"… and I know I have frustrated and disappointed you time after time and you have resolved to end it once and for all. I don't blame you. All I ask is that you listen to what I have to say. I am not going to grovel. Hanging on to what's left of my dignity is just as important to me as it is to you. And I am not going to pester you, either. If you refuse to hear me out, or if you still don't want to have anything to do with me, I will accept it and never bother you again. Please call me."

Greg Halliday stared at the letter in his hand long enough to memorize every stroke of the pen. Then he put the letter down and reached for the phone.

…

"Dinner? Are you really asking me to dinner?"

"Yes, that's exactly what I am doing. What's so surprising about it?"

"The last few times we did that, you ran out on me halfway through the appetizers. Are you planning to stay for the main course this time, or is it going to be another round of the game called "See Janet run"?"

"I am not going to run. I will literally have nowhere to run to."

"How do you mean?"

"I have this special place in mind. There'll be no escape for me this time. I pay the mortgage for it."

"You mean, your place?"

"My place. What do you say?"

…

Six large, ripe Brandywine tomatoes were staring up at her from the kitchen counter. She stared back.

"That's one great recipe, sweet girl. Good choice."

The voice was as clear as if Jack was standing right next to her. And so he was.

"A bit rusty, are you, love? No problem. I'll walk you through it."

Dizzy, she leaned on the counter.

"First off, not this knife. The one with the pointed tip."

She obediently picked up another knife.

"Great. Now, slice off the tops. Don't throw them away, they'll make cool lids."

Six tomato tops sat on a dish.

"Now, very carefully, cut around inside each tomato to loosen the pulp. You are doing great! But not so close to the skin. Watch it!"

The knife tip punctured the tomato skin.

"No big deal, sweet girl. It's only a tiny puncture. Just try to be more careful, okay?"

The knife moved with the precision of a jeweller's tool.

"Scoop out the pulp. Reserve it in a bowl. You'll need it later."

The bowl was filled with ruby red stuff.

"Now, the ground turkey. Excellent! Wait, first sauté the onions for a minute or so."

The sliced onions were translucent and fragrant in the skillet.

"Add the meat, mix in the tomato pulp and sauté the whole thing. Just long enough to brown the meat and let the liquid evaporate. Don't overcook!"

The mix sizzled.

"No, love, put down the soup spoon. That's not how you add seasoning. Subtle is the word, remember? That's right, a hint of nutmeg, a touch of paprika… Go easy on the cumin. Yes, I know how much you like it."

The kitchen was filled with a tantalizing aroma.

"Great job, love. You are almost done. Now spoon the stuffing into the tomatoes. Place in a baking tray. Bake."

The tray was pushed into the oven, the oven door slammed shut.

"Chill out, sweet girl. They don't have to be perfect as long as they are delicious. And they will be, trust me. We still make a good team, you and me."

She gazed at the shadowy form with a desperate longing.

"He loves you anyway, even if you aren't the world's top chef. I know, because I did."

The longing which, she knew, would stay with her for the rest of her life.

"But you've got to let go of me now, love. It's time. Get them out, they are done."

Six all but perfect stuffed Brandywine tomatoes were staring up at her from the baking tray. She stared back.

…

"You know what I noticed, Greg? When I am around you, my IQ seems to drop below sea level. I've been pretty efficient and together for the most part of my life. And yet, whenever you are in the picture, I keep making a fool of myself. Starting that time we first met years ago. You have this effect on me, for some reason."

"I never noticed. I thought I was the one reduced to feeling like a pimply teenager on his first date when I was anywhere near you."

"Could've fooled me. Besides, I am not buying you as a pimply teenager. You must've been quite the lady killer even back then, right?"

"Not even close. Janet, this is all very nice. But you told me you had something to say to me, and I doubt you meant complimenting me on my looks, flattering as it is."

She was silent for a while, collecting her thoughts.

"Greg, I'd like to make something clear. I can understand you wanting a clean break from me. I've done nothing but make you miserable in many different ways. Not that I ever meant to. But back then, I made you feel as if you were in competition with another man. And even now, you must've again felt you needed to measure up to him, although he… he is no longer here."

"Can't argue with any of that. But that's hardly news."

"There's more. I know you walked away from me deeply wounded."

"You don't know the half of it," he muttered.

"The last thing I want is for you to walk away at all. But if this is what you want, I'd like to at least make sure you don't do it for the wrong reasons."

"You don't want me to – Hang on, what wrong reasons?"

"Back there… in the elevator… you said it wasn't even about you. In fact, it couldn't have been more about you. I wasn't fantasizing about some other guy, if that's what you meant."

"Wait a minute!" He looked incredulous. "What are you saying? I had never seen you like that. I could barely recognize you. What was that all about?"

"What I am saying is – " Enough dithering. Bite the bullet. "I had been strongly attracted to you for a long time. It feels like forever."

"But – but – " he sputtered. "But you'd never shown any sign of it! Always kept me at arm's length!"

She smiled wistfully. "I might be a better actress than I thought."

"I'll say! Ladies and gentlemen, the Oscar goes to – " Greg abruptly dropped the sardonic tone. "Please help me understand. I knew you were grieving. I knew you weren't ready to move on. And all the while, you felt this way about me…"

"I was readier than I had thought. And not just physically. In case you are thinking all I needed was to get laid and it didn't matter who was with me in that elevator."

"Speaking of which, why the elevator? A fetish or something?"

"Something. Being alone with you in that confined space, so close to you, knowing we had absolute privacy… I just lost it! I was no longer thinking or fighting it. It completely took over."

Greg rubbed his temples, looking overwhelmed. "Okay, that's a lot of new information…"

"Is it good news or bad news?"

He broke into a smile which made him look years younger. "Are you kidding? That's the best news I've heard all day! Make it all year. But I still don't understand. I thought you were so stuck on… on Jack you couldn't even think of other men. But if you felt that way about me," he paused to catch his breath, "then why? Why were you fighting it?"

"Guilt." She looked at him squarely. "Even being attracted to you felt like a betrayal. Let alone acting upon it. I guess I had been with Jack so long that thinking about being with anyone else felt disloyal. I know it makes no sense."

"Actually, it makes more sense than you think," said Greg gruffly. "I can relate. "When I first started dating casually after my divorce, I always felt as if I was stepping out on my wife. Took me awhile to get used to the idea."

"Right. I have my baggage, you have yours." She sighed.

"There's something I should tell you." He looked slightly embarrassed. "My wife – my ex-wife is still very much a part of my life. As I am of hers. And not just for the kids. For our own sakes, too. Perhaps we had also been together for too long to simply write each other off. But there's nothing going on between us. You don't have to worry about that."

She nodded. "I wasn't going to."

"Ours was a good marriage," he continued. "Until it wasn't. Once we both saw that, we got what had to be the most amicable divorce in history. And we are still friends. I even told her about you."

"You didn't!" She uttered a shocked laugh.

"I did, too. Actually, she had a few suggestions for me."

"Incredible. I'm afraid to ask what kind of suggestions."

"I don't mind telling you. She chewed me out for being too harsh and totally insensitive. "Greg, the woman just handed herself over to you for the first time since losing the man she loved. Don't you realize how vulnerable she's feeling? How about having some patience, some tact…" and so on."

"I like her already." Janet smiled. "I think I'd like to be friends with her too. She sounds like an amazing woman."

"She is. What's more, I knew she was right. The problem was, I was all out of patience or tact by then."

"Greg, listen." She looked sombre. "I don't blame you for giving up on me. During all that time – " she drew a deep breath, then went on: "This may sound corny but I kept having this vision. It was as if I was standing up on a hill looking down on a whole bunch of roads leading from every direction. But they all converged in one place. The place where you tell me to shove it. I kept turning it over in my head, trying to think of a scenario where we wouldn't end up there – and couldn't. All I saw was countless ways you were going to end up feeling hurt, fed up, frustrated, and I knew you would one day call it off… and it would be too much for me to bear. But I couldn't see a way to a happier place."

"How about this place, right here?" He got up, walked over to her and pulled her to her feet. "Ever seen all those roads converging in this place?"

"I couldn't see our way to it. I didn't even believe it existed." Her breathing quickened and became ragged.

He crushed her in his arms and kissed her, long and deep.

She gasped, coming up for air. "Finally. I thought you were never going to do it."

"That's not fair! Not for lack of trying, as you may very well know."

"I know. Not even in the elevator."

"It was too rushed. If you remember, we ended up not having enough time, after all."

"Do I ever. It's a good thing they spoke to us through the intercom before the doors opened."

"Janet," he took her by the chin and looked her in the eyes. "I am sorry I was such an ass. A self-righteous ass pontificating about dignity and feeling used and not bothering to try and see it from your perspective."

"Don't do this to yourself, Greg. You are no mind reader. I was so tied up in knots I couldn't even face you or talk to you. No wonder you got the wrong impression."

"You've got to understand something. You'd probably think a quickie without any obligations or commitment is every man's pipe dream. Well, it wasn't mine. Not if the woman was special to me. Or if said woman barely gave me the time of day afterwards. It did quite a number on me. It was messing with my head – "

"Greg." Her eyes were downcast. "You weren't the only one dealing with the fallout. There were other consequences, too. Believe me, there were consequences… for me..."

He stared at her as she trailed off, first in bewilderment, then in disbelief as the truth dawned on him. "Oh no – are you – did you – "

"I did. But it's all over," she hurried to add seeing his face change. "It – he, she, we'll never know now – it died. I didn't kill it, Greg. I wasn't going to. It just – went away. Perhaps because the timing wasn't right, because things weren't right between you and me…"

"Oh dear Lord," he said slowly. "That happened to you? You had to deal with that, on top of everything else you've been through?"

She shrugged. "I am okay now. But back then it was pretty glum for a while."

He held her silently, tenderly. Then said very softly into her hair: "I'm so sorry, Janet. I can't tell you how sorry."

She gave a little moan and snuggled in his arms.

"Janet, tell me one thing. If it had gone… differently, would you have told me? Would you have gotten me involved?"

"I have no way of knowing that. Sorry."

He nodded. "I understand."

"Now, you tell me one thing." She raised her head from his chest and looked him in the eyes searchingly. "If it had gone differently, would you have gotten involved?"

"I have no way of knowing that. Sorry," he echoed. Then, with mild reproach: "You should know me better than that. Do you really think me the kind of man to turn my back on you and our kid?"

"Of course not. But at the time I was all over the place. I knew you had two kids already… wasn't so sure you'd want mine. That was another reason I couldn't face you. I had this secret which, I knew, you had a right to – and I had no idea how to tell you. It felt as if there were a glass wall between us: I could see you but you were out of reach. To tell the truth, after you called it, I didn't think I'd ever see you again."

"Yeah, about that. Why did you contact me after I had ended it in such a brutal way?"

"My sister forced me to. She tortured me into promising to do it."

"Wo-ow, this is interesting! She tortured you?"

"Yes, literally. She had come all the way from Indiana just to sit right here on this couch and pull my hair until I made that promise." She chuckled. "Funny, though… Jenny's a lawyer, and an outstanding one. She should've known a promise extorted under duress is not legally binding. Even I know that."

"So, what you are saying is, you were under no obligation to do it but chose to?"

"Right. But if not for Jenny, I might never have mustered the courage."

"That Jenny must be some sister."

"You don't know the half of it."

"Can't wait to meet her. Should be quite an experience."

"Be careful what you wish for. She is a force of nature with a law firm to back her up."

"She sounds very impressive. Would she, by any chance, be the wise young woman who turned out to be not so wise when she gave you some bad intel on men?"

"The one and only. She also told me not to get hung up on a happily ever after and focus on the here and now. With Jack – " she had to pause and draw a deep breath, "with Jack, I hoped we would be together forever. Even our friends used to say: "Jack and Janet forever". And then – "

He patiently waited for her to compose herself and continue.

"So, Jenny thought having the same expectations would put too much pressure on both of us. She said literally this: "If this man makes you happy, allow yourself to be happy."

"I think I am in love. With your sister, in case you were wondering. So, what's the bottom line? Do I make you happy?"

"If I stopped running and hiding from it… I think so. No. I know so."

"Like I said, it's the best news I've heard all year. How old were you when you stopped believing in miracles?"

"I never did stop. You?"

"I never believed in them in the first place. May be a good time to do a rethink on it."

"Greg…" She looked sheepish. "I really want to be with you. But Jenny was right: I am not ready for anything serious or long-term. It's still too early for me."

"I get it. It may be too early for me, too. Baby steps."

"Baby steps," she echoed. "Want to hear something embarrassing? You are my first man after Jack… and the second man in my whole life. Yes, I am that lame."

"I wouldn't call it lame." He smiled warmly. "It's rare these days, but hardly lame."

"I've never even been on a real date! Back before Jack… remember how it was when we tried going out?"

"I'll never forget."

"It was the same thing with everyone else. One guy called our dates a weekly exercise in rejection."

"I know exactly what he meant."

"And Jack and I – we never went out on a date! It seemed pointless when we had twenty dates a day – at the bathroom door, near the kitchen sink… And then we just got together."

"Didn't you guys ever have a date night?"

"Who had the time? We were both working our asses off! The closest we ever got to a date night was when, once in a blue moon, I would leave the office earlier than usual and drive straight to his restaurant, and he might join me at my table for a few minutes. So, you see…"

"Yes. But where are you going with this?"

"I feel awkward! Clumsy! Any teenage girl must be better at it than me!"

"I have faith in you. You've mastered far more complex skills and disciplines. Are we all done with the caveats?"

"For the moment. I may think of more at a later date. So now – "

"Now I have a question for you. You keep saying you have feelings for me and such. Care to be more specific? Do you love me? Are you in love with me?"

"Why, Greg… I thought most men didn't like to talk about that."

"We've already established I am not most men. And I don't want to "talk about it" either. I just want to hear it from you, just this once."

"Please bear with me, darling. Baby steps, remember? Right now I am in total turmoil. I have no doubt we'll get there once the dust settles… Hey! You've never said it to me either."

"No, I haven't, and I think you know why. How could my humble declaration ever come close to the grand romantic gesture Jack must've wooed you with?"

"Oh, that's right." She giggled. "No, nothing could ever come close to that. It included endearments such as "fucking cocktease" and a few other choice epithets. As well as punching every surface he could reach. What girl could resist that? It was the most romantic thing ever! Why are you laughing?"

"I'm very happy to hear that. It gives me hope I may not do too badly, after all. Okay, here goes nothing. Janet, you are the most frustrating, maddening, impossible woman in the world – "

"See? Was it so hard? You are doing great!"

" – and I don't love you. Not a bit. Because I adore you. Whew, got that out of my system. Don't get used to it. And by the way, the man knew what he was talking about. You are a cocktease."

"I'll try to do better. Well?"

"Well?"

"Where do we go from here?"

"Let's see. I, for one, will be getting along home…"

"Do you have to?" A second before she said that, she would not have believed it possible.

"Hmm… I don't really have anywhere to be right now. In fact, not for a while."

"How long a while?"

"A couple of days? Or decades?"

"Whoa, slow down there, cowboy. What happened to baby steps? How about we start with one night and see how that goes?"

"Works for me just fine!" He held her close and kissed her.

"More of the same, please?" she said when she was able to talk. "After all, I slaved over that dinner. Wouldn't it be only fair if somebody else took care of dessert?"

"It'll be my greatest pleasure. Speaking of dinner. It was delectable! I had no idea you could cook like that."

Over Greg's shoulder, she saw Jack flash his lopsided boyish grin, blow her a kiss and vanish.

"I had help," she said.

March 26, 2021