Disclaimer: All rights go to Isayama
We dance under the orange sun
Together with no shadow below us
No separation was meant to be
Let's meet at the memory that was once beautiful
- eight (IU ft. Suga)
The day starts out like any other workday.
Mikasa gets up at 7am to do a quick run around the neighborhood. She comes back around 30 minutes later and takes a quick shower before getting dressed for work. Then, she makes herself toast while having a protein shake. Mikasa washes the dishes, gets her things and is out of the door by 8:20am. During the latter part of her routine, she ignores the commotion coming from Sasha's room as the lazy girl scrambles to prepare herself for the day after hitting her snooze button at least 3 times.
Walking 5 minutes down to the subway station, she waits amidst the crowded underground platform for the Metro. She squeezes herself into the confined compartment and tries to grab a handle from the bars to hold onto as the driver navigates through the dark and dingy tunnels. Mikasa attempts to hold her balance as others lose theirs from scrolling through social media or checking the latest news on the stock market. The train ride takes 20 minutes before she navigates out of the crowd of people and heads to her work office about 10 minutes away from the station.
When she gets into her workplace, Mikasa will greet everyone in her area of her cubicle. She'll pull out her chair, settle into her desk and then start reading the emails in her inbox. She'll work on various tasks and projects until 12pm. Mikasa will then have lunch with Armin, her good friend, who works in the same office building but for a different company. When her break is over, she'll proceed back to her desk until the day ends. Finally, she'll pack up her things, say goodbye to everyone and then leave for home.
There isn't any reason why this shouldn't be a normal day. Except when Mikasa gets to her desk, the people within the vicinity of her cubicle are gathering around her coworker's, Rico's, desk. Some of them look anxious and concerned. Their brows are furrowed together and some even look irritated as they gesture to something on the screen.
Putting her things down on the desk, she gives her soft normal greeting of "Good morning."
One coworker, Mina, looks at her and replies, "Hey, did you hear the news?"
Mikasa gives her a blank stare in response and shakes her head, needing more information.
"Come over," says Rico, swiveling in her seat. The lines in the silver-haired woman's expression are more defined and arched than usual, giving her a more serious and annoyed look.
Mikasa walks over to her desk and peers over Rico's shoulder to look at the contents of the screen. Her eyes widen a bit as she reads the headline of the company newsletter that's sent every morning: "Paradis Inc. in talks to merge with MP&G Club by the end of next year."
"This isn't good, to put it lightly," Rico comments with furrowed brows and crossed arms, leaning back in her chair.
"Paradis is one of our biggest competitors; this merger takes us out of the industry!" Tomas cries, flipping his hands up in the air in exasperation. "How could Pixis be OK with this?"
"Maybe if we merge, then the combination of the two companies could do better against competitors? Our profit hasn't been doing so well compared to other businesses in the industry now anyway," Mina remarks thoughtfully.
While the rest continue to discuss the benefits and cons of this potential merger, Mikasa continues to read further down the article.
"Paradis will be aided in their negotiation processes by renowned investment banking service, Titan Wealth Management. The compromise is said to be …"
She tries not to freeze up at that company name and smash her fist through the computer.
Mikasa stands up, and just says in her usual calm voice, "We don't know how this'll play out, so there's no use in worrying if the companies are only in the discussion stage. 70% of M&A's fail or don't go through anyway. Why are you all worried?"
"Because it's Titan! They're notorious for completing M&A's!" Tomas exclaims, looking at her incredulously.
I know.
"There's a first for everything," Mikasa replies simply and goes back to her desk. When she sits down, she tries to get rid of the uncomfortable feeling welling up inside her and pushes away long forgotten visions of a white house, a green backyard and a clear blue sky with a beautiful sun.
Mikasa was 9 years old when she met the Jaegers. The Ackermans' had just moved into the suburban neighborhood in California. They used to live in a more remote town in Washington where the nearest major city was about a 2-hour car drive away. Her father got a new job in another state, so they moved locations over the summer and began settling into their new home. The white house was 2 stories with a basement and had a nice yard out front and an open backyard with an ensemble of trees separating the property from a stream that one could see in the distance. It was a nice change from the previous secluded location, but Mikasa couldn't help feeling homesick sometimes for the open night skies when she could see the constellations or the open horizon of the sunrises and sunsets.
When she first met Eren, it looked like he had been dragged over by his father to greet the new neighbors. Mikasa was at the table, learning how to embroider from her mother, when the doorbell rang. Her father got up to open the door and Grisha Jaeger stepped in, welcoming them to the neighborhood and introducing himself and his son. Eren was wearing a red scarf with a brown sweater and dark khakis. His posture looked disinterested, and his blue eyes scanned the barely furnished room in boredom. Eren seemed a bit annoyed when Grisha told them the young boy only had one friend and he hoped the two would get along nicely.
Mikasa had always been a shy child. When she initially saw Eren, she shrunk a bit when his gaze turned to face her. She gripped the embroidery, held it close to her chest and said a quiet "Hello" in response to Mr. Jaeger's introduction. The two kids were ushered out of the house to enjoy the sun on the nice day, so they went to the back patio, where Eren plopped down on the seat while Mikasa sat demurely.
They sat in silence for a moment, before Eren asked, "How do you like the town so far?"
Mikasa startled a bit and gave a surprised sound before she realized that Eren asked her a question. She then folded her hands, looked down at them and replied, "Oh, I think it's OK. I do miss my old home at times though…"
The boy gave a hum at her answer. His feet swung back and forth, barely touching the ground and then he asked, "What do you like to do?"
"Um… I like being with my family and going outside to play…" Mikasa answered, continuing to gaze at her hands.
"What would you do if you could do anything you wanted?"
She looked at him, her eyes round and innocent, wondering why he asked that. Mikasa then responded, "I don't know."
"Hmm. That's no fun," Eren said. He jumped out of his seat, proceeded to run down the steps of the patio and picked up a lone tree branch lying in the backyard. He leapt and swung the branch all over the place, hacking at some invisible enemy. While Mikasa watched his antics, part of her wondered how he could have so much energy suddenly after looking bored for the past 10 minutes, and another part of her thought he was bound to hurt himself if he continued to swing the stick like unstable maniac.
"Eren, what do you want to do then?" Mikasa asked, standing up from her seat and raising her voice a bit to make sure he could hear her question over the wind.
"Me? I want to be a superhero! I want to be like Captain America from Marvel. He saved humanity and fought for the good of people. He stuck to his convictions and protected his friends until the end. I want to be someone like him when I grow up," says Eren determinedly.
Mikasa didn't know how possible a boy with scrawny muscles like him could truly live up to that dream, but in that moment, she didn't miss out on how his eyes sparked when talking about his dream. The boy was extremely passionate as he continued to play around with the branch and jumped around, rolling around on the grass. The orange sun shined high above him, the sky was a beautiful baby blue and there were little to no clouds. Some white birds flew through the sky and the light breeze blew through her shoulder length dark hair. The day was gorgeous, and even though she only knew him for less than half an hour, she could recognize his determination in becoming a superhero who would aspire to protect people and give them a day like this to look forward to.
She smiled serenely at that and just continued watching him. Until he tripped over himself and fell face first into the grass, to which she immediately went inside for help.
When Mikasa was 12, her parents died in a car crash. The only relative to take her in should have been her cousin, but he had minimal suitable means to take a child into his care. The Jaeger's applied for adoptive custody and given the sympathy of the family court judge, Mikasa moved in with them.
That day in the hospital, as Mikasa sat on the bench outside of the emergency care operative room while people rushed by, Eren wrapped his red scarf around her until her nose and eyes were covered in the warm, fuzzy material. Mikasa had to tug the scarf down to see and when she made eye contact with his blue-green eyes, Eren said "let's go home" with a red tinge to his cheeks. Mikasa was reminded of when they first met: he wanted to become Captain America and take care of those that he loved. Her face blushed slightly at that last part and she could not help the tears that sprung into her eyes. She let out her cries into his shoulder while Eren awkwardly hugged her and Mr. Jaeger spoke quietly to the surgeon that came out of the operation, knowing that she wouldn't be alone for very long because she could have another family that would love her.
Mikasa and Eren got through high school together with another shy, blonde-haired boy named Armin. The three of them made an odd trio: one was intelligent beyond his years and shy, one was quiet and reserved, and the last was hot-headed and passionate. However, Mikasa loved the two of them like her own brothers and she couldn't have wished for a better future based on what she experienced previously. She didn't express her feelings a lot, but around them, her posture relaxed, the corners of her lips upturned slightly more than usual, and her eyes gleamed with a hidden softness.
Eventually, she realized that her feelings for Eren had grown more and more. At first, she thought it was thankful appreciation to the source of her strength and comfort during the dark days of her parent's deaths, but she realized his insistent determination and passion in guarding those who he cared about is what she liked most about him. Eren had no qualms about throwing punches at bullies who targeted Armin or those who made fun of Mikasa for being half-Asian or an adopted orphan. He had dreams about leaving the town and making a change in this world (like any other kid), but Mikasa believed in him because she saw how his expression lit up when he talked about the possibilities of the future. The freedom that came with determining one's own path exhilarated him and Mikasa knew that she wanted to be with him on his path. Wherever he went, there was sure to be a peaceful life.
By the beginning of junior year in high school, the three of them were starting to consider their futures more seriously. Eren and Armin had dreams about going somewhere outside of their suburban town and Mikasa wanted the three of them to stay together. One day, her cousin reached out to her, asking if they could meet. Eren thought it was strange that Levi Ackerman would reach out now after 4 years of not hearing from him after the accident. But Mikasa was curious to meet her only living relative, no matter how distant they were, so they agreed on a coffee shop in their town center. Armin and Eren came along for support.
When Levi showed up, none of them expected him to look like that. He was wearing a crisp black suit with a grey collared shirt underneath, a silver MontBlanc on his right hand and sunglasses on his face. He took his sunglasses off, giving the three of them a clear view of his dark-silver eyes and the circles underneath them. His features were angular and delicate and was handsome in an unconventional way. His height, though, is what made him stand out. He was about 5'3 but his posture was upright and proper, making him appear with a casual confidence when they stood up to greet him.
"The name's Levi," he said in a gruff voice, offering his hand to Mikasa.
Mikasa hesitantly shook it and replied softly, "I'm Mikasa. Nice to meet you."
He gave her a nod and then gave a glance to Eren and Armin while asking, "These brats your friends?"
Eren and Armin, surprised at his manner of speech, just gave affirming nods.
Levi hummed and sat down at the table, crossed his legs and just asked, "So. How've these past few years been?"
They found out that Levi is a quantitative analyst at SC Credit, an investment bank in the middle of the business district an hour and a half away from their town. He helped with mergers and acquisitions pricing and valuations. He initially worked as a data scientist for a technology firm that ended up being acquired by a bigger company. Levi hated the new company, so he quit his job there. When the accident occurred, he was applying for positions and could barely afford to pay rent, leaving him incapable of looking after Mikasa. But, the investment bank, SC Credit, that helped with the previous acquisition saw his potential and told him to apply for their company.
Mikasa didn't know a lot about finance or investments, but then Armin tentatively asked, "Working in investment banking certainly sounds intense, but aren't there controversies and issues that these companies get into sometimes?"
"Yeah, a lot of the seniors and higher-ups are pigs," Levi replied, holding onto the rim of the coffee cup and sipping the hot beverage.
"So… why go into that area?" inquired Armin looking half intrigued and half afraid that he would offend Levi.
"For the money," Levi answered in a nonchalant manner.
Armin gaped a bit at him; Eren also stared at him and, in a fit of righteous indignation, exclaimed, "Money can't be more important than helping others! If this company doesn't help people, then what's the point of working there?"
"I told you. The money," Levi repeated, putting down his cup delicately and looking down at his watch.
"But money can't buy people happiness!" Eren snapped back, glaring at Levi.
"Who knows? But it certainly puts a roof over heads and gives people the means to live," Levi countered, leaning back in his chair and looking at the boy with a bored expression.
Eren gave back an angry stare, clenched his fists and retorted, "Well, when I start my career, I want to do something that contributes to society and helps others."
"Do whatever you want. Everything is relative depending on the choices you make. You want to be a doctor? Fine. Just know that you're going to be looking at more patients that don't want your advice than those that actually need your help. You want to go into finance? Also fine. Realize that you can pump money into the economy to help individuals indirectly just as much as you can take money away them. Everything's a tradeoff. Something you realize when you're out in the world is that you will define your own value and perception of things that are important. You just need to go with the decisions you'll regret the least," Levi replied coolly, staring at the boy as if he were discussing the weather.
Armin decided to speak up at this point and ask, "Um, then what do you intend to do with your money if that was your purpose in joining SC Credit?"
"I pay back my student debts and support my friends who aren't as lucky as me so we can all live comfortably," Levi answered plainly.
Eren gave a startled look at this admonition and lost some of the anger in his expression. He shuffled a bit in his seat and then grumbled, "Well, there's other jobs that can give you a high-paying salary that doesn't do things at the expense of others."
"That's true. But SC Credit was the best option for me at that time. No one knows what the future will be like. You just move forward and continue making decisions you value. Otherwise, you have regrets and then it all goes to shit," Levi said, propping his elbow on the table and crossing his legs the other way.
Eren was silent for the rest of the conversation. Levi and Mikasa set up a tentative time next month to meet again and to chat. Levi was unable to be there for her in the aftermath of the car crash, but he wanted to get to know his cousin more. Mikasa appreciated the sentiment and agreed on her end also. After all, family was family.
The next day, Eren told Armin and Mikasa about his resolve to go into business. He won't go for the money like Levi did, but he'll go to help businesses make an impact on society. There may be those that exploit others in the world, but he will guide companies in a fair way for society. From there, he could help their consumers and make his mark in this world. Eren would change things so that as many people as possible would benefit from his actions.
Mikasa steps away from her desk at 12pm and goes to meet Armin for lunch on the garden patio on the 21st floor and tells him about the news.
"You never know," Armin finally remarks while twisting his fork around in his pasta. "This might not be bad for you guys; revenue has fallen for you over the past few years so this merger could help. On the other hand, this could also fail; M&A's don't work out all the time."
She knows Armin is failing to address the bigger issue. So, Mikasa brings it up herself, asking quietly, "Armin… do you think Eren would be on this project?"
Armin slowly chews his pasta and takes his time to respond. She waits.
The blonde-haired man finishes chewing, swallows his food, wipes his mouth with a napkin and then takes a sip of water. As he puts down the water bottle, Armin finally admits, "It's possible, but still unlikely given how big Titan is."
Mikasa gazes down at her food and pokes around at it. Not that she had much of an appetite to begin with, but she doesn't think she can make herself eat even a small bite. She finally lays down her fork and closes the lid of her Tupperware over the container. Looking out to the street beneath them, Mikasa sees the churn of people strolling with others, talking on their phones, listening to music or sipping coffee while briskly walking to their next location. The sound of various transportation beeping and honking fill her ears; the crisp air touches her skin and she's grateful she decided to bring her jacket out today for lunch.
Looking up to the crystal-blue sky, Mikasa sees a few birds flying through the clouds. Free above everyone else and is reminded of an image from the past.
"Armin… do you think he's happy right now?"
The three of them attended the same college in their state. It was a nice change from their suburban town, and they have one another to lean on in their freshman year. They studied finance together; Armin and Mikasa had a natural gift for the subject, while Eren worked harder than them to understand the concepts. Eren encouraged them to attend as many case competitions as possible to build up their resume and connect with the "right people." The three of them made a great team: Armin's mind worked wonderfully when presenting the logic and details of their case, Mikasa was perceptive and analytical in picking out the relevant points of the problem, and Eren was the passionate speaker who enticed the judges with the benefits of their solution that could bring change to the company and to the consumers it served.
The trio got into a business honors program their sophomore year. The group was relatively small, and they become more close-knit the year goes by (despite what Eren and Jean would say about one another). The program was hard work for all of them and they would have frequent study sessions past midnight in one of the member's dorms. However, the session name was a misnomer since they rarely got studying done; most of the time they would talk, laugh, eat (mainly Sasha), take naps (also Sasha) and complain about the perils of being a college student.
Naturally, though, people change. By the end of sophomore year, Eren realized that his dreams of making the world a better place were harder than expected. In a college bubble, it was so easy to apply a business solution that would better society and people. Eren could talk about the hypotheticals of change to professors, judges and students, but he slowly realized that the implementation was different. People could be selfish and sometimes just downright stubborn when it came to things. Everyone stuck to their principles. If someone else questioned the principles, then the person would potentially shut it out and turn a deaf ear.
It became more apparent to him when the trio participated in an intern rotational program at a consulting firm called Sina Consulting Group. There were always hardworking people set on helping their clients, but then those clients would sometimes yell at the employees for not helping their interests; however, it was more likely the client didn't want to change their own opinions. When he saw those kinds of companies, Eren originally looked down on them, but then came to realize what Levi meant during their first conversation: people value things differently and it's up to the individual to figure out what means the most to them. The reality of that world is that one can try to make an impact, but people also need to be receptive to change.
Eren thought he would change his major by the beginning of junior year after that rotational program, but it became apparent during his conversation with his advisor that people wouldn't question their assumptions if it made them uncomfortable. It was why corporations didn't want to change things if it came at a "high" cost to them, why individuals sometimes disregarded those in specific professions, and why individuals sometimes didn't want to understand those that were different from them.
Were all people honestly worth helping in any given situation?
He sighed while looking up to the sky. The sun was beginning to set, and the sky was turning into a faint yellow orange. After the meeting with his adviser at end of the afternoon, Eren went outside to the business school courtyard and just sat there on the bench for who knows how long, reflecting on his path and his values. His long legs were straightened out onto the sidewalk as his posture slumped into the wooden seat. Eren's hands were stuffed into his pockets and a black backpack dug uncomfortably into his back. As the college junior gazed at the sky, he saw a few birds flying here and there.
Wonder what it'd be like to be free and go wherever like that?
"Eren," a familiar voice called behind him.
He turned and saw Mikasa standing a few feet behind the bench. She was wearing that red scarf as usual, a tan-brown jacket with a white collared shirt underneath with dark jeans and flats. In her arms was a textbook and the straps of her backpack rested on her shoulders. The faint-yellow sheen from the end of the day contrasted with her dark hair and bounced off the top of her head, giving her aura a soft glow. A gentle breeze picked up, blowing her chin length hair and tickling her cheeks. Her doe-like black eyes stared at him inquisitively and there was a slight smile to her face when seeing the boy.
Mikasa looked so sophisticated under the sun that Eren couldn't help but blush a bit. He knew how she felt about him since high school (he's not that dumb contrary to what Jean says) but didn't reciprocate those feelings until lately. Eren was certainly stupid and immature before but came to realize that Mikasa has always been a special person to him.
From the moment he saw her on that hospital bench, Eren thought he had to be a hero and take care of her. As time went on though, she started taking care of him instead, to his annoyance because he felt mothered by her. But then he began to appreciate her care and sought to make things less hard for her by becoming more independent. Through her, he was able to sympathize more with others and think more clearly about things. She was with him through some of his worst moments and Mikasa never judged him, instead giving him a nudge to get back on his feet. At first, he thought it was just a sibling-hero complex; over the summer, however, Eren ultimately realized what he felt for the girl went deeper than just being a hero or family.
Mikasa moved to the front of the bench to sit by him, and they didn't talk for a bit.
"I had the meeting with my advisor," Eren finally commented in a low voice.
Mikasa nodded, knowing why he had that meeting, and asked, "So what'd she say?"
Eren scoffed and answered, "It's more like what she didn't say. She just gave me the rundown of what kind of steps I would need to do for the application and what other majors would accept my credits. Pretty pointless."
Mikasa listened and gave no outward reaction; she just inquired, "What do you think you'd do then?"
Eren honestly didn't know. He hunched over, placed his elbows on his knees and dangled his hands over his legs. He finally said in a defeated voice, "I don't think anything would change even if I decided to switch. People are the same no matter where you go."
He looked down at his hands and gave a little laugh while reminiscing, "I remember the times when I played around in the backyard wanting to be a hero and change this world. Now, I'm realizing none of that's actually possible, given how miniscule we all are in this system… Change wouldn't come from someone as meaningless as me, right?"
Mikasa stayed silent and slowly brought up one hand to touch her scarf, as if thinking about her next words. She finally faced him partially and said gently, "You may not be able to change the world like you dreamed. But you're not meaningless or useless."
Eren turned his head at that in surprise and found himself struck by her beautiful eyes. They were glimmering more than usual; her face started to break out in a smile that was so soft and genuine that Eren felt his heart beating rapidly.
"You gave me a family. You wrapped this scarf around me and promised to care for me. You gave me purpose to continue my life when there seemed like none. For all those things, I'm grateful. Thank you," Mikasa continued, leaning forward to touch his left hand with her right. She held it and squeezed it in reassurance, hoping that it would placate his doubts. The corners of her eyes crinkled up as she smiled down at him and Eren immediately wished he could freeze this image forever.
Mikasa and her beautiful smile. Mikasa and her shining eyes. Mikasa and her sincerity. Eren knew she would always support him and take care of him, even when he thought he didn't need it. He temporarily forgot about his dreams and uncertainties and just took in this moment underneath the orange sunset. With her by his side, he wouldn't need to worry because Mikasa was a constant in his life. Just as much as Eren knew he gave her strength during her lowest times, she would be his strength to continue discovering what his path would be like.
Mikasa was special and he wouldn't let this opportunity go to waste. The breeze picked up again and the ends of the red scarf fluttered behind her. Mikasa gave a little startle, and she straightened up a bit to tug the scarf back into place, releasing his hand.
Eren scooted closer, reached one hand to stop her action and brought his other hand to wrap the stray part around her again. He took her hand in his again and rubbed his thumb over her knuckles. Eren's dark green-blue eyes gazed into hers and he tucked some of her short hair behind her ears. His right hand came up to caress her smooth cheek gently, and Eren saw the red that appeared on her face. Mikasa's eyes grew bigger and surprised. He leaned forward and murmured softly, "I'll wrap that scarf around you as many times as you want."
She let out a small gasp and he saw moisture form in the corner of her eyes.
"Now and forever. As many times as you want."
Eren closed the distance, and this memory became engrained into their minds for the rest of their lives.
Two weeks pass after the news of the merger. They get notice that the M&A and legal teams from Paradis and Titan are coming to the company for negotiation rounds. Mikasa actively prepares herself to avoid the areas where the M&A team could go. The marketing department is not on the same level as where the corporate and finance departments would be, so she makes sure that she wouldn't go to those areas when those teams come.
It doesn't work. She's outside the elevators on the 15th floor preparing to meet Armin on the upper garden patio on the 21st floor again for lunch. When the elevator doors open to her in, Eren is standing right there.
He's dressed in an immaculate black suit with a blue collared shirt underneath and looks more muscular compared to his college years. His hair is gelled back and now a bit longer than what it was in the past. Eren is scrolling through his phone as the elevator dings, and then shifts his gaze up to make eye contact with her. The lines on his face are sharper and more pronounced, and there are circles underneath his eyes. Despite that, Eren is more handsome than ever and looks like he fits into his role so well. She can tell how much confidence he carries from the way his posture. Mikasa thinks his eyes widen a bit when their gazes meet; for a moment, she's reminded of that boy who swung that stick around like a dolt in her backyard. She remembers orange suns, clear skies and birds flying freely without a care in the world.
Then that moment vanishes, and she doesn't see that same boy anymore. Instead, Mikasa sees the boy who wanted his path to mean freedom from the people who refused to question. In front of her now is someone who gave her hopes of a peaceful life but then left those dreams and her.
All these thoughts flood to her within the span of three seconds because the elevator doors start to close. But Eren casually sticks his left arm out to the elevator door and prevents them shutting. He looks at her, quirks an eyebrow and just asks in an emotionless voice, "Are you coming in?"
Mikasa gathers herself and her heels slowly click on the floor when she steps into the elevator. Her heart pounds against her chest so loud that she's positive Eren can hear her erratic heartbeats. She stays to the left while he stays to the right. Mikasa presses the button 21 and she sees that his stop is in 2 floors. Good. She can be rid of him in about 5 seconds.
Silence fills the elevator and Mikasa imagines cutting the tension with a knife. The doors ding to signal arrival at the 17th floor. He moves out without a word or a backward glance, shoving the phone into his jacket pocket. Even from the back, his gait has a commanding presence, and she can't help but wonder when he learned to walk like that. He turns right from the doors and disappears from her line of vision.
The doors close and then she lets out a breath that she didn't even know she'd been holding. Her knees feel shaky, and she grabs onto the railing with one hand to steady herself. Mikasa can feel the familiar tingle of a headache starting to come in and she focuses on anything to take her mind off the oncoming sting.
Orange suns. Clear blue skies. Green grass and hills.
The memories that used to be appreciated with fondness suddenly become painful and a dagger to her heart. She is hit with contentment and agony at the same time because those recollections reminded her both of what was and what could've been. Mikasa wants to cry at the unfairness of it all, because that was her first time seeing him in almost 5 years and he just acted like he didn't care. And she realized the worst part is she still does, even though she accepted and understood there was no future for them both.
From then, Mikasa makes sure to take the stairs whenever she knows he's in the building.
Between studying, interviews, extracurriculars and dates, junior year flew by. In the first few months though, there was no time for anything to seriously change in their relationship: Eren continued to struggle with his plans. His interviews were pointing him in the consulting direction the trio initially set out on, but Eren wanted more than that.
During fall recruitment, he met an investment banker named Zeke who worked at a financial institution called Titan. Zeke showed him there was freedom in the profession. Their actions could add value to a company by helping them raise money to get the business started or save a business from collapse. Employees could be hired with the rise of these companies, and more opportunities could be made for consumers the company serves. The impact the profession has on society is subtle and indirect but can be very large. Eren could gain the opportunity to give the right people the chance to produce innovation and he could help create a system more inducive to change.
Eren recounted the details of his conversation to Mikasa. He was unsure of this path, given what he already knew about the profession's ruthless environment. She encouraged him because he would never know unless he tried it. So, Eren poured himself into interviews during the fall. He tried to make up for some lost time by connecting with as many people as he could to understand more about investment banking. Eren eventually secured a rotational internship with Titan in New York, while Mikasa and Armin participated in another consulting internship with Sina in California.
When all was settled after November, both took the time to progress their relationship. Mikasa always knew how content she was with Eren but turning her familial affection into a reciprocated romantic relationship had never made her happier. The moments they had filled her with such pleasant feelings of euphoria, and she never knew how right it felt for someone to understand her more than a friend or family member. In junior year, there so many memories made, and she compartmentalized them all into her mind, ready to call upon them whenever she wanted.
There were still normal everyday moments that didn't change; they still went to classes together, agonized over professors and studied with one another.
Sometimes though, she'd look up while writing notes and catch him leaning his chin on the palm of his propped-up hand, staring at her with a smile on his face. She'd give a shy one in return and tell him to focus on his materials.
Occasionally, he'd sneak in a peck while going to classes. One time they ran outside in the rain to get to class because Eren took her umbrella and forgot to give it back to her, leaving them both scrambling under Eren's jacket to get to the next building. As they entered their destination, Mikasa shook water off her clothes and Eren pulled her close to him. He looked down at her softly and wiped her soaked bangs out of her eyes before giving her a quick kiss on the forehead. She gave him that gentle smile before she tugged his hand to drag him to class, letting out a little chuckle when he groaned in exaggeration.
Then there were special moments that Mikasa knew she would treasure forever.
Like that time when they went to a park off-campus and had a picnic. He tried catching things in his mouth, while she giggled helplessly at his failures. She threw an acorn at his mouth when he was unaware. Eren ended up turning his cheek at the wrong time, causing the plant to leave a faint red mark on his skin from her force. She then ran away in laughter as he tried to get back at her for that. Mikasa was always faster than Eren, but she let him catch her around the waist and spin her around before he pulled her in for a dizzying, sweet kiss with more that followed.
And then there was that time they laid down in the shade of a tree in the university lawn and looked at the clear blue sky, holding hands with one another. It was the beginning of spring and the air was fresh with the smell of mowed grass. The weaves of grass by her head tickled her cheeks whenever they looked to one another with gentle smiles and twinkling eyes. They talked about their dreams, their hopes, and their goals — all the while silently imagining the future with one another. Mikasa felt so content and it was the first time she could clearly see the details of the peaceful life that she could have with Eren in the future.
Or the time when they finished their last spring semester final in May at 6:45pm, went outside the building, and had a direct view of campus and the sunset that glowed across the horizon. The sky was a mix of orange, red and had a tinge of purple and was so breathtaking that the group of friends just stood there gaping at the sight. Eren then took her hand, dragged her to the middle of the courtyard and danced with her underneath the golden sheen that lit across the university. Eren was terrible at dancing but he gave her (and Armin, Jean, Sasha, and Connie) a good laugh, and she had never felt like she wanted to stop time as much as she did then.
And so many more.
Mikasa knew she would remember this year as a collection of warm orange glows from the sun, clear blue skies, smiles, laughter and pure joy.
It should've been enough, but it wasn't.
Summer internships came. Mikasa didn't exactly know the details of what he experienced at Titan, but he would appear fatigued and wouldn't make a lot of conversation with her. Initially, Mikasa thought it was because of the profession's over-worked environment. She gave him space because she knew his internship was busy and thought he'd be fine by the time he came back home.
And he was at first. But then Mikasa noticed some subtle things when he came back to school. Eren carried himself with more confidence and assurance. He didn't take the same classes as Armin and Mikasa to study more relevant courses for investment banking. Zeke and Eren were in constant contact and the older man tried to introduce his mentee to as many people he knew to help Eren transfer to the investment banking sector in Titan. He was with their friend group less and less: he missed study sessions and sometimes even group project work, to the chagrin of the others. Even Mikasa didn't see him as much because Eren began to hang around more with Reiner, Pieck, Annie and Bertholdt — all seniors who interned at Titan previously. Mikasa understood the four had a common link due to their internship, but she — as well as the others — couldn't help but feel a bit hurt and left out.
Halfway through senior year, Eren became sullen and withdrawn. He was constantly stressed, balancing his studying, extracurriculars and networking. The drive the boy had made him more distant from the group and most of the time, no one knew how to approach him. On the occasion someone did, they all realized that the person in front of them was a far cry from the boy who used to be enthusiastic about yelling at Jean over the most mundane situation. What was once friendly banter turned into some reserved, sharp edge if people didn't get to the point quickly and concisely enough. Eren didn't talk as much as he did before, and his enthusiasm was more limited. Mikasa began to notice his speaking mannerisms also altered: he always had a way with words, but now had a strategy of telling people what they wanted to hear as a way of placating them and never needed to have any difficult conversations.
By the end of the year, Mikasa realized how much his views altered: due to how the markets and economy runs, there would always be those that may lose; however, Eren could choose the impact and value of his actions to help those that wanted and needed them. Change was not created for everyone; change was created for those that were willing to question. Although not everyone might benefit from the actions of investment banks, the beauty for Eren was that he could choose how his actions could benefit others.
If she had to describe her senior year, she'd say that there were less moments laying on top of the grass and gazing at the clear blue skies underneath the orange sun. There were more instances of feeling confused and helpless because she saw how much things changed and wasn't sure if she should — or even could — do anything about it.
Yet, there were times when Eren would sit on the bench in the courtyard alone, and Mikasa would walk over to him, unsure if he wanted her company. Eren would glance to her and give her a small smile that was reserved for her only, so she'd sit down next to him. Depending on the mood he was in, Mikasa would either sit there in silence with him or she would reach over to his hand in his lap and grab it gently, squeezing it in reassurance to let him know that he wasn't alone. He'd either let her hold his hand or give her hand a squeeze back in thanks. Occasionally, Eren would bring her in closer and she'd lean her head on his shoulder, enjoying the feel of his body and presence.
Those were the normal and simple moments that made Mikasa think that he was just figuring out what was important to him, as Levi had mentioned before.
So regardless, Mikasa believed she'd continue to stand by Eren, no matter what, because he did the same for her when she had no hope on that hospital bench. And she knew — without a doubt — that he'd do the same for her if their situations were reversed.
Other than the meeting in the elevator, Mikasa doesn't see him again for another 6 months. From what she can gather, the Titan team comes at most two times a month for contract and negotiation discussions — each time about a week. Every time, she makes sure to avoid the 17th floor and to take the stairs.
Eventually, she hears Paradis is thinking of cutting off certain departments of MP after the merger, including the marketing department. This was to be expected, since the acquiring company may try to reorganize the structure of the company being purchased. Despite knowing the possibility, it doesn't make the situation any less daunting. She thinks back to how Eren wanted to create opportunities for people, but the reality is that he was also taking opportunities away now.
At the end of the day, she doesn't go home immediately. Instead, she goes to the upper garden patio and then looks over the balcony peering over the streets and the buildings. The office building where she works at isn't the tallest in this part of the business district, but it's high enough for her to see the tint of gold from the sun reflecting in the glass panes and windows of the buildings around her. There is a slight breeze, so she tightens her coat around her waist.
Mikasa puts her hands on the rail and leans forward a bit. The breeze sifts through her mid-length hair and the sensation makes her think of orange suns, blue skies and white birds. She flies to the island of memories in her mind where she can always feel complete and happy, no matter the situation. Mikasa closes her eyes and sees hazy images flash. A faint wave of nostalgia hits her face and, in that instant, she travels back to the simpler days. A small smile starts to appear on her face, and she takes in a long breath of the air.
"If you close your eyes like that while leaning over a balcony, a stranger may think the worst."
The familiar voice immediately snaps her out of her reveries. Mikasa abruptly opens her eyes and rotates her head to the left, strands of hair blowing around her face from the wind. There, standing 6 feet from her, is Eren. He looks as immaculate as ever with his hands in his pockets. Eren's body faces her while he leans his left elbow on the railing, crossing one ankle over the other. He looks just as bored and disinterested as the first time the Jaegers came to visit the Ackerman's. Mikasa then wonders when he got here. And how long he'd been watching her.
Eren scrutinizes her for a bit, his expression blank and unchanging. Unconsciously, she remembers the days when his emotions would be an open book on his face and when he would constantly smile at her. He then looks to the streets beneath the building and asks, "Why are you in marketing now?"
Mikasa is silent before turning her head away from him and simply responds, "I wanted a change."
Eren gives a little thoughtful hmm before questioning, "Was the career switch worth it?"
She doesn't hesitate as she replies with a "Yes."
"Even though you might get laid off?"
"I don't regret it. It gave me the freedom I needed to experience after college."
"But you're not free, are you?"
Mikasa stills at this and partially turns her upper body to him, shocked that he asked that.
He continues talking as if she didn't react and says, "Didn't you switch from consulting to marketing because you didn't want anything to do with me? If you switched to avoid anything to do with me, then that's not freedom. That's slavery." Eren sounds like he's talking about the weather and she feels a spike of hurt shoot through her. A kind of pain that she hasn't felt in a long time.
Mikasa feels one of her migraines kick in and her hand cradles her head. She hunches over the railing as she tries to control her breathing. Tears come to her eyes and she tries to fight them back. I chose this path. He can't say these to me. He's just trying to push me away. He doesn't mean these things.
Eren pays no mind to her obvious turmoil and just continues speaking, "I always wanted to help people. But then as I got through college, I realized that maybe people weren't worth helping if they either didn't want to be helped or didn't realize how much they were slaves to their assumptions and principles. Mikasa…"
She glances at him — even though the tone in which Eren says her name is completely wrong — because she hasn't heard her name from his mouth in so long, and Mikasa immediately regrets it when they make eye contact: those eyes that used to gaze into hers with warmth and love now instead are filled with nothing and deadness.
"I didn't realize until now how similar you are to the kind of person that I hate," Eren scorns. The voice that used to be so gentle and loving towards her now is twisted into a dark, acrimonious tone that shatters her being.
Mikasa cannot control her tears by this point. She lets out a little whimper as her migraine gets worse. Slowly sinking until her knees are pressed close to her chest, her left hand rubs her temples. The other goes to her chest, trying to massage the anguish cracking through her heart. Water leaks out of her eyes because this man is not the same little boy who wanted to protect humanity from evil by becoming Captain America. This man in front of her is not the same boy who wrapped his scarf around her and promised to be her family. This person is not the same man who gave her kisses, smiles and laughter and made her feel so content and complete.
This stranger is not the same person that gave her visions of a peaceful life under the orange sun.
This monster is not her Eren.
She doesn't hear the footsteps come up behind her and she blocks out the voice that yells at Eren. Mikasa tries to focus on something — anything — to take her focus off the soreness in her head. Orange suns. Clear blue skies. Picnics. Clouds. Green grass. Dancing. A golden glow across campus.
Except these memories from the island in her mind — which usually give her comfort — become mixed with pain shooting through her entire being, making Mikasa want to break apart even more.
She hears the distinct sound of skin meeting skin in what sounds like a punch. Orange suns. Clear blue skies. Picnics. Clouds. Green grass. Dancing. A golden glow across campus.
Mikasa pays no attention to the arms that envelop her and take her back inside. Orange suns. Clear blue skies. Picnics. Clouds. Green grass. Dancing. A golden glow across campus.
Eren stands outside with a nasty red spot on his face as he watches at Armin usher Mikasa away. He makes no effort to fix his jacket or tie.
None of them notice how hard Eren is trying to force his breaths to come out evenly and quietly.
When the two retreat indoors and out of his sight, his previous blank expression scrunches up in pain. Eren's brows knit together, and he grits his teeth. His apathetic dark blue-green eyes now carry disgust and his body trembles with barely concealed rage. Eren clenches both of his fists and the right one comes down hard onto the railing in a fit of anger. Letting out a distressed shout, he punches the railing again a few times and kicks over a potted plant, the object shattering upon impact and splattering dirt everywhere on the floor.
He doesn't even register that his hand is purple, red and bruised by the time he goes inside.
Author's Note:
This story will most likely be two chapters! After reading Chapter 139, I immediately thought of the song Eight by IU and Suga, and I thought the lyrics probably encapsulated what Mikasa was feeling at the end of AOT. I decided to make a story to try to incorporate the themes in both Eight and AOT in a modern, less tragic setting. Some of the lyrics in Eight were incorporated into the story and the title comes from the chorus, so all rights go to IU and her music company!
Also Zeke is not related to Eren in this story btw.
I tried to keep terminology not too technical, but M&A is the general term for "mergers and acquisitions." Also for anyone in finance, consulting, or IB, sorry for any inaccurate references since I only have a general knowledge of those areas!
Thank you for reading this far and I hope you enjoyed the first part :) please let me know if you have any thoughts.