Eddie
Pentagram City, Hell. 2019.
After Pilot Episode
Earlier on Earth, a large man with short brown hair and white skin finished up a can of beer.
"Honey, you gonna take Eddie to the park or what?" he asked in a gruff voice. He straightened up his tie in front of a mirror and glanced at one of his badges with a motorcycle symbol on it.
A blonde woman with blue eyes, hoop earrings, a pearl necklace, black pants and a pink shirt briefly glanced up from a black iPhone in her hands. The screen showed pictures of expensive dresses and nude men from exotic places. "What was that?"
"You know. Take our son somewhere or something."
She glanced down at her small chubby son, like she first realized he was there. Eddie had white skin, wore black pants and wore an orange shirt with a ringed white planet Saturn on it. His blue baseball cap was backwards on his head of short brown hair. He tossed a baseball up and down in one of his hands and tapped his foot impatiently. His black beady eyes bore into hers. The woman's eyes revealed love and nervousness.
"Oh. Right."
She looked at her husband. "And why not you?"
"Gotta get ready for a long shift, obviously. I'm sure you can deal with the round sissy ball of fun, right?"
The mother sighed, "Whatever you say." She bent down and smiled. "Ready to go have fun, my boy?"
Eddie spat and spoke with a lisp. "So the two of you can later engage in your lust-making and moan like the animals you are?" He shrugged. "I don't see why not."
A pile of porn magazines lay haphazardly on a side table easily within reach. Eddie tried to think of something pleasant. Like the time he dressed as a pink bunny on Halloween and kicked a pumpkin scarecrow in the nuts. The candy had tasted great.
His mother leaned in to his face, her smile plastered on her face. "You best be on good behaving terms, my plump, sweet, mini sack of balls." She roughly pinched the eight year old's cheeks, but Eddie shoved her hands away. "Geez lady. No need to be that touchy feely with me. You'd be behind bars in a flash."
"I've been locked up once before, boy," his father mentioned, eyes glaring in warning. "You're never too young to get first-hand experience."
Eddie stared apprehensively into his father's dark eyes, hovering a small white hand protectively over his crotch area.
"Says you," retorted the mother. "You're the one who started all this swearing and mess in the first place."
"I ain't ending it anytime soon. Be glad you're not that bitchy whore you once were before meeting me."
"You really are sexy when you're angry," the mother said in a low seductive voice. They briefly French-kissed much to Eddie's disgust.
The father cleared his throat.
"As much as I love our daily arguments, I need to bail. That hospital's not gonna work itself." He briefly held up a card that showed two smiling doctors and a background with the words "Injured? Good!" on it. "Be back before dark or walking around's gonna be trouble for you two."
"Bye fucker!" Eddie called as his father closed the door and headed to work on his loud motorcycle.
"Let's go, son!" his mother said in a superficial cheery voice as she led him to a small pink car.
"The Barbie car, oh joy," Eddie sulked.
They soon made it to the park. As his mother watched makeup tutorial videos, Eddie raced around and shoved a nearby kid to the ground. He jumped into the air with a loud laugh and landed on a sandcastle two kids were making in the sandbox.
"Hey!" a brown-haired girl protested. A boy with glasses and black hair glared at him. Eddie grinned evilly.
"Oops! Thought it'd be fun to crash the party!"
The girl broke into tears and the other boy flinched as Eddie kicked sand repeatedly into their faces. The two kids ran off crying toward their parents.
"Wimps," he smirked.
After climbing up the slide and sliding down the stair railings on the playground, Eddie pushed another kid off a bouncy ride shaped like a white and red rocket ship.
"Hey, I got there first!" the kid protested.
"You snooze you lose, twerp!" Eddie barked, kicking the kid in the face when he tried to get back on. He then rocked back and forth on the springy seat, cheering at the top of his lungs.
"Five, four, three, two, one, blast off! Whoosh! Whoosh!"
He leaned back and forth, moving in great rocking motions. At one time, he let go of the handlebars and mimicked gun sounds from his hands. He fired his imaginary gun at other kids who walked by. When one of the parents angrily stomped toward him, he jumped off the ride and raced to hide in the bushes.
"Man what a bratty kid," the parent scoffed, walking back in a huff after losing sight of him. Eddie snickered and lifted up his head. He spotted a nearby brown dog tied to a tree. He pulled out a slingshot from his pocket, looking for a rock. He spotted a round gray stone and loaded it in the rubber band connected to the short sturdy stick. He aimed, took a breath…
Fling!
Whimper! Whimper!
"Ha-ha!"
After being hit, the dog whirled around and barked ferociously at Eddie. Eddie blew raspberries and scrambled with a scream toward his unobservant mother.
"Mom!" he called. "I'm hungry."
"Mhmm," she replied nonchalantly, scrolling down on the phone.
"Can I get ice cream? The ice cream man's right there!"
He pointed to a tan ice cream truck near the street.
His mother pulled out an extra credit card and handed it to him. Eddie happily raced off and arrived. Pushing some kids out of the way, he stepped up to the window.
"Strawberry please!" he said in his sweetest voice. His mother would be proud.
The man looked at him suspiciously but accepted the credit card and gave him an ice cream cone with pink ice cream on top.
"Thank you!" he beamed before walking along a trail by a bench. His mother was standing up and looking at her phone.
From within the bushes nearby, Moxxie peered ahead, holding a gray two-barreled sniper rifle in his hands. He aimed it at the woman's back.
"You sure she's the one?" Moxxie asked in a hushed tone.
"Yeah, I think so," Millie said.
"Loona never fails," Blitzo whispered back. "Fire at will."
Eddie was strolling down the path, licking the ice cream with a long tongue when…
Bam!
"Ooooh!" he yelled.
The boy collapsed onto the pavement, his ice cream spilling onto his hat.
"Holy crap!" yelled a man nearby. "A boy's been shot! Call 911!"
After a moment, the mother looked around for her son with a worried expression. She failed to notice her wounded boy behind her.
"Eddie! Little Eddie, where are you?" she called.
All three imps looked on in shock, Moxxie in disbelief of what he had just done. Millie and Blitzo both looked at him with concerned expressions.
Soon, the paramedics arrived and loaded Eddie onto a stretcher and into an ambulance.
At the hospital, the lead doctor with glasses and blonde hair wearing a white coat flung open the double doors. A Moxxie-looking doctor with a nerdy expression, white skin and blue hair raced on one side. A nurse with long curly pink hair followed on the other side. They took Eddie to an operating room. A pair of round lights shone overhead.
The pink-haired nurse spoke in a strange masculine voice, "Doctor! He's not responding!"
"Cool water, stat!" called the blue haired nurse.
The pink haired nurse wacked the boy in the face with a bucket of water. His tongue lolled to the side.
"It didn't do anything!" cried the blue haired nurse.
"Damn it! I'm not losing another one!" exclaimed the doctor.
Everyone put defibrillator paddles over the boy.
"Clear!" called the doctor.
The pads zapped electricity into the kid and he woke up with a gasp. His tongue was out, cheeks swollen and bruises and wounds lined his body.
"Holy shit, it actually worked," said the doctor. He walked out of room 66 with a clipboard and addressed the three waiting imps. Moxxie was comforted by Millie while Blitzo read a magazine.
"He appears to be in stable condition, but he'll need surgery. Now what insurance provider do you freaks have?"
"The fuck is insurance?" Blitzo asked.
Declaring them worthless pranksters, the doctor and negligent staff tossed the imps and an unconscious Eddie still on the bed, out a window. The imps screamed as glass fell. A rope briefly got caught on Blitzo's leg before everyone fell through a portal back to Hell.
Later on as the imps were arguing back at their office headquarters, Eddie called, "You guys are all fucking assholes."
He glared at the annoying creatures as the machine beeped. He lay on a table with three wires attached to his stomach to a heart monitor.
"Oh shut up, kid," chided Blitzo. "You're lucky to witness this."
Moxxie groaned and pinched his nose. "Ugh! This company is such a mess!"
"Alright, let's get back to talking about my outfit!" said Blitzo.
"Nobody was talking about that!" Loona protested.
"Which is why I'm trying to get that ball rolling," Blitzo smiled with pride. "So, how does it look? It's good, right?"
Eddie angrily pulled the wires from his stomach and sat up. He pointed at Blitzo and spoke with a scratchy lisp. "It's been a literal hell having to pretend to be paralyzed, so you fuckshits wouldn't kill me! But now, I want that. I want death!" He pointed at Blitzo again. "You are a selfish, greedy clown. And I'm a kid. We're supposed to like clowns, even the creepy ones!"
Moxxie began, "Hey now, that's not very…"
Eddie pointed at Moxxie who shivered in fear. "If I wanted to hear from a spineless jackass, I'd rip out your spine and ask you some shit."
"That's my husband you're talking to!" Millie yelled, getting between Eddie and Moxxie.
Eddie snickered. "That's your husband?! I figured you for a slut, but I didn't know you needed dick that bad!"
Millie and Moxxie snarled after Eddie compared Moxxie to an old man and Millie to someone who had sex with random guys.
Eddie pointed to Loona. "And you!"
"Yeah, what about me?" she asked as she stared at her phone.
Eddie folded his arms. "Nothing. I don't talk to dogs." He smirked. "I'm a cat person."
Loona whimpered and turned back to her phone.
"Wow. You know kid, you kind of are a piece of shit," Blitzo said.
"Yeah, after all. He's kind of a piece of shit," Moxxie repeated in a whisper.
Loona's phone beeped. "Oh, fuck! Guys, I just got a text from our client. Guess he was the right target after all."
"Who?" Blitzo asked.
"Him," Loona said.
"Me?" asked Eddie.
"Yep," said Loona.
"They wanted us to kill an actual child?" Blitzo asked.
"That's what they're saying," Loona replied.
Blitzo grinned and twirled a flintlock pistol in his hands. "Well, Christ on a stick, I guess there is a god!"
He grinned and fired, shooting Eddie fatally in the chest. The imp crew laughed and kicked at Eddie's body on the floor. Millie stabbed at the body as Moxxie and Blitzo kicked. Loona watched and took pictures with her phone. Wearing masks, Blitzo and Moxxie dismembered Eddie's body with a chainsaw. Moxxie and Millie helped put Eddie's parts in a garbage bag, his head falling in with a tongue out. Blitzo then pulled everyone in for a hug. Loona's phone flew out of her hands.
Blitzo began. "You know, even though this kid was a target, he's still a child. And it's…" he wrapped his tail around the group in a hug. "…important that we handle this going forward respectively."
Back on Earth, the blonde mother sobbed on the news, holding up a stick figure drawing of her son. The headline read: "Mom sucks at drawing own kid!" the ticker bar read "There is a missing boy! Yet another missing kid!" A male reporter held a microphone to her.
"Please," she sobbed. "If anyone has seen my little Eddie, please contact us at…ohh!"
The body bag fell into her arms. Everyone looked up at the portal overhead.
"You're welcome!" Blitzo called with a wave before the portal closed.
The mother looked inside the bag and wailed. "My son! He's dead! Noooooo!"
0 0 0
A black void. A glowing blurry light expanding in front of him. A winged deer cherub floating toward him.
"Eddie," she said. "You have been through much trauma in your life. Negligent and abusive parents can be hard for anyone. Then again, we've never experienced it up here. I'm sorry but…you can't go back to Earth. You have done lots of bad things, but you're still just a kid. As per the rules, you can either enter Heaven under strict supervision. There's still a chance for you since you're so young. Or…"
"You're an obnoxious funny dressed doe," he thought. "What do you do all day, furry librarian? Brag about your accomplishments and banish shitty people you don't like? Not even the lowly sheep in your world would want to fuck you. Or even touch you with a ten foot pole!"
Deerie just laughed nervously. "Or option number two, staying where you are. That works as well. You had your chance, mortal. So, um. Yeah, sorry. Bye!"
She disappeared into the light before everything fell into descending darkness.
0 0 0
A blurry red sky greeted Eddie's eyes as he woke up in a daze. His tongue rolled out and his eyes briefly rolled back.
"Whaaaaurgh…"
He sat up and shook his head. He appeared to be lying on asphalt. He stood up and looked around. A red sky, a busy city…and a whole bunch of crazy creatures walking around. One of them noticed him.
"Hey shitface!" the red faced creature called. Before he could blink, something smelly and brown made contact with his face, sending him backwards to the ground.
He clawed at his face with a yelp, wiping off the smelly substance. His legs shook as he stood back up.
What was this place?
Eddie stared down at his…hands? Claws? He wasn't sure what they were. The fingers appeared red and pointy and he only had four of them on each hand. He was still wearing black long pants and black pointed shoes. Eddie felt something sharp impale him through his lower back. He turned around with a grimace and saw a small red pointed tail smeared with fresh blood at the tip. He slowly turned around in circles…and the tail moved with him!
"What the…?" he asked in disbelief. A splitting headache soon followed. He trudged along, almost tripping over the sidewalk curb.
"Watch it, shrimp!" scoffed a red faced creature with stripped horns after he bumped into him. Taking deep breaths, Eddie accidentally bit into his tongue. Piercing pain shot through his gums as sharp white teeth grew in place. Eddie glanced at a reflection in the mirror, and reeled back at the creature before him. He slowly stepped forward, fists out, the creature coping his movements.
"The fuck?!"
Eddie's face was now the same color red as the imps he saw earlier. His small eyes were yellow with small red pupils. His long sleeve shirt was tattered and orange. The former Saturn planet that had been on it was replaced with an image of a large target over his chest. A small x was in the bullseye. With faint rips, two small black and white stripped horns protruded from his head, making holes in his red backward baseball cap. Streams of red blood gushed down from the horns, staining his short white hair and inching down toward his face.
He cupped his face with two hands.
"Aughaaaaaaaaahhh!"
Eddie screamed in horror at his new imp-like appearance. He raced back around, nearly getting run over by a honking vehicle. He kept running down the sidewalk as imp passerby glared at him.
He skidded to a stop as an old homeless imp got into his face.
"Watch it, kid! Aahahaha!"
Eddie with a look of fear and disgust, hurried on his way. As he slowed down, he spotted two pink tall succubi wearing black leather outfits that revealed their long legs. They had long black and white hair and were smoking cigarettes.
"You lost little guy? Looking for someone to read you a bedtime story?"
The women snickered and bared their teeth playfully with growls as Eddie hurried on. He spotted a taxi cab (call 666-6666) and got in.
"Is it always this scary out there?!" he asked in the back seat, catching his breath.
A tall imp with a twirling black mustache looked back at him with a sinister grin from the driver's seat. He spoke with a southern accent. "Always hazbin!"
"Aaah!"
"Your ride will be $66.99 little man…"
Eddie bolted out of the car and ran off.
"I say, I say my jobs never last long!" Wally Wackford pouted.
Eddie later turned a corner and saw some kids playing basketball on an old court. Finally some others his age would be around. He hopped on over, only noticing later that they were older than him. Middle schoolers or young teens.
"Hey guys!" he greeted in his most confident voice as he walked through the barbed wire gate. "Can you believe this place? It's got fucking loonies everywhere. I'm not entirely sure where I am. Do you think we can play together?"
A group of imps sized him up. The leader was a thin red faced imp with straight black horns and long black hair in bangs. His girl companion had white hair and black curved horns. They also had several lackeys dressed in black jeans, jackets and tank tops with graphic designs. They circled around him, sizing him up.
"And who might you be, kid?" asked the leader. "Don't you know you can't just wander into other people's turf?"
"You haven't answered my damn question! Where am I?" Eddie asked.
The female imp rolled her eyes. "You're in Hell, of course." She leaned in toward one side of him and sniffed. "Urgh! This little rat just came from the living world!"
"The living world?" asked one of the bulky goons. "Why is he an imp, then? Everyone knows imps and hellhounds are only born in Hell."
"Hell?! That's impossible!" Eddie declared. "I was about to go to Heaven…I think. Wait…I'm dead?" His eyes went wide at the revelation.
The group of imps burst into laughter. The leader doubled over. "This kid really has no clue, does he?" He straightened up and walked toward him with a sneer. He towered over the much smaller boy. His peers closed in on either side of Eddie as he backed up fearfully. "Yes, little punk. You are dead. So dead." He picked him up by his shirt collar.
"Hey, asshole, let me go!" Eddie yelled, struggling to no avail. "Nobody wants a son of a bitch whose mother got banged by loonies!"
The leader scoffed. "Your childish curses won't intimidate us. You're all talk…"
He pulled hard at one of Eddie's legs, making him wince. "…and no walk."
Eddie's face then got more fearful. "Please, please let me go. I'm so sorry I offended you. I'm only a poor lost kid! I'll do whatever you say…" His eyes got big and puppy-like.
"Aww, he's so cute," said the female imp dramatically. "Can we please let him go, Spade?" She winked.
Eddie breathed a sigh of relief.
"Alright," he shrugged, lowering him. "We'll let him go." Eddie thought all was fine until…
Whoosh!
Spade tossed the screaming Eddie into the air as high as he could. He briefly spotted an interesting moon with a red pentagram symbol on it before he plummeted back to the ground. He hit the ground with a loud crack, making a hole in the pavement.
The imps burst into more laughter. The female imp cackled, slapping her leg. "Talk about on the spot acting!"
Eddie struggled to stand up, but the female imp pinned him down with a high heel on his tail. Spade leaned in close to Eddie, mouth open wide, his tone menacing.
"You've messed with the wrong crowd, sissy punk." The imp's teeth were inches from his nose. "You may be dead now, but tonight…" His voice grew demonic, "…you're gonna wish you were for real!"
Hip hop music played from a nearby speaker as the imps pulled out sunglasses, and their cell phones/hell phones. Eddie swore out loud as Spade punched him in the face repeatedly. His eyes grew swollen and bruised.
"Mommy should've given you a spanking, kid," Spade added.
"Maybe he's hit his head too many times," added the female.
"Oh, let's find out!" Spade beamed.
Wham! Wham!
Eddie yelped in pain as Spade bashed his head against the ground several times. Black spots danced across his vision and one of his horns cracked. Tears spilled down his cheeks.
"Cry like the baby you are, bitch!" taunted one of the lackeys. Eddie soon didn't have the strength to swear anymore.
For many more minutes, the imp gang mercilessly had their way with the newcomer. They posted pictures up on Voxtagram and social media.
One picture showed Eddie bruised on the ground. The caption read "Found this pussy of a kid wandering into our turf. Decided to have some fun and teach him a lesson. #ImpCrew4Life."
Another picture showed Eddie with torn clothing hanging from a basketball hoop by his mangled tail. "Just invented a new game: pin the tail on the poser imp! #Dirt4Imps2TreadOn. #HybridFreak."
Another showed the group kicking Eddie as he lay helpless on the ground. "What's white and red and bruised all over? An imposter imp who arrived from the living world! He just went to a lower level! #SinnerScum."
In another image, a frightened Eddie was held in place by the imps with his bare legs forced open. Eddie was reminded of his father…he never imagined that nightmare would come again. The image showed a knife aimed at his groin. "Gonna screw this adult-sounding kid…see how he likes it. #GrowingUpFast. #BabyWeiner."
In another, Eddie's skin was burned with cigarettes and matches. The female imp did a seductive selfie pose as the leader posed with his tongue out with horn symbols from his hands. "Looks like this asshole has met his…match! #RuntGetsRoasted."
In another post, Eddie was shown with his red legs in the air, head first inside Spade's mouth. "Fun fact, fresh sinners make for tasty treats! #WinnerWinnerSinnerDinner."
Eddie's body weakly stirred, coated with semen, dirt and his own blood. Spade stomped on his head and left a farewell spit in his face. The gang cheered as they wandered off. His teeth were shattered, his tail partially detached, several bones must have been broken. Red blood blossomed on the pavement around his head. A foul smell assaulted his nostrils, causing him to gag. Teeth marks littered his body.
He was sore all over…violated…naked…alone. He had enjoyed the feeling of having power over others, but had forgotten how it felt to have it wielded over him. The imp's insults rang in his ears, crushing his battered chest even more.
He could barely make himself cry.
"Mommy…"
He looked up at the sky, which was now dark. Cold rain poured down on him, like the sky itself wanted to drown him.
The pain and loneness was all too much. His mother probably didn't even know where he was.
"I want death…I want death…"
The thought throbbed in his head before he lost consciousness.
When Eddie came too, he stood on shaky legs and limped forward. That attack would've killed a human, but his new body was strangely resilient. He wobbled over toward an alleyway where an old cardboard box lay.
"Here's my new home, I guess," he thought sadly.
His stomach grumbling, Eddie was lucky enough to find a piece of hamburger with some mold on it. He gobbled it up, not caring how it tasted. (It did taste stale and awful.) Eddie looked down in surprise; his body was already starting to heal. Even his sharp teeth which had been knocked out, were starting to grow back.
Eddie slapped himself repeatedly on the head. "Wake up! Wake up!" But nothing happened. It was all too real. The sun was beginning to set, casting him and his surroundings in a dull reddish light.
"This fucked up world is not meant for kids!" he exclaimed to himself.
Later after avoiding shady drug dealers, pedophiles and other imp gangs, Eddie spotted a tall building in the distance. It appeared to be a black dilapidated office building, with giant stripped horns jutting out from the sides. A nearby sign read "Welcome to Imp City, established 1981." He spotted a nearby billboard and couldn't believe his eyes.
"That…that clown…"
Sure enough, Blitzo's smiling face appeared on the board with a misspelled statement: "'Goat an asshole in da Living worlds!? Come to I am pee?! Make sure you put this sign on the rite side. Don't fuck this up. Also payment may take a couple of weeks because it cums in the Mail.' – Blitzo, speech to text."
A flood of memories came back to the boy; one of them involving the leader imp, a pistol, a flash and a bang…
Eddie threw himself down on the ground in a loud feral temper tantrum. He didn't care who else was watching. Just the sight of that smug imp made him furious to his core. Added to the fact that someone in this world had wanted him dead! After stamping his feet and banging his fists on the ground, his eyes glowed red in anger. He held up two middle fingers toward the I.M.P. advertisement.
"You assholes are gonna pay for this!"