Just a little one-shot that popped into my head. Hope you like it?
Adam looked in the mirror, he straightened his tie and ran his hand through his hair one more time. He was surprised when his hands shook a little and he clenched and unclenched his fists to relax.
Grabbing his phone and keys he jogged down the stairs and out the door knowing that he was already running a little behind time. Hopefully the traffic would be compliant and let him make a few minutes. Before he backed out of his parking spot he shuffled through his Spotify account and found a playlist that matched the mood he was in.
Chaotic, that's what he felt. He'd been adamant that he was doing the right thing, but the doubts still crept in. He'd tried so hard to block out the noise. The doubts and the inevitable criticism were hard to ignore though. This wasn't about what other people thought of him though. It's about what you think of yourself. It is what you can live with and carry and reconcile. He didn't owe anyone anything.
Kate gave him a disapproving look when she opened the door. "Sorry I'm a little late." He shrugged. "Traffic." He lied. The traffic was great, he was just late.
"Not what I was expecting?" She smiled tightly. "Isn't that against the rules or disrespectful or something? Or are you just being obtuse and stubborn?"
Adam chose not to bite. Things had certainly been tense lately, probably no more than they usually were but they had spent more time together than the usually did and that had exacerbated the gap between them. There was very little linking them anymore. "Are you ready to go?"
She should've known he'd pull a stunt like this. He was pig headed and stubborn. "He was a good man Adam, he was a good cop. He deserves your respect." Kate snipped at him when she closed Sammy's door and as Adam reached to open the door for her.
"I'm here aren't I?" Adam gave her an emotionless response. "It's as much as he deserves."
"Are you ever going to stop being this petty. He was our father, he wasn't perfect, but then neither are you."
"Never said I was." Adam sniped. "He put a target on my back to make sure he kept his pension and hero's worship. He didn't care about what that meant for me? For the people I work with. Perhaps if he wasn't always bailing you out maybe he wouldn't have been $80K in the hole."
He was pretty sure she didn't get it or refused to get it. Kate got everything she wanted, she always had. Their father was always giving her money to bail her out of one thing or another or forgiving her for not calling him or seeing him for months on end. Now today, this whole thing was planned by Kate, she had everything she wanted, the whole spectacle. Adam didn't care. The less he had to do with it the better, the wounds were still raw and before his death his father had done nothing to repair the relationship with his son. As far as Bob Ruzek was concerned they 'were good'.
They were anything but good.
Even when his sister called to say that his father had had a stroke Adam was decidedly ambivalent. He didn't want him to suffer, he wasn't that heartless but it was hard to cross a bridge that had been burnt beyond repair. He was there when he passed away because he knew he'd regret it if he wasn't and it wasn't fair to Kate to carry that burden alone. They had made the decision to turn off his life support when it was apparent that the damage to his brain was extensive. He was unable to breath on his own. It was a devastating decision but Adam just couldn't let everything that had gone on leading up to this day go.
He stepped out of the car at the church and felt everyone's eyes on him. He opened the door for his sister and helped her out of the car without looking at the crowd gathered outside. Sammy slipped his hand into his mother's. The size of the crowd overwhelmed him. Adam stepped closer to his nephew and put a hand on his shoulder.
Bob Ruzek was a retired, honoured long serving Police Officer and the proliferation of uniforms that milled about was a stark reminder of the esteem in which he was held. In the way that many Police Officers were honoured, the stories became grander, the moments embellished and the man grew taller. He knew he'd have to hear them all later today. So far he had avoided the usual platitudes, fortunately he was able to throw himself into work and surround himself with those closest to him and the Unit provided some shelter from the well-meaning pats on the back and condolences.
Standing with Kate and Sammy, along with his Aunt and Uncle, his Dad's sister and brother, Adam bowed his head when the hearse arrived. As much as he couldn't forgive his father he still felt the loss. He still felt his sister's distress. His heart still ached for his nephew. He still felt for his Aunt and Uncle, they'd lost a brother.
He didn't look at the crowd that spilled out down the steps of the church, the pews inside already filled to overflowing. He heard the mutterings though and chose to ignore it. He was comfortable with his decision. He would honour the fact that he was his father, he wouldn't honour the man he pretended to be.
The coffin was draped in the familiar flag, the one he swore to serve and protect every day. His hat perched on top and he listened to his Uncle, his father's brother give an emotional eulogy, glossing over his foibles and highlighting his achievements and they were many. An honest man, with faults like all of us, a loving and proud father and doting grandfather. That was not the man he remembered.
Adam did one thing though, he was a pallbearer as his father's casket left the church. Along with his Uncle and his best friend, his brother-in-law and two of his oldest colleagues. Both Kate and his Aunt had begged him to do it. Just a few short months ago, they argued, he would have shouldered the whole burden himself if he could.
It was a painful conversation with his Aunt when he finally unburdened himself. Bob had been a little loose with his interpretation of why Adam wasn't speaking to him anymore. He'd turned up at his retirement party and that was his last offering as a son. From the moment he walked out of that bar, his relationship with his Dad was over. Perhaps one day it would've repaired itself, but there hadn't been enough time, the wound was still weeping.
"He's not the man you think he is." Adam argued. "He's not a saint, he's not a good Dad, he's not a good man. He's a liar, he's a gambling addict and he'd rather save his own reputation than my life." It exploded out of him and his Aunt had been shocked. Deep down she knew that her brother wasn't the same man when around his family as he was when he was away from it. He'd borrowed money from them to buy the kids birthday and Christmas presents. It was always 'a week away from pay-day' and after the fourth year of the same story she started to wise up and Bob stopped asking.
Despite that she had asked him to stand up and carry his father out of the church. If not for him, for his family, for Kate and for Sammy.
His eye caught a brief glimpse of his team on the way out. He lowered his eyes immediately and swallowed hard. He wondered if they'd understand?
Kim walked up behind him as the hearse pulled out of the driveway and slid silently down the road. She slipped her hand in his and gave it a squeeze. She let it go just as quickly and was surprised when Adam reached for it again.
"How'd you know?" He turned his head slightly.
"Because I do know your heart."
"Thank you."
He didn't let go of her hand, every time she went to move away he held on a little tighter.
Adam watched the last of the mourners head towards their cars, there was going to be a wake and he knew he had to go. "Want to come with me?" he nodded towards his car. Kate was travelling with his Aunt this time.
"I do."
"Seriously how did you know?" Adam asked her again when they were inside his car.
"I know how much he hurt you, I know how much your badge means to you. I know how let down you were. You are not like him Adam, everyone before yourself. So I knew what you'd do."
"They don't understand."
"So what?"
Adam jumped out and opened the door for Kim. She stood on tiptoes and kissed his cheek, smoothing his plain black tie as she did. Kim straightened her dress before slipping her hand into Adam's. "I'm so proud of you." She reminded him.
The stoic young man, clad in a plain black suit took a deep breath and stepped into the fray. A proud Chicago Police Officer who refused to bow down in the face of the ultimate betrayal. He wasn't wearing the Uniform he'd die for, for the funeral of a man who would rather save his own name and pension rather than his son's life.
And by his side, a woman who did know his heart because without even asking she knew what he'd do and her simple black dress told him more than words ever could.