A/N: hehe my summary will either make sense shortly or never at all depending on your media exposure xD
this is SOO silly I hope you like though!
To be clear this is canon universe but AU everything like idk knowing each other and dying and what not...but it's not modern!
Lily's first mistake was letting Marlene convince her to buy the dumb arse "dating aid" mirror from the novelty shop in Diagon. She was not particularly interested in dating at the moment and definitely not interested in choosing from whatever strange pool of the wizarding world bought the little compacts.
Honestly, most nights, she would rather curl up with a good book or just fall asleep while the Doctor saves the universe on her telly.
Regardless, she made mistake number one which rapidly and inevitably led to mistake number two - handing Marlene the aforementioned dumb compact.
She bought the thing and of course Marlene followed her home to ensure she opened it instead of waiting until she was out of sight for a rapid, regret induced return. So once the seal has been broken Lily knows she won't make it through the rest of the night without a drink and goes about preparing herself a vodka lemonade. At least she can enjoy something about her Friday night.
An enjoyment quickly eclipsed by Marlene's exclamation, "You're matched already!"
Lily takes a long swallow of her drink and sighs, so her voice is almost completely without strain when she asks, "How can that be possible when I know the package said both magical beings had to double tap the mirror for a match and I have only tapped my ice tray?"
Marlene leans her shoulder against the doorframe with forced casualness. "See. I think sometimes our friends who love us more than anything in the entire world - muggle and magic - know best what we need."
"Well if you're taking suggestions, I think you need a lesson in boundaries."
"Lily," Marlene whines. "He's hot! Objectively. Assuming you're into that sort of thing. Which one of us is. One of us being you. If I recognize he's hot he must be."
"That's what you said about Barty."
"He's hot!"
"And a pathological liar."
"Well I can't do all the work for you. Investigate. That's what the mirrors are for."
"You forget I specifically am not interested in 'investigating' anyone or anything at the moment - "
"Except a promotion to master potioneer," Marlene finishes with a sigh. "I know."
"And yet..."
"Aw c'mon, Lily," Marlene pleads. "Just this one?"
Lily glares and sucks down an overlarge sip.
"He's tapping something out!"
"Now I'm going to have to actually ignore a human," Lily groans. "Why make me the bad guy?"
"You can be the good guy," Marlene sing-songs, wiggling the small compact in front of Lily's nose.
A nose Lily promptly snorts through when the message finally appears.
My roommate is basically in love with you.
Marlene perks up, "He made you laugh!" She points her finger between Lily's eyes. "See! Let me see! Wait I can just - "
Her brows furrow and Lily thinks she may have finally won, but apparently Marlene's dating optimism on Lily's behalf knows no bounds. Even when someone's clearly messing with her.
"That's cute! Maybe it's cute? Like this is the beginning of a little pick up gimmick?"
"We know I love lines," Lily drawls, topping off the vodka half of her drink.
"I said gimmick!" Marlene corrects. "He's probably nervous and come on you're making him wait."
"Well he should get used to it."
His other love interests include: match game, old fashioneds, martin miggs, and most recently bingo
No he's not 80
Take pity and respond so I don't have to endure him crowing over being right that this was a 'creepy beyond reason' way to use this mirror.
"Lily," Marlene starts. "Lily - a friendship hangs in the balance."
"I'm beginning to think friends who try to make their friends date people deserve a bit of trouble," Lily says, wincing at a particularly tart sip of lemonade.
"We love our friends," Marlene says with a sniff, "Our ungrateful, romantically challenged friends."
This is Lily's friend. She's even more fit in person. And brilliant to boot. Just a bit reluctant on the romance front.
Aw hell this is a nightmare. And yet they're clearly meant to be.
The things we do for them, eh?
Lily mixes herself a second vodka lemonade, a bit heavier on the vodka because she clearly needs it at the moment. Vodka Lily is more likely to snuggle Marlene than flush the keys to her vespa. That's bourbon Lily's job.
But she's feeling generous, and honestly just a bit curious about hesitant, Match Game loving, acts like an old man James. Plus the photo is worth a look. It could make him look worth a bit of trouble, if she's in the mood to be completely shallow.
If she throws a donut or two in with her current alcohol consumption, she might get there. Cheap baked goods have been known to put her in the mood for it. Or maybe she just craves fit boys and eats sweets to mask it.
"Lily," Marlene drawls, "Lily, Lily, Lily."
She lets out a deep sigh and rifles through her cabinets for something snacky. And hopefully sugary and horrible for her health. Her voice is flat when she finally responds, "Marlene."
"Look at this picture, Lily," Marlene says, following her into the kitchen, "He's your type but like, the ultimate."
After fumbling in the icebox, Lily's hand finally closes around something she really hopes is a full pint of mint choc. "Right."
Marlene eyes her as she boosts up onto the countertop. She has a sixth sense for when Lily is weakening. Half a minute passes before she prods Lily with her socked toes. "His friend says he's even more mouthwatering in person."
"Friends say things, Mar," Lily mutters, nudging Marlene's knees which just so happen to be settled in front of the drawer containing all of Lily's spoons.
"No spoons unless you agree to a chat."
For a few too many seconds, Lily actually considers licking the dregs that remain in the pint or trying to use her fingers instead of giving in. But in the end she's faced with an option that allows her to remain a civilized human and either meet a cute boy or get a good story. While the other option leaves her looking like a madwoman and without a boy.
"I want the mirror and the spoon at the same time," Lily says, resigned.
Marlene's happy dance also serves to wriggle her legs away from the drawer. She whips a spoon from the depths of the drawer - one with a plastic Disney character themed handle because Lily is an adult but she's not a lame one.
And then, because she's a woman of her word, Lily joins Marlene on the counter and holds her hand open for the mirror.
Which is when she, for the first time in her life, experiences that oh moment she has dreaded just as long. That stupid, terrible, horrible, allegedly wonderful oh she is really not looking for at the moment.
"Told you."
"Smug is not a good look on you Marlene."
"Liar, everything is a good look on me," Marlene shoots back with a grin. "Now answer him."
Which she would - will because she's too honorable for her own good - but he hasn't said anything. His best friend is quite invested, it seems.
His name is James, as you have gathered
He's an idiot, but a lovable one
Which is good since we've already established he's in love with you
Moreso now that he knows you're also not particularly on board with this whole deal anyway
Marlene glares when Lily hesitates, apparently obvious in her internal consideration of how quickly she can drop the mirror and disappear into her bedroom. Honestly Lily's unmoved - the bloke is fit but he doesn't even want to talk - until Marlene's expression softens and she brushes her fingers along Lily's arm. "I just want you to be happy."
"Mar - "
"I know you don't need somebody to be happy - look at who you're talking to," Marlene says, holding her hand out for the ice cream carton. She busies herself poking at the melty contents. "I just feel like you do want something, someone. And you convince yourself not that you can wait - that's fine. Don't settle. But don't settle for not having it either."
"Wow, I don't like when you're all heartfelt and convincing," Lily says with a grin. She sighs and cuddles against Marlene's side. "Come help me woo this fit bloke's best mate?"
"You're quite adept at wooing when you let yourself be," Marlene says with a smile as she swallows the last spoonful of ice cream. "I'll make us tea. You set up something on the VCR and get cozy with your future best-mate-in-law."
After flicking the tip of Marlene's nose, Lily does as she's told, shuffling through the tapes stacked atop her telly, and once she's made a rom commy selection, returns her attention to the dumb stupid dating magic mirror.
Not to be a downer, but as a hesitant participant in all this garbage, a guy not even wanting to talk to me is not super convincing.
Or comforting
Props to you for making the first move. I'm going to use it. He hates being called a chicken.
I mean, valid.
Wow you really are made for each other
Pump the brakes, mate.
Let's see if we can both swallow our pride long enough to talk to each other?
Currently he's swearing at me and throwing things
Again, valid.
Hopeless.
What are the chances I can - what's the least stalker-y way to ask for his address?
Owling, Lily? How decidedly old fashioned of you.
If the wizarding world would get on board with telephones I'd ask for his number, but it is what it is.
Muggleborn?
Lily frowns and Marlene cuddles in at her side. "Don't tell me it's a fake photo."
"Why would they find some fit but gangly git with specs and say 'hey that's my fake identity'?"
Marlene's eyes light as she passes Lily her tea. "Oh, oh this is glorious. You haven't recognized him."
"Recognized who? He's a bloke named James who has a friend as desperate as mine to get him a date." She tucks one foot under her bum and takes a tentative sip from her mug. "Besides, I think he might be some blood purity fanatic."
"Though those went out of style with bell bottoms," Marlene says with a sigh, "We're in the age of stretchy pants and legwarmers. Get with it LAMES."
The mirror warms in her palm and when she glances back down there are about a billion new messages that culminate in a collection of panicked pleas.
Please answer.
He's gonna kill me
James is not into blood purity shit
He's screaming and throwing pillows
It would be funny if I didn't know his to ability to injure people with projectiles
You know
Aw hell please?
Marlene sets her mug down and shuffles until her head is pillowed on Lily's shoulder. "Desperate much?"
"They seem a bit codependent."
"Might not want to come between them."
"Perfect, I'm using that."
Not sure I should insert myself into your dynamic - the two of you seem
Amazing?
Unhinged.
Wow, rude.
James says to tell you that's accurate in terms of me. I say he's got a lot to say for a man who's afraid of a bit of magical dating.
While Diane Keaton is breaking up with Mr Boring and finding her dream farm in the middle of nowhere, Lily drops her head to rest atop Marlene's."What were you saying before Tweedle Dum and Dee interrupted?"
"James - take a look at his photo again."
Lily navigates back and tries to ignore the slight flutter in her chest. He's cute. In that fit dork way. Like she wants to roll her eyes just as much as she wants him to hold her tight. Ugh.
"What am I missing?"
Marlene cackles a bit and abruptly stands, digging through the wonky pile of magazines Lily's been meaning to recycle for too long. Life .
Finally she straightens with a triumphant 'aha!' and practically waltzes back over to the couch. "Check out who you're chatting with."
Lily glances at the magazine cover where a snitch flies around a tall, fit bloke with messy hair and a pair of crooked goggles and - oh .
She blinks at the page for a bit, carefully examining his long fingers splayed around the leathery surface of a quaffle, his shoulders broad and tempting in a Puddlemere jersey, his smirk just a little flirty but like he doesn't know just how much. Luckily, her wittiness doesn't completely die with her internal angst over how disgustingly fast she has allowed herself to become attracted to a random bloke, famous or no. "Technically, I'm talking to his best mate. Or maybe some idiot who likes to prank people."
"From what I've heard, Sirius Black - that's his mate by the way - is into pranks so that could still be true in both alternatives."
Lily sighs. "You've done it now, Mar, I'm invested like an idiot."
While Marlene does a small happy dance and kisses the front of the magazine like a loon, Lily tries to collect her thoughts, think next steps, and stop feeling jealous over kisses given to a photographic version of the bloke she might be talking to through his best mate on a magic mirror.
Life is dumb.
"Here," Lily says finally, "Have his mate, or him, owl me. If I like what it says, I'll answer back."
When she proposes as much and provides the necessary info, best mate matchmaker barely hesitates before replying with a simple 'done.'
Lily doesn't realize just how stupidly invested she's become in the whole farce until their third pause for popcorn of the night and still no owl has arrived.
Marlene keeps up a solid effort in terms of unrelated, light hearted chatter, but Lily's gaze seems destined to flit between the mirror, James Potter's stupid face smirking up at her from the magazine cover, and her window overlooking the quiet streets of Diagon Alley.
The screen is blurry with grey and black static by the time Marlene has dozed off, head propped awkwardly against the arm of the couch and a tap sounds at the window.
It could be anything, really. A late edition of the Prophet, someone from work with no respect for boundaries, a misdirect, those stupid ad magazines no one wants. She really needs to manage the excitement, right?
The owl's a little fluttering, downy brown thing with wide yellow eyes and a fancy bit of stationary clutched in its talons.
Lily pushes the window up and holds out her hand. The owl flops in her palm and blinks, letting the missive drop to Lily's plush carpet.
"Just put that anywhere, eh?"
The thing practically coos at her and Lily can't help but melt a bit, scratching at its head as she stoops to pick up the note. Which has a bloody wax seal on it like she's in a Jane Austen novel.
She wanders into the kitchen, fumbles around in the cabinets for treats, and lets the little thing enjoy a few while she cracks the note's seal.
Lily - First off, sorry for Sirius' entire life. I guess it would tell you something if I tell you he's worth the insanity. If you knew me anyway. Also sorry for the delay. Ironically after all that poking and prodding (which I gather you received from your own 'well meaning but insane mate') he thought you suggesting letters was a trick. Which, I have to say if this is your long term plan to stalk me I'm impressed. That said, how about meeting in a well lit public place in Muggle London? There's an Indian spot not too far from Diagon that's amazing. Or if a full meal is too much commitment, there's also a coffee shop. I'm flexible, so long as we go Muggle. Since I got signed and dad started talking more at the Wizengamot, that seems to go best. Hope to see you in person soon. What's life without a little risk, eh? - JP Ps I'll have Sirius as backup so feel free to bring yours too