Pain
Obi-Wan Kenobi woke with a groan, for a moment he wasn't aware of what had woken him. Then like a tidal wave the pain washed over him. Rather than the alarm one would expect in this situation though Obi-Wan just sighed deeply and rolled on to his back. At first as he lay there letting the pain subside a little all he could feel was relief and a sense of inevitably. He was glad that it was here in his cabin on The Negotiator he was assaulted by pain, rather than in the middle of the campaign the 212th had just completed.
The inevitability was due to the fact that Obi-Wan had pushed on and on through the rapidly reducing 'good days' and the increasing 'bad days' using the force during the 2 months they had been on the battle field. The fact that he was succumbing now in the relative safety of hyperspace where he wouldn't endanger anyone was something he would be forever grateful for.
Now Obi-Wan was no stranger to pain, over the years he had broken, bruised, shattered and strained almost every part of his being; both physical and mental. But these were all acute pains, they hurt like hells but there was comfort in the fact it was finite; it would end. The pain may have felt like it would kill him at the point of injury but attention from a healer, a dip in a bacta tank or the correct medication eventually reduced then cured the pain. These incidents had only increased with the onset of the war, but the same could be said for all the Jedi and troopers.
But the pain that which assaulted him now was different, while occasionally it flared into a all-consuming fire burning through his resolve and mental defences, it was always constant. The medics and healers seemed to love asking him to rate the pain he was feeling on any given day if he went to see them at all. Apparently 0 was no pain at all and 10 was so much pain that even the Force couldn't help. Now Obi-Wan would love to say he was at 0, but with accidents and various visons causing headaches he didn't remember a time he could claim that. But he had noticed the pain level increasing, he would now have to admit that he never seemed to be less than a 5. In simple terms what this meant was he was always in pain!
This constant pain seemed to start with the war, well more specifically he had narrowed it down to a single dual on Geonosis. He had made the connection when the areas radiating pain were mainly his left bicep and his left upper thigh. In fact, while he was fairly certain of the cause of the pain it could be any number of things, he had hurt the same leg repeatedly including on Zigoola and more recently during the second battle of Geonosis.
He had obviously received the best care the Jedi had to offer, as had all the wounded, but when the pain hadn't seemed to go away completely after 6 months he was concerned. As he was no stranger to the halls of healing, despite his aversion to them, he has asked Healer Che. After some extensive scans and tests the word Chronic started to be thrown around.
Over the following 6 months he had fought across the galaxy, but the pain had always been there. The problem was that while there was always pain, it wasn't consistent. Most of the time it was manageable using occasional medication and the force, but sometimes the pain would become all consuming. Sometimes he could fight for days without needing to borrow strength from the force to push the pain aside and continue on, other days he was unable to do more than shuffle to the fresher.
Eventually Healer Che had explained it as well as she could, even with the force not all pain could be healed. After the dual with Dooku, Obi-Wan had insisted Anakin was treated first as he had much worse injuries, and even after his own wounds were treated, he had insisted on being there for his Padawan. Not taking enough time to rest and heal was apparently a trend the healer and the medics from both the 212th and 501st had noticed. Apparently using a damaged limb while it was still healing was not a good idea, according to Vokara it can sometimes cause nerves to be re-written. When Obi-Wan asked about treatment, she had looked sad and explained that while it can be managed with medical intervention sometimes the pain cannot be cured.
Instead, Obi-Wan had tried everything, he took medication daily which he really didn't like. He released his pain through meditation. And despite his aversion to bacta and his desire not to waste resources he used injections and patches. When these only had a limited effect, he went back to Vokara and almost begged for more help. He was worried if he couldn't manage it, that he would have to stop leading from the front or maybe even return to the temple and leave his men with a new general. He was worried that he wouldn't be able to remain a Jedi and if he was honest, he didn't know who he was anymore if it wasn't Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi, Anakin Skywalkers master and Ashoka's Grandmaster.
The advice had been to learn how to manage it, easier said than done in the middle of a war when he was an active combatant. Somehow though his determination won out and he followed healer che's advice and spoke to a mind healer. He was told it was all about pacing, not pushing too much on good days and grounding oneself when the pain was too bad. Of course, all of this was made difficult by the lifestyle of a Jedi, especially while acting as Generals. However, the mind healer didn't seem to think that Obi-Wan would have to retire unless he failed.
Obi-Wan wouldn't fail, he couldn't.
So, as he lay on the cot in his room on the negotiator, he grounded himself. Slowly he was able to think through the pain and the urge to call out for Anakin or Cody reduced. They were in hyperspace and while he always had commitments, flimsi work and a general need to be active, he remembered the advice he had been given about pacing.
He would comm Anakin, and ask him to cover any pressing jobs. He could speak to the council from his quarters just as a well as he could from the bridge, the same went for if Cody needed any input for the upcoming battle before tomorrow. His flimsi work could be done from his bed, or if he felt like it later, he could move to his desk.
Over the last two years Obi-Wan had gained so much responsibility, and battled through constant pain. But he had also learnt to delegate, Cody often led the 212th alone while Obi-Wan was on Jedi business. And while he hated to admit it Anakin was a Knight and General now in his own right and didn't need his master looking over his shoulder. Also if anyone was going to understand the pain Obi-Wan felt it would be Anakin, who he knew sometimes suffered from phantom pain in his missing arm.
So, after making the necessary calls (and a few less necessary ones, he couldn't leave all the work to the others) Obi-Wan pulled out a little used data pad and loaded up a holonovel, the Galaxy wouldn't fall apart if he took half a rotation off while in hyperspace would it?
CW#SW#CW
Obi-Wan groaned as he woke up, almost instantly he was in pain. It had been getting worse recently, it was more systemic than it had been but still his left leg and arm were the worst. He had read that major stress or upheaval could cause systemic pain. Obi-Wan couldn't think of anything much more traumatic than some of the things he had lived through.
The pain, the grief and the suns had aged him almost beyond recognition. But then there were very few people left to care about that. The healers and most of his friends had been lost, the vast majority of the galaxy were content with the fact he was assumed dead and the rest would welcome his death.
So it was strange then that as he grounded himself in his hut on Tatooine, that he smiled as he rode the waves of pain. Despite how strange it seemed he was almost content to feel the pain, it reminded him he was alive and still had a purpose.
The Force and the Pain had been his constant companions throughout everything, so maybe on reflection it wasn't so weird after all?
…
Or maybe the twin suns were finally starting to addle his mind, it mattered little anyway because things were going to change soon, he could feel it in the force now his pain had reduced.