Notes: Suicidal Trigger

Becky takes off her winter coat. Another day another dollar. Once she takes off her winter gear, she brewed some hot water for her tea. Once it was brewed, she went and settled down on her chair and picked up a remote to watch Dr Phil. Two hours later, went to make some dinner.

She sighed. How long has it been? Nine months? A year? She knew it wasn't healthy, but she pulled out a picture and hung it up on her wall. She teared up staring at it. It was the last time she was truly happy. It was her wedding day.

Mrs. Rosen-Winchester. At least for a week. Her and Sam were smiling big, Sam and her were holding hands. Becky looked at her hand and was wearing her wedding band. Sam's ring was worn around her neck. She stared at it for a long time. She didn't drink often, but was holding a glass of whiskey.

"Sam. If you had given me, us, a chance, we would have been sitting here. Dean would have been happy with Lisa and Ben, and you and I would have been solving the latest case." She took another sip. She knew why she was alone. She drugged Sam, tricked him into a quickie marriage, and almost had them both killed. But that wasn't the worst part. Her tying up Sam and almost making a Deal.

She wondered everyday if it was her fault. Two people are dead. Her friend "Guy," his meatsuit was most likely dead as well. Then those other people. Becky shivered. She was glad that she didn't do those "other things" to Sam. She was tempted, but she didn't want to hurt Sam without his consent. She took another drink.

An hour later was wearing her wedding dress and veil. Drunk, she was dancing alone to "Cherish" by The Association. She was holding her whiskey bottle.

"Sammmm." She slurred. "Mrs Sam Winchester. Jocelyn, you bitchhhhh. I was married to the man of my dreams. I had it aaaallllll." She took another drink. "I was sooo happppyy. Bitch." She picked up Sam's flannel shirt and danced with it, Roxette's 'It Must Have Been Love' was playing next. "It must have been love, its over nowwww." Becky sang. She tried taking another drink, but the bottle was empty. "Ohhhhh. I drankkkk allllll. Oooo, I have another one." She stumbled to her fridge and took out her champagne. The bottle she and Sam bought for her parents when she was going to introduce him.

No one knew about her marriage. Her parents wondered about her Tweets about her "Hubster." Becky made a excuse she was playing a trick on her old high school classmates. So far other than Jocelyn, Dean, and that hunter friend of theirs, no one knew about Sam. Her parents accepted her answer, they knew how much she hated high school. She drank straight from the bottle, not even bothering with a glass.

She made her peace. Her bills were paid off, her last day of work was today, she already left a note for her parents apologizing for what she was about to do. She wanted no trace of Sam, so she took her wedding portrait and marriage certificate and ripped them apart then flushed them down the toilet. She had her pills, it should be enough.

She left one last Tweet.

'Sam, sorry for fucking up your life. I'm doing the world a favor.'

There. She looked so beautiful, sure her makeup was messed up, but her dress and veil were spotless. She sat down and took a pill one by one.

The last thing she was listening to was Bryan Adams' "Everything I Do (I'll Do for You) before she lost consciousness, Sam's name on her lips.

It was weeks before she was released from the hospital. She was incredibly lucky, her parents found Becky half dead, the paramedics managed to revive her on time. The doctors gave her ten minutes before her heart stopped. Her parents got a anonymous phone from a blocked number that informed them Becky was going to commit suicide. They rushed to her apartment to see her unconscious body with vomit on her clothes. Luckily the paramedics came in a minute later and gave her CPR. She was rushed to ER where she stayed for a few nights in Intensive Care before she was placed under suicide watch in her room upstairs.

Becky refused to say anything to the professionals, she said she was too drunk to remember anything. It took Becky weeks to open up, but only to a counselor that told Becky she was recently divorced, and told Becky she wouldn't judge her. Becky slowly opened up and spilled her story, leaving out Sam's name and anything hunter and demon related.

Her parents wondered about her ex husband. Why she never said anything. Becky said it was a spontaneous decision and couldn't remember his name. Luckily they didn't press for details, but convinced her to seek regular therapy.

Becky burned her wedding dress and veil and destroyed her wedding bands by having them melted. It took her a long time to get better, when she met Rod two years later, she finally knew what true love felt like. At first she pushed him away, but her father insisted on giving him a chance.

Years later she realized her purpose. Being a Etsy seller for homemade Supernatural merch. Number one seller in the world, she was able to provide for her family. She silently thanked Sam for saving her life.

'Good luck Guys, kick His Holy Ass'

Becky chuckled as she typed on her Twitter. She knew her husband and children were going fishing tomorrow, so she decided to catch up on her orders. When she looked outside she thought she saw her Ex.

"Nah." She closed her kitchen curtain. He, Sam, they were in her past. She was happy.