There were footprints left in the white sand of what remained of planet Earth. A trail made by the boy Shinji Ikari, as he walked in silence. Behind him he heard Asuka's footsteps, as his heart wept. Staring out into the crimson waters lapsing at the shore, he closed his eyes. The wind blowing against his face, Shinji's mind replayed the moments just before.
Voice and screams. Everything was underwater,then Shinji was here. Him and Asuka laying on a snow colored beach. His mind shattered, he didn't know what was real. He couldn't trust that the Asuka he saw laying before him was the real her. Everything felt fake or like some nightmare he couldn't wake from. This wasn't the real Asuka, it was just another monster. He needed to know, he had to know.
Shinji'd tightened his hands around Asuka's throat.
Pathetic , He thought to himself.
But then he stopped.
A ginger caress to his cheek.
"How disgusting."Asuka said.
He couldn't hold in the pain any longer, so he cried.
Asuka knew. She knew very well what he had done to her while she laid in the hospital. His mind unable to pull thoughts together he sunk to the only thing that would make him feel something .
Shinji felt sickened remembering, his skin crawling. His fingernails ripping into his pale skin, scratching into every inch of his flesh. As he bit hard on his tongue. He kept scratching. Digging as hard as he could into his flesh.
His chest tightening, he sunk to his knees sobbing again. He kept digging into his skin, wanting to disappear into the water again. Everything he'd seen repeating in his mind over and over. How was he meant to keep living after this?
"Are you really crying again?" Asuka growled softly behind him.
Shinji didn't move, only hiccuping, feeling tears stream down his face. He heard Asuka shuffling behind him, and kneeling by his side.
He didn't expect Asuka to forgive him, nor did he believe he deserved it. Shinji didn't expect Kowaru to forgive him, or Rei, or Misato. Their faces appearing in his mind making it harder for him to breathe.
He felt Asuka's eyes on him, as she placed her hand on to his arm. He ceased moving, as she wiped his eyes. Making his vision clear. As he saw her.
"Idiot," Asuka said coldly.
Shinji didn't respond, only looking down at his arm, as it stung. Flesh flecks of blood budded from where he had scratched. But he said nothing, only forcing his gaze to the ocean. Away from himself and Asuka.
As the waves washed over each other, he remembered the last time he saw Rei. Her ghost floating over the water, staring at Shinji. But now she's gone. Her soft voice, or rare smiles were no more. The Evangelions were no more, as well as the Angels. There was nothing left.
Was there anyone else in the world, other than him and Asuka, left?
Shinji held back more tears. Forcing his eyes shut. His mind was racing faster than he could think and he felt like he was going to spill over.
Shinji felt a tugging at his arm, his eyes shot open. Asuka was quietly wrapping the bandage that had been around her arm onto Shinji's.
"Asuka!" Shinji gasped. "You-your-your arm-"
"I'll be fine," She responded. "Are you in pain?"
Shinji gazed at her vacantly. The white bandage barely stained from his bleeding.
"No." Shinji responded.
"Good."
They both sat there, side by side, looking out. The stars in the sky glimmering above them, with a bloodstained moon. Asuka's single eye was sorrowful and empty, almost as if they'd seen nothing but hell. They probably had.
"Are we the last people alive?" Asuka asked.
"I…" Shinji answered honestly, "I don't know.
"Don't you know anything, Shinji?"
"No."
Asuka looked so tired.
Shinji swallowed and said,"Are you okay?"
She turned to face him, her hand grabbing a fistful of sand,"What do you think?"
He'd said the wrong thing. And no matter what he tried to think of nothing seemed right. All the words in his mind were twisted up. Drowned out by screams and cries, he didn't have any word that sounded right. Things like "I'm sorry," seemed insincere. But the deepest part of Shinji felt remorse.
He felt disgust.
No words could undo what he'd done. His hard tightened around the bandage on his arm, so tight he felt like his hand was gong to turn blue.
Asuka trembled, leaning her shoulder onto Shinji's. Shinji felt his grip loosen, as he focused on Asuka and only her.
The small girl's breathing was slow, as she shivered, beginning to whimper.
"This is the end, isn't it?"She whispered.
She wept, as Shinji pulled her closer, wiping her tears in return and caressing her face. Her deep blue eye gazing at him, helplessly. Shinji tried to search for the words, over and over in his head, something that would be right. Something that could make things better, to dry Asuka's tears.
He held her close, hugging her tightly, trying to make sure she was real. That she was the real Asuka he'd always known.
"Asuka," Shinji said softly. "Do you remember the first time we met?"
She gave a weak giggle,"What are you talking about, dummy?"
He needed to know this was the real Asuka. So he repeated,"Do you remember the first time we met?"
"On those big military ships, when we were attacked by an Angel, and you were in a stupid girls plug suit," She said, her voice sounding slightly lighter.
Shinji nodded, not yet convinced. So he kept asking questions for her to answer.
"What was the name of Misato's penguin?"
"Pen pen," Asuka said.
"How did we defeat the Angel Israfel?" Shinji asked.
"You mean the one that split in two? Well, we danced."
More and more memories spilt into his mind from the past. His chest feeling lighter and lighter and he continued to hold Asuka. This was real. This was her, this was the real Asuka, he'd known all along. Then the last question escaped his lips.
"What was our first kiss like?"
Asuka's breath hitched, as she hesitated then after a pause she answered.
"Awkward."
Shinji felt a smile rise on his face as he laughed,"It was awful wasn't it?"
Asuka laughed with him. Their voices echoing into the air, joined by nothing but the sound of the waves. Not a soul in this world was watching them. No one was there to interrupt them. Both of them gazing at each other. They sat alone, the chilliness of the air biting their skin. And that was it.
"It's the end of the world." Shinji said, sadly.
Asuka mumbled "What do we do?"
"I don' know."
"Stupid."
Shinji felt more guilt wash over him. The purity of Asuka's pale skin, against the dark sky twisting his stomach. He couldn't stop himself from saying,"I'm sorry."
Asuka leered at him, but didn't reply. She thought to herself quietly. Shinji wished he could read her mind. Wished he knew was she was thinking, and feeling. If his words meant nothing to her, or if she'd leave him now. Leave him alone for the rest of their lives.
She was more than able to, all she had to do was stand up and walk away, and Shinji would spend the rest of his life alone. But instead Asuka said,"I've done worse to you."
What the hell was that supposed to mean? Shinji thought to himself.
He'd defiled her and yet that's all she had to say about it? He was the one who'd done that and yet she was okay with it? That didn't sit right with Shinji.
"Asuka-" Shinji began, but she cut him off.
"Let's forget about it. It's all the past now, so what does it matter anymore?" Asuka said. "I hurt you as well. I have just as many apologies to give…"
Shinji felt his heart hammering.
"None of it matters, anymore..."He repeated.
Shinji didn't know if he believed her. The list of their sins was long, and vast. Whether it was the arguments, the screaming or the hitting. He'd undressed Asuka in his mind too many times than she deserved.
Shinji had never thought much of what Asuka said or did. He was too used to being called "stupid" or "pathetic" one other person doing it barely made a difference. Even if Asuka insulted him or screamed at him, what did it matter? He probably deserved it.
There was so much blame between them. Over the months and months they'd known each other, sharing every – single – day. Breathing the same air, in the same apartment, crossing each others paths constantly.
The agony of everything falling a part. Shinji knew he'd rather spend every last moment with Asuka than alone now more than any other time.
Shinji said something gently. Something that made Asuka thunder-struck, to stare at Shinji wide eyed and curiously. But she didn't protest, the two of them got to their feet, holding each others hands tightly, and walking along the overstretching white sand, heading nowhere.
Perhaps there would be another soul somewhere out here. Maybe they were the last people on Earth, they had no idea. But they'd spend eternity together and not alone.
None of it mattered anymore. There was only one thing that matter now. Three short words that rung in both their ears, as they continued to walk.
I want you.