Its easy to be brave when it matters but once the memories come back they bite hard.
The distinct purple overcoat of the mentalist flutters through the breeze that blows at the edge of the cliff where he stands.
Alone.
It was already way past sleeping hours and everyone was still sleeping soundly. A given fact that they were all knocked out from fatigue after preparing all the things they need in their journey.
But despite all the exhaustion he feels, Gen finds it difficult to fall back to sleep.
He felt himself turning in his sleep and waking up in cold sweat accompanied by a rapid heartbeat.
After that he cannot find it in himself to return to sleep again.
And so he stands at the edge of the cliff waiting for the time when the sun is supposed to rise.
He contemplates the reason he couldn't find his peaceful slumber. He closes his eyes and sees it happen all over again, he can even smell it as well.
The burning smell of gunpowder.
The scent of blood that spilled out from his friends, and from himself.
The sounds of explosion and gunshots ring distantly in his ears.
He knows its not happening in reality. But in his mind the scene plays again and again like a broken record.
It overwhelms all his senses.
How can someone be sane enough to fall asleep normally after everything that happened. It might have been due to his ability as a mentalist to constantly take in the entirety of the situation and instantly interpret it. After all, even in the verge of all the chaos he was able to see through Stanley's actions. The biggest downside of his skill is that he also remembers the chaos very clearly.
Gen hears a quiet set of footsteps approaching. It takes him out of his thoughts and he turns around to see who it was.
"Can't sleep?" It was Nagi who like her name embodies the aura of serenity. Her eyes looked tired with a hint of concern.
"I just woke up." Gen replied, his voice lacking its usual cheer.
There was a soft glint in her eyes, "So it wasn't just me then."
She walks up to him and sits down crossed legged on the cold dirt and she pats the space on her side gesturing him to do the same. He follows and sits down beside her, his one knee up to rest his crossed arms. They stare at the distant darkness for seconds waiting for the other to start up a conversation.
It was Nagi who initiates.
"Something's bothering you," Nagi stated. It wasn't a question, but rather a statement declaring that she knows what's going on with him.
"I'm just thinking about what crazy labor awaits me." Gen may be a good liar but Nagi's known him long enough to know when he's trying to hide something.
"Gen, you've been a huge help to everyone. And its not just in you doing manual labor. You're always looking after everyone's well-being…mentally."
"Of course, it's just my role as a mentalist. "
"You've decided to shoulder that burden on your own. We cannot thank you enough for that. And if its not too much to ask. Let me take that burden from you, even just this once."
To think that he introduced himself as selfish when they first met. Oh how times have changed.
"You're bothered about everything that has happened. Am I right?" she said firmly.
The wall he's built as a mentalist is starting to crumble down. His persona of an untrustworthy individual is long gone ever since he sided with the Kingdom of Science. And especially to her, who never viewed him as such.
Gen breathes deeply and gives in to her. He bites a lip contemplating the words that will come out.
"Its just... what am I supposed to feel about it? I've seen people die before my eyes Nagi-chan. And then its like nothing that we're all alive."
He's seen Taiju blasted away from an explosion, Ryusui and Senku getting shot, and concluding that the power team was defeated when Stanley refused to accept their surrender. He remembers when he attempted to pin Stanley down along with Chrome and Kaseki only to be gunned down instead. He remembered how the gunshots hurt when it pierced through his flesh.
He looks at her.
He remembers the way the life in her eyes slowly fade as she bleeds out to death.
'It seems that the petrification doesn't heal everything after all,' Gen thought sardonically.
He may have healed from his wounds, but the pain still remains.
What was he supposed to feel after everything that has happened? The others have accepted the fact so easily. The medusa saved them. It healed the injured and revived the dead. Sure, everyone was happy that they were all saved in the end by the mysterious device. The managed to win a war against seasoned veterans without any casualty.
Gen was happy as well. He was relieved that they all made it in the end. The tears he shed during and after the battle were long dried.
But he hasn't forgotten.
How could he?
Life used to be so precious and valuable. Death was an ultimatum for all living things. It used to be irreversible. Before when it worked to revive Tsukasa it wasn't as impactful. But now it became clear just how life-saving the medusa can be.
After this, were they going to depend on the medusa in times of extreme desperation?
Gen stopped his thoughts before it became too overwhelming.
In the end, it wasn't just the pain and injuries that needs to heal.
Sometimes the memories can cut just as deep, and could leave him a scar that would last his lifetime.
"I'm happy. But I can't look at the others without feeling so horrible," he hides his face by resting his forehead on his crossed arms.
She responds by running a hand on his back, as if saying, 'Its alright, I'm here.' A gesture meant to reassure him.
"You're allowed to feel whatever you're feeling right now, despite whatever circumstances," she said.
He feels the warmth of her hand through the layers of his clothing and finds comfort in it. But a devil in his head whispered.
That hand used to have gone cold.
He mentally shook his head, aggressively trying to throw away all of his dark thoughts.
"I saw you die. I saw what happened to the others. And whenever I close my eyes I could still-," his voice cracked ever so slightly. "-I could..."
She reaches out to his taller form and pulls him close. She hugs him and allows his head to rest on her shoulder instead. "I'm alive. And this is real." She continued to reassuringly rub a hand on his back. "We both made it out… We all made it." Her voice is as gentle as ever.
He feels the moisture build up at the corners of his eyes. Gen buries his head on her shoulder and takes in a deep breath in an attempt to calm himself. He realizes that she still smelled like the herbs that she always prepared and carried with her.
Again he closes his eyes.
This time he sees nothing but the empty darkness. But he feels the weight and warmth of her body before him. He hears the wind's gentle breeze and her calm breathing.
In this short moment with her that the nightmares stopped haunting him.
They stayed like that for several minutes until Gen broke the silence.
"Nagi."
"Hm?"
"Thanks." It was a sincere expression from him, to which Gen was glad that she couldn't see his face.
She mumbles a weak 'anytime' and Gen thought that she sounded like she's smiling.
He pulls away from the hug and instead leans his head on top of hers. Her hair tickled his cheek and just like a cat he gently rubs his cheek on her hair. She chuckles softly at his gesture and lets him settle on a comfortable position against her.
It was difficult for others to follow what goes through the mentalist's mind. After all, he is the one that does the mind reading and not the one who's being read. To which one would rarely even stop to bother ask what goes on in his head.
He used to say that it was his job as a mentalist to look after everyone. But he was glad that he found someone who would wholeheartedly choose to look after a person as dubious as him.
The two stayed together and waited until sunrise.
-Extra-
"Ah there they are," Chrome points at the distance where he saw Gen sitting beside Nagi.
Kaseki pulls on Chrome's shirt making him stop from his tracks.
"I think it's better to leave them alone for now," Kaseki looks endearingly at the young couple leaning side by side.
"Gramps?"
"It's not like anyone can stay young forever, Chrome."