Welcome to another installment of the Heart Series. This is the first of four one-shots which occur after the main story of Marks On My Heart. I was originally going to write just one but I really wasn't ready to let this story go and my panromantic poly self clearly isn't good at choosing between things.
Each of these one-shots can be read as a stand-alone or part of a larger series, whichever you prefer. While each of these one-shots centers on different characters I've made the conscious choice to continue to tell this story from Shouto's point of view.
Trigger Warning: Shouto experiences a panic attack in this one-shot. He uses some coping skills and gets support. Please don't read if this could trigger you. Please also don't use this story as a diagnostic tool or as a resource for therapeutic coping skills; if that is the kind of support that would be most helpful for you, please seek out professional consultation.
As always, there will be many themes of hurt/comfort. I hope you enjoy!
Keep My Heart
The noise of rush hour traffic cut off abruptly when Shouto closed the door to his lovers—to their home. It shouldn't be a jarring sensation; Shouto had experienced the excellent soundproofing that was the result of the security upgrades to Katsuki and Izuku's home many times before he'd moved in. This had been his exclusive home for almost a week and the place he'd spent the majority of his time for months before that.
Shouto slipped off his outside shoes and stretched. His hospital scrubs rode up, exposing his skin to a cool shock of air. Shouto used his quirk to warm himself and shook the tightness from his limbs. He might not have made the choice to pursue nursing as his primary occupation under the best circumstances, but he'd never regrated it. Shouto's most challenging case, one hot-headed blond accompanied by his green-haired husband, was the catalyst that set in motion some of the best things that had ever happened to Shouto.
The sound of rushing blood drained away from Shouto's ears as he released the stretch. The living room and kitchen were eerily silent. Katsuki and Izuku had a long shift today. The three of them had shared a hurried and heartfelt breakfast before rushing out the door to tackle their respective days. The edge of the sink was streaked with watermarks and a light dusting of crumbs. The dishes they'd left to soak, much to Katsuki's chagrin, sat in pools of murky water.
The sponge was in Shouto's hand before he'd made a conscious choice to lift it. Cold sudsy liquid oozed between his fingers when he curled them tight around the little blue rectangle. The bite of the scrubbing side scraped across the pads of Shouto's fingers when he maneuvered the sponge under the tap. Since he was the first one home, he'd make sure Izuku and Katsuki got to relax when they arrived. He might even have time to prepare dinner.
Starch residue and bits of detritus swirled in the water before they were carried down the drain. It wasn't strictly necessary to hand wash each item—the edge of the dishwasher brushed against Shouto's knee when he shifted his weight, as if to remind him of this fact—but now that he'd gotten started it was easier to just keep going. Warm water flowed in a rush across Shouto's skin and steamed against his hand while every trace of the morning meal was washed away.
They kept a drying rack adjacent to the sink for items that must be hand washed or for when there were too many dishes for the dishwasher. When the rack was full and the sink was empty Shouto reached for a dishtowel and meticulously wicked all remaining moisture from their cutlery. After the bowls and utensils were nestled back behind solid cabinet doors Shouto started on the counter. It wouldn't do to prepare food without cleaning his workspace first. Long strokes interrupted by small bouts of energetic scrubbing covered every inch of surface area, including underneath the toaster.
After the sponge was rinsed and wrung dry Shouto turned and plucked up the broom. Now that he'd started cleaning he wasn't going to leave the job half done. He had to pull his weight. Bristles scraped across the smooth surface of the floor, gathering hidden debris from the darkest corner of the room. The kitchen and living room had an open floor plan. It was easy to sweep through each room, down the hall, the bathroom, the guestroom, and their shared bedroom.
The only thing that stymied Shouto from sweeping out the supply closet was the neatly organized boxes that lined most of the floor space. The tiered shelving above the boxes was full, forcing Shouto to lift each box into the hallway before he could sweep out the floor that supported them. When the closet floor was as smooth and pristine as the rest of the floor Shouto turned back to the heavy boxes he'd pushed into the hallway. His shoulders bunched and rippled with the effort of moving the boxes back into position on the floor of the closet. Stray droplets of sweat plopped down and splattered against the aging cardboard.
Now that the loose dirt was off the floor, it was time to mop.
Shouto was halfway back to the sink again before his eyes caught on the cover of the book he'd finished reading last night. It was lying sideways on the edge of the coffee table. He swiveled and bent to pluck the book from its resting place without breaking stride. The movement was clean, precise, with no wasted effort. If he wasn't fast enough he wouldn't get everything done in time.
The bookshelf wasn't far out of his way. He could see the sublet lean where the row of books sagged in the absence of their companion. Shouto reached out to slide the errant book home. It should have been a thoughtless gesture, but he fumbled the movement somehow and sent three books flying onto the carpet.
He fell to his knees with a huff and reached for the scattered paperbacks. The tips of Shouto's fingers scrabbled off the edge of weathered pages and sent the book spinning further away from him. Was he really so distracted he couldn't pick up after himself properly?
Shouto sucked in a sharp, aggravated breath and stretched his body out across the rug, reaching for the books that seemed determined to stymie his efforts. The area rug that cushioned the walking areas around the sofa was a soft blue color that threw the shaking of Shouto's fingers into sharp relief.
Shouto blinked. He was probably hungry, it was definitely past his usual dinner time, but his blood sugar shouldn't be low enough to start a tremor. Shouto curled his fingers into the fiber of the area rug and the spasms rippled up his arm to his shoulder. His knuckles were white against the blue of the rug, but the only tightness he felt was deep in his chest. The knot of tension swelled inside him until his stomach quivered and his breath stuttered past his lips.
Fuck. This was a panic attack. The buildup had been so gradual he hadn't seen it coming… Or maybe he didn't want to see it coming. There was no reason for this. Everything was fine. His life was better than it had been in years. It had been almost a month since he'd had a panic attack. Why now?
Breath wheezed and rasped through Shouto's throat. His eyes darted to the front door. Fuck. He could think about that later. Right now, he needed to calm down.
His fingers flopped ineffectually against the sofa and the coffee table as Shouto tried to push himself back into a kneeling position. Meditation often helped, but his diaphragm quivered inside him and fought the pull of a steadier rhythm.
Sometimes it took almost an hour to force his breathing into an easy, predictable rhythm. How much time did he have before Izuku and Katsuki came home? How long had it been since he'd gotten home himself? How much time had he already wasted?
Fuck.
Jerky movements carried Shouto forwards towards the kitchen. One option worked better and faster than anything else he'd ever tried. It had been almost six months since Shouto needed something this intense…
Fuck; he could be disappointed later!
Shouto reached into one of the upper cabinets, scattering a stack of small leftover containers in his bid for their largest plastic salad bowl. God, he was making such a mess…
The polished wooden salad bowl clattered against the metal surface of the sink and Shouto turned on the cold tap full force. He managed to pull two full trays of ice cubes from the freezer before the bowl he'd selected was full. If he tried to supply his own ice right now he might create an ice wall in the kitchen; he needed more control than this!
His wrists twitched through the repetitive motions of shaking each ice cube free into the chilly water he'd prepared. Shouto let the empty trays clatter to the counter while he stopped the water. He'd already made a small mess for himself; he could clean them up later.
Shouto wrenched the tap off and lifted the plastic bowl onto the counter. Ice and water sloshed a frigid mixture against his fingertips. Perfect.
The surface of the water shimmered brightly with reflected light. Shouto focused on the glint, took the biggest gulp of air he could manage, and plunged his head beneath the surface. He didn't stop until the tip of his nose brushed the smooth bottom of the bowl. Icy water lapped across the nape of his neck and he fought the urge to suck in another breath. Cool stillness raced across Shouto's nerves, soothing the panic with the activation of the body's diving reflex.
Shouto's raging heartbeat sounded muffled in his ears. He clenched and unclenched his fingers around the lip of the bowl. He'd count to 30 first, then pull back for the sweet relief of oxygen. The first breath rushing across his tongue and soft palate always felt invigorating and uplifting at the same time. But not yet. Not just yet. He could hold on for five more seconds.
Five…
Four…
Three…
Tw—a hand closed around Shouto's shoulder with a grip strong enough to bruise. Shouto spun, following the movement of the hand that was pulling him. Cold air slapped against his face and water exploded around him as Shouto grappled with his assailant.
"—ot! Icy hot! Shouto! Calm down; it's just me, dumbass!"
A heavy weight fell through Shouto's chest and pulled him down by the hips. Katsuki was home.
"—chan, stop it! That's not helping." Izuku was home too. Of course he was.
Icy claws of water cascaded along Shouto's neck, chest, and shoulders, cutting off his airway.
"Shouto? Can you hear me?"
Izuku was talking again. It was the same soft, low tone he used with frightened children when he was out on a rescue mission.
No. Damnit! Not now… Not in front of Izuku and Katsuki! Not again!
"Hey."
Heat pressed close, so close, to the side of Shouto's face, but didn't quite touch him.
"Look at me."
Air rushed into Shouto's lungs in one long, heady pull of oxygen, and he turned his head. Crimson eyes were waiting for him and they softened when Shouto's gaze connected with them. "There you are. Can you take another deep breath for me?"
Shouto sucked in another breath. He tried to look away, but that movement pushed his cheek into Katsuki's palm. Reflexively, Shouto curled around the familiar warmth, trapping it against his skin with both hands.
Katsuki pressed closer, bracketing Shouto against the bottom cabinets like a protective bulwark. "I've got you, Sho. Just breathe."
Shouto turned his head just enough to bring Izuku's crouched form into focus. Izuku's worried frown lifted when Shouto looked at him. The fingers of Izuku's outstretched hand curled, as if they were beckoning. "You look pretty overwhelmed right now… Can I hold you?"
Water trembled and fell from Shouto's lips as he tried to speak. God, he'd made an absolute wreck of their kitchen. "P-please…"
Warm arms wrapped around Shouto and pulled him away from the hard, sharp edges of the lower cabinets. Shouto nestled against the crook of Izuku's neck, pulling Katsuki with him because he refused to let go of either lover. He sighed and sagged against them when Katsuki's free hand wrapped around both him and Izuku, closing the circle.
"What happened, Sho?" Katsuki's voice was a soothing rumble in his ear. Shouto wanted to wrap it around himself like a blanket and go to sleep.
"I… I panicked."
"No shit—"
"Kacchan." It was a familiar, affectionate rebuke, but it lacked even its' usual vehemence. Probably because Shouto was pressed so closely against Izuku.
"I…" Shouto swallowed around a building thickness in his throat. God, he wanted off this rollercoaster. "I mean I had a panic attack."
Two sets of arms tightened around him and Shouto nuzzled into their embrace. The armor imbedded in their hero suits pressed close through the padding that surrounded it. Izuku and Katsuki must have run to him straight from the doorway.
This was exactly the kind of scene Shouto had been trying to avoid. …okay maybe not exactly this, but he'd been trying to avoid worrying them, and now they were huddled in a pool of icy water in the disaster zone that was their kitchen.
A shaky breath rattled through Shouto's lungs. "That's why I filled the bowl with water and ice." Shouto gestured weakly to the counter space above them that continued dripping water onto the floor.
Izuku's thoughtful hum reverberated against Shouto's forehead. "I think I've heard of this… Activating the diving reflex can help jolt the brain out of a panic attack."
"Exactly," Shouto sighed. He let his eyes drift shut and leaned against the solid weight and heat of Izuku and Katsuki.
"And I pulled you out of it…"
Shouto blinked open bleary eyes and, with a reluctant wince, lifted his head away from the haven of Izuku's shoulder until it nudged the ridges Katsuki carved into his forehead when he frowned. "You didn't know."
Katsuki nudged Shouto's forehead back, a soft affectionate headbutt. "Why didn't you call us?"
"I didn't want you to know!" Heat rushed up the column of Shouto's neck and over his ears. He'd meant to say it wasn't important. Where was his goddamned filter? "I've been so happy with you, both of you," Shouto rushed to explain. "It doesn't make any sense to have a panic attack now!"
The arms around Shouto held him tighter. Katsuki's lips brushed Shouto's temple as he replied, "No, it kind of does."
"But—"
"You only moved in last week," Izuku interjected.
Katsuki's fingers grazed across Shouto's cheek in a gentle caress. "That took a lot of trust, Sho." The pad of Katsuki's thumb slid across Shouto's mouth in a gesture that felt like a kiss. "And I know you don't trust easy."
"It's okay to have a big reaction to a big decision." Izuku's hand caressed the dampened fabric covering Shouto's back in slow, soothing strokes. "If being here full time feels too soon—"
"No; I want to be here!" Shouto insisted, pulling both his lovers closer. "That's why…" Shouto gulped air and swallowed. "That's why I didn't want you to see me panic."
Calloused fingers worked their way into Shouto's hair, rubbing small circles against Shouto's scalp. Shouto caught Izuku and Katsuki sharing a sympathetic look. "We want you here too," Katsuki began, "and we want to be there for you." Rough palms cupped Shouto's cheeks and held him still. Shouto leaned into the embrace, surrendering to the forcefulness of Katsuki's protective nature. Katsuki's lips were soft, full, and gentle against his own, and tasted sweet. "Anxiety doesn't play fair, Sho, but we've got your back."
The weight and warmth of Izuku's body pressed close against Shouto's back and a kiss was pressed just behind and under Shouto's ear.
Heat that had nothing to do with his quirk bubbled over in Shouto's chest, up into his neck and cheeks. "I don't know how to feel when you gang up on me with love and affection."
Izuku's chuckles rocked their small cuddle puddle back and forth. "It's what we do, love."
"It's what you do," Katsuki corrected.
"Don't try to put on bravado now." Izuku's smile curled against his freckles. "You care every bit as much as I do. Tell me you're not going to cook something warm and comforting for Sho after you've restored order in the kitchen?"
"Of course, I am," Katsuki huffed.
"I should clean." Shouto felt his lips pull back across his teeth in a self-reproachful grimace. "That's what I was trying to do when—"
"No." Izuku tapped one finger against Shouto's lips to silence him. His lips slid into place over Shouto's a moment later. "You—wait—we all need a bath. A long hot one. Then you and I can cuddle on the sofa while Katsuki cooks. How does that sound?"
Shouto blinked. "But I wrecked the kitchen."
"I know you can wreck shit better than this." Katsuki swept his arm out, gesturing at the puddles of water, melting ice, and scattered containers. "This won't take me more than a minute to clean. You weren't even trying."
Shouto pressed his face into the curve of Katsuki's neck to hide the smile he couldn't fight off. Katsuki's brash, sarcastic affection always seemed to cut through the insecurity and bullshit that all but strangled Shouto sometimes.
"Cleaning can come after we're all warm and dry." Izuku punctuated his declaration with a trail of tender kisses across Shouto's shoulder. Izuku continued his affectionate assault until his lips landed against Katsuki's and they shared a longer kiss that Shouto felt more than he saw because he was still pressed between them.
"Okay."
Katsuki and Izuku separated with a small sucking sound and looked to Shouto's half-hidden face. Even tucked safely between them Shouto felt dizzy under the weight of their devotion. God, he loved these men.
"A bath sounds nice," Shouto continued. He nestled tighter into his lovers embrace and smiled against warm skin. It felt so safe here. "You'll join me?"
"Hell yes, we will," Katsuki growled. His arms tightened around Shouto and Izuku as the trio struggled to their feet. As soon as they were standing Katsuki reached for Shouto's face and caressed both cheeks before leaning forward to kiss him. Shouto melted into the slow, wet, heat of Katsuki's lips and tongue against him. The rumbling voice that vibrated against his mouth sent delicious tingles through his body. "Fuck, you're cute."
Another set of arms bracketed Shouto's waist and started tugging on Katsuki's utility belt. "Bath. Now."
The glint in Katsuki's smirk was almost feral. "Coming, Deku."
Izuku huffed with what sounded like repressed laughter and together they shuffled the short distance towards the bathroom. The only delay was a momentary pause by the supply closet for Izuku and Katsuki to remove and store the most dangerous and volatile components of their hero costumes. Shouto expected every piece of gear to be carefully removed and stored as usual, but the moment his lovers started to remove the inner layers of their hero suits he was pressed back towards the bathroom door.
They wouldn't even let him help undress them. The moment he reached for Izuku's clothing his hands were caught and held in a touch so gentle it was almost a whisper. "Will you let us spoil you, today?"
Izuku lifted Shouto's hands to his lips and kissed the knuckles. Shouto's heart flipped over in his chest. "I-I'm not used to that."
"Maybe you need to get fucking used to it." Katsuki's lips against Shouto's temple were a striking counterpoint to the gruffness of his words and tone. Calloused fingers slipped around the edges of Shouto's sodden scrub top, but didn't lift it yet. "Can I?"
"Yes." Damp fabric peeled away from Shouto's body like a second skin as he lifted his arms up and over his head.
Katsuki used the momentum of separating Shouto from his scrub top to pull Shouto flush against his body, and swallowed Shouto's soft gasp with a hungry kiss. Warm, rough hands slid across the bare skin of Shouto's back, coaxing him forward towards the shower stall. "We'll ge—ah!" Katsuki's mouth, tongue, and teeth shifted to Shouto's neck and moved like they wanted to devour him. "Katsuki, we—ugh—we'll get our clothes wet if we start the shower still dressed."
"Can't have that, can we?" The words were grumbled against Shouto's skin, and the vibrations raised goosebumps across the skin of Shouto's neck and back. Katsuki's calloused fingers dipped beneath the surface of Shouto's scrub pants, continuing their slow exploration of skin on skin, and evoking a full-body shiver.
Shouto slipped his hands under Katsuki's shirt and pushed his palms up Katsuki's back in a needy caress.
"Letting you do any of the work isn't exactly spoiling," Izuku murmured moments before the heat of his bare skin blossomed across Shouto's back.
"And if it's something I want to do?" Shouto's voice trembled when he arched into the press of Katsuki's teeth on his neck.
"I suppose that could be allowed." Izuku's arms coiled tightly around Shouto's waist and pressed his mouth to Shouto's.
Shouto surrendered to the kiss with a moan. He loved being bracketed between Katsuki and Izuku's bodies. There was very little else that made him feel so safe.
"What we're not going to do is let Katsuki complain about getting out of soaking wet clothing." Izuku pressed a series of nibbling kisses across Shouto's lips, and Shouto almost lost the thread of the conversation. That was until, after a particularly forceful kiss, Izuku pulled back and turned his head. He was looking at Katsuki with a determination Shouto normally saw only during battels, or sparring practice. "Strip."
The corner of Katsuki's mouth kicked up into a smirk, and his hands fell to the hem of his undershirt.
Izuku nuzzled the side of Shouto's neck, holding him tight while they both watched tantalizing inches of Katsuki's skin exposed to the steamy air of the bathroom. Katsuki, normally the first to complain about tidiness, rolled his arms up over his head and let the garment fall into a heap on the floor. Shouto's eyes tracked the movement until they snagged on the edge of Katsuki's hip bones, peeking out above the waist of his skintight exercise pants.
"See something you like?"
Shouto licked his lips and nodded, forcing his eyes back to Katsuki's satisfied crimson gaze. Izuku's hands started kneading the muscles of Shouto's chest. Shouto pressed back against him, eyes still locked on the fabric Katsuki was peeling off his body with exaggerated slowness. When the palm of Izuku's hand dipped past the hallow of Shouto's hips, he lifted his hands to stop Izuku's progress. It wasn't a conscious choice, but at soon as his fingers made contact with Izuku's wrist, Shouto knew why he'd acted.
"Um..." Shouto's breath stuttered in his throat.
"Are you alright, Sho?" The arms that had been holding him in a vice grip loosened instantly.
Fuck. That wasn't what he wanted. He didn't want to stop, but he could feel Izuku had grown half hard pressing against his back.
"Sho?"
The crimson eyes were closer now, and Katsuki's pants, although dangerously low on his hips, had yet to slide down to his legs.
Calloused fingers caressed the curve of Shouto's cheek, and he turned his head to press a kiss into Katsuki's palm.
"Hey, what's wrong?" Katsuki prompted, pressing close again until Shouto was sandwiched by the familiar weight of his lover's bodies. Shouto leaned against Katsuki's chest and counted for three breaths. Katsuki wasn't going to let this go; Katsuki never let something go when he felt it was important.
"I…" Shouto took another breath and lifted his head until he's met both red and green eyes. "I like this—love this, but…" This close he could feel the deflating hardness of Katsuki's almost erection. "I don't…"
Shouto tried to drop his gaze, but Katsuki's fingers lifted his chin, a clear request for Shouto to keep eye contact. Shouto's eyes darted between Izuku and Katsuki's worried expressions. It was still strange, having people who waited for him to speak, people who held space for him to voice his vulnerable feelings. Shouto pressed one hand over Izuku's and one hand over Katsuki's. "I don't want to have sex tonight."
Izuku and Katsuki both returned the squeeze of Shouto's fingers, and more words tumbled out of Shouto's mouth in a rush. "I feel safe now. I love being held and kissed by both of you. It just… takes me a long time to fully settle after a panic attack that bad." Shouto swallowed, squeezed Katsuki's hand hard and lifted his other to cup Izuku's cheek. Green eyes had started to mist with tears and Shouto pressed his thumb against the freckles under Izuku's eyes to wipe them away. "It's just for tonight, I think. I still feel kind of raw, and that kind of sensation would be overstimulating."
Katsuki's arms tightened around Shouto and Izuku, pushing excess air from Shouto's lungs. Shouto leaned into the embrace, letting his head rest in the crook of Katsuki's neck. "I could help you, if you wanted," Shoto ventured. "That should be—"
"Shut up."
Shouto shut up.
"You never have to apologize for stating what you're comfortable with." Katsuki's voice was low and gravely in a way that usually indicated anger, but the grim set of his jaw was more protective than angry. "I love you, Sho, and I want you for more than your body."
"I still want your hands on me."
"That doesn't have to mean sex." Izuku's voice hitched when he sniffled. "You said you wanted us to hold you, right? And kiss you?" Shouto nodded and Izuku's arms tightened around him. "We can do that; no sex required."
"But—" a thick, calloused finger pressed down across Shouto's lips.
"You're sexy Sho, and I can control myself." Katsuki's hand slipped across Shouto's cheek in another caress. "I only want to touch you in ways you're going to enjoy. My body might react to you, but it doesn't control me. End of story."
Shouto squeezed Izuku's forearm, still clamped tightly around his waist, and nestled against the palm of Katsuki's hand. "Thank you."
"You're welcome." Katsuki's cocky smile slipped into something softer and he leaned forward to press a kiss against Shouto's brow. His next words reverberated against Shouto's forehead. "Deku, the tub's almost full, stop the water."
"On it."
Cool raced across Shouto's back, invading the warm space Izuku had occupied a moment before.
"Come on," Bakugou's arms tightened around Shouto, pulling him forward towards the shower. "Let's get rinsed off first."
Katsuki let Shouto go only long enough to push his pants all the way off and kick them into the corner of the room. He turned the water on full hot, and Shouto leaned back into the scorching torrent.
"You're beautiful."
Shouto ran a hand across his face and blinked the water out of his eyes. Katsuki was standing in front of him brandishing a washcloth in one hand. "May I?"
Heat that simmered under his skin crept up through Shouto's chest and neck until it reached his cheeks. He blinked in staccato bursts. "If you insist."
"I'd love to insist, but I'm asking permission." Katsuki stepped forward with an outstretched hand that Shouto took on instinct. Katsuki lifted Shouto's arm and held his steaming washcloth inches above Shouto's forearm. "May I?"
The blush that must have suffused Shouto's cheeks was so warm the torrent of the shower almost felt cool. People didn't take care of him like this, but Katsuki wanted to; Katsuki was asking to, and he was waiting for Shouto's answer. "Yes."
The hot slick slide of the washcloth against Shouto's skin had no right to feel as good as it did. Shouto leaned into the sensation, almost closing his eyes.
"Is there room for me?" Izuku stepped into their cloud of steam with this own washcloth draped loosely over one shoulder.
"Always." Shouto held his free hand out to Izuku, who took it, kissed Shouto's palm, and nestled close against Shouto's free side.
"Can I wash you too?"
"You don't have to, Izuku. This is more than I was expecting."
Izuku's damp lips slid across his, a smoldering counterpoint to the gentle sweep of fabric between the fingers of the arm Katsuki was currently devoted to. "I want to, but only if you think it will feel good without overstimulating you."
"He gives good scalp massages," Katsuki observed. The sudsy washcloth he held moved up Shouto's arm and over his shoulder.
"Or I could hold you." Izuku stepped closer and wrapped his arms around Shouto's chest. "How can I make you feel good?"
Shouto nestled his head against Izuku's for a moment. "A scalp massage wouldn't be asking too much?"
Izuku's smile was instantaneous and infectious. "Not at all." He lifted his hands halfway towards Shouto's head. "May I?"
"Yes, please."
Tingles burst into gooseflesh along the back of Shouto's neck and back as Izuku's fingers rubbed soothing circles through Shouto's bicolored hair.
"Good." Izuku's murmur was low and husky. "That's it, lean back against me."
Shouto hadn't meant to close his eyes, but he must have. Stray droplets of pleasantly hot water danced across his cheeks and closed eyelids as he surrendered to the wash of sensations under Izuku's and Katsuki's hands on him. Izuku's clever fingers worked through Shouto's scalp, then slid down to Shouto's neck and shoulder, pressing against tense muscles with his knuckles and working loose the tightness Shouto was used to carrying with him. Katsuki's hands wandered across every inch of Shouto's skin, wiping away the sweat and fatigue of the day.
"I love seeing you smile."
Shouto blinked open his eyes and turned to look at Izuku. They were so close their noses brushed. "Whether you're smiling with your eyes, or your whole face." Izuku's fingers stroked the swell of Shouto's cheek. "You're beautiful, Sho."
Izuku's lips were warm and damp from the steam. They parted with a soft sigh and Shouto slipped his tongue between them to meet Izuku's in an intimate caress.
The water cascading down around them slowed to a trickle, and they broke the kiss to watch Katsuki turning the shower fixture back to the off position.
"We should get in the bath before we get too overheated for a soak," Katsuki observed.
"I can help with that." Shouto held out his hand and created a slow rain of snowflakes in the shower stall. Each point of cold that melted against his skin raised goosebumps in its wake.
"Woah, that feels nice." Izuku held out his hand, palm up, to catch some of the snowflakes as they fell.
"Alternating hot and cold water can—"
Katsuki's kiss was a forceful counterpoint to the gentle curl of his fingers around Shouto's upper arm. "Get in the bath, Icy Hot."
Shouto curled his fingers over his palm, cutting off the cool mist that had invaded their bathroom. "Come with me?"
The corner of Katsuki's mouth kicked up into a wicked grin and he nudged Shouto backward towards the tub with the press of his body. Katsuki stepped into the steaming water first, before guiding Shouto to lay back against his chest.
Shouto lifted his arms up towards Izuku, beckoning him forward. "Get in, Izuku."
Izuku stepped into the tub but hesitated once the bathwater was lapping at his thighs. "Are you sure it's okay for me to squish you? I don't want to trigger more anxiety by making you feel confined."
Shouto wiggled his fingers adamantly as he reached for Izuku. "It's okay," he promised. "Squish me."
Katsuki's low chuckle reverberated against Shouto's back. "You heard him."
Water sloshed against the side of the tub as Izuku settled himself back against Shouto's chest. Shouto wound his arms tightly around Izuku's shoulders, held him close, and buried his nose in familiar green curls.
"Your heart is still beating so fast," Izuku murmured. His fingers drew slow swirling patterns against Shouto's chest.
"It takes a while for my body to recognize I'm safe after a panic attack like that." Shouto slid his fingers up into Izuku's hair, rubbing his scalp and separating tangles with a delicate touch. Satisfaction bloomed inside Shouto's chest like sunlight when Izuku pressed up against his fingers, welcoming Shouto's hands on him.
"I hate that you have to go through that." Izuku would have been pouting if his eyes weren't half closed and dilated in response to Shouto's diligent fingers against his scalp.
"Me too." There was a soft, fragile note to his own voice which caught Shouto off guard. He wasn't used to being this vulnerable, even in his own head. "But this helps." Shouto pressed a kiss against the freckles at Izuku's hairline, then tipped his head back over Katsuki's shoulder for another, longer and more indecent, kiss. "You both definitely help." Shouto hadn't given his voice permission to go high and breathy like that, but he nestled against the crook of Katsuki's neck and didn't even try to feel repentant. He was safe here; they all were.
Shouto allowed his eyes to fall shut under the weight of his lashes. He soaked in the warmth of the bath and the thrill of his lovers' affection. Palms smoothed across damp skin, fingers caressed every plane of his body, and the gentle rhythm of their breathing created a comforting rocking motion.
The bath was more about comfort than cleanliness since they'd rinsed off in the shower, but they lingered in the quiet bubble they'd created for themselves. By slow degrees, Shouto's trembling heart began to accept the safety Shouto knew he could find in the arms of the men he loved. He'd never felt a peace so powerful or complete.
I wish I could bottle this… take it with me.
"Huh?"
The arm around Shouto's waist tightened. Shouto made an effort to nuzzle against Katsuki in response.
"I think he's asleep." Izuku's ribs expanded and contracted against Shouto's arms. "I don't want to wake him, but I think we have to, Kacchan."
"Of course, we fucking do; he needs to eat something before he crashes."
"Well yes, but also the water's still hot."
"Ah, shit. I didn't think of that. Idiot's using his quirk again. He's gonna run himself ragged."
Katsuki's calloused hand gripped Shouto's shoulder and squeezed, then slid up the column of Shouto's throat to caress his cheek. "Come on Icy-Hot. Now's not the time to be our personal heater."
Air rushed long and deep into Shouto's lungs. "m-not sleep," Shouto insisted.
The look Katsuki gave him was equal parts exasperated and fond. "Not now, sure."
Izuku shifted in Shouto's arms, turned and leaned up to press a soft kiss to Shouto's lips. "Come on. Let's get up and dried off so Kacchan can feed you." Izuku looped his arms around Shouto's neck and his fingers stretched up to rub distracting little circles into Shouto's scalp. "We can cuddle on the couch while he cooks."
Shouto leaned back against Izuku's blissful fingers. "mmmh, yes."
The ensuing shuffle was wet, cool, and somewhat clumsy. Shouto rather liked the part where Izuku and Katsuki cocooned him in warm towels. They'd been too distracted to bring clothing to the bathroom, but it was only a short walk over to the bedroom.
The bath had been a luxuriant, languorous experience, and some of that softness seemed to follow them into the larger spaces of their apartment. Or maybe it was just Shouto's attention that was getting soft at the edges while they dressed. Izuku's cotton All Might t-shirt certainly felt soft pressed against Shouto's cheek.
Shouto could feel Izuku's chuckles reverberate deep in his chest. "God you're cute when you're sleepy."
"hhhhm. I might be crashing."
Warm arms wrapped themselves around Shouto's swaying form. "That happens when you use all that adrenaline. Let's get on the couch before you fall over."
Izuku shuffled them towards the hallway and Shouto's sluggish limbs grasped for Katsuki as they passed him. Katsuki was smirking when he lifted Shouto's fingers away from the waist of his pajama pants. He lifted Shouto's wrist and pressed a possessive and sultry kiss against Shouto's palm.
"Go cuddle. I'll make something warm for you both."
Shouto thought he must have been making a besotted face, but he couldn't quite work out how to stop it. "Love you, Katsuki."
The rakish grin cutting across Katsuki's face softened into something much fonder. "I love you too, Sho."
Shouto wound both arms around Izuku's neck and leaned heavily against him as they shuffled down the hallway. When they arrived at the edge of the sofa Izuku lay on his back and drew Shouto down on top of him, laying sideways, so that Shouto's hips were nestled between Izuku's legs and Shouto's head was pillowed on Izuku's chest. Then he pulled the fluffy afghan Inko-san had crocheted for Izuku's last birthday across their bodies, arranging it so they were wrapped in a soft cocoon.
"I love you, Izuku." Shouto felt his fingers twitch against Izuku's hip and shoulder. He'd meant to curl them in the fabric of Izuku's shirt, but he hadn't quite managed it.
Lips pressed against the crown of Shouto's head. "I love you too, Sho. Sleep if you need to."
"mmmh I don't want to sleep." A yawn overtook his next breath, and Shouto muffled it against Izuku's shoulder. "I want to talk to you."
"We can talk." Fingers crept back into Shouto's hair; Izuku's fingers were massaging his scalp again, rubbing soothing circles that sent a powerful wave of tingles surging through Shouto's skin. "And if you fall asleep that's okay too."
"mmhnot asleep."
Izuku's lips were back, pressing a small series of kisses against Shouto's brow. It felt wonderful. Shouto cuddled closer, releasing a slow breath in a protracted hum of pleasure.
Amusement that was almost laughter made Izuku's voice tremulous. "And you say I purr."
"You do."
Izuku let out a contented rumble of his own. "I love playing with your hair, Sho. Your eyes get so dilated and you just melt into it." Another kiss against his hairline. "You're beautiful."
Shouto managed to turn his head just enough to press his own kiss just above Izuku's heart. "mmmhhh. Tell me about your day?"
Izuku's fingers trailed through bi-colored hair at the back of Shouto's head and the nape of his neck. "Well, you were there for breakfast. Katsuki was in a mood on the train, but we were still one of the first ones in at the agency. We checked the reports and there weren't any new villain incidents in the district. It's almost too quiet at the moment, but all we can do is watch and wait.
"Oh, Kacchan did manage to catch a runaway puppy that slipped his leash. It was a poodle I think? It was such a small puppy I think it was able to back up right out of it's collar. Kacchan saw it happen and dove for the little guy before he could run out into the street. If it wasn't for the body armor built into his costume he'd have some road rash on his shoulder. I probably should have been helping, but once I knew the puppy was safe, I started snapping pictures."
A chuckle rocked Shouto's head and he nuzzled against the warm chest underneath him. Izuku's hand slid down Shouto's neck to rub long, slow strokes up and down his back.
"I don't think Kacchan has any idea. Maybe I'll send some of the pictures through the group chat in the morning when you can both appreciate them." Izuku's hand slipped under the hem of Shouto's shirt and began its next trek up and down Shouto's back across bare skin. "So, after the puppy incident…"
Izuku continued and his voice wrapped around Shouto like Inko-san's fluffy blanket, holding him safe and steady and peaceful. Snippets of scent wafted past Shouto's nostrils; whatever Katsuki was cooking smelled amazing, but Shouto didn't want to rush him. Shouto floated along on Izuku's voice for what felt like a long time, secure in the feeling of Izuku's arms holding him close. Everything about this moment—Izuku's voice, Katsuki's cooking, the safety and warmth that surrounded him—everything was suffused with a sense of home that Shouto had almost given up on wanting. He was home now. They were home now, and he never wanted to lose this feeling.
After torturing poor Shouto through so much of Marks On My Heart I couldn't let him go without more fluff and cuddles, but of course when I started to write there was, in fact, more suffering before the cuddles could commence. I hope you enjoyed this peek into Shouto's insecurities and the growth of their polyamorous relationship. Next time we'll see a more vulnerable side of Katsuki. I'll post again next Friday afternoon/evening PST. I hope to see you there!