Author's note: It's been years since obsessedwithstabler and I co-wrote EO. We've written plenty of stuff for other fandoms since then, but the reunion has refueled our obsession with EO, so we're back! We wrote this fic together and have written it in its entirety, so hopefully we don't fall into our old trap of ditching fics on tragic cliffhangers.
The title is from P!nk's song, The Last Song of Your Life.
Disclaimer: I don't know if people still do these, but we don't own SVU or The Last Song of Your Life.
Warning: This story will involve cancer and eventual character deaths. Proceed with caution.
Olivia Benson never imagined that she would retire from her job.
She loved her career. She had been helping people for most of her adult life, and any time she thought about retiring, it made her ill. So much of her identity was wrapped up in being a cop, and being Elliot Stabler's partner. Her world was rocked when he suddenly retired without even a word to her. 13 years of friendship, of partnership, of late nights and close calls just gone.
For a moment she thought about retiring then. Maybe she could find other ways to help people. Teaching, volunteer work, anything but coming to work every day and looking at her former partner's empty desk. But life went on.
Slowly she began to climb the ranks. She moved from detective first grade to sergeant, then lieutenant. Then the biggest change of her life came in the form of a tiny, helpless chubby cheeked boy named Noah. Suddenly her world became bigger than she ever could have imagined. When Elliot left, she had closed herself off to so many people in her life. Now she found herself opening her heart and home in ways she had never been able to before.
Never did she suspect a routine checkup would reveal an inoperable brain tumor two months after her fifty-seventh birthday.
Her first thought when she arrived home after the appointment was to text Elliot. It was the instinct she had each and every time something critical happened in her life, but the last time she actually texted him was more than eight years ago. After so long of unanswered texts and calls, she finally stopped sending them. What was the point? He clearly wasn't going to answer.
And he wouldn't answer now, either. She shoved the thought of him aside, along with her fears and futile hopes. Her focus had to be on Noah and what would happen to him when she was gone. Thankfully she had had similar conversations with Fin and Carisi after one close calls too many. Both men had offered to take Noah should anything happen to her. Those conversations felt like they happened ages ago, when she was confident the only way it would happen was if something happened to her on the job.
The morning after receiving her diagnosis, Olivia began her battle. On the advice of her neurologist, she scheduled her first round of aggressive chemotherapy. He was pessimistic about her odds but she had always been about beating them. And now she had Noah to fight for. So she fought.
Fin and Lucy were the first to know. Fin was her right hand man, and her best friend if she were truly honest. They both agreed not to breathe a word about her condition to anyone. The last thing she needed was the brass or IAB finding out about her diagnosis.
The first treatment barely had an effect on her. She was able to work as usual, take care of Noah, and continue her life. The second treatment made her realize she couldn't do this alone. Not anymore. She quietly informed Carisi and Rollins what was happening, and aside from the sympathetic looks and offers to help, they handled the information better than she could have hoped.
The first round of chemotherapy lasted just over six weeks, and by the end of it Olivia could barely work in the office, much less go into the field and do anything physical. But she still pushed through. If she had any hope of fighting this, she had to.
Then the word came in: the treatment had done nothing to shrink the tumor. If she continued with the treatment, it could potentially buy her months, maybe a year.
A year with her son.
A year to wrap up her entire life.
A year…
All three agreed to meet her at her apartment that evening, and over Chinese food and beers, she carefully broke the news to the three people who had become a second family to her. Carisi asked if she would retire while Fin kept silent, his expression one of deep thought. She had no intention of retiring, but she would be scaling back her field work as much as she possibly could.
Everyone agreed not to breathe a word of this to anyone else, and Olivia agreed that when, not if, the day came she could no longer work, she would step down. Already she was trying to figure out how to convince Fin to step up in her place; he would make a hell of a captain in his own right.
A week passed, then a month. Olivia started leaving work earlier when she could, just to be there to eat dinner with Noah and spend time with him before he went to bed. Fin and Carisi began dropping by unexpectedly, to give her a break or just to hang out with Noah. Olivia morbidly thought it was a good idea; after all one of these men would be raising her son when she was gone. In a way she considered herself a lucky woman to have two such kind and caring men ready to step up and help her. Noah would be in good hands, even if they couldn't be her own.
It was only supposed to be a few months.
After fatally shooting Jenna Fox, Elliot thought he'd take a leave of absence to clear his mind. But when a month wasn't enough to erase the guilt, he decided that he was done. He'd spent the better part of his life as a cop, spending more time in the precinct than he did at home.
The day Elliot turned his retirement papers in, Cragen tried to talk him out of it. Elliot wouldn't listen and surrendered his badge and gun. He didn't look back, didn't even clear out his desk. He just left. The day he bought the plane ticket, he dialed Olivia's number only to freeze and talk himself out of calling her. He had to get out of the city and he knew that the moment he heard her voice, he'd lose any intention of leaving.
He was supposed to focus on rebuilding his marriage that had been crumbling for years. For the first few months after moving to Italy, they were happy. For the first time in over three decades, Elliot didn't have phone calls pulling him to work in the middle of the night. No more missed family dinners, no more last-minute cancellations.
The bliss wore off with each year that slipped by. This time, Elliot didn't hesitate to sign the divorce papers. He'd always love Kathy as the mother of his children, but whatever they had when they were in their twenties just wasn't there anymore. Elliot remained in Italy when Kathy returned to the city, and they made things work with Eli.
He didn't have any intention of letting a decade pass by.
When he accepted the job overseas, he thought it would only be for six months until he found a new start in New York. Six months slipped into a year. A year gave way to two, then three and four before Elliot stopped counting. He came home when he could to spend time with his kids. He was there for the twins' high school graduation, then college. Maureen's wedding, Eli's thirteenth birthday.
Time had a strange way of soaring by. Before Elliot realized it, he was nearing sixty and had been away from SVU for a decade. At times he had to remind himself how long it had been. Moments passed when it felt that the all nighters, the early mornings, and too many near death experiences to count were only yesterday and not ten years ago.
He'd always meant to answer the weeks of unanswered texts and calls. Sometimes he thought about dialing Olivia's number and apologizing for handling things the way he did, but as weeks succumbed to years, the harder it became to reach out. For all Elliot knew, he was the last person she wanted to hear from.
And he didn't blame her, not at all. He'd walked out of her life without so much as reaching out before he signed the retirement papers, let alone a goodbye. With one decision, he'd selfishly thrown everything behind him, and for what?
For thirteen years they'd worked side by side, seeing each other through their highest and lowest moments. Even when she went undercover in Oregon, he never doubted that she'd return. She did, and before long it was as if she'd never left. She didn't throw everything away without looking back. She didn't leave him behind for ten years without so much as a call or a text.
Not like he did.
He never expected his new job would reunite him with the NYPD. The phone call came in on a Saturday night. A series of attacks shook New York, and they needed him there, working in the city for the first time in ten years.
With only a few hours to prepare, Elliot packed his bags and boarded the next flight to New York.
He was going home.
Four months after her diagnosis, New York was rocked by a rooftop shooter. The gunman terrorized Manhattan, seemingly choosing his victims at random. When a rookie officer fell victim to him, the most elite squads in the boroughs worked together to bring him down.
They tracked the shooter relentlessly, until one hot night he was cornered in a rundown building just outside of the city. Olivia and her people were the first to arrive on the scene and anger pulsed through her as a plan was devised. This bastard had to go down.
Two officers agreed to go inside first, and as they put on their helmets and shields, Olivia briefly wondered if she had lost her mind when someone called out her name.
"Liv!"
Dr. Carson had warned her the tumor would have side effects, even listing visual and auditory hallucinations as possibilities.
Still, when she heard Elliot Stabler call her name, she was certain she was losing it.
Elliot inhaled sharply when she turned around, facing him for the first time in years. For a moment he froze. His voice lost itself in his throat as words failed him. Would she even want to speak to him?
"Elliot..." His name came out as a breathy whisper, shaking her to the core.
Without thinking twice, Elliot walked toward her, his heart pounding violently in his chest as he drew close enough to see her eyes, wide with shock.
Before she could take a step, two shots rang out.
Carisi instinctively shoved Rollins to the ground, covering her with his own body as someone screamed nearby.
Olivia felt the pressure in her shoulder before the pain fully registered. Her knees buckled and she hit the sidewalk.
"Liv!" Acting on an instinct that must have never gone away. Elliot rushed forward. He dropped to his knees and pressed his hands over the bullet wound on her shoulder.
Moving fast, Fin reached Olivia's side and tried to shield her as best as he could as three more shots filled the night air. He was dimly aware of Elliot Stabler crouched beside him, holding his hands to Olivia's bleeding shoulder.
"Liv," he growled out when her eyelashes fluttered. "Hey, you're okay. You're fine. Look at me, girl."
Her eyelids flickered open and Elliot barely contained a sigh of relief. He kept pressure on the wound, trying to slow down the blood loss.
The shots suddenly stopped, and when the all clear was given, Fin sighed in relief as he called for a bus. "We got him, Liv. We got the son of a bitch."
Olivia forced her eyes open and stared up at the starry sky. "G-good..."
Elliot remained quiet, unsure of what to say. For years he'd thought about what he'd say if... when they reunited, but now wasn't the time.
Fin smoothed her hair back and grabbed her hand. "I gotcha, Liv."
Sirens could be heard in the distance and suddenly Carisi dropped down beside Fin, looking Olivia over. "Ah, hell. Lieu? Hey, hang in there," he nearly babbled before he saw the strange man with them. His eyes narrowed. "Who the hell are you?"
Elliot glanced at him before responding. "Elliot Stabler."
The name vaguely rang a bell for Carisi and his eyes narrowed. But a bus was coming, the sirens drowning out his reply.
The ambulance skidded to a stop at the curb. Elliot reluctantly moved away to give the paramedics room to work.
Two medics hopped out of the bus and quickly assessed Liv. When they moved her onto a stretcher, Fin stood up. "I'm goin' with her."
Before Elliot had a chance to speak up, the ambulance doors slammed shut. Without hesitating, he climbed into his car and followed the ambulance.
By the time he reached the hospital and parked, Olivia had already been rushed inside and into an exam room. Fin caught him just inside of the hospital. "What the hell are you doing here, man?" he demanded incredulously.
Elliot paused for a long moment before he responded. "My unit's been assigned to investigate the attacks. Then I saw Liv and..."
"You just decided to stroll up to her after disappearing for ten years?"
He sighed and looked away for several seconds. Fin had every right to confront him and there wasn't an excuse he could use to justify vanishing for years. "I was wrong. I'm not here to deny that."
"But you expect to just come back into her life? Elliot, do you know what you put her through?"
He didn't. And Fin was right— he couldn't just walk right back into her life as if nothing had happened. Still, he felt his defenses rise and shook his head. "If she doesn't want me here, I'll leave. But I'm not going anywhere until she's out of surgery," he insisted stubbornly.
Frustrated, Fin just shook his head. He didn't have time to respond because Carisi and Rollins suddenly arrived and came to him.
"How is she?" they asked simultaneously and he held his hands up placatingly.
"She just got taken back. We should all go settle in. Carisi, did you call-"
"Lucy? Course. She's got Noah and she's taking him back to her place," the younger man replied, casting a glance at the stranger standing close to Fin.
That caught Elliot's attention and he looked in their direction. "Who?"
Carisi narrowed his eyes. "Who are you, exactly, Stabler?" he growled, his hackles rising.
Fin rubbed the back of his neck. "He's Liv's old partner."
Rollins felt her eyes widen. When she first arrived at the precinct a decade ago, there were whispers of Stabler, Olivia's former partner. She remembered how angry Olivia had been when his desk was cleared out to make room for Nick. "Holy shit," she muttered.
Even though Elliot knew the squad would have changed since he'd left, there was something strange about being surrounded by people he didn't know. He didn't expect them to give him the answers he'd know if he had reached out years ago, but everyone in the room seemed to care deeply for Olivia and it made him wonder what else had changed.
"We were partners for thirteen years," he confirmed with a slight nod. "I left SVU and took a job overseas."
Carisi didn't look impressed, but Fin spoke anyway. "This is Amanda Rollins and her partner, Carisi. Amanda joined us right after you, and Carisi joined a few years later."
Elliot nodded slowly as silence fell among them. Some time later, a nurse approached them.
Everyone stood and Fin greeted the nurse. "How is she?"
The nurse looked at the anxious people before her. "Which of you is Odafin?"
Fin nodded and walked into the hall with her, and Carisi and Rollins exchanged worried looks.
The motion didn't go unnoticed and Elliot waited impatiently until Fin returned to the waiting room. "How is she?"
"She's stable," Fin replied, inhaling deeply. "Already in a private room and getting some rest. Carisi, Rollins, you two should go. She won't be up for visitors until tomorrow."
Rollins and Carisi exchanged puzzled glances but agreed. "Tell Lieu we'll take care of Noah."
"Course." He nodded at the junior detectives as they packed up and left.
Elliot stayed behind, stubbornly unwilling to budge even if he knew his presence was almost certainly an unwelcome one.
"She'll be okay?"
"Yeah. Bullet went straight through with minimal damage. They'll probably send her home in a day or two," Fin replied, but he didn't look at Elliot.
"Good." He nodded, relieved, and let some of the tension drain from his shoulders. "They were talking about Noah. Does Liv have a kid?"
Fin shuffled his feet a bit. "Yeah. Cute little boy."
"Wow." Elliot couldn't contain a soft smile. "Good for her."
The other man nodded. "He's pretty much her whole world. She deserves it."
"I knew she'd be a great mom."
"Yeah." He shifted uncomfortably. "I'll stick around and keep an eye on her."
"I know she probably doesn't want me to visit, but… I'll be around until she wakes up."
"Why, man?" Fin was torn between anger and the deep seated knowledge that no matter what Elliot had done to her, Olivia would want to see him.
Elliot started to answer, but he paused. For all he knew, he could have missed many close calls over the years. What difference did it make if he stayed now? Despite that, he couldn't bring himself to leave yet. Not now, not after he'd just seen her for the first time since he left.
"I just want to make sure she's okay. If she asks me to go, I will."
Shaking his head, Fin motioned for Elliot to follow him. Surprised but not about to turn down the gesture, Elliot followed him.
Fin walked Elliot upstairs, to the room where he knew Olivia had been settled. He flashed his badge at an approaching nurse before opening the door.
There was a bed in the center of the room, surrounded by medical equipment. Olivia was unnaturally pale as she slept, covered by a light blanket and an oxygen cannula running under her nose.
The amount of apparatus unsettled him and he frowned. He'd seen enough gunshot wounds to know that a shoulder wound wouldn't need all the equipment surrounding Olivia's bed. His face blanched as understanding dawned on him.
"She's sick, isn't she?"
Fin sighed. "Not my place to answer that, El."
"Right." Elliot nodded slightly, his features etched with concern.
The quiet chatter caused Olivia to stir. She inhaled sharply, shifting her hips. "Fin..."
He glanced at Elliot before going to her side. "I'm here, baby girl," he soothed, sitting by her bed.
Taking the chance, Elliot moved closer and stood near the foot of the bed.
Slowly her eyes opened, revealing their glazed appearance. "I saw him," she whispered, letting Fin take her hand.
He shushed her gently.
Elliot took that moment to speak up. "Liv."
Her eyes widened and she tightened her grip on Fin's hand. "Fin, it's getting worse..."
He reached over and smoothed her hair back. "Calm down, Liv." He glanced back over his shoulder. "It's not in your head. He's here."
The exchange amplified Elliot's concern. A hard lump formed in his throat when Olivia eyed him with what he presumed was apprehension. Swallowing hard, he took a step closer to the bed.
"Liv…"
Her gaze swung back and forth between Fin and Elliot as she tried to understand what was happening. "What...what are you doing here?" she finally croaked.
He didn't answer right away. After a moment he moved a little closer. "I'm on an assignment partnered with the NYPD. We were on the scene and then the shooting happened, and... I followed the ambulance here."
She sank into her pillows, her shoulder aching and tears filling her eyes. "Get out."
Fin sighed, squeezing her hand. "Liv..."
"No." Her voice was hoarse and cracking. "I don't want him here."
The words stung more than they should have. Elliot knew he couldn't expect her to just welcome him back when he'd all but disappeared for ten years, but that didn't stop the disappointment. He remembered his insistence that he wouldn't stay unwelcome and managed a tight nod.
"I get it. But... I'll check in later, okay?"
She turned away from them both, her breathing uneven as she struggled to sit up.
Immediately Fin was on his feet. "Liv, take it easy..."
Before he could stop her, she pulled the IV out of her arm. "I'm fine."
Elliot had started to turn away but instinctively turned back toward her, moving closer.
She pulled the cannula out from under her nose. "I've been shot before. I'm fine."
Elliot reacted, reaching in her direction. "Liv, settle down..."
She narrowed her eyes at him, anger quickly swelling. "No. You don't get to do this to me!" she rasped.
Even though Elliot had expected anger, it didn't make it any easier to hear. He stepped back to give her space but hesitated between the bed and the door.
Fin grasped her arms when she tried to stand up. "Liv, you gotta stop," he said softly. "You just got shot."
She turned her heated gaze on him. "I'm fine."
When she pulled away from Fin and tried to get up again, Elliot quickly crossed the floor. He reached her just as she wavered and gently gripped her arm to steady her.
Her eyes swung back up to him and she weakly tried to pull away, but his grip was too firm.
Seeing her expression, Fin made his way to the door and stepped into the hallway.
"Elliot..." His name rolled off of tongue and echoed in his ears. "Let me go."
He urged her back onto the bed and eased his hold, but his hands lingered in place for a long moment.
"Liv..."
"Please." Her voice was almost unrecognizable, even to her own ears. "Let me go..."
Slowly he moved his hands away. He remained in place, taking her in. Her eyes glistened with the unmistakable glint of tears and his heart clenched.
"I'm sorry," he finally managed.
"You're sorry?" A fresh wave of anger and hurt washed over her. "You abandoned me for ten years, and you're sorry?"
Guilt twisted his features and he let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. "What I did was... it was wrong, and I'm not proud of it. I know sorry doesn't even begin to cover it, but I am."
She exhaled shakily , unable to stop herself from searching his eyes.
He knew the last thing she wanted to hear was a bullshit excuse, but he continued anyway. "I always meant to reach out. It just... it got harder and harder as time went on."
As he spoke, his eyes never left hers. His heart skipped as he took in the heartache in her eyes, the dark circles shadowed beneath. Questions raced through his mind even if he knew she didn't owe him her time, let alone answers.
"I can't..." She shook her head weakly, a wave of dizziness hitting her. "I lost you once..."
"I'm staying in the city now." It didn't mean much, but he felt the need to say it. Elliot fell silent as he searched his mind for the right words to say.
He couldn't.
What would he say to justify spending ten years without so much as answering a text message?
Finally he inhaled sharply and rubbed the back of his neck, his eyes still searching hers. "I'm not going to try to make excuses. I shouldn't have let so much time pass without reaching out to you."
She let out a short, bitter laugh. "Yeah. You shouldn't have."
Elliot bit back a sigh. "I know. And I'm sorry. Leaving like that was wrong. I don't know if there's any way I can make things right, I want to try."
Olivia blew out a breath. How long had she ached to hear those words from him? How often had her phone vibrated and she reached for it, praying to see his name on the screen?
"And for what it's worth, I'm back now. And I'm not going anywhere. Not again."
Finally she looked up at him, exhausted to her very bones. "You may not. But I am."
"Not right now. You need to rest."
"You don't get it, Elliot." She watched as his cerulean eyes searched her face. "I'm dying."
The gravity of her words hit him with a force that made his stomach churn. Panic gripped his heart as the pieces fell into place. He opened his mouth to speak, but his throat clenched painfully. When he found his voice, it was barely audible.
"What is it?"
She tapped the side of her head. "Brain tumor," she replied wearily. "Two rounds of chemo managed to buy me about a year."
Elliot's head spun as he took the news in. A year…
The realization of how small that was compared to the time he'd wasted sent a tremor down his spine. Suddenly weak from the enormity of her words, he wordlessly reached out and pulled her close.
Weakly she pushed against him, but he didn't let go. "No," she whispered into his shoulder. "I'm not doing this again..."
"I'm not leaving," he whispered back. "Not again."
She struggled again, tears welling up in her eyes as her shoulder ached in time with her heart. "I don't want you..."
His heart twisted painfully but he didn't let go, still holding her close.
"Do you know how much I missed you?" Her raspy voice was muffled against his shoulder.
Elliot's grip tightened a little. "I'm sorry..."
Finally, to his great relief, she slumped against him. The fight seemed to have gone out of her, leaving her a sobbing mess in his arms.
The sound tugged painfully at his heart. His eyes stung with the heat of tears and he squeezed them shut, guiding her head to his shoulder.
Not long after she finally fell quiet, Fin came back to the room. Seeing the way Elliot was holding her, he was pretty sure she had told him.
"Everything okay?"
"She told me..." he whispered, his voice cracking with remorse. A pit formed in his stomach when he realized that he was probably the first person she would have spoken to about her illness had he not left.
Nodding, Fin took a seat across from them. He watched as Elliot adjusted Olivia against himself. "She's been fighting it as hard as she can. You know Liv. But...man, it ain't been easy."
He nodded slightly, burying his fingers in Olivia's hair. "How long has it been going on?"
"She got the diagnosis about four months ago. Two rounds of chemo just managed to keep the tumor from growing." He scrubbed his hand over his face. "She's still working, obviously. But she's trying to figure out who's gonna take Noah when she's gone. She's down to me and Carisi, and...well..." He couldn't say how touched he had been to even be considered for this.
At that, fresh tears pricked the back of Elliot's eyes. He blinked them back and quiet fell between them. He remembered a conversation years ago, when they'd decided that if something should happen to both him and Kathy, Olivia would take Eli in, and he'd do the same if she ever had kids herself. Maybe some selfish part of him wished that hadn't changed, even if he knew it was his own fault.
After several long moments, he spoke up, his voice low. "I told her I'm not going anywhere again."
"You better be sure, El." Fin leaned back in his chair. "Cause if you leave again..."
"I'm sure." He shook his head. "I just regret not coming back sooner. But I'm not leaving."
"Good." After a few minutes, he stood up again. "I'll be back in the morning."
Elliot nodded and didn't move from the bed. "I'm staying here."
Nodding, Fin gave Olivia one more soft look before he left the room.
Even after all these years, he was sure she was in good hands.
Note: We've got a long ride ahead! Stay tuned, and please review!