Chapter 1 - Olympian IDs

A/N: Hello! I finally worked up the nerve to publish my first story, and here it is. It's just gonna be a collection of family stories about the Olympians living on Olympus. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own PJO or Minecraft (which has a small mention in this chapter).

It was a normal morning on Olympus. Everyone was fighting except for Hermes, who had recently discovered that his winged hat could be used as a dry erase board, and Ares, who was admiring his vast weapon collection.

Just then, a photographer walked in.

"HEY!" He yelled at the gods. "It's time to take your Olympian ID photos! Or did you forget?"

All the gods turned around and stared at the guy. Cricket sounds filled the room.

The photographer rolled his eyes. "Don't tell me you forgot!"

Zeus coughed. "I'm sure we didn't..." he told the man. Then, to the pajama-clad Olympians, "Guys, go get dressed."

All the Olympians scampered off to change into nicer clothes, especially Hephaestus, who had just come back from working in the forge and was wearing stained overalls.

Hermes came back out of his room wearing his Minecraft sweatshirt.

"You can't wear that!" said Zeus, who was wearing a tux.

"Why not?" Hermes whined. He was quite fond of that sweatshirt.

"Because you wear that every day!" Zeus threw his arms up in the air.

"Exactly." said Hermes, smirking.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, you want the pictures to be as accurate as possible, right? Because they're on our IDs?"

"Yeah…" said Zeus.

"So that means I have to wear what I wear all the time." Hermes walked away, and Zeus stared after him, annoyed that his young son was so good at finding loopholes.

The rest of the gods had gathered in the throne room. They were all dressed in either nice dresses or button-down shirts, and only Hermes was wearing causal clothes. The photographer had hung up a backdrop. It looked like one of those classic school picture backdrops, but golden, the official color of Olympus.

Gods were running everywhere, trying to avoid having to get their picture taken first.

Athena pushed Poseidon over to the photographer. "Your turn, Barnacle Beard."

"Why can't YOU go first?" Poseidon glared at her.

"Because I'm smart enough to realize that it's not a good idea," Athena said smugly.

Poseidon grunted, then did a double-take. "Hey—HEY! Are you saying I'm not smart?!"

A little ways away, Artemis and Apollo were having a similar fight.

"Apollo," said Artemis to her twin, "I thought you WANTED to have your picture taken first."

"No way!" said Apollo. "I mean, I AM pretty awesome, but I'm not going to humiliate myself in front of the other gods. That would not be good for my public image!"

"Aphrodite!" called Hephaestus. "YOU can take your picture first!"

"What? No!" the goddess of love yelled back. "I'm busy putting on makeup!"

Hephaestus crossed his arms. "Ares, YOU can take your picture first!"

"Why isn't the backdrop purple?" Dionysus complained. "I like purple better than gold!"

"Nooooo, the backdrop should've been a big bowl of cereal," said Demeter. She was wearing a necklace made out of the stuff. It actually looked pretty cool.

"Why don't you guys want to take your picture first?" Hera asked everybody.

"Because all the other gods are there, laughing and staring at you!" exclaimed Hades.

Hestia stepped forward. "Alright, then everyone can leave and only one god at a time can be in the room."

All the Olympians looked at each other, wondering why they didn't think to ask Hestia for help in the first place.

"We'll go in alphabetical order," Hestia decided.

Aphrodite had to get her picture taken first. Hestia shooed all the gods out of the throne room while Aphrodite sat on the stool.

"Should I try this pose?" She struck a pose. "Or this one?" She struck another pose. They looked very similar.

This went on for about five minutes.

The photographer was getting annoyed, so he said, "That one," at a completely random time.

At that time, Aphrodite's pose was one where she was looking over her shoulder with her face towards the camera. But she got startled by the flash and jumped a little but. The photographer took the photo and printed out Aphrodite's Olympian ID. The goddess of love looked very surprised, like a deer caught in headlights, instead of the nice pose she was going for.

But she wasn't allowed to retake her photo, because the other gods were waiting. She sneered at the photographer until Hestia took her arm and guided her away.

"Apollo's turn!" she called.

Apollo ran in, grinning like mad. He was wearing a yellow button-down shirt with pictures of suns on it. "I am going to have the most awesome photo!" he declared.

He smiled widely and confidently and held up his lyre, holding his hand over it like he was playing it. "I'm ready!"

The camera clicked. The computer processed the photo for a few minutes, creating an ID. Then the photographer handed it to Apollo.

Apollo nodded as he saw his photo, but then stared at it in disbelief. "Hey," he said. "This doesn't say 'the most awesome god!' It only has my name and domains on it!"

All other gods jumped up in protest.

"That's because I am the most awesome god!" yelled Poseidon.

"No way, Fishface!" Athena yelled back. "Far from it!"

"I'M the awesomest!" Zeus barked.

Soon all the gods were yelling over each other.

"It's my turn!" yelled Ares. "When you look at my photo, we'll see who's the best!"

"Oh yeah?" challenged Hephaestus. "You're not the best, you're a jerk."

"Yeah? Well, you're ugly!" Ares said.

Hephaestus lunged at Ares but Hestia yanked the latter into the throne room.

Ares grabbed a knife and a bottle of ketchup from his belt. He squirted some ketchup onto the blade.

The photographer's face was queasy but managed to say, "Ready?"

Ares held up his ketchupy knife and made a fierce expression.

When he got his ID, he passed it around, smirking in satisfaction. "You can't deny that this is the best ID."

Demeter frowned. "That's a horrible picture."

"Well, I think it's great, so—"

"That IS a pretty bad picture, Ares," Hera interrupted.

Inside the throne room, Artemis could hear Ares fighting with all the other gods.

She smiled to herself because it seemed like he was losing.

She sat down on the stool and posed with her bow and arrows. "May I change the background?" she asked.

The photographer nodded as she had snapped her fingers, changing the background from gold to silver.

After she got her ID, she snapped her fingers again, restoring the background to gold.

When she regrouped with the rest of her family, Apollo grabbed her ID. "Why did you get a different background? Not that I mind gold," he added quickly.

"Maybe I'm just more mature than you, so when I asked the photographer, he agreed," she replied.

"I shoulda asked for a red one," Ares grumbled.

"Do you really think he would've done any favors for YOU?" asked Athena, opening the doors to the throne room.

Since it was her turn, she decided to change the backdrop too. But she wasn't going to change the color. She was going to change…something else. For somebody else.

She put on her war helmet and snapped her fingers. Then she clapped her hands, and in flew an owl. Athena posed with the owl, and smiled.

She had set up the backdrop so when…someone else…came in to have their picture taken, it would change.

The other gods begged her to show them her ID when she came out sniggering. She ignored them, and whispered, "Beware," to a certain god.

"Huh?" said the god.

Meanwhile, Demeter was getting her picture taken. She changed the backdrop to cereal, because cereal made for a delicious and healthy snack for all occasions.

She had to admit, she had the best ID.

It was much better and WAY more wholesome than her fool nephew Ares's.

When Dionysus had his picture taken, he held up a glass of wine. When he showed his ID to the other gods, they stared at it.

"How did you get a caption saying, 'The best drink'?" asked Apollo.

"Magic," he responded.

Apollo turned green with jealously. If only he knew that trick, then he could have made a caption saying "Apollo is awesome!"

No, no. "Apollo is the awesomest!" would have been better.

Just then, Hades shoved his ID under Apollo's nose. "Hold this for me. I didn't let Demeter put a cereal necklace on me, and she's coming after me!"

Apollo took it from him, even though he didn't really like doing Hades any favors. That guy never liked his haikus about the Underworld.

The other gods cheered as Demeter chased Hades around Olympus, throwing cereal at him.

"Get him, sis!" yelled Zeus.

"Run, Hades!" called Poseidon.

"Cereal is disgusting!" screamed Ares.

"How dare you!" Demeter started chasing Ares as well as Hades.

"ALRIGHT!" Hera yelled after the three gods had run around Olympus fifty-three times. "Can you people just calm down?"

"Never," said Hephaestus, grabbing some of Demeter's cereal to throw at Aphrodite.

Hestia sighed. "It's your turn for photos, Hephaestus."

Hephaestus shrugged, and as he walked by Aphrodite, he opened his fist and dropped cereal into her hair.

"Hey!" protested Aphrodite.

Hephaestus had the best-looking picture. He was the the only one besides Artemis who wasn't smiling sarcastically (Dionysus), smiling way too much (Apollo), or scowling (Ares).

Hera was also scowling, but only because she saw a booger hanging out the photographer's nose when he took the picture. She pretended to wipe her own nose in hopes that he would get the message, but he didn't.

Soon it was time for Hermes's picture to be taken.

"Let me be straightforward here," he said. "You've got a booger hanging out of your nose."

The photographer went red in the face as Hermes giggled.

Then he fell off the stool just as the camera clicked.

"Whose photo is THAT?" asked Poseidon as Hermes's ID got passed around.

"Dude, that's Hermes," said Apollo.

"Obviously," sneered Ares. "What a klutz."

"Aw, gee," said Hermes. "He was just mad that he's never heard of tissues."

Hestia came out of the throne room. She had just had her picture taken, and it was honestly the best of all. Being the goddess of the home and hearth, she had a naturally warm smile.

"Poseidon, you're next," she said.

Poseidon skipped into the throne room and sat down on the stool. He grinned, happy that he was getting his photo over with. But when he looked at his ID, he stopped grinning.

"ATHENA!" he screamed.

The background on Poseidon's photo read "Poseidon has fish-breath!" over and over again.

"Did you play a prank on him?" Hermes whispered to Athena.

"Yup!" said Athena, and they high-fived.

"I didn't know you had a sense of humor," Hermes added.

Athena turned herself invisible and tripped him as he walked away.

Zeus came back and proudly showed everyone his ID. He had on a very smug smile, and everybody rolled their eyes when they saw it.

Poseidon was still fuming over his ID, Apollo was laughing at Hermes's, and Demeter had resumed chasing Ares and Hades.

Yes, folks, life on Olympus is never dull.

A/N: And that's the end of chapter 1! Never fear, there will be more. Please review and let me know if you have any ideas for future chapters! I have one where they are going to have a talent show and another one where they do a karaoke night…

Stay safe all and thanks for reading!