First story and I'll be honest, I read the first few books and listened to the rest on Audible. That being said, a majority of my knowledge of the Harry Potter world comes from reading and enjoying other fics so I apologize if any of the lore is wrong. Also I'm an amateur, so please excuse any grammatical mistakes you may come across. I'm working on it.
Harry sat in the heavy silence of 12 Grimmauld place with nothing but his regrets and one of the few bottles Sirius hadn't gone through in his own isolation within the lonely home. His mind was a maelstrom of negative thoughts, the most prominent of which the notion that his current feelings of oppression and loneliness was what his godfather must have experienced when in Azkaban and then in his own home.
A home now populated only by a grumpy house-elf and his lonely self.
Fred, Tonks, Siruis, Remus; friends and those he considered family. His final ties to his parents were severed with the death of the final marauder, leaving Harry with so many questions left forever unanswered, so many stories left untold; the memories of James and Lily Potter forever stricken from existence with only that of distant acquaintances remaining.
Harry no longer bothered to wipe the tears from his face and had relegated himself to taking occasional and reluctant swigs from the bottle now halved as his thoughts turned to his friends. Ron and Hermione; his brother in all but blood and the girl he now regretted labeling a sister.
At the time, love was only a word with a definition he was familiar with, but never personally experienced. The Dursley's only taught him fear and paranoia, so when he found a girl who truly cared about him, who made him feel safe, who he could be himself around, he assumed that just because he didn't immediately lust after her, she had to be a sister to him. However, their time alone together on the run proved to change his mind and set his feelings straight.
"Too bloody too late," Harry words were more bitter than whatever it was he was drinking. Though the drink itself was quickly loosing its taste but not its bite.
Hermione loved Ron and the idiot loved her back, and he loved them both too much to come between their happiness. It was why he was currently drinking alone on a weekend away from Hogwarts with only Kreature lucking somewhere in the shadows.
Harry didn't know when he fell asleep, only that when he woke up it was to something pleasant smelling and with a headache that immediately superseded all thoughts. The sun was rising outside and the bottle he was drinking form was shattered at his feet and there was something vile on his dress shirt and tie.
Kreature hobbled into the room with his head down and a dull blue potion in his gnarled hands. "Kreature has a potion that'll help Master with his headache," the grizzled elf grumbled.
"Thank you Kreature," Harry accepted the optioned and downed it in a single swig. Maybe it was foolish to trust the Black's prejudice house-elf but after returning his favorite master's locket, he'd become just a little less spiteful.
"Master Sirius forced me to learn how to make 'em, always needed 'em he did," Kreature groused. The way he addressed his former master was yet more proof the house elf was changing. "I made breakfast for Master."
"It smells wonderful," Harry smiled at Kreature and how he seemed to straighten up at his words. "I'll just get cleaned up and then I'll eat."
Harry couldn't help but question what he was becoming as he guzzled down copious amounts of water from the bathroom sink and then the shower head. The potion helped greatly but there was still a lingering sickness that twisted his stomach. And when he came down, he scarfed down his food in a very Weasley-like manner.
There wasn't much to drink in the empty home besides more alcohol and he swore the stuff off until the next time he got caught up in his regrets. As often as he was staying at Grimmauld, he figured he'd to at the very least get it back into a habitable condition because at the end of the day, it once belonged to Sirius and now it was his. At the end of the year, it would be his only home.
He decided that's what he'd spend his day doing after getting some more sleep. He didn't have much else to do considering Hermione and Ron were spending time together with his family and the last thing he wanted to see was the two tiptoeing around one another and baby Teddy and Andromeda were also away visiting extended family on her departed husband's side.
"Master, there is a patronus lingering in the yard," Kreature announced, breaking him away from darkening thoughts.
For a brief moment, Harry grew excited at the idea of finding a swimming otter, but was met with Kingsley's lynx instead.
"Greetings Harry, if you are not too busy, I would like to discuss something of great importance with you. I'll be in my office all day," with it's message relayed, the lynx dissipated into nothing.
Harry decided he would go see what Kingsley wanted with him. He left Kreature with orders to clean up and purchase groceries. He decided almost on a whim that he would in fact be spending more time at 12 Grimmauld place going forward, and as such, would like the place at the very least cleaned up. On his way out, he almost thought to have seen the old house elf smile at his request.
He apparated outside the Ministry and found sections were still under reconstruction. On his way in people greeted him with a reverence he'd not seen since his initial return to the wizarding world all those years ago. Though uncomfortable, he tried to return everyone's acknowledgment, understanding they were grateful he'd finally put a stop to Voldemort.
Kingsley greeted him with a firm handshake and a warm smile. He was one of the few in the Order who didn't treat him like a child, but rather an equal and it was something Harry greatly appreciated.
"How are you today, Harry? I expect I didn't interrupt anything too important, did I?" Kingsley asked.
"Just cleaning up my house. Figured I need to if I'm going to be staying there from now on, Harry said.
"Are you perhaps speaking of 12 Grimmauld Place?" Kingsley asked intrigued.
"Yes, the goblins sent me a letter informing of what all Sirius left for me," Harry smiled despite the heaviness of his heart at the thought of his godfather.
Kingsley looked pleased by the news. "Taking up in the Black estate, I see? Sirius, loathe the place as he might have, would have been happy knowing you're making use of it now. Tell me, have you made use of the library yet? I hear it's quite extensive."
Harry didn't want to admit the only thing he'd made use of was the liquor cabinet. "Not quite. I've only recently started staying there on my weekends away from Hogwarts, but I do intend on doing so," and that much was at least true.
Hermione once mentioned the wealth of knowledge that must exist within the Black's personal library, knowledge he could have made use of to defend themselves with during the their hunt for the horocruxes. It was one of his many regrets; having not taken his responsibilities more serious. If he was stronger then they wouldn't have lost so many people.
"That is good to hear. Now, Harry, as for the reason I called you here," Kingsley said and the levity of the room was gone in an instant.
"I'm listening," Harry said.
"As you may well know, many deatheaters were either killed or captured at the battle of Hogwarts, but there are still many out there, many that need to be captured so that they may be brought in to face judgment," Kingsley began but did not continue.
"I suppose you want me to go after them?" Harry concluded apprehensively.
"Yes but you obviously would not be alone in doing so. Now, I cannot spare too many aurors to this task because many were lost and we are still rebuilding but rest assured, Harry, you will have the leadership and guidance from one of our best," Kingsley was looking over his shoulder as he finished speaking.
Harry looked behind him to find a face he hadn't seen in some time. A face he didn't think to ever see again. "Madam Bones? But I thought - "
"That I was dead?" Amelia Bones finished with something of a smile. "That, my dear boy, was the plan."
"There were those among us who believed both you and Dumbledore early on," Kingsley continued. "Madam Bones was a voice of reason in a quickly degrading ministry. With Voldemort's return and the rising in the power of the death eaters, Dumbledore realized it would only be a matter of time before they began targeting people like her."
"Where were you all this time?" Harry asked, realizing too late just how accusatory the question sounded.
"Certainly not sitting idly by, if that's what you're thinking," Amelia's nose rose. "I imagine you're familiar with the concept of prolonged Polyjuice use?"
Harry thought of Barty Crouch Jr and his impersonations of Alastor Moony. "Well okay then, but why me exactly?"
Kingsley and Amelia both looked at him as though he'd just asked a very stupid question.
"I was under the impression you wanted to become an auror?" Kingsley stated.
He did, but that was before he really knew what that entailed. While he was out in the woods with Hermione, all he could think about was ending the war so that they could both live a normal life. However, she was with Ron now and Harry truly couldn't see himself living the life of a carefree teenager. That period in his life had come, was brief, and was now gone.
He had friends but life moved on and after they all graduated, Hermione and Ron would no doubt move on without him and Teddy and Andromeda wouldn't be truly be safe until the deateaters were taken care of.
Harry found he was already convincing himself but he still had his reservations. "Well yes but what about Hogwarts?" He asked.
If he was being honest with himself, there was very little at Hogwarts beyond his friends he cared for anymore. Though he'd only been away for less than a year, it felt like a lifetime. He never truly felt at peace within the castle anymore and none of the classes truly interested him.
"You'd still be attending, of course. I've got my aurors doing the legwork and investigating," Amelia explained. "But I would like an experienced dueler to make sure we lose no one else to the deatheaters when it comes to actually taking them in."
"But I'm not that good," Harry shook his head. "Yes, I defeated Voldemort but it wasn't out of skill alone. He could have out dueled me very easily."
"Well of course," Amelia stated far too casually for someone trying to convince him. "Nobody short of Dumbledore could hold their own against Voldemort, but you have the foundations of a great auror."
"Harry, with very little actual combative training, you were able to duel with death eaters that were lowly henchmen and you survived on your own for a long time. You posses a great natural ability and magical power," Kingsley continued. "Dumbledore could see your potential and so can I. You are powerful, you simply lack refinement."
Harry felt himself warm beneath both their praise. "I wouldn't say that."
"Humble too. How well do you know my niece, Susan?" Amelia asked with a smile.
Harry thought she was indeed very pretty but he didn't want to think about relationships at the moment.
"I don't know here personally. What about training?" He quickly changed the direction of the conversation. "I know I'm pretty good at defense but I imagine theres's more to hunting death eaters than just that."
"I've already have someone in mind to train you and teach you what you need to know," Amelia said, crossing her arms. The smile from before was gone. "I will not lie to you, Harry. Should you accept, you'll have little in the way of free time. When you aren't on missions and you're not in school, we'll be training you."
Harry didn't all together dislike the idea for many reasons. It would give him a purpose and he would be making the world a safer place for Hermione, his godson Teddy, Andromeda, and everyone else he cared for.
Still, he wasn't sure.
"Do you two mind if I think about it?" Harry looked between the two. "I am very interested, but it is a pretty big commitment."
They shared a look and nod.
"We understand," Kingsley said.
"Just don't take too long," Amelia added. "Our first mission takes place soon and I'd like to see what you can do."
"Thank you. I'll send you a patronus soon," Harry said.
His meeting with Amelia and Kingsley concluded shortly after going over a few more details over his proposed task. The idea was to parley it into a full time career as an auror and they went into further detail about which branches he could take part in.
Harry felt Sirius' absence heavily upon his return back home. He wanted someone to consult with and though he was certain he'd know his godfather's answer, he really would have liked to be able to ask him personally.
As if he needed another reason to accept; his godfather would have still been with him if not for the deatheaters.
Harry decided he would ask his friends the following day for their opinion, though he could already predict their responses.
"Absolutely not!" Hermione all but shouted.
A few in the Gryffindor common room stopped what they were doing to stare.
Ron, who was seated next to Hermione, looked awfully pensive at the news.
"Harry you can't! It's too dangerous, tell him Ron," Hermione demanded.
"Hermione, we both know there's nothing either of us can do or say that'll convince Harry otherwise once he's made up his mind," Ron said following a sigh. He shot him a terse look. "Because you've already decided, haven't you?"
Harry barely processed what he said as he tried his best to ignore the way Ron's hand rested on her thigh. Happy as he was for them, their closeness made his chest tighten.
"Well he's not made up his mind if he's asking us about it!" Hermione was on her feet, pacing. "I mean really Harry. The war is over and we now have a semblance of peace, and you want to jump back into danger? Are you that bored, have you nothing better to do?"
Her words both hurt and angered Harry.
"Is that what you think of me? That I would do this for fun?" Harry was also on his feet knowing emotion was clouding his judgment but he wasn't about to allow that realization to stop what he had to say next. "I'm doing this for you, Hermione! For you, Ron, Teddy, for everyone who's important to me! There are death eaters still out there and someone has to stop them!"
There were tears in her beautiful eyes. "Harry I - but why does it always have to be you?"
Harry shrugged, feeling nihilistic as he looked at the girl he was too late to love. "Because what do I have left to lose?"
That was the wrong thing to say.
Hermione struck him across the face. Time seemed to slow down as she glared at him with an expression that he'd never seen before. There was a painful stretch where they just stared at one another and before he could regain his senses and apologize, she was rushing away.
"You really stepped in it this time, mate," Ron commented before going after her.
Harry could tell he was annoyed but at the moment, he couldn't find it in himself to care. He expected resistance, not to be insulted. And for the first time in their friendship, he felt as though he was the one being left behind.
Seeing them together only cemented the fact he needed something to occupy himself with until he could get over his feelings. Even if that something was hunting for dark wizards.
He sent Kingsley a patronus with his answer.
The next day didn't bring any resolutions. Hermione looked absolutely livid and didn't so much as look in his direction. Harry didn't have it in him to do the same simply because he was tired of arguing with his friends. He would wait until she cooled down and then he would apologize for being honest.
Of course he wouldn't voice it in such a way. Hermione cared about him and he loved her for it, but it was that same caring attitude that made it difficult to move past his biggest oversight. Harry wasn't sure she would have ever seen him as more than a friend had he realized his own feelings sooner, but he couldn't help but to detrimentally believe so.
He was summoned to Headmistress McGonagall's office right after classes.
Harry was beckoned inside and took a moment to take in the Headmaster's office. He'd been inside a few times since McGonagall's ascension to the post, but it had been barren then with the exception of the paintings of previous generations of leadership, Dumbledore himself now among them and though he smiled at him, there was no recognition in his eyes.
He looked away and to the rest of the room and couldn't help but smile despite the emotion forming a lump in his throat. There were books brimming the shelves and little else to personalize the office outside of a small flower on her desk.
McGonogall stared at him as if she expected something from him, but said nothing.
"You called for me, Headmistress?" Harry began when it became clear she would not.
"I received a most interesting owl from the minister of magic this morning. Is there something you wish to tell me, Mr. Potter?" McGonagall asked.
"Nothing you probably don't already know, Headmistress," Harry said.
"That is not an answer, Mr. Potter. I know you intend to join the aurors in capturing any remaining deatheaters while somehow managing to attend your classes and keeping up with your studies," McGonagall managed to relay his intentions in a way that sounded very foolish. "What I'm not quite sure of is why you decided to do so when you should be enjoying the peace you and many others fought to hard to achieve."
"Because I wouldn't be able to rest easy knowing there are still deatheaters out there," Harry replied resolutely and quickly. He was beginning to grow tired of having to justify himself.
"And what of those that come after? Though I certainly hope we don't see another dark wizard the likes of Voldemort, but surely you know there will always be evil in this world?" McGonagall said.
Harry hadn't taken that into account. "I always did want to become an auror," he shrugged. "I suppose I'll just have to keep doing it."
Mcgonagall raised a single questioning eyebrow at him. "You don't so very convinced of this yourself. Is that what you really want, Mr. Potter?"
"I don't know what I want right now," Harry admitted with a sigh. "But it's what I have to do."
"Is it?" Mcgonagall's eyes softened as she regarded him. "Is there nothing else you'd rather do with your time, or someone you'd like to spend it with? You don't have to save everyone again, Mr. Potter. Believe it or not, you are allowed to enjoy yourself."
Harry knew the Headmistress was referring to someone in specific. "Ginny and I aren't together anymore," he admitted. With what remained of his family gone, he didn't see what he could do to enjoy himself, but he wouldn't be telling her that.
"Ginerva? But I assumed…" Mcgonagall trailed off, looking as though she didn't quite understand him.
"Listen, Headmistress, I appreciate your concern, really I do, but I have my reasons for doing this. I can only hope you'll allow me to work with the ministry while also attending classes," Harry said.
Headmistress McGonagall stared at Harry long and hard, so hard Harry had to concentrate in order to detect any possible use of legilimancy on her part and felt foolish almost immediately when he detected no intrusion into his mind. It appeared she was merely studying him but she was doing so with an intensity that bordered on excessive.
"Very well, Mr. Potter. I imagine there's nothing else to be done about it now other than to make sure you're keeping up with your schoolwork. The moment I see your marks begin to slip I'll revoke this privilege," McGonagall warned.
"I understand and thank you, Headmistress," Harry said honestly and with a slight inclination of his head.
The Headmistress sighed and shook her head but there was a hint of a smile somewhere in the default that was her expression. "Very well, do be careful out there Mr. Potter."
She didn't radiate the same feeling of warmth and comfort her predecessor once did, but after experiencing what the world could be, Harry didn't believe anyone ever could ever make him feel safe like Dumbledore did when he was still a child. Even still, he was grateful knowing she at least cared.
"Thank you Headmistress, I will."
By the time his meeting with McGonagall ended, it was time for dinner. He briefly considered skipping it but knew he would have to face his friends eventually. If he was going to be going on missions soon, then he would need to keep his mind clear of concerns outside of surviving. He couldn't leave without getting Hermione to forgive him.
Harry entered the great hall to the low rumble of conversation. Following the war, the hustle and bustle of the great hall seemed to have been severely dulled. The Slytherin table, while scarcely ever rowdy before, was near vacant as a result of their choosing the wrong side. The other houses suffered their own losses and it seemed that wounds were still very much fresh.
His own included.
Hermione and Ron were seated together off to the side. One glance in his direction informed Harry that Hermione was still very much angry with him. Though he wanted to make things right, seeing them so close together still pulled his heart into the icy pit of his stomach.
A sandwich was all he could stomach before heading out to the room of requirements to sleep.
The following days played out very much the same. Every time he encountered Hermione or Ron, they were always together and though it looked like Ron wanted to speak with him, Hermione would always drag him away.
Harry was quickly growing tired of her behavior. They were no longer children and he was finished behaving as such. So he decided he was willing to apologize when she was willing to look him in the eyes again. Until then, the distance may very well help him in moving on from regretful sentiments.
The weekend arrived quickly and Harry found himself at the Three Brooms with an empty shot glass and a butter beer populating his otherwise empty corner booth. He received word from Madam Bones that he was to wait for his contact and would be handler in the aurors for further instruction.
As he waited he pulled the sleeve of his dress shirt revealing his wand holster and made sure it was ready for use. He made sure to lubricate it using a special magical grease and practice summoning his wand on the walk. It, along with the marauders map were the only things he was told to bring along with him to his first mission.
Maybe it was the drink but Harry was feeling surprisingly calm. He was certain a death eater could kill him just as easily as Voldemort could, but felt little could live up to the horror and despair the vile wizard inspired within him up into the day he ended him.
"Drinking before a mission? Don't know if I should report you or commend you for already fitting in," a woman said as she took a seat across from him.
Harry was briefly taken aback by just how beautiful she was. Her hair was chestnut brown tied back up into a bun with eyes a similar shade of brown. Her skin was a soft tan with cheeks pink either naturally or as a result of make up, it was hard to tell which in the dim lighting of the establishment. She was wearing dark purple auror robes with a collar that extended to her ears and a single earring on her left ear in the shape of a star.
"Password?" Harry asked as he moved his right hand beneath the table as subtly as he could to draw his wand.
"In the future you should already have your hand beneath the table," the woman said knowingly. "That way you don't draw automatic attention to your hand. Look down."
Harry was reluctant to do so but eventually did so at the raising of a thin brow. He felt his heart begin to race but he didn't even feel scared or worried at the wand trained on him beneath the table.
"I'll keep that in mind," Harry looked up and was met with a striking toothy smile that dimpled her left cheek alone.
"Oh, and it's snakeskin," the woman said as she made a show to holster her wand within her own wrist holster with a flick. "Name's Laura Ridley, but I suspect Madam Bones already told you that."
"She did. I imagine you already know who I am as well," Harry said as he shook his head to displace his hair and display his scar and tapped it with his finger. He felt excited to see her grin at the display and continued. "Madam Bones said you were going to be my handler and trainer until I graduate."
"Yep, you screw up one mission and you're stuck on babysitting duties," Laura said as she snatched his butter beer and took a long sip, making a cute face when she finished it and licked her lips. "It was in the butter beer then? Interesting choice, I like it."
"A favorite of my godfather's," Harry said simply, he wasn't too happy with her comment about baby sitting him.
A look of recognition flashed across her face.
"Well he had good taste," Laura winked at him and stood abruptly, prompting him to do the same. "Come on then, we're going to the safe house where I'll brief you on the mission. Hope you got some sleep because we'll be pulling an all nighter."
Until next time.