You are not a coward.

No matter how many times the words repeated in her mind, Becca still struggled to believe them, her teeth worrying at her lower lip as she leaned back against the headrest, her fingers tightening around the worn leather of the steering wheel while she squeezed her eyes shut against the sting of oncoming tears. She had visited the house before, of course, though those times, she had only been making an appearance to grab one of her possessions that Jay had unearthed while searching for something to take to the pawn shop, or to manage a visit for however long Ben allowed her to be out for a birthday. Of course, she had done her best to hide how her time away from home was carefully calculated, knowing far better than most exactly what might come to pass if either Jay or Nate ever learned of exactly how she had allowed herself to be pressed beneath a man's thumb. It was not that she was particularly concerned over what might happen to Ben. Not really. More so, she feared the way her brothers would look at her if they knew the truth about exactly how far she had fallen.

Their anger she could take. But the pity? That would be near to unbearable.

Grinding her molars together in response to the thought, Becca forced her eyes open once again, her gaze drifting towards the window beside the front door of the house beyond the curb, and the faint glow of lights through the curtain. She knew it should not be so difficult to pluck up the courage to simply exit the vehicle, and walk up to that door. That she should be jumping at the chance for even a small bit of freedom when she had spent so very long answering to another. But something seemed all but determined to hold her back, even in spite of that awareness, her mouth curving into a frown as she thumped her head back against the headrest for a second time, and tried to summon all the courage she could muster.

"Come on, Becks. Get the fuck out of the car, already."

Somewhat steeled by the words, though her heart still wasn't fully in it, Becca flexed her fingers one final time against the steering wheel before exiting the car, and shutting the driver's side door with a thud behind her, the heels of her shoes digging into the concrete with each step she took towards the driveway a mere few feet away. Though she truly did not want to, she tried her best to convince herself that she could do this, knowing that the alternative of going back home after everything that had happened was simply too much to take.

With that thought at the forefront of her mind, it became almost simple to ignore the bile that made its presence known at the back of her throat at the thought of what would face her if Ben ever discovered she had tucked tail and gone back to the brothers he had always made no secret of hating with everything he had. It became easy to keep her head up, when she had done nothing but keep her attention fixed firmly on the floor beneath her feet for far too long, already. And although she could practically hear the lingering niggling of doubt at the back of her mind, telling her she had no business dragging her brothers into her drama, Becca forced herself to remain intent upon the task at hand, her jaw working convulsively for a moment while she simply...

Walked.

If she did anything else, Becca knew she would likely lose her mind.

With her fingers curled into fists at her side, the young woman took step by measured step up the driveway and towards the home in question, her focus almost entirely on the task of keeping her breaths as even as possible, despite the slow acceleration of her nerves. It was as though a vice had squeezed itself around her heart, despite her knowing full well that hell would freeze over first, before Jay or Nate even thought about turning her away. And although she was still half-tempted to turn on a heel and head back towards her car as the reality of her sudden proximity to the doorbell sank in, Becca resisted, a sharp huff serving as the only sound she emitted before reaching forward to ring that doorbell before she could lose her nerve, entirely.

She told herself that she was just being overly dramatic when the thought crossed her mind that waiting on the stoop for someone to answer the door was almost like waiting for one of her former teammates to sneak up behind her and shove her into the deep end of the pool without a second's warning...

"Jesus, you're being so stupid," She murmured to herself, pacing away from the door, and dragging a hand through dark hair as the desire to simply head back towards her car became near to overwhelming once again. She had grown up in a world where weakness was something to be overcome, not accommodated. And the idea of owning to that weakness, no matter how she knew that her brothers would help her walk through it come hell or high water was honestly terrifying, whether she knew that facing it head-on would only do her good, or not.

You are not a coward.

As though the words had somehow prompted it, Becca found herself flinching in response to the slight squeak that the door gave as it opened, every nerve ending she possessed on edge as she turned once again and forced what she hoped would be a sincere smile to her lips. She honestly should have predicted it would be Jay to answer the door, whatever surprise he felt at her sudden appearance hardly slowing him down as he emitted a whoop, and wound his arms around her waist to lift her in the air in seconds, flat. Against her better judgment, Becca was powerless to resist the slight laugh that she gave in response, her hands pressing against Jay's shoulders until he deposited her on her own two feet once more. And although she knew almost instantly that he had read her internal disquiet with just a single glance, no matter how convincing she tried to make her smile, she was more than a little relieved when he opted for remaining silent on the matter even if it was only going to be for a moment, his attention turning back towards the door as he shifted until one arm slung easily over her shoulders so that he could pull her against his side and move indoors.

"Nate! Put the god-damn video game down! You'll never guess who turned up on our front porch."

For a little while, at least, maybe Becca could manage to convince herself that she was home…

Whatever else that came after that, she would happily ignore for now, if it would grant her even a moment's peace.

…

Well hello, dear ones! And welcome to another new story! I have to blame this little guy in its entirety on my dear friend phoward, since I probably never would have had the chance to watch Kingdom at all without a gentle nudge or two in the right direction (and a slight obsession with Frank Grillo). As usual, I saw the show, and the muses went haywire, just like they always do. But hopefully at least some of you find the initiation of this crazy little idea of mine to be somewhat intriguing? I promise, the fun is only *just* getting started!

As always, my heartfelt thanks go out to everyone that has given this tiny introductory chapter a chance! Hopefully it's enough to garner some interest in further chapters (because I do promise the next installment will be longer). And of course, if you are so willing, I cannot wait to hear what you think!

Until next time, darlings…

MOMM