Surgeons have superiority complexes, especially double-board certified surgeons – like Addison and Jake. Both have strong opinions and they're not afraid to express them with each other. Especially because of the glaringly obvious fact their specialties are interconnected with one another. But that doesn't mean that their stands are connected as well.
Addison is a realist, and so is Jake but he's the type of doctor that really pushes if his patients asks him to. She knows this, she's seen this when they treated their first patient together – Nina, a young woman who asked Jake to help her. Nina needed to have a uterus in order to conceive and the donor that she picked was well, her Gammy. This caused an argument between Addison and Jake.
And in the end, Addison was right, it was a difficult procedure – but that didn't mean that she'd won because once she saw the look on Jake's face, she felt defeated for him as well. Jake who seemed overly arrogant towards her crumpled and whatever the reason was; when you ask her, she'll tell you that at that moment, something inside of her started feeling something for Jake.
"So, are you just going to ignore me in this entire drive?" Jake cuts her thoughts as he turns to look at her before starting the engine.
She spared him a glance before sighing, "You know that I was right, Jake. You're pushing too hard and, in the end, it's not just Megan who's going to get hurt. It's going to be you too."
Jake groans at that. The two of them are having another argument about a patient again – only this time, they were together and the patient is only Jake's. Technically, Addison's opinion didn't really matter as much as Jake's but it still infuriated him.
His patient, Megan Stewart has had another miscarriage. It was her fourth one and still, she wanted to do another round of IVF once again. Jake had shared this to Addison while the two of them were planning to eat dinner in the hospital cafeteria. Only to his annoyance, Addison thought it was a bad idea and thought that she should just give it up and find another way to have a child. Jake, as the baby-giving miracle worker that he is, didn't agree and now they're at an impasse. Or not.
"And I've already told you, Addison. I know that you're excellent in your field but please, stay away from mine." He muttered through gritted teeth as he started driving.
Addison rolled her eyes at that, "Our fields are interconnected, Jake. And I was your patient, I know things and I'm telling you that what you're tolerating is a bad idea. She's had what? Four miscarriages? If that isn't a sign then I don't know what is."
"You're not in place to say that, Addison. I'm her doctor, not you." He huffed, frustration already building up inside of him.
"I'm not saying I'm her doctor. I just want to give you my input on this, Jake." She tells him softly. They'd both had a long night and she doesn't want to spend the rest of it angry at each other.
"I don't want your input," He retorts without missing a beat, "and besides, why are you so invested in my patient?"
"I'm not invested in your patient; I'm invested in you. I care about you, Jake. And I've seen you crumble when you push too hard and end up failing." She tried to put a hand on his knee but Jake moved a bit.
"I don't need you to protect me from failing, Addison. I've been doing this for years and I was able to do it without you." He said, glancing at her and Addison rolls her eyes.
She sighs before turning to the window, "Fine, if that's what you want. Let's just ignore each other in this whole car ride."
xxx
And they did. With both of them being stubborn people, it looks like neither of them is going to succumb anytime soon. Jake didn't even bother to show any affection towards her when he opened the car door for her and she didn't even wait for him to get inside the house before going straight into Henry's nursery, relieving the nanny.
Sadly, for Dianne though, Henry's new nanny, the explosion begins there. The war between the two doctors starts in front of her.
"What? I can't hold Henry because you're mad at me?" Jake demands as Dianne passes Henry to Addison.
She scoffs at that, "I'm not that petty, Jake. I'm just trying to greet my son."
"No, you're not. You're punishing me because I didn't agree with your medical opinion." He rolls his eyes as Addison turns her back at him.
"Oh yeah?" She challenges him.
"Why else would you not look at me in the eye? You're angry." With this, Addison faces him again. She doesn't look angry, but she doesn't look warm either. She was looking at him coolly – being true to her WASPY roots. The two of them hold eye-contact and Dianne can feel the tension between them.
"I think Henry and I should probably go on a walk with his uncle Sam for a bit…" But they didn't hear her, they're starting to argue again.
"Let me hold him, Addison." He tells her firmly.
"Are you trying to tell me what to do?"
"Am I trying to…Addison, I just want to hold him," He rolls his eyes at her, "and as far as I can remember, you were the one who kept pushing me to give up on my patient."
"I wasn't telling you what to do, I'm just giving you my input." At Addison's slightly raised voice, Henry began to wail. With Henry getting the three adults' attention, Addison's cheek started to flush.
"Way to go." He mutters bitterly and Addison shoots him a pointed look.
"Okay, that's enough," Dianne declares, taking Henry out of Addison's arms, "I think it would be a great idea if Henry and I just go to his Uncle Sam's house for a while. We'll let the two of you talk first."
"I think that would be a great idea," Jake agrees.
"And I'll walk you two downstairs." Before Jake could protest, the three of them were already walking out the room.
And as Dianne walks out the deck to Sam's house, Addison slumps on her couch and sighs deeply. She didn't plan for this to happen; she just wanted a peaceful night with her boyfriend. But God forbid, it had to rain in Los Angeles when it rarely rains and now, they're faced with anger for each other. An argument that could've been prevented if they'd just agree to disagree.
"So, what now?" Jake cuts her thoughts as he comes downstairs.
Addison lifts her head and raises a brow at him, "Seriously? That's how you apologize?"
"I have nothing to apologize for." He says confidently, maintaining eye contact with her.
"Yeah, I'm not so sure about that." She snorts, rolling her eyes at him.
"Okay, what is this really about, Addison?" He demands, walking towards the kitchen.
"It's you not respecting my opinion when all I want to do is to protect you!" She stands up from the couch, waiting for him to face her.
"And I told you, I don't need protection." He retorts as he takes out a beer out of the fridge.
"You don't know that." She reasons and he laughs sarcastically at that.
"What makes you think that you're the expert, Addison?" He challenges her once he's facing her again.
"Because I've witnessed it multiple times. First with Nina and then with Elise. And now, you're doing it again with Megan. You beat yourself up and I'd hate to see you beat yourself up." She says, trying to make it sound as soft as she can. They've been arguing all night that she's willing to agree to disagree with him so it would just end.
"And what? In trying to protect myself, I let Megan down?"
"She's getting to get hurt either way, Jake. You just have to let her down slowly," She sighs walking towards him, "don't you think you've helped her enough? Four times and you've always been there. Hell, if I didn't know, I'd think that she's the one who's dating you and not me."
Jake laughs smugly as wheels start turning in his head, "So this is what it's about? You're jealous of my patient?"
"What? I did not say that." She defends.
"But you implied it."
"Stop putting words in my mouth." She spats.
"I don't have to; you're already implying it." Addison opens her mouth to defend herself but nothing came out. She had implied it and admittedly, it's not just jealousy – she's really just being protective of Jake. Her boyfriend has a big heart, especially for his patients and sometimes he turns on a blind eye for them. But, Addison doesn't. Just because her boyfriend had volunteered himself to play the role of Megan's husband when he's not in the country doesn't mean she has to like it.
"This is my job, Addison," He spats, cutting her thoughts, "taking care of my patients with all that I can. Being there for nine months is my job, I can't just leave them behind for my insecure jealous girlfriend. I've been doing this for my patients for years, and I'm not just going to change because you want me to."
Again, she stays silent, she feels defeated. Jake's right, she knows that but that doesn't mean she can't get upset. And she knows that if she doesn't walk away, her mouth would contradict her line of thinking. But as she turns her back on him, he grips on her hand.
"That's it, you're just going to walk away?" He asks her angrily. Walk away, that's all I get? What, what? You're not gonna yell at me or ignore me in an elevator? Admittedly, she feels guilty being in the other side of that conversation but then again, this time is different. She's not walking away out of indifference or because she doesn't love him enough to argue – quite the opposite, actually.
"I'm exhausted, Jake. I know you're right," She sighs, trying to move away again, "I'm just going to sleep, tell Dianne I said thank you."
"No."
And as Jake grips on her arm tighter, Addison stiffens. Slowly being brought back to the darkest night of her life. To add insult to the injury, the rain starts pouring again and thunder booms inside the entire house.
"No, no... I'm not going…I'm holding my ground." She says weakly, only she heard herself. With all the emotions in the air, it's once again building inside of her. The weakness, the fear and the defeat – she hasn't felt that all together in years and right now she wishes that it would just leave her alone. She certainly didn't miss the haunting feeling inside of her.
"Jake, let go of me!" She pleads, breathing heavily. It caught Jake off-guard and her arm dropped before she started running upstairs – to their bedroom.
Immediately, she slumps down on the floor, close to their bed and start sobbing uncontrollably. Everything is playing in her head again; everything feels fresh, like when you squeeze alcohol onto an open wound. From the pleading to the feeling of the stairs under her bare feet to how small she felt while gripping on the staircase handle, to the smell of the rain on that night in Manhattan.
"It was one time; I know that's what people say. I know this is what always get said. It was just, I don't even know how it happened or know what I was thinking. It was just, he was just here!"
"You screw my best friend and all you say is he was just here? Get out."
"No."
"Get out."
"No, no. I'm not going."
"Get out of my house now!"
"No, I'm holding my ground. I'm holding my ground, we don't quit!"
"We have to work it out – what are you doing?" And then she's out and Derek has closed the door on her. He threw her out in the rain, feeling weak and defeated. She knows she's not innocent but she didn't know any better at that time either. Then Derek let her in again, only to leave her alone. Temporarily in New York and then permanently, in Seattle. In both situations, the only thing she could do was curl into a ball and cry. Cry until she loses the energy to shed more tears than she already has.
So, it's what she does again now. She curls herself even more, hugging her knees and looking straight ahead. It's moments like this that Addison feels like she's losing control, she hates it but she can't do anything about it either. So, she cries even harder.
Jake finds her in this position a few moments later. He knew that he'd upset her once she ran upstairs but he didn't know why. And Jake knew better, so he waited before he followed her in their bedroom. He wanted to give her the space she needed but if he knew that he'd see her in this position, he wishes that he'd followed her immediately.
"Addison…" He says softly, trying to take her attention from the wall. Jake enters the room, sitting next to her when she meets him with silence.
Jake pulls her in his arms and she sobs even more violently in his chest, clutching on the sweater that he was wearing. Her breaths started to worry him so he did his best to sooth her. From running his hand over her hair, giving her kisses on the top of her head and by just simply holding her.
"Rain...The rain…The thunder is so loud. I, I don't want to go," She cries in his chest once more, "Jake, I don't want to go."
"I'm not going to leave you in the rain. Addison. You're not going anywhere and neither am I," He begins. "Okay, I need you take a deep breath for me; you might start hyperventilating. Come on, baby."
He settles Addison on his legs so he's cradling her and lifts her head so she would face him. Once her focus was on him, he helped her on containing her breath. And she went from crying aggressively to soft sniffles. Seeing her like this, it breaks his heart. And knowing that he somehow did this to her, upsets him even more. Jake doesn't know why this happened but he's aware that he'd trigger something.
"Addison, did someone throw you out in the rain?" He asks her softly, brushing away the pieces of hair on her face.
"That night in Manhattan…" She takes another deep breath, not wanting to start crying violently again, "that night in Manhattan, he did."
She doesn't have to tell him who the he she's talking about. Addison has told her about that night in Manhattan, her days in Seattle, the prom and everything in between. But apparently, she left out the part that her ex-husband threw her out in the rain. And he knows why, she doesn't like to speak badly about him, and her talking about what he did felt like speaking bad about him (to her, it felt like she was talking bad about him).
"I'm so sorry, sweetheart." He says softly, pressing a soft kiss on her forehead. And he really is sorry, he may have not known about that night in Manhattan but he did grip on her out of rage.
Addison just stares at him for a moment before leaning to press her lips softly against his. Jake responds kindly, kissing her just as softly. His hands touching her skin softly, wanting to take the pain away from her. Things like that would never be erased in Addison's mind but he wants to make sure that it doesn't eat her up either. He won't let that happen.
"Addison," He pulls away when he feels her tugging on the hem of his shirt, "we can't do this. Not right now, not like this."
"I want this. Jake, please." She pleads leaning in once again, Jake holding her by the shoulder.
"No, I'm not doing this to you." Addison's vulnerable, and he's not going to do anything to invoke that. They're not like that. But he can hold her, so, he moves one of his arms under her knees and the other supporting her head.
Slowly, he stands up with Addison in his arms. And it seems like she's too tired to even argue because she immediately rests her head on his chest. Jake sets her on her side of the bed before trying to walk over to his side, but she grips on his wrist.
"Please don't leave me." She pleads, looking up at him with unshed tears in his eyes.
His eyes soften, he's seen vulnerable Addison but he's never seen her like this before – vulnerable, small and afraid. For outsiders, Addison is the picture of being composed even when under pressure but Jake knows that, that isn't always the case. Addison can also be identified as awkward and fragile but small? She's never that and Jake feels hurt for her.
"Never." He murmurs softly before settling himself on her side of the bed.
Addison immediately latched herself on Jake and he held her. He can't take away Addison's memory, that would always be imprinted in her mind but he can hold her and she can hold onto him – so he holds her tighter, but in a caring way. It's his way of trying to take the pain away from her right now. It shouldn't be affecting him that much because it was in the past, but the idea of a man physically throwing the woman he loves in the rain makes him sick to his stomach. Addison was a lot of things but she doesn't deserve to be thrown away like that, literally and figuratively.
"Addison," He whispers, running a hand on her back as he heard her sniffle onto his chest.
She lifts her head and gives him a weak smile, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to react that way."
"You have nothing to apologize for. If anyone has to apologize, it's going to be me." He says, cupping her cheek.
"But you didn't mean to, it's not your fault…" But he cuts her off, shaking his head.
"I was angry, even if I didn't know what he did, I shouldn't have done that. You know how much I hate seeing you cry and now I didn't just make you cry, you were shaking," He gives her a small smile. "I'm sorry. Will you forgive me?"
She gives him a small nod before going back to her place on his chest again. Jake didn't mean to re-open the past for her, she knows that so there's no point in not letting him apologize. And besides, if there's anyone in the world that she knows won't hurt her – not intentionally – it would be Jake. He's not the type of man that would leave you out in the rain instead of letting you explain, Jake is…level-headed but in a good way and she's always found that trait of him endearing.
"I love you." He says softly, cutting her thoughts as he plants a kiss at the top of her head.
"Even if I'm a perpetual mess?" She murmurs in his chest.
Usually, he'd laugh about this but right now it didn't seem right. Right now, he just wanted to make her feel loved, to make her feel safe because he knows that even when the storm has calmed down, there's still going to be a storm inside of her. It's going to be inside of her for a long time.
"You're not a mess. You're not, you're just human," He adds as he feels her shaking her head against his chest. "You're a human who makes mistakes but that doesn't give any other human the right to hurt you that way. Addison, you're an amazing person and those mistakes…they make me fall in love with you more. Because in that way, I know you're real. And I want real. I want you and nothing will ever make me change my mind."
Slowly, she starts to turn her boyfriend's words in her head, "I love you so much, Jake."
"Good. Now try to get some sleep." She stiffens at that and Jake knows why – no one who's in the same shoes as her will be able to fall asleep. And he knows he can't do anything about that, but he can try. So, he holds her more securely before planting a soft kiss on her hair.
"I'm still going to be here when you wake up. I won't leave you in the morning or in a week because I don't want to. This is where I want to be, this is where I'm supposed to be. I'm just going to be here, holding you." He murmurs in her hair.
And he lets out a relieved sigh as he feels her soften in his arms. Her breathing starts to even and he feels her growing heavy in his arms. Tonight, was a long night for them, especially for her – when an argument led her to time travel to the time that she's tried so hard to forget. And Jake feels hurt for her; but somehow, he also feels relieved because in a way, this strengthens their relationship.
At first, Addison was scared to close her eyes because she's afraid that when she opens them again, she'd be back in New York because the life she's living in right now feels like it's just a dream. But with Jake holding her, whispering loving words when he thinks she can't hear them, she lets herself drift to sleep.
xxx
There's something so realistic to her dream – she somehow feels lighter, happier even. And when she stretches her arms, she expects to not feel anything (or anyone) at all. Her and Derek's sleigh bed has always been empty, especially in the mornings after he had left for work. But to Addison's surprise, she felt someone's warm hand on her cheek.
Slowly, her eyes flutter open and she finds Jake laying next to her – recollection of what happened last night came rushing through her mind. Of course, her dream would feel realistic because it is real. Jake is her reality now and even with the bizarre idea that her life is just a dream, she knows it isn't.
"I fell asleep." She murmurs sleepily, stretching her arms a bit.
"You did." He confirms, still keeping contact with her cheek.
"Where's Henry?" She asks. In between the fighting and crying the night before, she hadn't really seen her son.
"He's having breakfast with Dianne downstairs. But don't worry, she went home last night," He quickly added as he sees the embarrassment in her eyes. "I tucked him in last night, I just asked Dianne to come back so I can take care of you."
"Jake, you don't have to." She sighs contently as he continues to touch her soft skin.
"I don't have to," He concedes, nodding his head. "I want to. Now, what should we do?"
"I, uh, I think we should talk," She begins. "I'm sorry about last night, Jake."
"Addison…"
"Not about that, the other one." She says as she sits up on the bed, abandoning his touch. "About Megan, I'm sorry. I know I was way out of line to tell you what you do."
"No, actually you were right," He sighs, sitting up as well. "I shouldn't push to hard, especially with cases like Megan's. She's just going to end up hurting. So, I will talk to her about considering other options and I'll do my best to persuade her."
"I somehow don't believe that you're actually agreeing with me." And as a soft chuckle escapes her thought, Jake feels relieved. After the night they've had, hearing her laugh sounded like music to his ears.
"I agree with you on that but I'm agreeing to disagree with your line of reasoning." He says and she rolls her eyes.
"And that would be?" She quirks her eyebrow at him.
"You're jealous." He says smugly.
"I'm not." She defends, swatting his chest with her arm.
"How about we just agree to disagree?" He offers.
"Fine." They both laugh at this but Jake stops abruptly, he wants to ask her to talk about what happened even more. He just doesn't know how to ask her without upsetting her.
"Hey, Addison…"
"I want to talk about it with you," She interrupts as if she can read his mind. "But I only will if you promise to cook steak tonight so we could talk about it over dinner."
He grins widely at her, "You've got yourself a deal."
"Thank you." She smiles softly before snuggling on his side.
Jake wraps his arms around her and for a minute, they just sit there in silence – just soaking up each other's presence. They don't need words to express how they feel; they just know that they're getting stronger. And they both know it. It's their thing, knowing what the other thinks, finishing each other's sentences like an old married couple.
Which isn't in a far reality, though neither of them would share it outright with the other.
They stay like that for a moment until the door to their bedroom opens, Dianne entering the room with Henry.
"Henry seems to miss his mommy so I brought him up here," She says, handing Henry to Addison. "And I got a call from a friend, I've got to go. I hope that's okay."
"That's okay," Addison offers her a grateful smile. "Thank you, Dianne."
"Anytime." She gives the little family a smile before leaving the room.
Addison turns her attention to the baby in her arms and grins widely, "Did you miss mommy, Henry?"
Henry of course, couldn't answer verbally yet. Instead, he gurgled happily at her; stretching his arms, silently indicating that he wants to be hugged. Addison wordlessly cuddles Henry to her chest and smiles.
"You know, Henry isn't the only one who missed you." Jake whispers in her ear and she laughs.
"Well, I'm sorry but you'd have to wait in line. I'm a little pre-occupied with this little guy in my arms." She offers him a smug smile.
"No fair." He protests playfully, pressing a kiss on her temple.
And at this moment, with her baby and the man that she loves, Addison feels something inside of her move. It's a feeling of undeniable joy, something that she admittedly hasn't felt in years. Yes, she was able to be happy after everything that happened but having the life that she's always dreamed of is a different kind of happy – it's not artificial, it's real. Jake is real, Henry is real. It's her reality.
Even though her past was dark and messy, it didn't matter. Not even when it revisits her in her mind because it's not her reality anymore, if anything, it's just a memory. Memories that she'd like to forget but somehow, she's grateful for because if those memories didn't happen, she wouldn't be where she is right now.
Now, all that matters are Henry and Jake – their little family and their life together because that's her reality. And as Jake captures her lips to interrupt her rambling about how good of a steak he can make, she knows that it's not just hers. It's theirs.