He had it coming, he had it coming
He only had himself to blame
If you'd have been there, if you'd have seen it
I betcha you would have done the same!
I. Cersei Lannister, accused of Robert Baratheon's murder
"When I first heard I'd wed Robert Baratheon, the new King of Westeros, I was instantly enamored. I thought that the man who started a war to rescue his betrothed would be a great husband. I should have known, though, he wouldn't forget Lyanna Stark so easily.
"On our wedding night, he said her name instead of mine, and I realized our marriage had been doomed from the start. Still, I did my duty. Oh, don't pay mind to those rumours about my brother and I. Do we look like those disgraced Targaryens? Lannisters are above a petty act like incest. I did my duty, and I did it without fail. You can look at my children if in doubt.
"But he did not do his duty to me. He cloaked me to bring me protection, and yet he was the first to endanger me. Perhaps the rumours of Jaime and I being together began because my brother was the only one to ever stand up for me in Robert's presence. He was rough in bed, never caring if I was comfortable, never considerate of any pain I might be suffering. He often took me after drinking countless bottles of wine and bedding gods know how many other women. Whores, noblewomen, servants… As long as it was a woman, Robert did not care. It's hard to tell whether they were… willing or not. Who would refuse a king?
"Robert, he… he had a habit of chewing weed. It made a terrible sound, especially when he was drunk and burping alongside chewing. One day… well, you know the day. It all began after he got off on top of me and cut some weed to chew. And the sound… I had drunk a bit to null the pain of the bedding, but in turn the chewing sounded even louder, and I was even angrier. I told him to stop, and he chewed louder. I asked another time, and he chewed louder. I lost it. I grabbed the knife he used to cut the weed and gave him two warning stabs. Yes, in the head. Well, if he's dead he can fulfill my request to not chew any louder, don't you think?"
He had it coming, he had it coming
He only had himself to blame
If you'd have been there, if you'd have heard it
I betcha you would have done the same!
II. Tyanna of the Tower, accused of Maegor Targaryen's murder
"When I met Maegor in Pentos, I knew he was married. He came with his wife after all, and I actually pleasured them both. When he wedded me, though, he said I was his second wife only, not his third.
"When I found he had been married before dear Alys, I was enraged, but my friend calmed me down. Said he didn't count Ceryse as his first wife because their marriage was unwilling. But then, when he was crowned, he took other three women as wives. You know them: Queen Elinor, Queen Rhaena and Queen Jeyne.
"Oh, I know all three of them were unwilling. I'm not stupid. But Maegor promised that we and Alys would be powerful, and no one else would stand between us. So first, I poisoned all the women he got pregnant. Alys, Elinor and Jeyne gave birth to monsters, and Maegor executed them all. There were still the other two, but Ceryse and Rhaena were all too happy to leave.
"Maegor found out, eventually, and tried to have me executed for it. But… well, you know how it ended. Some men just can't get enough of wine, even when it's poisoned."
He had it coming, he had it coming
He took a flower in its prime
And then he used it and he abused it
It was a murder but not a crime
III. Rhaena Targaryen, accused of Androw Farman's murder
"Androw and I wedded for convenience. Everyone knows that. I bet even the Night's Watch is aware of the nature of our marriage. The only one who seemed oblivious to it was my poor dear husband.
"Androw wasn't my first husband, but my third. I was tired of being thrown around from man to man, marriage to marriage. I wanted love, and I found it; just in Androw's arms.
"At first, he seemed compliant, unfazed by the fact I shared my bed more often with my friends than with him. But then he stormed into my room one night, drunk to the bone, screaming, 'You've been screwing my sister!', and trying to hit me with an empty bottle.
"He kept on screaming a half a dozen times, I think. I didn't really count. So what if I was screwing his sister? Instead, I ordered my dragon to fire him a bit. She fired him… ten times, I suppose. Overkill, I know, but dragons are not that easy to control."
If you'd have been there, if you'd have seen it
I betcha you would have done the same!
IV. Missandei, accused of Grey Worm's murder
"Skorkydoso gōntan nyke mōris bē kesīr? Vestrasis ñuha raqiros ōregion ilagon ñuha valzȳrys se nyke nektogon zȳhon bartos hen. Yn ziry iksos daor drēje. Nyke ȳdra daor gīmigon skoro syt se pāletilla vestras nyke gōntan ziry. Nyke sylutan naejot ivestragon se Dārotiazantyr yn pōnta gōntan daor shifang."*
Yeah, but did you do it?
Uh uh, not guilty!
V. Catelyn Tully, accused of the murders of Petyr Baelish and Lysa Tully
"My sister and I liked to travel across the realm, and my husband Petyr followed us everywhere. None of us were too eager to spend our Houses' money on those trips, though, so Lysa and I performed in inns to get coin. It was a dance performance, and for the last number in our act, we did 20 acrobatic tricks in a roll: one, two, three, four, five, splits, spread eagles, back flips, flip flops, one right after the other. Really nice to see, according to the public and the dragons we got every night.
"So there was this one night. We were staying in the Crossroads Inn, ready to go back to Riverrun afterwards. We had wine in our room, and conversation was going smoothly until we ran out of it. Naturally, I went downstairs to get a couple more bottles, as well as more food. When I got back… there were Petyr and Lysa, doing number seventeen: the spread eagle.
"I… I'm ashamed to say this, but I don't remember what happened. Mayhaps I was hit on the head. It wasn't until later, when I was washing the blood off my hands, I even noticed they were dead. So… if any of you could stop this farce and look for the actual assassin, I'd be glad. I want justice for my sister and my husband."
They had it coming, they had it coming
They had it coming all along
I didn't do it, but if I'd done it
How could you tell me that I was wrong?
VI. Elia Martell, accused of Rhaegar Targaryen's murder
"I loved Prince Rhaegar Targaryen more than I could possibly say. Who wouldn't love a man like him? He was not a warrior, although he could fight, but an artist. He sang and played the harp, and I'd fall in love note by note. I gave him two children, and we were happy together. Or I was, at least, despite the troubles of pregnancy and birth.
"But artists need their lonely moments, he said. To find inspiration, to find himself. And I let him, of course. I'd never hinder his creative mind, or stop him from doing what he had to in order to create his art. But… You can thank Varys for that. He was the one who told me what he found while looking for himself. You know the names: Lyanna Stark, Cersei Lannister, Ashara Dayne… Jon Connington.
"Such a discovery was… hard to swallow. So I summoned him, and we talked about his art. In the end… we had some artistic differences. He saw himself as alive… I saw him dead. I suppose I won that argument, huh?"
They had it coming, they had it coming
They had it coming all along
'Cause if they used us and they abused us
How could you tell us that we were wrong?
*Translation from High Valyrian: "How did I end up here? They say my friend held down my husband and I cut his head off. But it's not true. I don't know why the Crown says I did it. I tried to tell the Kingsguard but they didn't understand." (Adapted from Hunyak's lines in the original song.)