Back off.
Of all the things he could've said he chose to say that. Of all the things he wanted to say to her he chose the worst possible.
Did he want her to back off?
Yes.
No. Not really. Would anyone?
No, he could never want Olivia to back off. If it was up to him, she should be working alongside him, doesn't matter which unit, but she would be next to him – as close as possible. They'd be partners or she'd be his boss, it wouldn't matter. He missed her.
Elliot pulled the lapels of his coat around him and put his hands in the pockets. He replayed the conversation in his head, going over everything he could've said and everything he wanted to say.
He stopped walking and looked back.
Olivia's car was still parked where he left her.
He almost turned around and ran back into her car. He wanted to do that more than anything, but he didn't. Instead he continued walking in the opposite direction and Olivia drove off soon after.
Liv, you mean the world to me.
That was the only thing he really wanted to say to her, has wanted to say since he left the squad. No, he wanted to say that to her even before. She has meant a world to him for two decades now.
Liv, you are my world.
That's what he should've said. That is truth.
He would give almost anything to have back the partnership they had. He missed the way her name flashed on the screen of his phone, he missed the way she texted him, but most of all he missed walking beside her – always in sync. He missed taking down perps with her by his side, the way they could run interrogations while reading each other's minds. He missed the way she would sit on the desk opposite from his. He missed the way her perfume filled his nostrils. He missed her.
He stopped again. He pulled out his phone and looked over her name.
Liv.
He wondered if they all call her that, even with her promotion into captain.
Benson.
He couldn't see himself using her surname ever, he never wants to be relegated to someone calling her by her surname. She's been his Liv since the beginning of their partnership.
There was no way he'd bring her down with him to get Richard Wheeler. Elliot was prepared to do whatever necessary, he would sacrifice his shield, but he could neve sacrifice Olivia or her squad. He couldn't have Olivia anywhere near this case.
She was trying and he wanted to be around her more than everything, they had to wait a little while longer. Maybe it would be good. Maybe they could start healing while they wait. It wasn't like it was before. They were still in sync, he could see the glimmer in her eyes, but a lot had changed while he was gone. It's obvious in the way she said his name.
Elliot.
For 13 years, he was not just Elliot – he was her partner. And then he became El. True, she'd use his full name, but more often than not she'd just call him El and he'd call her Liv. He still called her Liv, but she hasn't called him El in 10 years. It was one subtle reminder that they were not the same people anymore. They are now longer Liv and El.
Maybe one day he'd be El again.
***SVU***
Elliot knocked on her door, he did it quietly – she had a son now and it was definitely past his bedtime. He wasn't surprised, when she opened the door and let him inside.
"I heard you got Wheeler," she said.
Elliot smiled. Good news did travel fast. He nodded with a smile.
"Yeah, he's being booked as we speak," he confirmed.
"Well done, Elliot," she praised him.
He smiled with pride.
"I couldn't have done it without your help," he whispered.
Olivia smiled.
"It's like the good old times," he mused.
"Yeah," she agreed.
He ran his hand over his face with concern and took a deep breath.
"Liv, I don't want you to back off," he said heavily.
She sighed with relief.
"Good, because I'm done backing off," she said.
Elliot smiled and leaped forward. He pulled her into his embrace, daring to cross that invisible boundary and touch her again. She wrapped herself around him and let out a breath she'd been holding in possibly for a decade.
"Do you wanna get coffee tomorrow?" he asked.
"Yeah, I do," she said.
In a bold move, Elliot kissed her hair quickly enough that she could've imagined it and then let go of her. He stayed close.
"I wanna know everything I missed," he said sincerely.
"It's a lot," she said and subconsciously glanced at the door to Noah's room.
"We might have to make it a full day event then," he suggested.
"Maybe," she replied. She looked down at her feet and then back up. "And you can tell me all about Rome," she added.
He nodded with a smile.
"You would've loved it," he spoke with a smile.
She returned it, knowing that he was right – she would've loved living in Italy.
"It's good to have you back, El," she said.
He smiled.
It felt great to be back and to be around Olivia again. It felt like he was finally home.