Hi! So I came up with this a few days ago and I wasn't planning on posting it, but since it's already done, here it is! I'm aware it's long and kinda boring btw, but please leave a review!
W: kinda ooc Cagalli.
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Seed
Remembering one's past life, for many, could be a blessing. They would have an idea of what it was to live, of how to recognize if someone was trustworthy or not, to appreciate the new opportunity that was given to them.
Remembering her past life could be a blessing, but for Cagalli, it was a curse.
She took a deep breath and finished writing down some notes in her notebook. Class was over, but she still had to stay to clean the classroom.
It was a dark day.
She bent down to pick up her backpack.
She often wondered, why her, precisely? Why not give someone who had suffered greatly in the past a chance?
Of course, her past life hadn't been rosy. Although she was born as the crown princess of the ancient kingdom of Onogoro —now part of Orb —her life was far from simple when they became involved in the war of PLANTs and the Atlantic Federation.
She decided to start by cleaning the board. That day she would have to do everything alone, because the partner that had been assigned to her had reported ill in the second period.
She sighed.
Princess Cagalli Yula Athha. That had been the title that belonged to her in her past life.
Today, her name was Cagalli Hibiki.
If it was a coincidence, or fate that her current parents gave her the same name, well, she couldn't tell.
Her cell phone vibrated in her blazer pocket. A text from her father, Ulen Hibiki, asking if she would be back early today appeared on the screen.
A slight smile appeared on her face and she quickly replied that she would return after finishing her duty.
She gulped and continued cleaning.
Cagalli loved her current family. She had both of her parents and a twin brother. Her life was more enjoyable than it had ever been before. She didn't have to deal with an annoying guy for the sake of her country, she had no more responsibilities than she could bear. She didn't have to keep a strong facade or show a smile to cheer others up.
But…
She could still feel the warm hand of Cagalli Yula Athha's father, Uzumi Nara Athha, on her head.
She heard laughter coming from the hall. A group of students from the other classroom were playing with each other as they helped the pair that still had to clean up.
Navy blue hair stood out when he commented that the professor was calling him, and when he turned, for a fraction of a second, his green eyes met hers.
Cagalli quickly returned her attention to the broom in front of her and then, little by little, she looked up again at where the most outstanding student of the school had been.
Athrun Zala.
Or as she had known him in her previous life, Alex Dino.
Yes, remembering her past life was a curse.
Especially since she was the only one haunted by those memories.
Cagalli Yula Athha had been in love, deeply in love, with a knight. A red knight who fought for her kingdom, who was with her during the most difficult moments and who didn't stop being with her, even if only in thoughts, until the end.
Cagalli Hibiki could feel it. She had known it since the first time she saw Athrun Zala during the entrance ceremony.
She knew that if there was a reason she remembered her past life, it was most likely him.
For him, who had hugged and kissed her even when it was against their positions.
For him, who had let her go for the good of the kingdom.
For him, whom she had taken for granted.
Cagalli felt drops fall. On her face, her hair, her clothes… ah, it's raining, she thought.
Her mother had suggested bringing an umbrella, but the forecast for the day said it would only be cloudy and with strong winds, not that the sky would practically fall.
She thought about running, but, well, at that point she was completely soaked. It would be bad if she slipped, so it wouldn't make sense. Maybe going back inside the building would be an option, at least at the entrance, but…
She looked up at the sky.
Then the rain stopped and, in its place, a colorful umbrella appeared over her head.
"Um, I don't think it's good for you to stay that long in the rain," he told her.
Cagalli swallowed hard and looked back at the person who was speaking to her. He had a kind yet a bit shy smile on his face. Since most of the umbrella now covered her, he was getting wet too.
Cagalli felt her lips tremble. A memory flashed through her mind, so fast that it only left lingering feelings behind.
"Why?" she asked. Her voice cracking. He could easily have ignored her. She had never heard of him being the Good Samaritan type.
In this life there was nothing that linked them together. He owed her nothing. She had no right to ask him for anything.
Athrun seemed confused by the question. His emerald eyes, exactly like his, watched her for a few seconds before bringing his other hand to his face and scratching his cheek.
"Why, you ask…" he looked down at the ground. Obviously there was no answer. The princess had spoken for her. Or so she was thinking, until he spoke again. "I, uh, felt like I couldn't leave you alone."
His smile remained, while Cagalli's soul split.
Alex…
Athrun…
They had the same face, the same kindness, the same skills, and even the same soul, but…
She was sure it scared him. His smile disappeared and he looked puzzled. Sure, anyone would be if the person in front of them suddenly started crying.
Alex and Athrun were…
"So different."
Athrun was… bright, to say the least. He wasn't exactly outgoing, but everyone admired him. He was always surrounded by friends. He surely had a girlfriend who loved him and, most of all, he could smile whenever he wanted.
Alex, on the other hand, was more gloomy. Cagalli Yula Athha was sure that she had never seen him smile with other people than her.
But it was normal, wasn't it? Athrun hadn't experienced the horrors of war firsthand. He hadn't lost his family. Alex could never have led a quiet life, he felt that even if it was for the kingdom, he could never dust his shoes stained with sand.
They might have the same soul, but they weren't the same person, were they?
And knowing that probably the princess within her, realizing it —acknowledging it —would soon be crying her heart out, Cagalli ran away.
After all, he wasn't her Alex.
Eating on the roof of the school was prohibited. The door was almost always locked and in fact sometimes they wasted more time going up there than eating, but that didn't matter to them. There were advantages to being the favorite of the teachers and getting along with the janitors.
Athrun was observing through the grille that protected the edges when someone appeared behind him.
"What are you doing?" he jumped up and, as if he had been caught doing something he shouldn't have, quickly flipped on his axis.
"Ehm, no, nothing."
The person who had surprised him was his classmate Dearka. Attractive in appearance to many girls —he had heard —and striking personality; his friend emitted a "hm…" as he took a sip of his juice before leaning forward slightly and looking in the direction Athrun was looking less than a couple of minutes ago.
Athrun gulped when Dearka raised an eyebrow and smirked. Of course he would see the blonde girl who was eating alone on one of the few benches. From that angle she was the only person who could actually be seen.
"Thinking of another girl while your girlfriend is not here, huh," he commented.
"Meyrin is not my girlfriend," he quickly denied.
"I never said it was her," Dearka smiled again and soon turned his back on the grating to sit on the floor and lean against it.
Athrun exhaled before doing the same.
"You always refer to her when we talk about a girlfriend and myself."
And before he knew it, he was already looking over his shoulder, again, at the blonde haired girl.
"It's weird for a girl to draw your attention so much," Dearka spoke again. Athrun realized what he was doing and turned his attention to his friend when he took out a packet of cookies from his pocket. "Do you like her? She's quite pretty."
Athrun took a cookie when Dearka offered it and kept staring at the ground. He wasn't going to deny that he found her pretty, but…
"She was crying," he said.
Dearka frowned.
"Crying?" he repeated. "Did you make her cry?"
"I think so?" what had happened was still confusing to him. Suddenly, after offering her shelter, she began to cry. Not even with happiness.
Athrun was able to recognize the despair in her trembling voice.
He had seen her cleaning her classroom alone and then found her, all wet in the rain, when he finished talking to the teacher.
He didn't even know her name, but something inside him told him he couldn't — shouldn't —leave her alone, and that something had made him feel… weird. As if he didn't want to regret something again. As if he ever regretted that something.
As if he had met her before.
"She said I was different," he finished explaining, clenching his intertwined fingers. It felt like he had been compared to someone and he had lost.
"Hm… maybe you look like an ex-boyfriend or something," Dearka joked, but Athrun didn't laugh.
Normally he wouldn't be interested in what they thought of him. He was more than used to people coming up with ideas, good or bad, of what he was like or what he liked.
But…
For some reason, he wanted to know what she was thinking.
"If you're so interested, why don't you ask Kira?" Dearka suggested after a while.
He frowned.
"Kira?" he repeated. "Why?".
Dearka laughed and patted him on the back.
"Seriously, how little do you know your best friend?"
"Huh?!"
And, as if summoned, Kira's brown head appeared through the rooftop door.
Not only him, but also Nicol, Shinn, and Lunamaria, who were a year younger, and Meyrin, who was Lunamaria's younger sister. They were talking about something related to an actress and her husband when they saw them.
"Tch, if you had told us you're here, we would've come earlier," Shinn complained.
Nicol and Kira laughed.
"You're not even eating," said his green-haired friend. "Why did you come all the way here?" he asked, taking a seat next to them .
Athrun tried to signal Dearka not to say anything, but far from listening, the blonde pointed his thumb back with a wicked smile.
"Well Athrun is drooling over Kira's sister and I'm just accompanying him."
Kira, who had started by taking a bite out of his sandwich, choked on hearing what Dearka was saying. Shinn quickly passed him a bottle of water and, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, asked:
"My sister? You mean Cagalli?"
He casually peered through the grille as well and widened his eyes when he saw the blonde. Soon, both Shinn and the two girls approached. Their expressions rapidly changing from curious to confused.
Well, to begin with, Athrun didn't even know that Kira had a sister.
"Sister? But, but you don't look alike at all!" he accused. "And I have visited your house many times, how come I have never seen her?"
Kira looked at him as if growing another head before turning his gaze to the front and sighing.
"It's because she always locks herself in her room when you come over," he explained. "Sure you have seen her pictures in the living room, but you didn't pay attention to them. Besides, we are fraternal twins, not identical twins. Duh."
"Still, even if you say that…" Shinn put a hand to his jaw and narrowed his eyes. "You really don't look alike at all. She's kind of weird."
"Excuse me?" Kira frowned.
"Oh no, I mean," soon, Shinn returned to where he was before and raised his hands to explain his thoughts. "She came up to me once out of nowhere and asked if my family was okay."
"Ah, I remember that," Lunamaria, who had her lunch box on her lap, pointed at Shinn with her chopsticks and nodded. "Not that I want to speak ill of your sister, Kira, but I heard from the other girls that it is quite difficult to talk to her, isn't it, Meyrin?"
Meyrin nodded and, wiping her lips with a napkin, added:
"Some say that she thinks she's royalty or something of the sort," she shrugged and her pigtails danced as she shook her head. "I've never talked to her, though. And I've never seen her talk to anyone, either."
Athrun watched Kira sigh again and stay silent, as if he was wondering if it made sense to say something to them or not, before shrugging and looking back at where his sister was eating alone.
His sister, Cagalli, then got up and went to a garbage can to dump the bag in which her sandwich had been wrapped.
"Is she—" Nicol started to say, but was interrupted by Lunamaria.
"Don't tell me, is she being bullied?" she asked, concerned.
Kira smiled at their concern. Lunamaria was quite an older sister and she always ended up proving it in one way or another while Nicol was a very correct boy.
But he shook his head.
"Although it may not seem like it, Cagalli is quite strong…" he said with a not happy expression. "She used to be headstrong and outrageous, also outgoing and friendly. Well, she was actually a tomboy."
"And what happend?" Dearka stole Athrun's words with the same incredulous face as him.
It was difficult for him to think that the girl who had been eating in silence, with the tranquility of the world and such correct manners, was how Kira described her.
Although, he thought, the scene he had witnessed the day before also contradicted what he himself thought.
"One day while we were playing, she had an accident and hit her head. It looks like she had a concussion or something, and when she woke up, everything about her was just different," Kira pursed his lips. Athrun had the slight impression that he was blaming himself for something, but didn't want to interrupt. "Literally, overnight she matured. Since then she has behaved as if she were the big sister."
Athrun smiled at what his friend said.
"Big sister? Does that exist in twins?"
"I came out of the womb first, therefore I am the oldest."
Kira probably said it to lighten the mood, as everyone laughed at the unusually childish side of him, but Athrun's concern wasn't lost on his expression.
He put a hand on his back.
Kira smiled and only then the bell indicating the end of the break rang. Everyone began to put away what they had left of food and at that moment Meyrin mentioned:
"But wouldn't it be great if she wanted to eat with us?"
There were a few seconds of silence and then everyone looked at Kira.
He blinked.
"Uh, um, if you want I can ask her," he said. "But I don't know if she'll accept, though."
"It's better than nothing," Nicol supported.
"Right," Dearka, who started to stretch his arms, smiled. "It's better than Athrun stalking her from afar, don't you think Kira?"
Before everyone's gaze, Athrun felt his cheeks heat up. It wasn't that hard to embarrass him, but it wasn't the easiest thing in the world either.
Maybe because deep down inside he knew that he was watching her too much. And the one who would know would definitely be Kira.
"Athrun," his friend was smiling, but for some reason Athrun felt chills.
"I wasn't stalking her!" he defended himself.
"Sure," Shinn sang, walking toward the stairs first, notoriously running away. "No one is going to deny that she is pretty, senpai~"
"Shinn!"
The aforementioned grinned and went down the stairs. Unable to continue meeting the stares of his friends, Athrun ran after him.
Only then did Lunamaria speak directly to her sister.
"But is that okay, Mey?" she asked. By that time, the fact that she had a crush on Athrun was only unknown to Athrun himself.
The youngest of the group shrugged.
It's not like it's the end of the world. Besides, she also wanted to know Kira's sister.
She wanted to know the girl who had caught Athrun's attention.
Cagalli gulped. Although she really wasn't a shy person, she didn't know how to react when her brother took her to the roof and invited her to eat with his friends.
To begin with, he hadn't even told her where he would take her when he went to find her in her class. Since they had been together even before they were born, she and Kira had always led separate lives at school, that's why not everyone knew they were siblings.
However, Cagalli had to admit that she was relieved when she didn't see Athrun there. Not just because she was afraid of breaking down in front of him once again, but because she was truly ashamed of what had happened a couple of days ago.
"Ah, today's protagonist arrived," commented a green-haired boy, who then came over and smiled at her. "My name is Nicol. Nice to meet you."
Cagalli gulped. During the day she didn't speak more than necessary and that was reduced to when the teachers asked her questions.
"H-Hi, I'm—"
"Cagalli!" exclaimed one of the girls, who later laughed when one of the boys, with black hair and red eyes, nudged her slightly. Cagalli gasped when she recognized him, although she had known him by another name in the past. "Sorry, I got excited."
Each one went on to introduce themselves, then, probably noticing how uncomfortable she felt.
"Tch, that Athrun," Cagalli heard Shinn. "He should be here by now."
Cagalli looked at Kira and asked him silently. Her brother, as always, understood — well, almost —and smiled at her.
"Athrun. You've seen him before, he—"
"Is he coming too?" she interrupted him.
Maybe she was a bit crude, as everyone looked at her in confusion, but she didn't lower her head.
And the one who spoke was one of the sisters, Meyrin.
"You don't like Athrun?"
Cagalli didn't reply. She couldn't lie or say that it was actually the opposite.
So she quickly looked for an excuse.
"I, uh, forgot to buy something at the cafeteria," she said before turning on her heel and heading for the stairs.
She ignored the stares from Kira's friends and tried to run again. Maybe Kira started following her, as she heard footsteps behind her, but she was faster. She had always been faster.
"Cagalli, wait!" she heard her brother desperate. Cagalli knew that at that moment he was surely remembering the accident that led her to be the way she was today.
But that didn't stop her, what stopped her was the person she collided with while turning in the stands.
Cagalli's feet played a trick on her by not being able to keep her balance.
Either that, or the other person was so strong that he didn't move at all when she happened to hit him.
"Ah!"
She was going to fall. Again. Cagalli thought it all through in less than a second when she didn't stretch her arm to reach the railing.
If she fell and hit her head again, would she forget her past life and be a normal girl again? Was she willing to take that risk?
"CAGALLI!"
However upon seeing her brother's horrified face, she changed her mind. No. She couldn't let him go through that again. Kira would blame himself for taking her to the roof.
And this time he wouldn't be able to forgive himself.
But it was too late when she reached out. Her fingers barely brushed the metal railing.
She would fall.
"Careful!"
Or that was what she had resigned herself to when, then, she felt her wrist being grabbed and pulled hard. So much force that in reaction they both fell to the landing of the stairs.
Her chest rose and fell rapidly. The other person's too. Neither said anything for a few seconds and then they heard footsteps. She didn't look up for a long time. She knew it was him. She could feel it.
"Oh my! Are you okay?!" Cagalli recognized the voice of Kira's friend Lunamaria.
"What the heck happened?" was what Dearka asked.
"It was just lousy coordination," he replied, quite smoothly.
Cagalli's heart didn't stop pounding against her ears, but no longer from surprise and fear.
Carefully and fearfully, she looked up to see Athrun. In the light she could see his features more clearly. His green eyes were focused on Dearka first, but after feeling her move, he looked back at her.
And he didn't release her. His warm hands continued on her shoulders. He found himself surprised not wanting to let go of her, at least until Kira practically skipped the remaining steps to reach her.
"Cagalli!"
Athrun left her so that Kira could hold her. Cagalli didn't know how to react for quite some time.
How many times had Alex let go of her hand so someone else could take it?
So this time, Cagalli was the one who didn't let him go. With her free hand she took him by the arm.
Athrun watched her gesture quite impressed and abstracted. Maybe she was still scared by what had just happened and was still not processing it correctly. Maybe she was mistaking him for Kira even though she had the two of them in front of her.
Maybe there was a lot going on in her head and the only thing he was sure of was that he didn't want her hand, so thin and small, so warm and stable, yet at the same time fearful, to let go.
"Are you okay? Can you stand up? Should we go to the infirmary?" Kira attacked her with questions about her condition. Athrun had never seen him in such anguish and if he still had any doubts about their blood relationship, with that it had already ended up disappearing.
"I'm fine," she managed to say, stunned, but didn't get up. Neither she, nor Athrun, nor Kira who was now kneeling. "I-I'm sorry… for disturbing your break."
Kira shook his head and looked at his friends. Dearka and Nicol shrugged their shoulders with a resigned smile. Lunamaria sighed in relief. Meyrin went over to help Athrun up and only Shinn decided to speak with a hand on the back of his neck.
"Tch, then you better not try to run away again. Food mustn't go to waste."
Cagalli blinked.
She looked at the ground then, where several cookies, some sandwiches and juices had fallen.
Worried, she looked up at Athrun.
He shrugged and smiled.
"I didn't know what you liked," he commented before offering her a hand to help her up. Cagalli accepted it, confused, and then he changed his expression. It seemed serious. "I am Athrun," he introduced himself. "Athrun Zala."
Cagalli nodded slowly.
"I know," she replied.
"You do?" she frowned, not understanding the question, and tilted her head. Athrun exhaled. "Nevermind."
There were a few seconds of silence in which Kira's blond friend approached.
"We still have about 15 minutes, why don't we try to save some of this?" Dearka offered, bending down to pick up a package of chocolate chip cookies and shake it.
Cagalli looked at Kira. Could she stay even after putting on a tremendous show?
He smiled at her.
"It's okay."
And then she looked at Athrun. Whatever the reason, perhaps because he had saved her just a few minutes ago, now he looked even brighter.
"I'm Cagalli," she introduced herself, somewhat nervous and unsure, very atypical of her. Something that only Kira could notice. "Cagalli Hibiki."
Athrun smiled too.
"I know."
Once again, Cagalli found herself frowning.
"You do?" until two days ago, when they met in the rain, she was sure he didn't. They had never spoken until that moment. They had barely seen each other. .
But he nodded confidently.
"I do," he declared and after a couple of seconds, in which he seemed to think something, added. "So please remember that I am Athrun."
Cagalli parted her lips, puzzled by the request and unsure how to respond. Her heart leapt before his determined eyes and the princess within her hopelessly thought of Alex.
But Cagalli Hibiki shook her head and, with the movement, that thought disappeared as quickly as it came.
Today, his name was Athrun Zala.
"Yes."
"Blue or red?"
"Red."
"Spicy or sweet?"
"Spicy."
"Exploring the bottom of the sea or space?"
"Space."
"Woah, really?" Athrun looked up when the fifteenth question of 'would you rather' was answered without any hint of doubt.
A couple of weeks or so had passed since the incident on the stairs and, ever since, Kira had been dragging Cagalli with him to eat on breaks with them.
According to him, at first she had flatly refused, but now she was the one waiting for them on the roof if it wasn't so cold or rainy.
Cagalli frowned.
"Sure, the bottom of the sea is terrifying," she replied before shifting position and leaning on one of her hands, to move the other as if what she was saying was quite obvious. "And the space is calm and quiet."
It wasn't like he didn't agree with her. In fact, he would also choose the space instead of the ocean, but…
"Wouldn't it be lonely?" he asked suddenly.
Cagalli tilted her head, as if she didn't understand what he meant. But then a smile, not exactly happy, appeared on her lips as she leaned forward slightly.
"Then," she said. "Would you rather leave everything behind and go with me, or let me go?"
Athrun gulped, suddenly forgetting how to speak when his eyes met Cagalli's. She had a particular way of looking directly into the eyes when she spoke, as if she wanted to find out what people were really thinking.
And what he was thinking had deviated from 'going with her or not' to 'alone with Cagalli'.
It was no secret to anyone that he had developed an interest in Kira's sister —maybe, just maybe a crush —since they talked under the rain.
His eyes would meet hers more often than planned, he would be thinking of her without realizing it and without knowing it he would be looking for her with his gaze.
But would he be willing to give up everything for her?
Then she laughed, leaning back.
"Don't take it so seriously," she told him to later look the other way, precisely towards the schoolyard.
Then don't ask things like that! He opened his mouth to say, but instead fell silent and reached for his water bottle to take a sip.
There it was again, that expression on her face.
Athrun exhaled.
It hadn't been difficult to get Cagalli to adjust to the group and to get everyone used to her.
She put up with Shinn's character, joked with Dearka, got along well with the sisters, and had practically adopted Nicol as another brother.
In his case, Athrun was totally relaxed when he was alone with her. Maybe it was a talent of the Hibiki family, but being with her was different from being with Kira. Kira was his best friend, Cagalli was…
Athrun cleared his throat. He still couldn't answer that. She was his friend, yes, but she was different from Lunamaria and Meyrin.
Sometimes it seemed that Cagalli knew him a lot more than she gave herself credit for. Or maybe it was that she understood better than anyone else?
Yet even if she laughed with them — with him —and notoriously enjoyed being by their side, Athrun couldn't help but feel that she was still isolating herself and forming a barrier with them.
Cagalli was a lonely girl.
At first he had attributed it to the fact that she might not have friends. The times he had seen her she was completely alone. Even when they first talked.
But now, it just felt that way—
Then he felt a cold touch on his nose, which made him jump.
Cagalli giggled. Her hands were cold and she knew it.
"Lacus Clyne or Meer Campbell?" she asked suddenly.
Athrun blinked.
"Huh?"
"Would you rather listen to Lacus Clyne your whole life or Meer—?"
"Meer Campbell."
This time it was Cagalli's turn to blink in confusion and tilted her head to the side. Of course she would. Both singers were totally opposite.
So Athrun was forced to explain.
"Your brother talks all day about Lacus and her songs. I'm sorry, but listening to Lacus and about Lacus every day is already a reality."
Cagalli's smile didn't take long to appear.
"You're so right."
Athrun smiled back. Cagalli shrugged. He didn't understand how someone like her, who could light up an entire block with her radiant smile and fiery gaze, could look so melancholy from time to time.
He wondered what he could do to keep that smile.
"So would you rather…?"
"Your sister and Athrun get along quite well," Nicol commented when they heard laughter from the stairs. His brown eyes went to Kira, but he didn't expect to see him so…
He laughed.
Nicol came down the stairs he had climbed when Kira stopped. For now it was just the two of them, as Meyrin had fallen ill and Lunamaria had stayed home to take care of her, and Shinn was busy with the math homework he forgot to do.
"Are you okay, Kira?" he asked.
Kira opened his mouth to say yes, but before he could, someone's voice echoed between the walls.
"I'm absent for two days, and Zala has fallen in love with the outcast?"
"It wasn't two days Yzak, it was two weeks," Dearka replied.
"Whatever."
Neither of them were really yelling, but their voices were naturally louder — or maybe it was their energy —than the rest.
Dearka's laugh was the most outrageous, while Yzak's complaints didn't take long to come. However, the two of them stopped as soon as they saw him and Nicol at the last landing on the stairs just before they reached the roof.
"Something happens?" Yzak asked.
Once again Cagalli's laugh was heard as Athrun said something unintelligible, she was probably playing with him and he tried unsuccessfully to protest.
"Hm, those two should start dating by now," Dearka commented without thinking.
Nicol shrugged and looked back at Kira as they searched for an answer, which consequently made Yzak and Dearka look at him as well.
Kira kept staring at the rooftop door for a while longer. At least until he felt someone slap him hard on the back.
He almost fell forward. His balance being affected by his lack of concentration.
Dearka's big smile confused him.
"She won't stop being your sister, you know."
Nicol laughed and Yzak exhaled, both of them starting to head towards the roof. Kira felt his cheeks heat up.
"I-It's not that!"
And although his friends ignored him, it really wasn't.
Kira exhaled.
He had always considered that he and Cagalli were pretty close. Not only as siblings, but also as friends.
She was his confidant and he tried hard to be her support. Although he always said that he was the oldest biologically, as far as personality was concerned, Cagalli had always been the leader.
When they were kids, she was the outrageous and flashy one. She helped him make friends and gave him the courage he needed when he was scared. It didn't matter if something went wrong, she always smiled at him proud of his effort.
However, after that accident on the stairs, she had simply changed. Almost as if she were someone else or as if she suddenly saw things differently. Her smiles were replaced by thoughtful looks. Thoughts that he couldn't decipher, which confused and frustrated him —they had always been able to understand each other perfectly.
Not only did he notice. Even their parents asked the doctors if it could be some sequel —their cheerful daughter was now somber —but the tests showed that she was fine. There was nothing physical, so maybe it was something psychological? Having been close to death, had it made her reconsider her often reckless attitude?
Kira always doubted it.
Not only her thoughts, all of Cagalli had become indecipherable to him. She could smile brilliantly, but he knew — felt —that something was affecting her.
And yet she never told him what.
Even though many times he found her locked in her room, curled up in a ball, hugging her knees and closing her eyes tightly, as if some nightmare haunted her or a memory ate her alive, she never told him.
Even though many times he found her looking out the window, towards other children, as if she wanted to be there again and yet, knowing that she couldn't, she never told him.
Cagalli had always been the strong twin, after all.
So when Athrun told him about that event in the rain. When he said he saw her crying, Kira knew.
He knew that whatever she was fighting against was beating her. But no matter how many times he asked, Cagalli wouldn't tell him anything.
Kira walked over to Athrun's seat, which was two rows from where he was. Most of their classmates had left early as exams were coming up and they were probably attending to cram school.
Athrun, who didn't need it, looked at him in confusion as he stopped beside him.
"Athrun, can we talk?" he asked.
"Um, sure?" he answered and then got up.
Normally there wouldn't be a question involved. They were friends. They talked whenever they could and were hardly ever that serious.
But Kira's gaze told him that what he wanted to tell him was important.
It was important. Definitely. Otherwise Kira wouldn't have spent days wondering if meddling was okay or not.
Athrun kept watching Kira's back as they walked. They followed the same path they always took, only instead of going down the stairs, they went up.
They both stopped at the break, still silent.
"Kira—?"
"Do you like my sister?" he interrupted him when he was about to ask about the reason for his seriousness.
Athrun nearly choked on his own saliva.
It had been pretty direct.
"Like?" he repeated. "Well, I like her and—"
"No, the other type."
"Other type?" he tried to feign ignorance, but Kira's serious gaze didn't change. Athrun gulped and looked away. "How am I supposed to respond to that?" he wanted to know.
It had barely been a few weeks since he started talking to Cagalli. He loved hanging out with her, but dating her? It would be a lie to say that he had never thought about it. Maybe to see a movie or go for a walk in a theme park. But he didn't want to bother her. He didn't want to push her away when he could at least talk to her normally.
And then Kira spoke again.
"When she's with you," he said. "It seems like she's back to the way she was before."
Athrun blinked.
"Huh?"
"She laughs with you. She really laughs and relaxes her shoulders. She doesn't act like everyone is watching her. She—" Kira looked him in the eye. Unlike Cagalli, his weren't confident, but rather appealing. "I know you've noticed it too."
Kira was speaking to him in another language. That must be it because Athrun wasn't understanding anything he was saying. Cagalli laughed with the others too.
Or did she not?
"Well, sometimes she seems lonely," he commented quietly remembering the time they had talked on the roof.
Kira nodded slowly, still looking at his face.
"So, I want to know," he said, taking a step forward, not looking down. "Athrun, what are you to my sister?"
Athrun, despite his seriousness, smiled.
"Isn't that something she should answer?" he asked.
But Kira just sighed.
"Then I'll change the question: what do you want to be for my sister?" he walked away again and adjusted the backpack on his shoulder. By then, Athrun had stopped smiling to think of an answer, but Kira wouldn't let him say it. "I don't plan on forbidding you something Athrun," he told him. "But I do plan to warn you."
Kira passed him at that moment to go down the stairs again. He didn't look at him when he continued:
"If you want to be something to Cagalli, then you better not leave her alone."
Because Kira knew.
He knew that if Athrun, who had managed to reopen his sister's heart for himself and for other people —even when he, her own twin, hadn't been able to —, left her, Cagalli wouldn't be able to bear it.
And Kira was unwilling to let his sister, who was beginning to shine again, return to that bleak and lonely stage of her life. No, if he could help it.
Athrun watched Kira go and was left alone with his thoughts, mulling over the question asked by his friend.
He liked Cagalli. Perhaps more than he was willing to admit.
But…
He pursed his lips.
"Would you rather leave everything behind and go with me, or let me go?"
He still didn't know what the correct answer was. He didn't know if there was one to start with.
All he was sure of was that he wanted her to keep smiling.
If things had been looking up, if she had stopped thinking about the past more than the present, Cagalli didn't realize it until she was sitting next to Yzak on one of the buses that would take her entire year to the same place.
Onogoro.
She fidgeted while the teacher gave some instructions. Where would they go first, who to contact if they broke away from the main group and the like.
Cagalli paid no attention.
"If you're going to throw up, don't you dare do it on me," Yzak told her once he saw her. She was probably pale and haggard, she had literally not slept a bit and doubted she would be able to do so on the way.
Part of her was scared, the other was excited.
She smiled as best she could and replied:
"I'll keep it in mind."
She had been reluctant to go. She even thought about pretending to fall ill, but she didn't want to worry her family. Her mother was happy to hear Kira talk about how well Cagalli now got along with his friends. Even their father, who was normally a bit reserved about money, had offered to buy her whatever she thought necessary.
And so, she couldn't refuse it.
Cagalli exhaled. It would be easier if Athrun or Kira were with her, but they had been divided by section and, curiously, she and Yzak were in the same classroom.
However, although Cagalli decided that it would be best not to think about things too much, it really was inevitable that images of the ancient Onogoro would appear in her mind when the island came into their field of vision after a few hours of travel.
Long ago, that place was devastated by war.
Today, it looked beautiful.
Beautiful and different.
Cagalli tightened the fabric of her PE pants. On one hand she was happy, Uzumi Nara Athha had fought hard for their kingdom. Cagalli Yula Athha too. But on the other, her heart ached. The place that was once her home was no longer the same.
"Is something the matter?" Athrun asked her once they all got off the buses. Yzak had gotten lost in the crowd and somehow the blue haired boy had come to her side.
He always seemed to find a way to do it lately. She appreciated it.
Cagalli looked at him and shifted her backpack over her shoulder in a very similar way to Kira, Athrun thought.
"Not really," she replied as they advanced behind the group. "What about you?"
"Hm? Me?" Athrun blinked.
"You seem excited."
Ah.
Athrun smiled.
Acknowledging his feelings for Cagalli days ago had accomplished two things: the first, that Kira was always watching him and the second, that he now wanted to spend as much time as he could with her.
"You'll find out soon," he told her and Cagalli smiled.
If Athrun hadn't been so anxious, he probably would have realized that it was not a normal smile.
So they both had to continue to their respective classrooms.
Cagalli had been handling it well.
She had been doing well until they got to the history museum. No, even inside the museum it had been fine.
What ended up breaking her was when they came to one of the princess's relics.
Of course, the guides missed it. Historically it hadn't obtained any achievement. That object hadn't won a battle nor did it represent anything for the kingdom.
But for her… for Cagalli Yula Athha meant much more than that.
The class moved forward as she stayed behind. On a small pedestal, surrounded by a glass box, was a pendant.
The stone amulet of Haumea.
But how? She wondered. Her heart pounding in her ears, moving slightly closer.
Cagalli Yula Athha had given that pendant as a gift. She had given it to Alex the last time they saw each other… when they said goodbye.
Why was it now among her belongings again?
Then she read the legend. The pendant had been sent to the palace by a knight along with a letter. It was unlikely that it was for the princess's then fiancé.
The letter was next to it and in the ancient language, which Cagalli could read, it said:
«So that our paths will cross again, I will protect that future…»
Cagalli Yula Athha had never received that letter, but she recognized the handwriting. She would recognize it wherever and whenever.
You've protected it…
Athrun gulped when he finally found Cagalli.
The tour was over and they had been given some time off before they had to return, so he decided it was time to tell her.
Well, he wouldn't tell her head-on. He wanted to hang out with her, have fun like they normally did, and find the right time.
But his plans completely changed when he saw her almost static in front of one of the less popular antiques.
He reached out his hand and opened his mouth to call out to her, but stopped when he saw her shoulders shake.
No, he stopped a few seconds before that, when he heard her call out a name.
A name that was not his.
"Alex…"
Dearka's words echoed in his head and Athrun's arm fell silently as it had no place to go.
His chest ached, but he struggled not to let it be noticed.
Athrun walked away then. The person Cagalli wanted wasn't him.
He lost track of time while strolling along the beaches of Onogoro. He had put his cell phone on silent. He wanted to think a bit.
Kira had been wrong. He wasn't the one who changed Cagalli.
He sighed.
So what if Cagalli liked someone else? They would remain friends. They would keep hanging out with Kira and the others.
Nothing will change.
And even in time he could get over her. They were in high school. They had a whole life ahead of them.
Trying to convince himself of that, Athrun returned to the meeting point. He was aware that it had taken him a few minutes — an hour actually —and that he would probably be punished.
But when he arrived, he saw that everything was a mess.
"Athrun!"
Athrun turned to Dearka's voice when he called out to him.
"What's going on?" he asked.
Dearka looked at him incredulously.
"What's going on?! Dude we've been looking for you for more than an hour! The teachers are like crazy."
Athrun blinked and hurried after Dearka when he nodded.
In the museum lobby, he managed to visualize his classroom tutor talking on the phone, a few policemen asking questions, and a few students being interviewed.
"Mr. Zala, where the hell have you been?" his teacher asked him when he saw him.
"Sorry, I entertained myself on the beach," he replied.
The teacher told him they would talk about it later and turned to speak to an officer. Athrun frowned. If they were still there, it was because someone was still missing, right?
Then, of all the voices, he recognized that of his best friend.
"I knew something was wrong today, I shouldn't have forced her to come," Kira said with a shaky voice.
An alarm sounded within Athrun and he approached him. Dearka on his heels.
"Kira!" called him. "What's wrong? Cagalli hasn't come back yet?" he asked when he understood who else was missing.
Kira looked up, his eyes widening, and quickly got up from where he was —talking to a policeman —to approach Athrun.
Athrun wasn't able to avoid what came next.
His left cheek hurt a lot. From one second to the next Kira's expression had changed and Athrun was now on the ground. Dearka and someone else intervened before Kira could hit him again.
Still unable to believe or even understand what was happening, Kira's voice reached his ears.
"What do you mean she hasn't come back yet?!" he shouted. "You were with her, weren't you?! You left her, didn't you?! Even though I told you not to!"
Athrun put a hand to his cheek.
"Kira, relax!" he heard Dearka say as he struggled.
"Mr. Hibiki," another of the teachers chimed in as someone helped Athrun up. "We don't need a show. I know you're worried about your sister, but hitting Mr. Zala won't solve anything."
But, contrary to what the professor said, it solved something. Solved Athrun's resolution.
So what if Cagalli liked someone else?
Athrun sat on a chair that he found and someone gave him a bottle of ice water to put on his cheek.
He had cowered and ran away. He had done exactly what Kira told him not to do.
But, he had also understood something.
So he waited to stop being the center of attention.
"Where are you going?" Yzak stopped him. The white-haired guy was looking at him with a slightly raised eyebrow.
Athrun gulped.
"I'm going to find Cagalli," he answered.
"Do you know where she is, though?"
He shook his head
"No."
Yzak exhaled as if he were saying how unbelievable Athrun was and turned around.
"20 minutes," he said. "If you're not back by then, I'm gonna snitch on you."
Athrun smiled playfully.
"Snitches get stitches."
"Then go now."
And with that said, he discreetly left the lobby and walked over to where his feet led him. Although he didn't know exactly where that was going, he knew he was going the right way while dodging some officers.
He reached a secluded part of the beach, where it was no longer for tourists and was beginning to be a protected area.
He got into the palm trees and bushes and followed an invisible path trying not to think about the animals that were probably roaming the surroundings at that hour.
Then he came to a kind of cliff and saw her sitting on a huge rock.
Cagalli hugged her knees to her chest while looking at the sky that was gradually covered with stars. He knew she knew he was there when she asked a question out loud.
"How did you know about this place?"
He answered:
"How did you know about this place?"
A small place isolated from the rest of the world, with a beautiful panoramic view of the sea that extended to the old palace that was now the museum.
"You wouldn't believe me even if I told you."
Athrun approached slowly.
"Try me."
And only then did Cagalli's amber eyes land on him.
"In my past life I used to come here a lot," she told him. "And you too."
"Past life?" Athrun repeated.
Cagalli gave him a half, broken smile and looked back at the horizon.
"Don't take it so seriously—"
"Is Alex part of that past life?" he interrupted her and Cagalli's heart leapt at the mention of that name from Athrun's mouth.
Honestly, he did find it hard to believe. Especially if she said it so abruptly and without any argument to back it up, but he wasn't there to question what was going through her mind and heart.
He was there to give her an answer. So he walked over to where she was.
"I'd go with you," he told her.
Cagalli gave a dejected laugh before swallowing hard. She didn't want to look at him. She couldn't.
"Of course," she nodded. "Of course you would."
"Cagalli, look at me."
But she shook her head.
"Of course you would leave it all behind and come with me," she continued without looking at him. "And then you would regret it and leave me."
"It wouldn't happen," he replied.
"Yes it would! It has already!"
"Cagalli..."
"Alex did! You—!"
"But I'm not Alex!" only then, when Cagalli felt him take her hand, did she turn around. His gaze was determined and his eyes refused to leave hers.
Cagalli didn't know how to keep his gaze.
And so Athrun continued.
"I don't know anything about a past life. I don't know who Alex is or was and I honestly don't care," he blurted out quickly. Perhaps because it seemed that at any moment Cagalli would run away again. "But even if I regret it and leave you, I'm sure I would regret it again and do whatever it takes to get back to your side."
She shook her head again.
"It can't be true."
"But it is. Cagalli, look at me," although reluctant, Cagalli did as requested. She felt her heart pound when their eyes connected.
Even though so many years had passed, they still saw her the same way.
"How are you so sure?" she asked in a cracking voice.
There was no way he was.
But Athrun shrugged and pulled her close to hug her. Whether or not it was true that about a past life, it wasn't a lie that whatever it was had been haunting Cagalli for many years.
"Because just as you are Cagalli Hibiki, I am Athrun Zala," he told her. "And I couldn't abandon the person I've fallen in love with."
She blinked.
"I couldn't let you go if I wanted to, Cagalli Hibiki."
But he had done it before, what was different now? Said a voice inside her.
Cagalli shut her up when she decided to hug Athrun back.
She knew the answer. Cagalli Hibiki had probably always known.
Athrun Zala wasn't her Alex.
And she wasn't Cagalli Yula Athha either.
When they returned, the scolding didn't take long to come. Not only from teachers and policemen, but also from Kira himself, who was about to hit Athrun in the face again when he saw them together.
However, his anger didn't last long when Cagalli apologized instead. And while that wouldn't prevent the punishment they would face, at least the case hadn't made the news, and since it was easier if their parents didn't find out, the school would most likely handle it all.
The teacher looked at his wristwatch then with a frown. Most of the students were already inside the buses, ready to go.
It was time to go back.
Cagalli felt that she was leaving something in Onogoro, but she didn't look back when Athrun took her hand and laced his fingers with hers. They weren't willing to let the other go for the moment.
Cagalli smiled. Since they were in the back, neither the teachers nor Kira paid any attention to them.
Surely what she was leaving behind was the past.
Princess Cagalli Yula Athha and her life.
Because today, just as he was Athrun Zala, she was Cagalli Hibiki.