I: Luke Castellan

To: Annabeth Chase

Daughter of Athena

Camp Half-Blood

Long Island Sound

From: Luke Castellan

Son of Hermes

The Underworld

Dear Annabeth,

Nico di Angelo was visiting his father again yesterday, and I finally made up my mind to ask him to bring you this letter. I wasn't going to at first, because I was worried you wouldn't read it, but I know I owe you an apology and an explanation, so I have to at least try. That's the least of what I owe, actually, and so much less than you deserve, but it's the only thing I have left to give. You and Thalia were the only people I knew well enough to write to, not to mention that you're the ones I hurt the most, and we both know Thalia would probably lightning-strike this letter into a thousand tiny bits. So... that left you. Besides, I know you — you always have to know. Even if you'd rather burn this like Thalia would, you couldn't. You'd wonder for the rest of your life what I wanted to tell you, and you'd always worry it was something you should've read. So here you are, reading the last words of Luke Castellan. Or at least I really hope you are, or this will be a massive waste of time. Anyway — the reason I'm writing is to apologize, to explain, and to ask a favor that I really don't deserve.

So, first: I'm so, so sorry. I know Thalia won't forgive me, I know the others won't believe me, I know it doesn't change what I did — but there's a tiny, selfish part of me that hopes it'll make a difference to you. You and Thalia were my first family, and I destroyed that. I made you promises, and I broke them in a huge way. I got good people killed and I nearly destroyed the gods, all because I thought life wasn't fair and I was the person who could fix it. Agapitoí theoí, Annabeth, I almost killed you, my little sister. I will never be able to tell you how sorry I am, and even if I could, it still wouldn't be enough.

Instead, I want to tell you why. I won't make excuses for myself — what I did was unforgivable. I just hope it'll give you a bit of peace. I know how you are — unanswered questions are one of the things you hate the most.

I think, mostly, it was because I was angry. You probably know by now what happened to my mom, even though I never told you. Hermes visited exactly once, even though he knew perfectly well she wasn't well, and it felt like he'd abandoned me. Then I ran away and met you and Thalia, and I realized that the all-powerful gods don't give two cents about their bastard children like us. Then Thalia died, and I was so angry. It was like someone jammed a flaming brand in behind my heart. It was always, always burning and aching and reminding me that she was gone. Then I watched other demigods die on pointless quests, and I saw all the forgotten kids in Cabin Eleven, and I hated it. I wanted better for myself, I wanted Thalia to have had better, I wanted you to have better. I thought Kronos could help me fix things for us, maybe even bring Thalia back. So I guess, in the end... I did it because I thought I was helping you. Please don't feel guilty — I made all my own mistakes, and I never, never want you to feel like there was something you should've done better. I was arrogant, and thoughtless, and puffed up on my own hubris, and I'm sorry.

Lastly, a request: please, please don't let anyone else end up like me. Don't let people forget about me — not because I want to be famous, but so no one else makes my mistakes. And... I guess I just don't want to be forgotten. I'm going to drink from the River Lethe — I want a second chance. I'm going as soon as I give Nico this letter. It's terrifying, actually, knowing that in an hour or two I won't remember myself. But the thing that hurts most is knowing I'll lose you — and knowing that I deserve it. So please — if there's the tiniest part of your heart that still cares for me, don't forget me.

One more thing (I guess I lied about that being the last): I love you, I love you, I love you. You were the best little sister I could've ever asked for, and I'm so, so sorry I forgot that. I know I gave up the rights to call you my sister the second I fell in with Kronos, but I hope that ten or fifteen years down the line, you'll be able to think of me as your big brother again. I know to me you'll always be that tiny seven-year-old slip of a thing who tried to brain me with a hammer. I hope you'll forgive me one day, when you're old enough and far enough away from me that what I did doesn't hurt so much anymore.

Please tell Thalia she was my best friend, I love her, and that I'm sorry about everything except the fleece — she's the most vibrant, crazy, energetic person I've ever known, and she didn't deserve to die. Please tell Percy to look after you and treat you good or I'll track him down once I'm reborn and drop-kick him into next week. And please tell my father it wasn't his fault — most of it wasn't his fault, anyway.

I guess that's all I had to say — I hope it was enough for you. I love you, I'm sorry, I hope we'll see each other again, and I swear on the Styx that you'll always be dear to my heart, even beyond the banks of the Lethe.

I remain

Your brother

Luke Castellan

P.S. Goodbye

A/N: And there we go! Hopefully everyone likes it — this is just something that's been bouncing around my head for a while now and that I wanted to go ahead and write. If you enjoyed this, remember that every review is another cookie in the cookie-jar of my self-esteem! *laughs weakly* I'll probably add on to this as I find time and inspiration, but I haven't decided if this will be just PJO or if I'll do other fandoms, too. If I did, it would probably be Harry Potter, and I'd have to make a different fic for it. Let me know if there's something/someone you'd especially like to see! And I think that's everything...

Oh yeah: the Greek Luke uses (I'm not telling you where it is, because you really should be able to find it) means 'dear gods.' The weird thing with the PJO books is that 'di Immortales' or whatever it is that they say isn't actually Greek, it's Latin for 'the immortals.' So I went with actual Greek for a Greek demigod.

Ok, that's really everything now. So long!

4/12/2021