Episode VII.- The Force Awakens (Zombie edition)

The First Order is a Terrorist Force trying to become known with their mass destruction weapon, the Starbreaker, which is being developed by agents of the dark side. Leia Organa, Chancellor of Coruscant and head of the Republic, is secretly hunting the First Order with the help of Han Solo. Meanwhile, a Council of Sith Lords is attempting to restore the Trade Alliance, and is using the First Order as a means of distraction for their plans. The former Emperor Palpatine has managed to win a seat in the Sith Council, but suspicions rise around him as he was presumed dead after the Battle of Endor. Also, a new disturbance in the Force has awakened in Naboo.

ACT I. A failed attempt

The Sith Council has entered in session. The Order of the Day includes trials for a Death-Star weapon designed to be powered by a planet and the Dark Side of the Force. The weapon has been designed by Lord Snoke, who will attempt the destruction of Planet Naboo. If motion is approved, just say AYE.

AYE!

Starbreaker, Level II Death-Star weapon aiming at Naboo. Firing sequence initiates in three, two, one. Fire. Firing sequence successful. Evaluating planetary damage. Null. Planet intact. Assessment required.

"Failing again, Lord Snoke," says one red and black spiky face Maul.

HAHAHAHA. The Sith Council laughs at a failed terrorist.

"The attack was successful," says one black robed Sidious. "It's a pity you have chosen the wrong target. Aim at Coruscant at once. I will pay the cost of this failed attempt."

Session adjourned. Lord Snoke is quite displeased, so their servants must act. One Kylo Ren, dressed in a black cape and armor comes in. "My Lord…" he says.

"Investigate Naboo at once," Lord Snoke asks. "Find out why we failed."

Yet this Kylo Ren is not the only one to come forward. "Guard Oowon," Snoke says. "Intel mission for you. Seek Sidious. Find out what happened after Endor. He is supposed to be dead."

ACT II. Three schools

Hands… Physical hands… Actual hands… This is not OK. This is totally wrong. And a full red sky, that's even worse. So he extends his new-found physical hand of a body that should not exist towards the sky. The sky must be blue and nice again. Such, is the extent in which The Chosen One can balance the Force. But now, he is trapped in a body, and they… They are coming. So, Anakin Skywalker, the ultimate Sith and Jedi, the one who balances the Force, makes an exception to his new rules, and uses the Force to craft a lightsaber, a grey one.

The desert of Jakku is a place for scavengers and child trafficking or abandonment. Nice people just don't like it there, so you may only find three of a kind: dubious, wrongful or unlucky. This one girl, Rey, is half unlucky. A red light is strangely illuminating her hut. If it weren't for that light… She'd might have been in trouble. She is now, but less in trouble. A regular band of thieves, easily dismantled by waving a grey lightsaber.

So she goes out to see what the red light is all about: a strange red beam of light across the sky. Lots of imbalances in the Force powering the beam. "Master Skywalker!" she calls. No answer. And she tries again, and again, and again. Until another answer appears. "Come to you, he will not," a gentle old voice says.

A little green man, a Force Ghost of a Jedi. So, Rey pulls out her lightsaber. "I don't trust the Jedi," Rey says. "They turned their backs to my Master when he most needed them." Yoda turns his head down. "Fear of the Dark Side…" Yoda says. "A costly mistake on our part. But in great trouble your Master is now. Find him in Naboo, you must." The lightsaber is put down. Now, it's time to dash to a market nearby.

Markets in dubious places, and especially cantinas, is the perfect spot to find intel on sneaky stuff. The law is just a bit more lax in there. And that… is refreshing for Han Solo and Chewbacca, who love to have a little fun here and then. Only that they are in a mission, and they are far too obvious.

But perhaps not as obvious as the man in dark apparel, cape and helmet, who is oozing a Vader-like breath, only that this one is faked, because whoever is behind that helmet can breath on its own. But meddling from undercover agents of the Republic… that just cannot be overlooked. The dark knight pulls out a red lightsaber, trying to make a surprise attack. But, what bigger surprise than a grey lightsaber flung like a disk that cuts your hands? No hands, no attacks. And to ensure that no sneaky Force trick is used, Han Solo finishes it with a headshot. Rey walks to her lightsaber and picks it up. Chewbacca does the body-searching, while Han the introductions.

"You are not going to pick it up using the Force?" Han asks.

"It's not allowed," Rey says. "I can only use the Force to stop the Force. Somewhat different to what that guy was about to do."

"He's First Order," Han says. "A bunch of terrorists from the Dark Side."

"Do you think…?" she asks. "Yes, they must be behind that Death-Star like weapon," Han says. "But there is no trace of the attack. No news of a planet destroyed."

"I'd probably be able to stop it," Rey says. "I know I should. But first I need a ride. I've got to get to Naboo and find my Master. He may have a lead."

"Well…" Han says. "I just happen to drive the fastest ship in the Galaxy, and I owe you one. Do you want a ride?"

Anakin quietly awaits at the Naboo chess-like plaza where he physically spawned, and some guards are in there around him. "Sir," the guard says. "You're making people uncomfortable. Why are you standing here like this?" Then some TIE-fighters blasts make everyone escape from the plaza. But for one: Anakin is still standing there.

But he is not the only one. Recently landed and in hiding, Han, Rey and Chewie watch the scene. "That's my son!" Han complains. "I can't believe he's First Order." Rey calms him down. "That one standing in front is my Master," Rey says. "Let him handle this one."

A legend, a bad tale folklore of a Dark Side knight is standing in front of Anakin. One Kylo Ren. A man oozing raw power of the Dark Side. "The Force is strong in you," Anakin says. "But do you know how to use that raw power?"

Kylo Ren tries to choke Anakin to no avail. "I'm dead, I'm not even breathing, so stop it," Anakin says.

"What happened to you?" Kylo Ren asks.

"I was a Force Ghost…" Anakin says. "Until someone played a bad prank on me."

"Whatever… I'll just kill you," Kylo Ren says.

A frontal charge of a powerful but inexperienced Kylo Ren, against the very man who balanced the Force. It's just a simple maneuver, and that red, flashy lightsaber, and those hands... they end up detached from a single blow. "You better go home, son," Anakin says while coldly holding his grey lightsaber. That gaze can spook anyone, and Kylo retreats. So do their companions. This one is a loss.

Rey, Chewie and Han reunite with Anakin. There's a brief hug between Rey and Anakin. Then, Anakin puts his arm on Han's shoulder. "I'd like to thank you for taking care of my children, especially Leia," Anakin says. "It's quite hard to be a father when the Emperor gets under your skin."

"Whoa…" Han says. "What happened to you?"

"I'm a ZOMBIEEEE," Anakin says with a spooky voice. "That weapon they built… I felt it and stopped it, because it was aimed at my wife's tomb. It fires a negative charge of Midichlorians. It doesn't destroy the planet but it makes their species go extinct by sucking the Force out of them."

"I managed to place a tracker on those TIE-fighters," Han says.

"Rey," Anakin says. "Would you mind helping them? I'll try to get an audience with the Queen of Naboo. She might help as well."

The Jedi Temple at Coruscant has been reopened, but it only has two members. A Jedi Master and her Padawan. They are training with their lightsabers, but the Master gets distracted, and almost hurt. "Master Organa, what's going on?" Finn asks. "My son…" she regrets. "I think he's turned to the Dark Side. I must talk with my husband." "And what about training?" Finn asks. "Forget it, and suit up," Leia says. "You're having your first official mission as a Jedi."

An emergency session is held by the Republic Senate. Chancellor Leia Organa is proposing a motion to stage a surprise attack against the First Order, under suspicion of a Death-Star level weapon. Evidence presented on the weapon: hearsay. An attack on Naboo is also alleged, but no signs of such an attack are traceable. No evidence; no attack. The motion is dismissed. Further intel is required.

"I will go on war again," Finn says at his therapy session.

"But this time it is as a Jedi, right?" her shrink says. "This time you have a choice. Don't let your past consume you, Finn. You're no longer a clone with a serial number. You have an identity and freewill this time..."

The Palace of Naboo is as pompous as ever, and so is the Queen of Naboo with her commanding tone, and white makeup. "You have been granted an audience for saving us, stranger," the Queen says. "What brought you to us?"

"I'd like you to provide Chancellor Organa one of your ships to support an independent military mission against the Dark Side of the Force," Anakin says.

"The Senate has dismissed such a motion," the Queen says. "So why should we support a stranger that hasn't been elected?"

Anakin directly turns to his right, where the Queen's escorts stand, and bows to them.

"It's the only way to protect what's most dear to me," Anakin says. "Something I lost when I let myself slip to the Dark Side of the Force. I lost Padmé's legacy. I accidentally killed her…"

Then, the true Queen comes forward and places her hand on his shoulder.

"You only killed her hope, Anakin," the Queen says. "Her physical departure might be irreversible, but her legacy is still brimming with life. It is here, right now, in front of you. Even as Vader, you always came for her, you always loved her. And I… I will always support you, because Padmé lives in all of our hearts. Now rise… and allow yourself to be pardoned."

Leia is quite angry, locked in her office. "You should calm down, Master," Finn says. "We are all going to get killed," Leia says. "They've forgotten what the Dark Side is like." And then, a Senator of Naboo requests a private meeting with the Chancellor. "I have good news for you," the Senator says. "The Queen of Naboo has approved a motion on an independent military mission against the First Order. But Her Majesty requests that you come to Naboo to personally command the mission." Leia and Finn pick up an X-wing, supported by R2-D2, and head to Naboo.

Leia meets the General of the Naboo vessel, Poe Dameron. "It's an honor to meet such a legend, Chancellor Organa," Poe says. "This fine gentleman has convinced the Queen to support you on a mission."

Leia looks at Anakin. "You?" she asks…

"Don't be surprised, your mother happens to be the best Queen to have ever served in Naboo," Anakin says. "For Her Majesty, Padmé Amidala!"

FOR QUEEN AMIDALA!

Leia and Finn look at each other. "Who is this guy?" he asks in secret. "That's Vader," she answers. Finn looks once, and doesn't recognise him. But at the second glance… that breath, that aura: THAT'S DARTH VADER.

"A stormtrooper?" Anakin asks Finn.

"Former Stormtrooper," Finn answers.

"Former Sith Lord," Anakin says. "Nice to meet you."

Anakin lies a while besides R2-D2. "Hey, where's Threepio?" Anakin asks. WITH LUKE. "Is Luke doing well?" asks R2-D2. I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM FOR A WHILE. So Anakin looks for Luke, and sees it: wounds, internal wounds. Organs half burnt with electric shocks. Anakin almost throws up… He didn't know it was that hard...

ACT III. Death of Coruscant

Starbreaker, firing sequence number two is commencing. Target: Coruscant. Target acquired. Firing starts in three, two, one. Firing sequence successful. Evaluating damage. Structural damage: null. Flow of force: minus one. Life-forms: extinct. Artificial Intelligences: disabled. Mission completed. Repeat. Mission completed.

A big collection of screams is heard across the Galaxy, as the Force is sucked out of Coruscant, and planetary life goes extinct en-masse. Leia feels those screams in her heart. Her crew has just seen that weapon firing, and it was inevitable. They are all gone now. The heart of the Republic is no more. A big tremor starts shaking the whole Naboo vessel and then subsides. Anakin has put Leia to sleep before she slipped to the Dark Side.

"We're all doomed now…" Poe says. "How are we supposed to win this?"

"I can feel it…" Finn says. "I think I know how to destroy that weapon before it gets fired again! But it's a two-man operation. I can't do it alone."

"I'll help you," Anakin says. "But we'll need Poe to cover us."

"It's suicide!" Poe says.

"Don't worry," Anakin says. "The guy's a dispensable Stormtrooper, and I'm a zombie. If we lose, no one dies."

In the mainland, the beam of light of the Starbreaker is a delightful bloodbath. A beautiful red and deadly light. That's the view for those who descend from the Millenium Falcon, and get intercepted by Kylo Ren, who has had his hands regenerated.

"What are you doing here?" Kylo asks.

"I'd like to ask the same, boy," Han answers. "Why the Dark Side?"

"I like it, dad," Kylo answers. "It's my life choice. I know you'd be disappointed. But, this is who I am. This is..."

A vision? Of that girl, as a child? Rey? Abandoned by his parents? Sold to child traffickers? And raised by a Ghost? And that Ghost is the one who defeated me in Naboo? Of that boy, in a dream? Kylo Ren? Or is it Ben? Ben Solo? But why is he with Darth Vader and the Emperor? He wasn't even born! And this? Are we seeing this? Is this planet about to be destroyed?

"I don't know who you are," Rey says. "But your vision of Vader sharing with you his throne, that's an illusion. You've got to break it."

LIAR!

Kylo draws his lightsaber fast. Perhaps faster than Rey could have ever imagined. But a father knows his son better than anyone. He knew what would happen. It's just an instinct. And this girl, she's well intentioned, and doesn't deserve to die. But he… he's failed his son, his wife, his friends, his brother in law, by letting Ben slip into the Dark Side. It's OK for him to pay this price. Han shields Rey. An unintended death. Kylo mourns. Chewie cries. Why? Why? DAD!

"Hey…" Rey says. "Pick him up, and let's go. We're all gonna die. We can fight another day. We can mourn another day. But first… we have to survive."

"Truce…" Kylo Ren says, while picking up his father's corpse. And run, because the planet's shaking to its core. Because there is a siege on the Starbreaker, and almost no way to protect the base. Because two X-wings managed to slide into the weapon, find the core, fire a Force-charged blast, and obliterate the base. And as a consequence, the planet explodes. And the heroes live to tell the tale another day. And they celebrate.

But not Leia… She's worried, we might be back to Rebellion times.

But not Kylo… He has to bury his dad. The one he loved so much.

"Dad, we've got to find Luke," Leia says.

"No, Leia," Anakin says. "He's had it hard after Endor. Let him do it at his own pace."

After a short lived burial in the sands of Jakko, full of Chewie's groans, a TIE fighter comes for Kylo Ren. He won't be seen for a while.

"Hey, pal," Rey says to Chewie. "Wanna stick for a while? You'll have fun in the desert."

I ACCEPT.

So, everything must end… But what does end mean in this vast Galaxy?

"Guard, Oowon," Sidious says. "What brings you to this place?"

Blasts. Gun blasts. They all go through Sidious' body. They can't touch him. How could they? Sidious comes to Oowon to touch him, but his hand just goes through his body.

BOO!

FEAR THE PHANTOM MENACE!

FEAR THE FORCE GHOST OF EMPEROR PALPATINE!

Guard Oowon backs down in horror. Gazing at the Emperor. Unaware of his surroundings. Unaware of the Imperial guards whose blasts will surely kill him. Because there's always an afterlife.