Professor Ritsuko Akagi was no stranger to working the late night shift at NERV, especially considering how long she had been employed at the mysterious organization. All those nights wasted typing away on a keyboard, staring at a bright monitor when she should have been out partying and getting wasted with her best buds, Maya Ibuki and Misato Katsuragi… Oh, Misato, the girl she had been friends with the longest, the girl she had known the longest, and most likely the girl she had known the most about. In fact, Ritsuko may have known more about Misato personally than a Mr. Ryoji Kaji, and Misato let that dude coom inside her at least once or twice.
Then, there was the case of Ms. Maya Ibuki, the 24-year-old girl who had been working with Ms. Akagi at NERV for a few years. She mainly worked as a computer technician, while Ritsuko worked as the head scientist. Ritsuko would consider their relationship to be mostly platonic, while Maya felt as though Ritsuko was a materna- OH GODDAMNIT! WHY AM I WRITING THIS MENIAL BULLSHIT THAT 95% OF MY AUDIENCE ALREADY KNOWS THE DEALIO ABOUT? NO ONE GIVES A GODDAMN SHIT ABOUT THAT GAY BITCH RITSUKO, SO WHY THE FUCK AM I WRITING THIS BIOGRAPHICAL BULLSHIT ABOUT HER? I KNOW YOU GUYS ARE BEGGING FOR ME TO GET TO THE GOOD SHIT, SO FUCK IT, LET'S GET TO THE GOOD SHIT. I HEREBY WRITE THIS FANFIC AND ALL FUTURE FANFICS MADE BY ME, IN THE NAME OF THE FANS, DAMMIT, FOR THE FANS! THE FANS WHO ARE SICK AND TIRED OF LAME DRAWN OUT FANFICS AND ONLY WANT CUTE, AND SOMETIMES HORNY, 2 TO 3 - CHAPTER AT MOST FICS FILLED TO THE BRIM WITH CUTE WAFFY BULLSHIT!
FOR THOSE ABOUT TO WAFF, FIRE!
[cannon shot]
WE SALUTE YOU!
Anyways, Ritsuko's sitting at her desk typing away at a boring ass keyboard, thinking about how she got to this lame old lady phase of her life where all she does is play with her cats, get lame old man dick from that faggot Gendo who doesn't use her for anything but pussy, bait Maya into thinking she has the lesbo hots for her, act bitchy that she don't have a based shota bf like her old alkie pal Misato, smoke cigarette, charge her phone, eat McDonald's and hot chip, be bisexual, and lie. Suddenly her thoughts were disrupted by the buzz* of her crappy iPhone with the cracked screen.
[Her ringtone is Hotline Bling. Yes, she is that basic.]
[boop]
(noise of swiping answer on phone or something idk)
"*sighs* Hello?" She said in a quite tired voice, exhausted from the hours of staring at an LED monitor typing up damage reports that, once printed out, will most likely end up feeding the shredder, because NERV is a fake, gay, and corrupt organization whose financiers and history of covering up accidents and massacres are wacker than Gendo's dick game.
"*burp* Haiiiiii, Ritsuko!" said the inebriated purple bombshell, somehow still operating at 100% energy, a miracle, especially for someone who had just recently concluded her nightly tradition of sucking Shinji's soul out through his penis with her gorilla-grip Mr. Magoo vagoo (with the reinforced state of the art Splish Splash™ cooch-moistening technique [trademark, Misato Katsuragi Bodily Functions, LLC] and kung fu clitoris action grip [also, trademark, Misato Katsuragi Bodily Functions, LLC]), nearly draining him of his lifeforce, and providing him with an excuse to act like a shambling corpse the next morning. Still, with the dong he has, I wouldn't be surprised if Misato woke up the next morning with back pains as well.
"Oh, God…" muttered the faux-blonde (Jesus, every fanfic featuring Ritsuko always points out her fake blond hair, ever notice that? And not one of these fics bothers to mention how strange it is that Misato has natural purple hair! Kinda hot tho, not gonna lie. Ok, that's enough from me.) "Misato, I told you to stop calling me when you're drunk!"
"*hic* C'mon, Rits, loosen up a bit, all that time in that office of yours is makin' you all cold n' uptight, it's fuckin' with your brain! Ya sure you don't wanna drop by and throw back a few?" She said, fully in the nude, pussy hanging out and all, sprawled out on the couch, as if she was in any shape to have anyone over, while Shinji, poor boy, was passed out on her bed, also fully nude but thankfully covered up by a big warm blanky by his loving guardian/big tiddy alcoholic gf, currently dreaming of cute kittens and warm spring days and other cute things that his friend Toji might call "faggy".
"Trust me, Misato," said Ritsuko, "I know you when you're in this sort of inebriated state, and even if I did feel like stopping by, you'd probably be knocked out on your futon by the time I found a parking space." She then proceeded to take a drag from her cigarette, something she would regret later in life, for in about 4 years or so she will be diagnosed with lung cancer. Sucks, doesn't it?
"Yeah yeah, whatever," she shrugged. "Anyways, how are things over there with Shinji?"
Misato giggled.
"Heheh, yeah, I put him down to sleep about an hour ago, if you know what I mean, wink wink," obviously alluding to the fact that she and he did the you know what, the hot dog in the bun, the world's simplest procreation method, the- Oh, fuck off, they had sex, whoopity doo, get over yourselves, you immature fags.
"Well I hope you and your husband enjoyed your special time together," she said, informing the reader that this story is in fact an indirect sequel to my first and previous fanfic, "I'm sure he enjoyed it quite a lot, heehee."
"Heh, yeah."
Off in the other room, Shinji was undergoing a serious transformation.
"Ohhh fuuuuck, what's happening to meee…"
Shinji felt a tingling sensation in the shaft of his already massive-for-a-16-year-old penis and balls, a sensation somewhat known to him. He felt this tingle whenever he saw Misato pull off the famous "wearing only an apron while cooking" act, and he also felt it whenever she would wear her cute purple see-through panties, the common denominator between these two events being that Shinji was able to catch a full view of her, ahem, luscious undercarriage, from her shapely, firm yet still jigglier-than-Jigglypuff ass, to her cute, Hitler mustache-esque, purer-shade-of-purple-than-Grimace-from-McDonald's bush. Yet this tingling felt… different, stronger in a way. It was as if his penis was evolving, as if it were a Pokémon creature of some sort. "Ohhhwh, fuck…" he groaned. All of a sudden, Shinji let out a loud roar, as if he were Goku powering up into his Super Saiyan form.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" He screamed in a burst of pure sexual energy.
"Jesus, what was that!? Is everything okay over there, Misato?" asked Ritsuko, inquisitively.
"Uhhhhh, I don't know, uhh, tell ya what, I'll call ya in the morning, Rits, see ya tomorrow, okay?"
"Bye, Misato," she said as they both.
"Shinji-kun!? Are you okay?" Misato yelled as she burst into the room, afraid for the life of the love of her life.
"Sh-Shinji…" she said as she noticed that Shinji was sporting a rather larger cock than she remembered him having. This Shinji's cock was about 10 ½ in. long and about ⅓ of a foot wide (4 inches for the mathematically illiterate among my audience). "My, oh my, Shinji, d-did you just suddenly grow that?", she inquired as she attempted to discern the origin of his sudden growth. Then it hit her: the other day, Shinji was in battle with a rather large angel who, in a seemingly million-to-one shot, had hit Shinji directly in the dick with a laser. No one knew the effects of the laser, until tonight.
Shinji, just as confused as Misato at that moment, tried to explain from his point of view.
"M-Misato, I-"
And suddenly a dirty idea popped into his head.
"Why yes, Misato, but only so that I could provide unto you the pleasures that such a wonderful and beautiful person like you, and only you, deserve," he said in a rather deep, sexual voice.
A confused yet horny Misato, her pussy now moister than Chris Christie's armpits after making his way up the stairs of the Empire State Building all the way to the top, smiled a devious, horny smile.
"Well, Shinji, let's not let that hot rod of yours go to waste, should we?"
Shinji giggled.
"My exact thoughts, my love."
Without haste, Shinji picked Misato up off her feet and carried her to bed, where they made out for a bit, an appetizer that led into the main course that was: Shinji Ikari's Wonder Weener.