People say that when you die, you get to relive your life within seven minutes, but then again, people are always wrong. Because in the last seven minutes of her life, she couldn't see anything, all she can do is hear – listen to everything around her and not being able to move or say anything.
She can still remember everything that she heard – "I told you to save her!" – her husband's voice rang out as she heard the beeping of monitors around her; all the doctors were yelling at each other, telling one another what to do. They were loud and she can hear them.
Until she couldn't.
Then she opened her eyes and light spread through. Addison Montgomery hates not knowing what happened or what could happen but as she took in the sand under her feet as she stands up, that hatred grew bigger. She doesn't know what happened and how she got there, all she knows is that all she wants is to go back. And if she can't, she at least wants to know that everything is okay.
She's not naïve, she knows that what's happening isn't just a dream. From the sand to the flow of water under her feet to the white flowy dress that she's wearing. Everything is real. She's gone and it's real.
"I can hear you overanalyzing and overthinking from a mile away." A familiar smug voice cut her thoughts.
"You bastard." She muttered under her breath, not wanting to look back at the person behind her. It's been a long time she's heard that voice and it's already affecting her so much, her knees might just give up on her if she allows herself to look at him.
As if reading her mind, the person behind her decided to initiate the first move and moved closer to her back before wrapping their arms around her waist, "I missed you too, Red."
"You're a bastard, Mark," She says shakily, shaking her disapprovingly. "You left us too early, you didn't even fight."
"Did you fight?" He retorts back at her.
She sighs before moving to face him, "I wanted to but my body gave up on me. It's all over, Mark."
"No, it's not." He lets go of her, taking her hand in his.
"It's not?" She laughs sarcastically. "We're dead, Mark. Two souls in who knows where we are right now. It's over. It's all over. We've reached the finish line."
"Just because we've reached the finish line means we have nowhere else to go," Mark tugs on her hand and she raises an eyebrow at him. "Come with me, Addie."
"Where are we going?" She furrows her eyebrows, looking around at what she would think is a beach of some sort.
Mark gives her a warm smile before shrugging, "We're going to sit on top of the rocks and talk about life."
"Sit on top of the rocks and talk about life?" She echoes softly, memories of young them and Derek coming through her mind. "Like when..."
"Yeah, like we used to. Like the three of us used to," He raises his eyebrows at her before asking again. "So, are you coming with me?"
She hesitates for a moment. It's what they used to do, it's what the three of them used to do and the fact that she doesn't see the other person to complete them feels wrong. Especially because this tradition started with her and Derek – but Mark is her best friend and even if it didn't start with him, he was part of it. A huge part of it.
"Yeah." She smiles, giving Mark's hand an encouraging squeeze. "Lead the way."
xxx
"Okay, can someone please tell me what we're doing here already?" Mark glares at Addison and Derek who were giving him amused stares. "You two are seriously creeping me out. Are you planning to kill me or something?"
When neither Addison or Derek answers him, he continues, "When you asked me to go out with the two of you, I thought we were going to a bar or like some fancy restaurant. Why here? At the beach, on top of rocks in the middle of the night?"
"Are you okay, Mark?" Addison asks abruptly.
"Well, right now I'm being freaked by my two best friends…"
"That's not what I meant," Addison cuts in gently, looking at her friend in concern. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine, Addison." He says nonchalantly but when Addison looks at him pointedly, he sighs. "Fine, I'm not okay but I'll only tell the two of you the reason why if you tell me why we're here."
Addison opened her mouth to say something but Derek beat her to it, "It's relaxing here. Addison and I come here all the time when we need a break and we've noticed your unusual behavior. And by unusual, I mean you haven't jumped any of the new nurses yet. So Addison suggested we do this with you."
"You two haven't slept on this rock, haven't you?"
"Mark!" Addison exclaims in mock embarrassment.
"I'm just asking," He lifts his hands in surrender. "Just want to make sure that this place is clean."
"Do you not know me? Sleeping here is tawdry and – "
"Nothing ever happened here," Derek cuts in. "Just sitting and talking about life. And if you want, you can do that with us to."
"So, you brought me here to sit on top of a rock and talk?" Addison and Derek both nods. "Okay, I guess I can do that. But not because I need it, but because you two asked nicely and you guys are my best friends."
The three of them shared a laugh before Mark finally told them what had happened. Mark is a renowned manwhore in Manhattan but the man does have a heart – one of his flings dumped him and he was heartbroken. The woman was one of a kind and he'd really thought that he could've fallen in love with her.
From there, the trio continued to talk all night – or until what they called, Addison's bedtime.
xxx
"I'm still mad at you," Addison says abruptly, ending the momentary silence between them. "You and Derek. I'm still mad at both of you."
He looks at her apologetically, "We know you do."
"You left me alone. Both of you, you always leave. And I have to do everything alone because you left." She continues, tears welling up her eyes as Mark rubs her knee affectionately.
"Well, not always," He reminds her smugly. "When you left for L.A, you left me and Derek. You left your family and your life behind."
She chuckles before growing serious, "I didn't have a life in Seattle, Mark. In New York, maybe but Seattle? It had nothing to offer."
"You could've had a life in Seattle, Addison." He insists.
"It doesn't matter anymore. And hey, at least you had Derek." She reminded him softly.
"You could've had Derek too." He shot back.
"I had him but I lost him," She gives him a sad smile and he responds with a slight smile. "L.A was good, you know? I got my new life and I was happy."
"I'm glad you were happy, Addison," He removed his hand from her knee before wrapping an arm around her shoulders, pulling her to him. "But I guess I should let you know that since you're here, you have me. Forever and always."
"You're saying it like I have a choice," She says teasingly, looking up at him before growing serious. "But, even if I had a choice, I'd gladly have you. Thank you, Mark."
The two of them exchange a smile – she's glad that even in the afterlife, Mark is still her best friend and he's glad he can be there for her again.
They laugh, reminisce and exchange stories as they continue to sit on top of a big rock. They discussed everything. From how Addison thinks she died to how Mark looks after everyone he left to what Mark does when she wasn't there yet. They've discussed everything – except the one thing that Addison is very curious about.
"Where's Lexie?" She asks, thinking that asking him about her could help her ease her way in to the topic that she wants to talk about with him.
Mark smiles at her question, "She's somewhere. You'll see her later. And if we're lucky, she'll probably even cook for us."
"So, uh, you two are together?"
"We are," He nods before looking at her pointedly. "But Addison, is that what you really want to ask me? You really want to talk about Lexie?"
"Yes, I'm interested in her." She says, giving him a tight smile.
"Come on, Addison. Give it up. Ask me what you really want to ask me." He looks down at her, waving his hand in encouragement.
Addison looks at him – like how she'd look at him when she doesn't know if she should say anything – so he gives her an encouraging nod. She untangled herself from his arm and stands up, her eyes strained to the water in front of them.
"I thought Bizzy would be the one to greet me here, you know." She says after a moment, her tone amused.
"Why would you think that?" He asks as he stands up, moving next to her.
Addison turns her head and waits for him to look at her, "Do you really want me to answer that?"
"Well, I'm going to need a little context. You know I was never good at girl-flipouts or everything girl." Addison laughs at this. Of course, she knows this, because Derek was the one who was good at her flipouts.
"I don't have clout with God," She sighs at Mark's look of confusion. "If Bizzy was the one who welcomed me here, I wouldn't be surprised. It probably would be God's punishment for all the wrong things that I've done in my life. Not that I haven't been punished and being religious was never my strong suit."
"God isn't mad at you, no one is. They've forgave you, Addison." He gives her a soft smile.
"Not everyone." She mutters under her breath, but apparently, Mark heard her.
His brows furrow in confusion, "What do you mean?"
"Derek." She says quietly, averting her eyes back to the water.
"Addison, you don't know – "
"But I do know that because if he did, then why isn't here? Not that I don't want you here because I do," She backpedals when she glances at Mark's offended expression. "It's just, he was always there in the most important events in my life, even if he wasn't exactly there. He was there in med school and when we were interns. And even after the divorce, even if we were miles apart, knowing that he was just a plane ride away was comforting because it meant that he was still there. Then he died and I just…I want to see him again. I'm dead and my world is falling apart and I need him, I need to know that he's here because this is important. Where is he– "
But she cut herself off when a soft white knitted blanket enveloped her shoulders – someone was wrapping their arms around her from behind. And she didn't even need to turn around to see who it was, she just knows. She knows because suddenly, all her worries were gone and the comfort and familiarity finally kicked in. She knows that blanket very well, she knows those arms very well – she knows him very well.
"You always were very impatient." Derek whispered; his voice soft.
"Not always, just when it comes to you." She retorts, turning in his arms. Their faces so close that she can feel him breathe on her. "Where were you?"
"This," He gestures to the blanket, "was very hard to find."
She chuckles in spite of herself, "I didn't know you could bring things in the afterlife."
"Just the special things." He grins at her and she responds with a soft smile.
"You have no idea how happy I am to see you." She says sincerely. It's been almost two years since he had died, two years since she'd last heard his voice through the phone and two years since she'd seen him in a medical journal or magazines.
"I'm happy to fulfill my promise," He holds her tighter. And at her confused gaze, he continued. "When I was 27, I vowed to this beautiful woman a lot of things. I destroyed to love, honor and cherish very early on and I wasn't loyal either. And I certainly gave up on till death do us part. But there's one thing that wasn't in my vows that I promised to you and I want to fulfill it for you."
"You've been waiting for me?" She asks him softly, her eyes shining with unshed tears.
"We're equals, remember? If one of us loses their way, the one would wait until we can walk together again." He says, smiling as he felt Addison loosely wrap her arms around his waist.
For a moment, they just stare at each other – soft gazes with so much understanding. Neither one of them had to ask what the other one was thinking about; it was clear to everyone (or at least to Mark who's feeling like the third wheel once again) that they were thinking about the same thing.
Their wedding vows were beautiful and memorable but if there's one thing that would forever be imprinted in their minds was Derek's song – that song held that promise in one of the verses. And right now, it's all they could think about.
"I know both of you said that you've never slept together on top of a rock but this right here is making me think otherwise." Both of them turned to Mark who was smirking smugly at them. They'd been to caught up with each other that they'd forgotten that Mark was standing next to them.
"Why don't you two kiss each other already? You know you want to do it." He encourages them when they meet him with silence.
Addison quickly moves away from Derek and blushes, "We can't. We won't."
"Why not? You two are still practically married here." He gestures around the beach. The afterlife, he doesn't say that.
"Are you trying to say that technically Derek is married to two people here?" She asks teasingly, stealing a glance at Derek who was chuckling.
"Stop playing coy, Addison. You two were planning your 21st anniversary even when you weren't married." He says smugly and Addison furrows her brows in confusion until…
"How did you know about that?" She asks him as she remembers her last conversation with Derek before he died.
"I look after the people I love."
xxx
It was a bad day for Addison. No, it was straight up horrible. Not that she wasn't happy, she is – she has Jake and Henry. She's happy about the home and the life that she'd built with Jake. It was the day that built vulnerability inside of her that makes her day really crappy.
Addison has moved on from Derek, she's moved on from the Addison-and-Derek part of her life but sometimes not living that part of her life still stings. Because it wasn't supposed to be just a part, it was supposed to be the rest of her life. And that stings the most today because as she checked her calendar, she realized that their supposed to be 21st wedding anniversary was a week away.
As if it's not already bad enough, she had to perform an emergency c-section for a patient with a baby that has encephalocele – or in a layman's term, some of the baby's membrane were growing out of the skull. It was a neuro-fetal case, which made it sting. The only neurosurgeon that she'd trust with this baby was the man she was trying to forget, the one that keeps following her in every way possible – in the same day, the baby's parents told Addison that they'd wanted to name the baby Derek.
It was already getting worse, but the real kicker to her day was when the baby – Derek – coded and died on her table. The name was already unfortunate but seeing that baby die really took everything out of her. Derek died and she couldn't do anything to save him.
With that thought, she slumped in her couch at the practice. As soon as she'd delivered the news to the baby's family, she left the hospital. The only problem was she couldn't go home yet because she knew her husband would sense something was wrong and she didn't need to worry him so she did the only thing she knew she could do – she hopped on her car and drove until she decided on staying at the practice for a while.
Addison wanted to scream, she wanted to tell someone about her day. Naomi was a contender but she's still adjusting with having two children in the house. She could tell Violet but she wanted to vent, she didn't want to be shrinked. And she certainly can't tell Amelia.
The thing is that the only person she wants to talk to right now is Derek but she can't call him.
He moved on and she did too. There's no reason for them to talk about what was supposed to be their wedding anniversary. And besides, Derek would probably never want to hear about it anyway. He'd made it pretty clear to her when he divorced her and chose someone else that the years together didn't matter anymore. It hurt, but she understands why he'd rather forget about everything they had than remember them. She'd hurt him badly. And he broke her, he…is apparently calling her.
She took a double take. Derek is calling her. She's thinking about him and now he's calling her.
"Addison." He says immediately as she answers his call.
"Derek, hi." She mumbles nervously. "Do you need anything?"
"Yes, actually. I do."
"Sure," she accepts immediately, thinking that he was asking her to help a patient of his. "I have a lot of time right now; we can discuss the case."
"Case?" He asks her. And even she can't see his face, she knows all too well that he had that annoyingly attractive confused look on his face.
"Oh." She mumbles. "It's just, you only call me when you need help with a patient. I thought you wanted my medical expertise."
"No, it's not medical." He says nervously. "I, uh…" He stammers. "Addison, what are you doing Friday next week?"
"Friday next week?" She raises her eyebrow. "February 19?"
"Yeah, February 19." She can hear the smile curling on his lips.
"I don't know, why?" Her heart is racing so fast that she's sure she could stop breathing. February 19, 1994 was the date of their wedding. And he was asking her what she was planning to do on the day of their supposed to be 21st wedding anniversary.
"I was planning on watching Sleepless in Seattle again and I was going to ask you if you wanted to come with." She smiles warmly at this – in the early days of their marriage, they'd plan what they'd do for their anniversaries. And one of them (okay it was definitely Derek) suggested that they stay at home and watch Sleepless in Seattle on their 21st anniversary because it was when Derek's parents reached 21 years when Derek's father died. And Derek suggested the movie because he'd told the story of his father's death to Addison when they were watching Sleepless in Seattle, that one night that Addison was sick.
Her smile of course quickly faded away when reality kicked in. They weren't married anymore – those plans didn't matter anymore (if you're an outsider in their relationship). There isn't any reason that they should be celebrating together.
"I know this could be a bad idea," He says, as if he could read her mind. "But I, uh, I still want to do it. It's just that I know our supposed to be anniversary is coming and I keep thinking about. About how we're not going to be able to do it if I don't ask. Addison, I owe to at least fulfill one of my promises to you."
She sighs, she'd be lying if she tells him that she wasn't thinking about it either because it's all she could ever think about. But then again, it's not their life anymore. She wants to tell him to forget it. She wants to tell him that he doesn't owe her anything.
But apparently, she can't say that. Not to Derek.
"I'll think about it." She says, trying her best to sound non-committal.
"Thank you, Addie."
And for a minute they don't say anything to each other. They just keep their phones next to their ears, neither of them not knowing how to end the call. So, they just listen to each other breathing – feeling each other from miles apart.
And then a nagging thought came into Derek's mind.
"You know," He begins. "If Mark could hear us right now, I bet he's smiling from ear to ear."
She chuckles at that, "I don't think so. Mark has a screwed up moral compass but he would know that this is a bad idea. He'd tell us how stupid we are."
"He would," He agrees. "But Mark always rooted for us, Addie. Trust me. He's smiling."
She rooted for them too. Always have, always would still if they didn't have screwed it up that badly.
Days after the call, she had thought about it – spending their anniversary with Derek. Yes, it was a bad idea but everything about her and Derek had always screamed 'bad idea' so why not add one more to the list? It's not like they're going to hurt anyone by watching a movie together. So, she picks up her phone to call Derek but to her surprise, a different Shepherd was making her phone buzz. And no one could ever prepare Addison Montgomery's heart for the next words that she'd hear.
"Addie, it's Derek. He's dead." Amelia says and then hungs up, leaving Addison speechless.
She was a happy bubble but then, there she was back to the day Derek had called. Her knees feel very weak. She feels like the most powerless person ever. Derek died and she couldn't do anything to save him.
xxx
"Were you?" She turns to Mark, shaking off the memory of what she could call one of the worst moments of her life.
"Was I what?" Mark asks, his brows furrowing in confusion.
"Smiling at us?"
"No, I was screaming at the two of you." He chuckles before growing serious. "You two are great surgeons but you are so stupid. And I'm not saying this because I thought that it was a bad idea, I'm saying that you two are stupid for not realizing that you still love each other."
"I never said – "
"You didn't, but Derek did." He cuts in gently. "He told me."
"Mark." Derek scolds his best friend.
"What?" He puts his hands up in surrender and Addison's eyes soften. The way they're acting around each other is reminding her of the night that she and Derek had brought Mark to their rock. "I'm just trying to help."
"Well, you're not helping." He muttered through gritted teeth. "And I wasn't asking for help, not that kind of help. I have my own mind and mouth, you know."
"I do know that." Mark concedes. "But I can also tell that Addison is making you clammy and speechless. Isn't that right, Red?"
"Mark, enough of that." She scolds. "The three of us haven't seen each other in a long time, I want to catch up with the both of you. And besides, there's no rush, we have forever and always here."
"You're staying?" Derek asks Addison and she nods sadly.
"It's not like I have that much of a choice. I just wish I could fight for my daughter; you know?"
Derek and Mark exchanged a knowing glance at each other. They knew how Addison got to the point that she was one of them. They knew how they went from two to three out of three.
"Addie," Derek begins. "Look at me." He says when she tried to look away from him. "You've done enough fighting for her. You're here right now so she could live, you gave her a fighting chance."
And it's the truth. She'd already fought so hard for her daughter. From going through IVF again, to the hyperemesis gravidarum – or the really bad morning sickness; she fought, even if she knew that it could cause more damage to her.
Before the delivery, they found a complication in Addison's heart due to the gestational diabetes that she had. They knew the risks but Addison told Naomi that whatever happens, save her baby – she'd made her promise that even if Jake was against it.
"Yeah, but now she's never going to meet me." Addison met Derek's eyes, her eyes welling up with tears. "I, uh, I never got to hold her. I'm never going to see her grow up, I won't be able to be there."
Derek opened his mouth to say something but Mark had beat him to it, "That's not true. You're always going to be there. From afar, yes but you'd still be there. We're all going to be there, the three of us. Your daughter's going to have three out of three."
"And Addison," Derek finally says. "She may never meet you but she'll know how amazing you were. You're an amazing mother, Addison. Always have, always will."
She nods sadly before both Derek and Mark wrapped their arms around her. The three of them hugged each other like they'd never done before. It wasn't just missing each other, it was the history – both painful and beautiful, it was Addison-Derek-and-Mark once again. They were three out of three again, just like they ought to be.
The three of them continued to hold each other for a moment but a thought kept bugging Mark that it made him pull away from Addison and Derek. They looked at him, confused as Mark gave them a soft smile.
"I should probably go home." He says after a moment. "Lexie's probably looking for me."
"Home? As in house-home?" Addison asks in confusion. "I didn't know there was houses in the afterlife. I thought it was just big gathering of souls."
"Yeah, well." He chuckles. "Look around you."
And Addison did, she was confused but as she finally realized where they were, a big smile spread across her face, "Afterlife is in the Hamptons?"
The three of them share a laugh before Derek spoke, "Afterlife is where your home is. So, yes, this is the Hamptons."
"Really? Then why are you here? You hate the Hamptons." Addison says smugly.
Mark took that as his cue, as much as he wants to witness this moment, he knows that he owes it to his friends to have this conversation alone. Besides, they have the rest of their life – or whatever state they're in – to talk with each other.
"I'm going to go to your beach house," He announces. "You two have fun sitting on a rock and talking about life."
"But – "
"Go sit on a rock and talk." He tells them firmly before walking away, using the trail back to the house in the Hamptons.
And they did sit, but they didn't talk – not for a while, at least. Addison didn't know how to ask Derek what she's been meaning to ask him. And in Derek's defense, Mark had thrown him under the bus. He still hasn't planned how to tell Addison what he needs – what he wants to tell her.
But he's been waiting for so long for her to appear so he just goes with it.
"You're supposed to love your home," He says after a moment. At Addison's encouraging nod, he continues. "I hate the Hamptons; you know that but I don't hate you. I love you, Addison."
Addison felt her heart soar high at his words but then again, she's not ready. Even for Derek. Right now, emotions are high and though she knows she still loves him – that she's probably in love with him, she can't. She can't tell him that because what if the day comes that Meredith suddenly appears in their land? Their home? Or what if she sees Jake again? She wants to make sure that things between her and Derek were sure before she says it back.
Derek had broken her heart more than a lifetime could count; she couldn't let him break her heart in the afterlife too.
"I'm not ready yet, Derek. I need to think about it first." She tells him softly, reaching for his hand. A part of her was half-expecting him to push away her hand, but to her surprise, Derek clung onto it and gave it a loving squeeze.
"I can wait. You can take forever and always to think about it but I'll wait." He gives her a soft smile and she reciprocates. Forever and always.
She had forever and always to think about it, but she knows it wouldn't take that long. Because the way he's been looking at her, it's reminding her of the shy blue-eyed man that she met over the cadaver – he's reminding her of her Derek. And besides, this feels right.
Being with Mark and Derek felt right, maybe because it was right. The three of them started their adult lives together, it's only fair if they were together in the end too. And even though Addison still hasn't wrapped her head about leaving her children, Mark's words are getting through her.
She'll never meet her daughter and she won't be there for when she and Henry grows up but she can settle in watching over them. And in a way, she feels lucky because her kids won't only have her watching over them. They'd have three out of three; her, Derek and Mark would always be there. Watching and waiting.
Forever and always.