royals don't apologize for small things. Laying on his bum, looking up at the person who would've been executed for hurting the crown prince, instead, he was greeted by irises that seemed to be cut from an intense blue gem.
Father, he realized, just then elegantly standing up to greet him. "Your maj—" he stopped himself. "Father," he tried again.
Claude simply nodded and said, "Nyx, has she died?"
He slightly flinched at her name. "I'm not sure." His fists tightened, nail digging at his soft skin.
Royal blue eyes glanced to the hallway, his son's puffy eyes, and knew. "Ah, Nyx." He said her name like a curse. "Felix,"
A redheaded man with a handsome face straightened his already straight back. "Yes, your majesty?"
The emperor doesn't answer verbally, walking towards where Eros left, not waiting for his son or his guard. Felix smiled at the future sun and gestured. "We should follow, your highness. "
The child's nail digged deeper into his palms, he shook his head. "No."
At his refusal, Claude halted, and turned. His eyes instantly went to his son's fist, almost slightly widening. "Eros, " he called.
He felt stings, then wet in his palms. He looked down and found blood dripping from where his nails dug. He quickly opened his palms.
Felix gasped. "Your highness! We should get that treated, it could be—"
"Felix, two steps back and shut your mouth. "
He did just that.
The emperor, Claude, found himself holding his child's hand. His son looked up, surprised, but appreciated the comfort, visibly more relaxed. "Do not hurt yourself, Eros."
Despite how he knew that his father wouldn't had hold any concern for him, Eros replied, "of course, father."
For a week, Eros de Alger Obelia didn't leave his room until he was summoned by his father.
Platinum blonde and jeweled blue eyes nodded to his father. "Is there something you need, Father?" He asked as he was taught by his mother.
The prince was referred to by a glance from Claude, as the emperor said, "you shall live in the Sapphire Palace."
A sentence that meant everything. He acknowledged Eros as crown prince. Claude knows of his son's lonesome grieving. And that he wants Eros to let go of his mother's passing by moving away from the shared palace of the former fiancée of the emperor and her son.
Eros dropped his head at an angle just lower from a nod, letting know of his complying, but not complete obedience, as expected of a prince. "Of course, Father."
Claude narrowed his eyes. "You are dismissed," a pause. "Eros."
The platinum blond prince gave a small smile, bowing, then turning away, Exiting the throne room.
Being claimed as an heir of an empire should be gratifying. Eros should be in awe and disbelief, or perhaps relieved. But he knew of no other heir except himself. He lives with the confirmation that the woman that introduced him to life, the woman who birthed him, taught him everything he knew, did not, and doesn't love nor care for him.
Eros, a name of the primordial being of love that shaped the world, is a boy, a royal prince, that knows he wasn't loved.
And so, he will never expect love ever again. Neither from his own father, nor any possible half siblings. Because a child that wasn't received of motherly love would grow up cold.
That is, until A woman named Diana happened.
Eros was sitting properly, alone, reading a book in a outdoor sofa near a statue of one of his ancestor when he caught sight of golden blond hair. At first, he thought his father came to see him. But as quickly as the thought came, he was reminded that Claude wouldn't bother doing that, and that Claude does have long curly hair and Red eyes.
He lowered his book of a story that his late mother written. He frowned as the, though beautiful woman, still a stranger nonetheless, leaned quite close to him. "Who are you?" The young prince asked.
The woman smiled, her red eyes brightening. "My name is Diana, your highness. "
He looked at what the woman was wearing; beautiful clothing of a dancer. He tilted his head. "Are you someone that charmed my father?" He wondered. A random woman wouldn't be allowed at the palace if not a lover of the emperor.
"Why yes, " She giggled, amusement obviously shown on her face. "I am. "
"And why are you here, Diana?" He asked.
"Because I was curious, your highness. "
"Curious of what? A son from your lover?" A simple but stupid reason. She's just one of his father's many concubines.
"I was. "She said, "you are very similar but so different from Claude."
"What?" Was that offensive or a compliment. Mother never taught him how to differentiate words from a cheerful woman. Eros was lost.
Diana giggled once again. "It is not an insult, your highness. "
The prince slightly frowned. He was sure that his expression wasn't so obvious. Eros just slightly observed as the woman babbled nonsense of his father and himself, saying ridiculous assumptions. Just as he was going to object about how he wasn't cute, a loud voice yelled.
"Diana! What are you doing here?!" The prince and dancer turned to stare at a crimson haired guard. Felix bowed quickly to Eros. "Excuse me for yelling, your highness. "
"It's fine, Felix. " he glanced at the woman in front of him again. "Why is she here again?"
Diana laughed. "Very much Claude's son." Eros frowned again at that. He seemed to be frowning a lot of times near this woman.
Then the woman smiled softly before glancing at Felix. "I have to go now, Your highness. Is it okay for me to visit you more soon?"
Eros averted his eyes, grumbling. "Do what you want, I don't care."
He heard soft giggles. "Thank you, Prince Eros."
He turned to say something, but found the familiar empties once again. "Oh," he breathed. "She left."
Why am I disappointed?
Eros doesn't like feeling that. It reminds him too much of his mother's last words.