I'll warn you in advance, this is a weird mix of Sailor Moon Classic and Crystal, just so you know. Also, I took a lot of… creative liberties because I can so if you see anything weird, it's probably on purpose.

This work was inspired by the song Fairytail by Alexander Rybak.

Years ago
When I was younger

Mamoru has never been a romantic one. At least, he has never considered himself as such. He has always been methodic, organized with everything in his life. He has always felt the need to keep order of everything around him, if only to try and calm the chaos that seems to plague his mind all the time.

I kinda liked
A girl I knew

But when he first saw her in the middle of the street, after she had thrown her failed test at him, he had to reconsider. What else could it be that he felt then, other than love at first sight?

His heart had beaten so hard he felt it was going to burst out of his chest, and his eyes had stayed locked in hers for what he felt was an eternity, when in reality were only seconds. His mouth had dried, and something inside him had just clicked, like that part he had been missing suddenly returned.

Meeting Usagi had felt like coming home, somehow.

So of course, because Mamoru is socially inept and couldn't for the life of him communicate like a normal human being, his brain decided right then and there that the best way to let her know that she was everything he didn't even know he had been looking for, was making fun of her like a twelve year old with a crush.

Countless times words have tumbled out of his mouth, witted insults and quick jabs he can't seem to stop, and he always feels like kicking himself when he sees that angry expression on her face. Why could he never do anything right? Why does he have to mess everything up so badly?

Usagi makes him lose control of himself. He can never seem to think before he speaks with her, no matter how many times he spends his nights thinking of ways to tell her she's the most amazing thing that has ever happened to him.

It's pitiful, how he goes out of his way each morning only to feel her against him every time they collide in that same corner, to hear her talk, to see her.

Mamoru should be ashamed. He should stop trying to feel around him to try and catch wind of her everywhere he goes, staging meetings just so he can get some interaction with her every day. He can't bring himself to.

Usagi is the highlight of his day, the reason he gets up in the mornings. He can't fathom how he functioned before meeting her, because now Mamoru cannot imagine life without her. Tsukino Usagi is like a drug to him, never enough and always making him come back to those sunshine smiles and heartfelt laughs.

And then there's Sailor Moon.

He feels pulled at her, something he can't explain. His heart aches with need every time she is in danger— every time he feels her call for help, this sense to protect her, don't let her get hurt, not again— and he finds himself saving her from danger with his heart in his throat, adrenaline coursing through his veins as he makes sure harm doesn't come to her in any way he can.

He doesn't understand it. He doesn't understand why he can feel the earth beneath his feet, why he feels connected to the ground, why he can make flowers grow in a way that shouldn't be possible, why he can feel every beating heart around him, how he just knows when someone is hurt, why he can heal them.

He doesn't understand why he feels pulled towards Sailor Moon in the same way he feels pulled towards Usagi. Why he feels exactly the same when he dreams of his princess.

It keeps him at night, like an incessant song that just doesn't want to go. He doesn't love Sailor Moon, not like he loves Usagi, but he feels the same way— home, she's home, don't let her go. And his princess, the only one that has kept him company ever since he can remember, is slowly taking the form of a blond with long hair pulled into two odango tails. She calls him Endymion, begs for him to find the Silver Crystal, to find her. He can't bear to see Usagi's face contort in anguish, can't stand the tears that fall from her eyes as her hands shakily grab the edge of that balcony he dreams her at. He doesn't know if he's going crazy or if this means something.

He's also really scared to find out the answer.

One particular rainy morning, he's walking down the street on his way to class. He feels the unmistakable pull, his features unconsciously lightening, and he goes on his way, happy that he won't have to force a meeting between them today. It has always made him happier when they happen spontaneously, like destiny or something were pulling them together.

He spotts her signature bun tails from the other side of the street, partially hidden by her pink umbrella, and his insides melt at her smile, bright even from a distance. She's always smiling, always laughing, the light to his darkness. Mamoru knows she has to cross the street to get to school herself - has seen her running across the streets often enough to remember - and a giddy feeling bubbles inside him as he thinks that, in mere seconds, he'll be able to hear her voice again. He didn't see her yesterday, he woke up extra early to get some books from the local library before class and missed her.

He's preparing for the imminent interaction, mentally rehearsing what he'll say to her - this time must be the one he doesn't mess up, right? It has to be - as the crosswalk turns green and she crosses the street. She still hasn't noticed him, not that Mamoru blames her. He only notices her so quickly because of his weird powers.

Then he sees the car.

It's speeding up, not minding that the lights are red, and that someone - not just someone, Usagi - is crossing the street. Mamoru's heart quickens, and he picks up the pace, already yelling at her to watch out.

He's too far. He's going to be too late, she can't hear him from here, the car will run her over, he won't get there in time—

Another girl saves Usagi just in time, throwing her out of the car's range. Mamoru's heart rate doesn't calm, and he's full on running by the time he gets to her, the mysterious girl already gone. Usagi is still sitting on the floor, umbrella laying near her as she looks around in shock, and Mamoru drops to his knees by his side, eyes wild and pupils blown.

"Oh my God Usagi are you alright?!" he cries out, curling his arms around her as she turns to look at him, surprised. "I was so scared when you didn't hear me. Don't do that again!"

"M-Mamoru-baka?" she stutters, seemingly out of it still. Mamoru is still pressing her to his chest, trying to calm himself. She's alright, she's safe, nothing happened—

"Yeah, it's me Odango. Can you stand up?" he asks, and after a nod, Mamoru helps her up, picking up her umbrella for her. "Here. Come on, I'll take you home."

"Huh? But I have to get to school," she says, and Mamoru looks at her like she's grown a second head. Of all the days for her to be responsible, it just has to be when she almost dies. Of course.

"Usagi, you almost got run over by a car. Are you seriously thinking of going to school right now?" she doesn't even like going to school! Why won't she just take the chance and get back to her house, when she'll be safe from other irresponsible drivers?

"Well, yeah. Nothing happened to me, did it?" she doesn't look as shaken anymore, although still a little bit pale. Mamoru wishes he could use his powers on her, but it would do more harm than good.

"Are you sure?" Mamoru asks one more time, just in case she decides she doesn't want to go after all, and after a small nod, he sighs. "Alright then. I'll walk you to school, okay? I'll tell your teacher why you were late so you don't get detention."

She looks like she wants to protest for a second, and a little bit confused - understandable, since she probably thinks he hates her, as much as it pains him - but then she just gives him a beautiful smile and nods, and the two of them are on their way. Mamoru ends up getting terribly late for his own classes that day, but he doesn't regret a thing, even with Motoki's incessant questioning. He will do anything if he can secure Usagi's safety.

Months later, when he finds his Usagi, his everything, is the same Sailor Moon that fights monsters in the daily and risks her life, Mamoru wants to take her away. He wants to hide her, make sure no one can touch her, protect her from all the evil that seems to surround her light. But Mamoru doesn't, because he knows Usagi is strong, and that she wouldn't forgive him if he were to do that. Her heart has always been too big, too caring. She couldn't leave the world on its own, even if it kills her. So instead, he resolves to stay by her side to catch her when she falls, so it doesn't come to that.

When he's kidnapped by the Dark Kingdom, they refer to him as Endymion, just like his princess does. It doesn't bring the same feeling though, and he agonizes as he gets trapped inside his own head, unable to control his body as it tries to harm Usagi. He sobs, unable to bear the distraught look in her face when she tries to make him come to his senses, and he tries to fight with himself as his hands curl around her throat. He watches in horror as his hands tighten their grip, unaffected by her cries for him to stop, don't you remember me Mamo-chan, please I know you're in there.

Their kiss is terribly bittersweet, her lips salt-tasting and her eyes asking, pleading for him to come back to her. Mamoru aches to do something, anything, to let her know he's there, but his efforts are squashed down just as before, and when she plunges her sword forward he's almost relieved. Then she aims the blade at herself and he wants to scream. When the spell breaks, he crawls towards her, praying— please someone listen to him, for her to be as alright as he is, for something to have miraculously stopped her sword.

He's not that lucky.

Mamoru will always remember the first time he had to use his powers to heal her, how his hands trembled as the blood poured from her stomach, how the fear threatened to overwhelm him when his powers didn't work at first.

She was mine and we were sweethearts

Mamoru doesn't let her out of his sight once they get back to Tokyo. He can't stop holding her, making sure she's there, that he hasn't left him, that she's fine. He walks her to school in the mornings and picks her up after classes are over, texting her throughout the day to make sure nothing has happened to her. Motoki calls him clingy when he finds out, some would say even obsessed, but Mamoru can't help it. He's still terrified that one day, he'll open his eyes and find out she's gone.

Usagi doesn't mind, she reassures him each time with a smile, and hugs him tight without him needing to say anything. She whispers nothings in his ear, letting him hold her for hours until his hands stop shacking and his heartbeat slows.

They go out on dates, and it's oh-so-wonderful. Seeing her smile at the nice weather, shriek excitedly at little things she sees on the street, dragging him around town with a bubbly laugh, and he lets her. This is what he's been craving all his life, what has been missing. This is what home feels like.

Then the dreams start.

That was then, but then it's true

It's not unlike the dreams he had of his princess. He wakes up with the same feeling of helplessness, even if the contents are completely different this time.

It's a wedding. A beautiful wedding with the most beautiful bride, and he's so happy he could cry as he sees her walk down the aisle to meet him. Usagi always takes his breath away, but Mamoru's head empties when he sees her with that white dress, smiling that sweet smile of hers that makes Mamoru's heart skip a beat. Everyone is cheering, and Mamoru holds her in his arms. She's his, and he's hers, and this is the happiest he has ever been.

Then blood splatters the dress like a morbid painting, her face contorted in pain as the cut in her stomach pours blood, blood, blood, and she stumbles forwards. Mamoru tries to go over to her, to help her, he can heal her, but he can't move. He can't move, and then he's falling, falling, falling, and that voice tells him that if he and Usagi, his Usako, stay together, terrible things will happen, she will die.

Mamoru tries to ignore the dreams at first. It must be his paranoia talking, he just doesn't want her to get hurt, and his thoughts transform into that sick dream at night. He tries to let it go, go on dates with Usagi, hug her close, kiss her silly.

The nightmares don't stop. The voice doesn't stop, and the blood, and the wedding, and Usako. He's falling, always falling, never able to do anything, helpless as the love of his life perishes away. Some nights, he wakes up clad in cold sweat and rushes to the bathroom to throw up. Others, the most merciful ones, he starts crying, breaths short and trembling hands grabbing the frame of the picture on his bedside table, the one of the two of them.

I'm in love with a fairytale

He can't lose Usagi, he can't let her die like that. She's the most important person in his life, he won't let anything happen to her, even if he has to stay away from her.

Mamoru is willing to suffer an eternity if it means she would be safe.

Even though it hurts

Breaking up with Usagi is both the easiest and hardest thing he has ever done. Mamoru doesn't want to let her go, wants to be with her forever, wants her to be his forever, but he won't hesitate to pull away when he knows she's in danger because of him.

"But why? Mamo-chan, we— we love each other," her expression breaks his heart. She's confused, she wants him to explain, why would he do this?

"You want a reason? I don't want to be with you anymore, alright? I'm not just going to be with you because we were lovers in our past lives. We are not those people, I am not Endymion. I'm Chiba Mamoru, I'm my own person, and I don't love you anymore. I'm tired, I'm done, and I don't want it. I don't want you," his words are harsh, eyes hard, and he leaves before he breaks, before he falls to his knees and begs for forgiveness. His heart is heavy as he turns away, and he can feel how Usagi's heart breaks into a million pieces.

'Cause I don't care if I lose my mind
I'm already cursed

He only makes it two streets before he collapses, hiding inside an alley as he clutches his chest, head against his knees as he gasps for air. The tears fall, ugly sobs tumbling out of his mouth. He still feels Usagi, still feels her breaking, calling for him, asking him to stay.

Abandoning his home is possibly the worst he has ever done, but he doesn't go back. He will keep Usagi safe.

'I'm sorry. Please, don't forgive me, Usako.'

Every day we started fighting

She seems to find him no matter how he changes his routes. Their pull is undeniable, and he agonizes over it after every altercation. He's as cold as he can, says things as hurtful as he can imagine them, everything to make her hate him, to make her forget him.

And she asks him, pleads him, why is he doing this, is it because she's not enough? He escapes as fast as he can from that one, because how can he not tell her that it's the opposite, that she's perfection, his everything?

Mamoru feels her crying at night, heart clenching like it were his own, and he wants to hold her, cradle her in his arms. He feels guilty, so fucking guilty, but he doesn't go back. No, he has to drive her away, he has to keep her safe.

'Please Usako, just forget about me. Please, for your sake, forget me!'

(In the middle of the night, when no one can hear him sob to an empty room in an empty apartment, he begs for her to stay, so maybe his life won't be as empty.)

Every night we fell in love

Fear ripples through him every time he feels Usagi transforming into Sailor Moon. Will this be the day when something really bad happens to her? Will he be too slow to save her this time around? Mamoru always drops everything he's doing and transforms, his heartbeat echoing in his head as he prays to the gods to keep her out of harm's way. Just until he's there, please just wait a little bit until he's by her side.

Tuxedo Mask doesn't stick around, just like he didn't when he first started helping the Sailor Senshi. He flees as soon as he's sure Usagi isn't in any imminent danger. Every time she's attacked is a cruel reminder of the future that awaits her if he caves in, if he ignores the dreams and stays with her.

So he leaves her to her Senshi, he ignores her when they see each other on the streets, he tries to make her forget him, or at least hate him enough to want nothing to do with him.

No one else could make me sadder
But no one else could lift me high above

He has to admit, every time they see each other feels both like a stab through the heart and a calming balm over him. It calms him to know she's still there, that she's still living her life even if it's without him, but despite himself, the treacherous part of himself feels devastated when he thinks of her finding someone else, someone who can make her happier without condemning her to such a terrible fate.

His blood boils when that classmate of hers tries to make any advances on her, only calming down when he sees Usagi rejecting him. He looks away when their eyes meet, hers pleading and sorrowful, and his full of guilt and resolvement. It's a contradicting feeling, the battle he has with himself.

I don't know what I was doin'
But suddenly we fell apart

Mamoru, who has known there's something strange with himself since he can remember - so, since he was sex years old, though it could be before even that if he hadn't lost his memory - has had the time to hone in his skills, train himself. When he was younger, people overwhelmed him, probably the reason why he doesn't interact much in the first place. But before he could control his powers, he always felt everyone around him. Their heart rates, their organs, how their health was, he even got whisps of thoughts and emotions sometimes.

It bothered him. It didn't let him think, it confused him. Were his thoughts really Mamoru's or where they someone else's? How was he supposed to know how he was feeling when the ones from people around him messed with his head? He often found peace in a rose garden near the orphanage, where he sat in one of the emptier corners and tried to make it all disappear. Looking back, Mamoru thinks that's probably why he has an affinity to roses, but it could also be that single rose he has had since his stay at the hospital, that still hasn't wilted.

The thing is, Mamoru has had years of practice with his powers. He can will other's thoughts out of his head, he has learned to identify his own emotions from other people's, and while he still feels the ones around him, it doesn't overwhelm him anymore. It feels more like background noise, always there but easy to ignore.

This is why he knows how to make barriers. Mamoru can feel Usagi's emotions, louder and clearer than any other person's. It's their bond, the one that joins them since thousands of years ago. If Mamoru concentrates enough, he can even know what she's thinking. He thinks Usagi can feel something similar about him, knows she feels something, from how she sometimes looked at her with wide eyes when they first started dating and Mamoru couldn't get her out of his head.

Now, he makes sure Usagi can feel nothing. He can't severe the connection - isn't strong enough to do it - but he guards himself as much as he can, for as long as he can. He doesn't want to give her more mixed signals than he already does. Saving her as Tuxedo Mask is risky enough, but he can't help it, can't let her face danger in the face on her own. Showing her a cold wall every time she tries to reach out?

Sometimes it feels even harder, but he does it anyways.

Nowadays
I cannot find her

Before they even discovered each other's identities, Mamoru admits they saw each other a great deal. Sometimes by coincidence, sometimes by his hand, but they interacted at least once almost every day. He liked it that way.

Then, there was a time when Mamoru knew exactly where Usagi would be at any time of the day. Usagi always told him her whole schedule, and despite being sometimes forgetful, she never failed to update him if she ever made a change of plans. She did this because she knew Mamoru worried to death for her when he wasn't around, and like the amazing person she is, she decided to make it easier for him instead of thinking it weird, or creepy, like it actually was, and still is, really.

Now, there are times when he has no idea where she is. It terrifies him, to know she could be the gods know where doing the gods know what and he wouldn't be any wiser. But he has made his choice, and his anxiety is his burden to bare.

But when I do
We'll get a brand new start

Mamoru sometimes dreams of their first meeting. He dreams of those odango tails and that cute angry expression she made when he made fun of her failing grade. Those are the best nights, because the nightmares don't reach him, and if he's lucky he can even get a full nights sleep. He wakes up with a smile on his face after that particular dream. Mamoru hasn't had many reasons to smile recently.

I'm in love with a fairytale
Even though it hurts

He loves her, he loves her so much it hurts. He wants to see her smile and be happy, only wants her to feel the joy and warmth of life. But most of all, he wants her to be alive.

He loathes the tears tracing down her cheeks when she thinks he's already left, it gets hard to breathe and he finds himself stumbling across the streets, clutching his chest until he can't keep going and he falls down in the middle of hyperventilated breaths.

'Cause I don't care if I lose my mind
I'm already cursed

It doesn't matter, he tells himself, and it doesn't, not if it means Usagi will live a long life. Mamoru will take the madness, will take the pain, he will even take the nightmares before seeing them come to life.

She's a fairytale
Yeah

Roughly three and a half months into this endeavor, Usagi comes to his apartment. She has been there before, of course, before he broke up with her and broke both their hearts in the process, but this time Mamoru opens the door to find her in her pajamas, hair still fixed for sleep, eyes wide and tear tracks down her cheeks. She looks like she ran all the way here, and she doesn't even let him say anything before barging in.

"Is it because of that dream? The one when I die, after we get married? Is it because of that dream that you left me, Mamo-chan?" she asks in a tone that's both soft and demanding, and Mamoru swallows dry.

"Yes," he says after a beat, like a breathless whisper, and Usagi throws herself at him, wrapping her arms around his torso. Mamoru finds himself hugging her back almost instinctively, inhaling her scent like it were a drug, holding her close just like he has been aching to do all these months.

"You don't have you worry about that dream, Mamo-chan, I promise, nothing will happen to me," she says in that sweet voice of hers, the one that calmed him down when he was thinking of his time under the Dark Kingdom's control, of all the horrible things he had to do, of what he almost did to Usagi.

He pulls back like if he were burned.

Even though it hurts

"You should leave," he says, making his best to reign in his shaking hands.

"W-What? But Mamo-chan—"

"I'm not taking any chances, Usagi. Alright? Not with you. You don't know how important you are to me. So I won't be with you if it means you will die. I love you too much for that," Mamoru looks at her straight in the eye, doesn't blink until he sees her tears. He looks away, combing a hand through his hair.

"I don't care, Mamoru, I—"

"Usako. Please," her face flashes through a series of emotions, and then she sighs, letting a tear roll down her cheek as she closes the distance between them again, and stands on her tiptoes to give him a kiss on the cheek, one that feels like see you later but makes him think of goodbye. Then, she leaves his apartment as quickly as she entered.

Mamoru tells himself it's a good thing. He still feels empty.

'Cause I don't care if I lose my mind
I'm already cursed

Not even twenty minutes later, Luna comes in, panicked, telling him about how Usagi is about to do something really reckless and that he must stop her.

Mamoru doesn't think before he leaves his apartment, heart thundering in panic as adrenaline starts pumping down his veins. Praying to anyone who is listening to keep her safe, don't let her do this, please, don't let her do this—

He's too late. His throat closes when he arrives, only to see Usagi being abducted by that damned alien ship. Mamoru falls to his knees, still looking at where Usagi had been at only moments before. He only notices he's crying when Luna rubs herself against his leg, and tries to bite back a sob.

Usagi's gone. His Usako— his home, is gone. He failed her, he wasn't fast enough, he couldn't protect her.

Maybe… maybe he doesn't need to, though. When she comes back, while battered and in the verge of passing out, Usagi is very much alive, and Mamoru could cry in relief if he weren't so busy tending to her wounds, making sure she's as good as new, after all that nothing he did, it's the least he can do for her.

Usagi tries to talk to him again after that, waving her Senshi goodbye for the night. You're all tired after that fight, go get some sleep, alright? I'll be okay, promise. Reluctantly, the four Sailors leave, Luna and Artemis with them, and Mamoru prepares to do the same before she grabs his sleeve, effectively stopping him in his tracks.

"Can we talk, Mamo-chan?" Mamoru takes a moment before answering, and then he turns around. They are alone in front of The Crown Arcade, their home base of operations. He can't count the number of times they have met in this same spot, how many jabs they have exchanged, how many dates they started there.

"Sure. What do you want to talk about, Usagi?" something in her eyes dims when she hears her name instead of the endearment he used to call her with, and Mamoru wills himself not to let his own feelings show.

"I… I understand that you're worried about me, about that dream," she starts slowly, carefully picking her words. "But you need to understand that I am not defenseless. I can take care of myself, and I won't die. You know how I know this?" when he doesn't answer, Usagi takes a step closer to him. Mamoru can almost feel her chest against his, can almost touch her. "Because I know you'll be there. Even when I can't protect myself, you'll be there to save me," she wraps her arms around him, resting her head against his chest. "So please, Mamo-chan. Don't leave."

Mamoru should say no. He should leave, tell her it's not meant to be. But he's weak, and he's tired of feeling this helpless, of seeing her heartbroken because of him. Usagi is the most important person in his world, and it destroys him to see her so sad all the time. He misses her laugh, her smile. She doesn't wonder at the little things anymore, and it's because of him.

Maybe he can fix this.

Mamoru hugs her back.

"Okay," he breathes out, closing her eyes as he rests his chin on the top of her head. "Okay."

Mamoru walks her back to her house that night, and even as they say goodbye with a kiss - he has missed this, has missed her so much - his hearth feels lighter.

Yeah, he will protect her— no Usagi will protect herself. And if that dream ever starts to come true, he will stop at nothing to ensure her safety. That, Mamoru can promise.

So I considered ending this in a bad note, because I'm a horrible person and I'll go to hell, but then I thought, 'I wouldn't read that' because I hate sad endings, so I put a little happy ending there. Not sure I would have been able to leave this alone if I hadn't honestly. Probably would have gone for a lot longer, finished the whole arc before actually getting them back together, made Mamoru cry and suffer a bit more.

Anyways, hope you liked this. You can come yell at me at tumblr patolemus or leave a comment about how horrible I am hehe.

Stay safe! Kudos!