While there is time, I will hold you, and hope hope a minute becomes eternity.
The first couple of months in Edolas had been rough. At first, upon arriving, she had believed she must have fallen into some kind of afterlife, but no afterlife compared to it. Not a heaven, yet neither how she would have pictured hell to be.
She had to assume the role of their Lisanna almost immediately, blaming any faux pas on "the incident", how her other-siblings had been calling what happened to their unknowingly lost sister. The excuse of partial amnesia at least allowed some freedom and let her find out about the life and personality of their Lisanna.
That didn't mean she could always play the part the right way, and it was frustrating having to see the strangeness in her guild's looks.
The pressure was crushing her, making it harder and harder not to break down, often wishing to give it all up. She only refrained from it by the fact that there was no way of returning to her world, and that she couldn't break the heart of this Mirajane and Elfman, resigning herself to this new pretend life.
Then a small relief came in the form of Juvia, who they found by pure chance as she was on the run. Her guild had just been massacred by the Fairy Hunter, she was covered in bruises and gashes, with nowhere else to go. Naturally, the guild took her in.
She was a breath of fresh air. Granted, she was quite reserved and sometimes a bit intimidating, but that meant Lisanna didn't feel the same pressure to keep up her act.
She rarely spent time in the guildhall either and Lisanna wondered where she sneaked out to. Until the time she was looking for something her sister needed in the basement and found her hidden there, enjoying the quietness. Lisanna found her there again a few times but never dared to interrupt her.
One day, when she was feeling overwhelmed and the world seemed to close in on her, she sneaked into the basement before Juvia with the intention of crying for just a minute. However, that minute turned into many more, and her full on sobbing meant she didn't hear Juvia walk in.
"Uhm, are you okay?" The soft, unexpected voice startled her. She hastily rubbed the tears off her cheeks, nodding, but the crying wouldn't stop. Her eyes wouldn't listen to her anymore until they were finally dry.
Juvia didn't look like the type of person to be comfortable around emotional people, that's why it took her aback that she knelt down and placed a hand on her shoulder.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
God, did she want to. She wanted to break down on her arms and let it all out, tears and words alike. She wanted to lament the lost of her life, of her family, of herself and find some relief. As little as it could be.
But Juvia wouldn't understand it, and she didn't know how to begin explaining, so she just shook her head and sobbed.
Instead of leaving, as she had hoped for, Juvia sat by her side, pressing closely, and offered her comfort in the silence. Soon, Lisanna was hiding her face on her shoulder and she brushed her hair with soothing fingers.
Lisanna didn't use to like rain, but in Edolas it was the only thing that reminded her of home. If she stared long enough at the raindrops hitting a puddle in the ground or closed her eyes and focused on the smell of petrichor, she could pretend for five seconds that she was back.
Juvia also liked rain, though she guessed it was not for the same reasons. Lisanna didn't ask, neither of them ever asked personal questions, content to just sit together in a quiet place.
One rainy morning, however, Juvia arrived at their frequented spot under a willow tree looking particularly tired, and it only took a simple 'are you ok?' from her part for her to open up about the nightmares that plagued her sleep. She told Lisanna with suffering detail about the scenes that replayed, unwanted, in her subconscious; her friends being killed in front of her and the expression on Erza Knightwalker's face while she attacked unrelenting with her spear.
She places a hand on her thigh over her black skirt, where Lisanna remembers seeing a bleeding wound the day they found her. She guesses that all that remains is a scar. "Sometimes, it seems as if I still feel the pain...awake or asleep."
"It happens to me too," Lisanna places a hand over hers. Juvia stares up to her face, more precisely, at the scar across her right eye and cheek. Juvia's other hand tentatively reaches for her and she allows her to trace the lines with cold fingers.
"How did it happen?" She tells her the same thing she always says; she fell off a cliff while escaping from Knightwalker.
The claw-like shapes look nothing like the result of a cliff fall, yet Lisanna suspects everyone is accepting that excuse with the same denial with which they accept her amnesia story. Juvia's deep blue eyes clearly show doubt and a quiet inquisitiveness, though she abstains from asking.
Juvia never pressures her to share, which she is very grateful for.
The scar stops at that spot between jaw and neck, causing her to squirm and giggle a little, as it is one of her tickling spots. She catches a glimpse of mischief cross Juvia's features, but has no time to defend herself before being rendered into a mess, struggling to escape from the other woman's freezing fingers.
They end up utterly drenched, having parted from the shade of the tree, and Lisanna doesn't know if her lack of breath is because of the physical effort or the mesmerizing picture of Juvia's big smile trying to keep a curtain of damp cerulean curls off her face.
She hadn't meant for it to happen. Actually, she had actively tried to avoid becoming infatuated with Juvia, but it proved to be completely futile. With the sweet attitude and care she had just for Lisanna, and their ever-growing bond, she was doomed to fall head over heels.
When she first noticed her change in feelings, she had a panic attack, because the last part of her that refused to acknowledge the permanency of her stay in Edolas and the absolute death of her past life, finally gave in.
Then, following the renewed sadness, came the hope of at least getting Juvia's love. She was her safe place in a world where she was just was beginning to fit in more easily.
But if she wanted to confess her feelings to her, first she needed to confess everything else.
Anxiety built up in her stomach as Lisanna waited for Juvia on top of a hill in the prairie, she had set down a blanket and a basket with food. What better way to come clean than with a picnic?
Juvia didn't take long to arrive in a simple yet breathtaking outfit; a short, red plaid dress with small silver chains at her sides and a black mesh that encircled her waist. It was paired with black fishnets and her toughest boots.
"This isn't what I expected when I read your note," she was smirking slightly with black-tinted lips. Lisanna had noticed how often she did so just around her, it made her heart flutter. "What's the occasion?"
"Just thought it might be nice," Juvia took a seat, though Lisanna knew she hadn't bought that excuse. If she wanted to be honest she needed to start now. "I have something to tell you, but...can we eat first?"
She nodded in understanding. Lisanna had prepared a salad and Juvia's favorite pasta, along with an apple tart that she hoped could be used to lighten the weight of what she was about to say. She laid down and watched the clouds go by, building up the courage.
"Juvia, I'm not who everyone thinks I am." Concerned, profound oceans stared down at her.
"What do you mean?"
With only a pause to take a deep breath, the truth came spilling down. She retold the story of how she had ended up in Edolas, how hard it had been to carry on with her ruse, and, finally, she explained how much Juvia meant for her.
"You're the only friend I have here that I trust without question. I only hid this from you because I didn't think you would believe me." There was a period of silence that worried her, before she simply responded.
"Why are you telling me now? What changed?" There was no anger in her face, only apprehension mixed with some emotion she couldn't figure out.
She closed her eyes, swallowing the knot forming in her throat. "I...I really like you, Juvia, and I want to be more than friends. That's why I can't keep pretending around you."
Her expression was imposibly soft. She took less time to respond this time, laying down next to Lisanna and slipping a hand into hers. "I would be lying if I said I don't like you a lot." Lisanna watched her bite her lower lip, surprisingly bashful. "I'm glad you told me everything. This wasn't a bad first date."
Juvia kissed her cheek softly, leaving a faint mark, and they continued gazing at the clouds.
It's so unfair.
She had completely given up, accepted her fate and, within two years, she had built a new life. Yes, it was hard to constantly run away, but she treasured all the happiness she got from the guild that had become her family.
Now Natsu and Happy, the ones she had known all her life, had appeared out of nowhere, and it could only mean that everything would come tumbling down once again. She couldn't let them realize that she was their Lisanna, so she sneaked into the basement while they were distracted by the others. Juvia had soon followed.
"Lis-"
"I can't let them find out." She was hyperventilating. Her girlfriend guided her to sit against a wall and tried to calm her down.
"It's okay, they left for the capital. Lucy is the only one that went with them." That doesn't reassure her, neither do Juvia's next words. "...Are you sure you don't want to help them? I would understand." The half-subtle way of asking if she wants to return to Earthland clenches her chest.
She had asked her a few times before, in the intimacy of their room. Even if she were able to return, Edolas had become her new home. What if it didn't bring her peace? If the world she was supposed to belong in felt exactly as alien as this one had one felt? She wouldn't be able to bear it, and losing her too would be even worse.
This world is far from perfect, but at least Juvia is in it.
"They'll be fine on their own." Lisanna wraps her arms around her tightly, burying her nose on her hair. "And I don't want to go. This is my home."
Juvia hugs her with equal earnestness. They remain like that for god knows how long, and Lisanna forces herself to believe that this isn't the last time she will have her in her arms.